preraph Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 I would add to the above that every single person OP has complained about are people trying to help and support her and her child, from the family to the hospital and therapist. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 UpwardForward, I get your point, but I think the evidence is in who the problem is in the picture at this point since there's literally no one exempt from OP's ire. And these are people who've taken her in and then medical/psych people. That's what I meant if it wasn't clear. Not to say her inlaws are perfection. I didn't like her being encouraged to keep having kids under the circumstances by her inlaws and said that earlier. Evanescentworld, thanks. We only have what info we get from the OP and no one to give the other's side, so I think on that alone, we can assume OP isn't stating all sides equally but only her viewpoint. Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 ..... Evanescentworld, thanks. We only have what info we get from the OP and no one to give the other's side, so I think on that alone, we can assume OP isn't stating all sides equally but only her viewpoint. Exactamundo. Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 3, 2015 Share Posted January 3, 2015 Ok, given that - and I will concede the argument for a moment - in comparison to how much others MAY be trying to help her - How much do you think the OP is actually helping herself? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted January 4, 2015 Author Share Posted January 4, 2015 I haven't gotten any support from the hospital or therapist- as I stated in my pregnancy thread. They didn't help me at all. All they did was get me to repeat my story over and over. Then told me off like an imbecile, when I said to them this is pointless. That's why I've made a complaint against then. They were a waste of time and money. I would add to the above that every single person OP has complained about are people trying to help and support her and her child, from the family to the hospital and therapist. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted January 4, 2015 Author Share Posted January 4, 2015 I didn't get any help from the hospital etc- who was only interested in handing me off to someone else. If they had done their job in the first place, why would I be posting here?[ Ok, given that - and I will concede the argument for a moment - in comparison to how much others MAY be trying to help her - How much do you think the OP is actually helping herself? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 (edited) I'm not sure why you would even post this. Isn't everyone's posts always from that persons point of view? That's the point . Yes. It was my response to post 54 by Preraph who said everyone in your life, incl family, therapists, hospitals have been trying to help and support you. I was trying to say, we have no reason to believe these people were/are trying to help/support you. Edited January 4, 2015 by UpwardForward Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 unless you stop aggravating them, it is only a matter of time before the mil tells you you clear off and whatnot, to leave you really are not doing yourself any favours you are not seeing this as an outsider, i see a rumpus where you could tone yourself down and just be pleasant and polite Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Sugarcane, you speak of "the hospital" didn't help you as if it's one person. If you don't get help the first time at a hospital, you go back and tell them that. And you keep going back and keep telling them you need a therpist. You have never said what exactly you would consider help from them. A therapist talks to you, sees if you need meds, tests you, etc. They don't call the person you're mad at and tell them what to do. They try to fix YOU so you can function with the life you have. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted January 4, 2015 Author Share Posted January 4, 2015 I don't try to aggravate them at all. I don't complain and just try to get things done. It's my SIL that does all the aggravating and complaining. QUOTE=darkmoon;6087563]unless you stop aggravating them, it is only a matter of time before they mil tells you you clear off and whatnot, to leave you really are not doing yourself any favours you are not seeing this as an outsider, i see a rumpus where you could tone yourself down and just be pleasant and polite Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted January 4, 2015 Author Share Posted January 4, 2015 I wanted strategies/ coping with dealing with them. Not just to be told to tell my story over and over again. Sugarcane, you speak of "the hospital" didn't help you as if it's one person. If you don't get help the first time at a hospital, you go back and tell them that. And you keep going back and keep telling them you need a therpist. You have never said what exactly you would consider help from them. A therapist talks to you, sees if you need meds, tests you, etc. They don't call the person you're mad at and tell them what to do. They try to fix YOU so you can function with the life you have. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 (edited) I don't try to aggravate them at all. I don't complain and just try to get things done. It's my SIL that does all the aggravating and complaining. QUOTE=darkmoon;6087563]unless you stop aggravating them, it is only a matter of time before they mil tells you you clear off and whatnot, to leave you really are not doing yourself any favours you are not seeing this as an outsider, i see a rumpus where you could tone yourself down and just be pleasant and polite i said mil your mil shouted at you, making you the bad dil i've got your back (even if you haven't) i care xx Edited January 4, 2015 by darkmoon Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 Sugarcane the first thing you learn in therapy is that you can't control other people. You can only control yourself. So that's why you don't like therapy, I suppose, but in order to dig yourself out of this mess, you will have to start concentrating on changing you because you can't change anyone else! Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 (edited) Sugarcane the first thing you learn in therapy is that you can't control other people. You can only control yourself. So that's why you don't like therapy, I suppose, but in order to dig yourself out of this mess, you will have to start concentrating on changing you because you can't change anyone else! Yes. I agree w the bolded. Imo, You pretty much have to at least act as if you're ignoring SIL. If she's abusive or oppressive, this is how they are fed. And with looking for a reaction from you when she demeans. Edited January 4, 2015 by UpwardForward 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 4, 2015 Share Posted January 4, 2015 I find it hard to helpful to my MIL, when she pressured me to have a child while unemployed. Yet has never struggled financially. You cannot possibly be resenting and blaming your MIL for the fact that you have a child. If she is such a horrible person, and you 'cannot stand religious people imposing their beliefs on others'... why did you blindly listen to her instead of making your own decision??? A genuine question: Have you EVER actually taken responsibility for any part of the situation you are in? I have read much about how you think everyone else is awful and wrong: your MIL, your SIL, your doctor, your therapist, the hospital staff, the hotline staff you called when you were pregnant, etc etc. Do you think your own choices played no part in where you are today? More importantly - do you think the decisions you make today play no part in where you are tomorrow? Have you put any thought at all into how you could improve your own future? