Author Sugarkane Posted October 9, 2017 Author Share Posted October 9, 2017 I would love to have another baby and give my daughter a sibling. But I wonder everyday if I should just get divorced. Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted October 9, 2017 Share Posted October 9, 2017 Where do I start? Found out I'm pregnant again. Don't even know whether to stay in this marriage. Arguing 24/7 with husband. My in laws are rich, manipulative and emotionally abusive. My daughter is almost 4 and we weren't financially ready to have her. Just like now, only given weeks/ days to decide. Long story short my in laws refused to give my daughter back and they kicked us out. Lied to us for MONTHS that they were going to "increase the days" of giving her back. Couldn't afford to keep living in my sister in laws apartment and had to move back in. Got verbally abused IN FRONT OF CHILD by my sister in law, EVERYDAY. My husband has Asperger's ( I didn't know until now) wouldn't do anything. Been fighting for custody with these evil in laws ever since. Refusing to return a child is called abduction. Call the police. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 9, 2017 Share Posted October 9, 2017 I couldn't get LegalAid to help me in time and they wouldn't help me, despite being unemployed at the time and living with my parents. They're customer service is a complete utter joke. Yet they are happy to help people like the Apex Gang who terrorize my city. I've had two lawyers and they both say agreeing to the terms is my best option. I have no savings and can't afford to fight this. The grounds are that I had post natal depression and went into a mother and baby ward, after I had my daughter. Yet ive been on anti depressants ever since and therapy. Considering I've never hurt my child and half the population has depression- I cant get ANY ANSWERS as to why I'm being treated so harshly? I've finished my studying a while ago. I studied Public Relations and struggled to finish with all this court BS aswell. But I couldn't get work in this area and my university sent me around in circles with no help. I was really hoping to use my skills in this area. My husband and I bought a franchise but its been harder than I thought. My husband doesn't want to move out of the city, despite the high rent. Urgh. Thanks for getting us started on talking about the issues. Unfortunately, they are all tied together. Yes, you're right that it seems odd that you lost custody over having PND. Mostly the courts do everything they can to keep families together. To get custody, your inlaws would have to prove that the child was at risk. Were Family Services ever involved in this? Did you have a caseworker? You say you were living with your parents at the time. How did living with them influence your case outcome for better or worse? What about now? You say that you've got no savings. Good on you for being back at Uni. Are you supporting yourself by working part time or are your inlaws supporting you? Having a job - any job - would go a long way to proving your fitness as a mother. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted October 9, 2017 Author Share Posted October 9, 2017 Family Services were never involved. When they filed for custody when I living with my in laws, out of the blue, I then went back home to live with my parents. I didn't know what the hell to do. It seems to have made the outcome worse. My husband and I are currently running our own business. Its more stressful than I realized and many customers are extremely rude and entitiled because they are well off. The fees we have to pay are expensive. Thanks for getting us started on talking about the issues. Unfortunately, they are all tied together. Yes, you're right that it seems odd that you lost custody over having PND. Mostly the courts do everything they can to keep families together. To get custody, your inlaws would have to prove that the child was at risk. Were Family Services ever involved in this? Did you have a caseworker? You say you were living with your parents at the time. How did living with them influence your case outcome for better or worse? What about now? You say that you've got no savings. Good on you for being back at Uni. Are you supporting yourself by working part time or are your inlaws supporting you? Having a job - any job - would go a long way to proving your fitness as a mother. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted October 9, 2017 Author Share Posted October 9, 2017 I've been continuing taking medication and going to therapy. But the court doesn't even take this into account. I've only had days to decide whether to keep this pregnancy and my husband works long hours. When I try and talk to him about this urgent decision, every time just becomes an argument about the past. And who didn't do what. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted October 9, 2017 Author Share Posted October 9, 2017 Don't know how to make this decision? Link to post Share on other sites
hestheone66 Posted October 9, 2017 Share Posted October 9, 2017 I'm in Melbourne too... I think if you are able to seek a termination it would be realistically the best option given the many hurdles you are facing. Also see about a different type of birth control. Bad decision to make, but any other one is not really feasible. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 9, 2017 Share Posted October 9, 2017 Given the situation you're currently in: Bad marriage, no money, no custody - I think it would be foolish to bring another child into the situation. And if your inlaws have legal custody of your first child, it stands to reason that they could get custody of the second one too. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 9, 2017 Share Posted October 9, 2017 Were you on birth control? Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 If your in laws are abusive can you not go to a women's refuge? I'm sure they could help. Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 I'm angry reading this. Given the situation you're in, how could you go get pregnant again. Literally millions of women, heck millions of teen girls even, are able to successfully use contraception every day. And yet you in this situation manage to get pregnant unplanned again? I'm sorry, but with every thing that has gone on, I'm starting to side with your in-laws in that I don't know if you are a mentally competent person who should be raising children. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted October 11, 2017 Share Posted October 11, 2017 I'm angry reading this. Given the situation you're in, how could you go get pregnant again. Literally millions of women, heck millions of teen girls even, are able to successfully use contraception every day. And yet you in this situation manage to get pregnant unplanned again? I'm sorry, but with every thing that has gone on, I'm starting to side with your in-laws in that I don't know if you are a mentally competent person who should be raising children. I agree. I hate to see children being brought into terrible situation. Pregnancy is preventable. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kittencupcake Posted October 12, 2017 Share Posted October 12, 2017 Kinda wishing the in laws would find this site and post their side..the victim act isn’t ringing true to me.. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted October 12, 2017 Share Posted October 12, 2017 (edited) Kinda wishing the in laws would find this site and post their side..the victim act isn’t ringing true to me.. Just go back and read the OPs old thread regarding her in laws and her daughter. Basically the OP never wanted her daughter. She wanted to terminate that pregnancy but her and her husband were living with the in laws and they said they wouldn't continue to support and house the OP if she had an abortion. The OP posted bitterly about this, saying she was forced to have a child she never wanted. She also hated her in laws and felt like they owed her because they made her have the baby. Obviously they didn't make her, she was free to make her own choices and she chose to have the baby so that she could keep living rent free with her in laws. At some point her and her husband finally moved into their own place but kept the inlaws as free babysitters. OP complained about that too but wouldn't do anything to change it, like hiring a babysitter. The inlaws started keeping the daughter for longer and longer periods of time. The OP started to complain about how the inlaws were taking her child from her but when posters would tell her to just go get her kid or stop allowing her inlaws to take her kid she had a million reasons why she couldn't do anything about anything other than post on loveshack. Every time the inlaws would come for the little girl the OP would just hand her over to them and when they wouldn't bring her home the OP wouldn't go get her. Eventually the inlaws became the baby's parents just by the fact that they took care of her more than the OP did. I think the OP facilitated the inlaws getting custody because she never wanted the baby and while she didn't want the inlaws getting custody she didn't want to be tied down to the kid full time either. She had plenty of opportunities to take over the care of her daughter but she if she had put a stop to her inlaws taking the child she would have had to take full responsibility for the child. She pretty much handed her daughter over to them. She is loathe to admit this and instead weaves a story of being a helpless victim. That is my opinion but you should go read her other thread and form your own opinion. OP are mature and ready to be a full time mom to a new baby? Are you emotionally and financially secure enough to be able to accept 100% of the responsibility of being a parent? If you bring this baby home from the hospital and become the baby's sole caregiver and you are competent at it then there is no reason that your inlaws will get custody of this baby. However if you start handing this baby off to your inlaws to do your parenting and depend on them to financially take care of the baby then yes, there is good possibility that they will get custody of this child too. Edited October 12, 2017 by anika99 4 Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyFootprints Posted October 12, 2017 Share Posted October 12, 2017 No, she is breeding stock. And apparently, that's okay. I had forgotten that she was forced to carry her inlaws' baby. You need more help than we can offer you. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted October 12, 2017 Share Posted October 12, 2017 Is it safe for the unborn baby for you to be on anti depressants while pregnant? What did your doctor or even google say about that? Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyFootprints Posted October 12, 2017 Share Posted October 12, 2017 I don't recommend consulting google for your mental health care. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 12, 2017 Share Posted October 12, 2017 Just go back and read the OPs old thread regarding her in laws and her daughter. Basically the OP never wanted her daughter. She wanted to terminate that pregnancy but her and her husband were living with the in laws and they said they wouldn't continue to support and house the OP if she had an abortion. The OP posted bitterly about this, saying she was forced to have a child she never wanted. She also hated her in laws and felt like they owed her because they made her have the baby. Obviously they didn't make her, she was free to make her own choices and she chose to have the baby so that she could keep living rent free with her in laws. At some point her and her husband finally moved into their own place but kept the inlaws as free babysitters. OP complained about that too but wouldn't do anything to change it, like hiring a