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted January 14, 2015 Author Share Posted January 14, 2015 I Don't want to go back to the hospital and as I'm no longer a patient they won't do anything to help me anyway. Sugarcane, you speak of "the hospital" didn't help you as if it's one person. If you don't get help the first time at a hospital, you go back and tell them that. And you keep going back and keep telling them you need a therpist. You have never said what exactly you would consider help from them. A therapist talks to you, sees if you need meds, tests you, etc. They don't call the person you're mad at and tell them what to do. They try to fix YOU so you can function with the life you have. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted January 14, 2015 Author Share Posted January 14, 2015 I already explained why I went ahead with decision. I do take responsibility but felt completely alone with NO ONE giving me any guidance. I did the right thing and sought out help, only to be treated like a juvenile deliqient. And with no guidance at all and only to be told to repeat my story over and over. I wouldve really like to know what everyone else would do with no help at all. You cannot possibly be resenting and blaming your MIL for the fact that you have a child. If she is such a horrible person, and you 'cannot stand religious people imposing their beliefs on others'... why did you blindly listen to her instead of making your own decision??? A genuine question: Have you EVER actually taken responsibility for any part of the situation you are in? I have read much about how you think everyone else is awful and wrong: your MIL, your SIL, your doctor, your therapist, the hospital staff, the hotline staff you called when you were pregnant, etc etc. Do you think your own choices played no part in where you are today? More importantly - do you think the decisions you make today play no part in where you are tomorrow? Have you put any thought at all into how you could improve your own future? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted January 14, 2015 Author Share Posted January 14, 2015 Im not sure why it's so hard to believe? She wants grandskids bit her own daughter is too self focused to ever have some. No one can make you have a child since the advent of birth control. Even if you husband wanted one and you didn't, it's your body and you have a right to take birth control pills or whatever birth control you want. You certainly didn't have to do what your MIL told you to do -- and I'm having a very hard time believing she wanted you to have another child for her household to feed. Go to a therapist and get on birth control as well. Do something to steer your own life!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted January 14, 2015 Author Share Posted January 14, 2015 I would like to point out from my old thread that the hospital were completely crap and no help- that's why I started my thread unplanned and pregnant. I would add to the above that every single person OP has complained about are people trying to help and support her and her child, from the family to the hospital and therapist. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted January 14, 2015 Author Share Posted January 14, 2015 I always stay out of the arguements. But for some reason it's always ok for the SIL to do it? That doesn't change the advice already given. When it comes to these petty family squabbles, rarely is one person 100% in the right while the other person is 100% in the wrong. Usually all sides share some of the blame. Your SIL cannot fight with herself, you and your husband are also engaging in the fights and fueling the drama. Stay out of the childish arguments, be helpful wherever you can, and focus on getting the finances together to move out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted January 14, 2015 Author Share Posted January 14, 2015 No not at all. I don't like it because all they did was get me to repeat myself over and over. And in the past wasted my time and money. Sugarcane the first thing you learn in therapy is that you can't control other people. You can only control yourself. So that's why you don't like therapy, I suppose, but in order to dig yourself out of this mess, you will have to start concentrating on changing you because you can't change anyone else! Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Let's try and post helpful supportive advice rather than just taking post shots, thanks 2 Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 No not at all. I don't like it because all they did was get me to repeat myself over and over. And in the past wasted my time and money. We realise you FEEL everything and everyone is against you. But it DOES seem throughout the discussions - both here and elsewhere - that you find the behaviour and attitude of others intolerable, while, even when prompted to do so, you omit to put forward any remedial measures YOU could take, or any efforts YOU need to make, to change what is happening, or your perception of what is happening. What can YOU personally do, yourself, to put any of your dilemmas right? How can YOU pro-actively change things for the better? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 We realise you FEEL everything and everyone is against you. But it DOES seem throughout the discussions - both here and elsewhere - that you find the behaviour and attitude of others intolerable, while, even when prompted to do so, you omit to put forward any remedial measures YOU could take, or any efforts YOU need to make, to change what is happening, or your perception of what is happening. What can YOU personally do, yourself, to put any of your dilemmas right? How can YOU pro-actively change things for the better? If you say 'We', it includes all on here who have been responding. I don't want to be included in the sarcasm. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted January 18, 2015 Author Share Posted January 18, 2015 I'm not sure what else to do right now. I've tried seeking professional help but gave me no ideas what to do. I've lost all faith in therapy these past years. We realise you FEEL everything and everyone is against you. But it DOES seem throughout the discussions - both here and elsewhere - that you find the behaviour and attitude of others intolerable, while, even when prompted to do so, you omit to put forward any remedial measures YOU could take, or any efforts YOU need to make, to change what is happening, or your perception of what is happening. What can YOU personally do, yourself, to put any of your dilemmas right? How can YOU pro-actively change things for the better? Link to post Share on other sites
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