babysitter. The inlaws started keeping the daughter for longer and longer periods of time. The OP started to complain about how the inlaws were taking her child from her but when posters would tell her to just go get her kid or stop allowing her inlaws to take her kid she had a million reasons why she couldn't do anything about anything other than post on loveshack. Every time the inlaws would come for the little girl the OP would just hand her over to them and when they wouldn't bring her home the OP wouldn't go get her. Eventually the inlaws became the baby's parents just by the fact that they took care of her more than the OP did. I think the OP facilitated the inlaws getting custody because she never wanted the baby and while she didn't want the inlaws getting custody she didn't want to be tied down to the kid full time either. She had plenty of opportunities to take over the care of her daughter but she if she had put a stop to her inlaws taking the child she would have had to take full responsibility for the child. She pretty much handed her daughter over to them. She is loathe to admit this and instead weaves a story of being a helpless victim. That is my opinion but you should go read her other thread and form your own opinion. OP are mature and ready to be a full time mom to a new baby? Are you emotionally and financially secure enough to be able to accept 100% of the responsibility of being a parent? If you bring this baby home from the hospital and become the baby's sole caregiver and you are competent at it then there is no reason that your inlaws will get custody of this baby. However if you start handing this baby off to your inlaws to do your parenting and depend on them to financially take care of the baby then yes, there is good possibility that they will get custody of this child too. If his is the truth of the story, then it is really unfortunate and frankly irresponsible to bring another child into this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted October 12, 2017 Share Posted October 12, 2017 an abortion is not a great idea, they are not an ideal 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted October 12, 2017 Share Posted October 12, 2017 an abortion is not a great idea, they are not an ideal Agreed. If the grandparents have the means to provide for one they most likely would be able to provide for two. This is a really sad situation though. It must be very hard to be in Sugarkane's shoes right now. Link to post Share on other sites
kittencupcake Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 an abortion is not a great idea, they are not an ideal The OP did not ask for anyone’s opinion on abortion. It is unnecessary to turn this thread into an abortion debate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kittencupcake Posted October 13, 2017 Share Posted October 13, 2017 Agreed. If the grandparents have the means to provide for one they most likely would be able to provide for two. This is a really sad situation though. It must be very hard to be in Sugarkane's shoes right now. Having the financial means to provide for a child is not the same as having the emotional means. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 Having the financial means to provide for a child is not the same as having the emotional means. The only person who says her in laws are horrible people is the OP. The State awarded custody to them which I hope means something, but if you want to think they're psychologically disturbed because OP said so go ahead. Link to post Share on other sites
kittencupcake Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 The only person who says her in laws are horrible people is the OP. The State awarded custody to them which I hope means something, but if you want to think they're psychologically disturbed because OP said so go ahead. Where did I say that? Can you please quote me because I can’t find it anywhere. If you had read my post after stepping off of your soapbox you would see that what I said was a general comment that just because someone is financially prepared to have a baby doesn’t meant they should. We don’t know them. I said earlier in this thread that I would like to hear the in laws point of view actually. Custody is granted to unfit parents all the time..we know nothing about these people. The OP may be an unreliable narrator but that doesn’t mean they are good people. But as I said, I believe there is an abortion debate thread elsewhere on this site where you are perfectly free to give your opinion on the subject. However, in this thread, opinions on that subject are not what the OP is looking for. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 1, 2018 Author Share Posted March 1, 2018 So much has happened since I posted last time, I don't know where to start. Long story short: My husband and I are both 31 and have a 4 year old daughter. I love her more than anything, but we had her early on in our relationship. I went back to study when I was pregnant with her and we've struggled financially. Had to live with my controlling in laws. They said they'd help us get back on our feet. Instead kicked us out and said they'd increase the days with my daughter at our place. Fast forward- they never did and I begged my husband to do something. He was working a lot, has Aspergers (only found out later) and told me it was "my problem".My husband blames me for everything and blames me for not working. I try EVERYTHING to get a part time job My in laws file for custody and get interim custody. My life feels like its falling apart. Now: My husband constantly blames me for everything. He buys a franchise for me to work. But its been much harder than the company makes out. The fees are VERY HIGH and combined with rent, its been very stressful. We work together but its not working. I wish we never bought this business. Link to post Share on other sites
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