Rejected Rosebud Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Do you love your husband and feel like you two are a team? Can you put your heads together and make some plans for your future? This time of living with the in-laws won't last forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 I really resent the MIL saying she would help me with the pregnancy costs. And then didn't. She us full of BS Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 I already explained why I went ahead with decision. I do take responsibility but felt completely alone with NO ONE giving me any guidance. I did the right thing and sought out help, only to be treated like a juvenile deliqient. And with no guidance at all and only to be told to repeat my story over and over. I wouldve really like to know what everyone else would do with no help at all. Actually I think you had something like a 10-page thread on LS where almost all of us were telling you, "please do not make the decision based on what your MIL says, because you will the one living with your decision all your life and not her." But enough about that. The best thing you can do now is to remove your toxic in-laws from your life as far as possible, which would involve your husband and possibly you finding a good job. IMO that should be your main focus for the time being. Also in Australia there are job seeker or social welfare options that you can look into, as well as agencies that exist to help job-seekers improve their skills. Have the two of you looked into all of that? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 I thought my parents would've given me some guidance/ support but they didn't. As usual if it's not about my dad, he doesn't care. Yet he expects me to look after him when he's elderly. Despite him always being a selfish, verbally abusive, control freak. What do I say about my resent to my parents? Actually I think you had something like a 10-page thread on LS where almost all of us were telling you, "please do not make the decision based on what your MIL says, because you will the one living with your decision all your life and not her." But enough about that. The best thing you can do now is to remove your toxic in-laws from your life as far as possible, which would involve your husband and possibly you finding a good job. IMO that should be your main focus for the time being. Also in Australia there are job seeker or social welfare options that you can look into, as well as agencies that exist to help job-seekers improve their skills. Have the two of you looked into all of that? Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 I thought my parents would've given me some guidance/ support but they didn't. As usual if it's not about my dad, he doesn't care. Yet he expects me to look after him when he's elderly. Despite him always being a selfish, verbally abusive, control freak. What do I say about my resent to my parents? Sounds like you just want to endlessly complain about things that happened in the past and that you can't change rather than respond to any of the helpful advice being given to you here. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 I thought my parents would've given me some guidance/ support but they didn't. As usual if it's not about my dad, he doesn't care. Yet he expects me to look after him when he's elderly. Despite him always being a selfish, verbally abusive, control freak. What do I say about my resent to my parents? If he's genuinely abusive, my suggestion would be to say nothing to him at all and spend minimal time with him. Anyway, why are you expecting your parents to tell you what to do when you are in your mid-20s? Guidance/support is nice but you are an adult now and you need to be able to make your own choices. And after all this, your focus is still on the wrong place. Why do you keep talking about all these abusive family members? What about all the solutions that have been suggested for you and your husband to be financially independent so you don't have to rely on all these abusive family members? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 Because I was expecting my parents should've cared about me? They expect me to support them in things and look after them in old age. Yet they didn't seem to care when I needed support? If he's genuinely abusive, my suggestion would be to say nothing to him at all and spend minimal time with him. Anyway, why are you expecting your parents to tell you what to do when you are in your mid-20s? Guidance/support is nice but you are an adult now and you need to be able to make your own choices. And after all this, your focus is still on the wrong place. Why do you keep talking about all these abusive family members? What about all the solutions that have been suggested for you and your husband to be financially independent so you don't have to rely on all these abusive family members? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 It's hard to want to help my MIL with chores. When she lied about helping me. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Sugarkane, I am re-posting the main points of my posts to you again: And after all this, your focus is still on the wrong place. Why do you keep talking about all these abusive family members? What about all the solutions that have been suggested for you and your husband to be financially independent so you don't have to rely on all these abusive family members? But enough about that. The best thing you can do now is to remove your toxic in-laws from your life as far as possible, which would involve your husband and possibly you finding a good job. IMO that should be your main focus for the time being. Also in Australia there are job seeker or social welfare options that you can look into, as well as agencies that exist to help job-seekers improve their skills. Have the two of you looked into all of that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 Because I want the board money I paid, back from my father. Since he still never charged my siblings board. Yet says he treats us equally. WTF? QUOTE=Elswyth;6119144]If he's genuinely abusive, my suggestion would be to say nothing to him at all and spend minimal time with him. Anyway, why are you expecting your parents to tell you what to do when you are in your mid-20s? Guidance/support is nice but you are an adult now and you need to be able to make your own choices. And after all this, your focus is still on the wrong place. Why do you keep talking about all these abusive family members? What about all the solutions that have been suggested for you and your husband to be financially independent so you don't have to rely on all these abusive family members? Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Oh my God. You can't make your father give you back your board money, you can't make your MIL give you whatever help she promised. You can't make anyone do anything, just like nobody can make you do anything. You made your own choices along with everyone else and there is no going back and undoing the past. Bi*ching about what everyone else did wrong in the past is not fixing your current situation. Start focusing on your future and what you are going to do to make it better. Link to post Share on other sites
seekingpeaceinlove Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 (edited) As long as you continue to play victim, your life and situation will not change. Change your mindset and empower yourself. Example: SIL rude behavior towards you. You can: a.) Consider yourself a victim of verbal abuse and feel sorry for yourself or b.) Ignore her and tell yourself, " I feel sorry for her. The negative energy she's putting out into the universe can't be good." Can't find a good therapist at the hospital: a.) Poor me, the hospital screwed me over and they won't/can't help me or b.) Keep looking for a professional, seek other options: self-help books, meditation, group therapy - you're gonna fight your way to get help. MIL influencing you to have a baby a.) She made me have a baby and promised to help me out but didn't. Now I'm in a miserable situation. b.) I chose to have this baby and I'm grateful that I have a place to live In a nutshell, fake it till you make it. Focus on the positive aspect of every situation as it will be much easier to tolerate your in-laws. Focus on you and your husband getting a job and moving out. It doesn't help you to continue to blame and complain about everyone. Stop playing the victim and you will see your misery lift. Good luck. Edited January 21, 2015 by seekingpeaceinlove 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted January 23, 2015 Author Share Posted January 23, 2015 Just because she let us live here, I don't think gives her an excuse from crossing boundaries in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 She's not crossing boundaries. It's her house, and you'll just have to live with her sense of entitlement. And she's not wrong to think that in her home, she can say whatever she feels. She's only crossing YOUR perceived boundaries. To her, it's all perfectly reasonable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted January 28, 2015 Author Share Posted January 28, 2015 What's wrong with wanting my money back? You can't expect to be strict on one adult child and then not expect the siblings to pay board aswell. If I didn't pay board, I could've gone to Europe just like my siblings too. I don't know anyone else who would think otherwise. Oh my God. You can't make your father give you back your board money, you can't make your MIL give you whatever help she promised. You can't make anyone do anything, just like nobody can make you do anything. You made your own choices along with everyone else and there is no going back and undoing the past. Bi*ching about what everyone else did wrong in the past is not fixing your current situation. Start focusing on your future and what you are going to do to make it better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted January 28, 2015 Author Share Posted January 28, 2015 She has crossed boundaries. She threatened us into doing what she wanted. She told me what I should do with my own body. Yet she's NEVER had financial problems herself. I'm not entitled, I just don't want to be treated like Shyte by a hypocrite. She's not crossing boundaries. It's her house, and you'll just have to live with her sense of entitlement. And she's not wrong to think that in her home, she can say whatever she feels. She's only crossing YOUR perceived boundaries. To her, it's all perfectly reasonable. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 She threatened us into doing what she wanted. She told me what I should do with my own body. How did she threaten you? News flash: Lots of people in this world LOVE telling women what they can or can't do with their own bodies. However, they can tell you all they want, until they are blue in the face - the fact remains that it's still your choice, as long as you have the legal rights to choose (which you do, in Melbourne, and which is why it's so important to have those). So the decision you made is still on you, not her. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted February 14, 2015 Author Share Posted February 14, 2015 Would actually like some advice instead of low brow insults. My husband has a Masters and CPA, but everything is SHORT TERM contracts. He works PART TIME. We have the HIGHEST unemployment rate in 12 years. It's not like my husband has been sitting around doing nothing. You have to be kidding me. Please tell me you're not serious. I can't believe you are actually playing such a victim as to post something as ludicrous and unbelievable as this. The only person who can do anything they want, any time, with their bodies, is that person. I cannot take this remark seriously, it defies description or comprehension... I don't think I've ever come across a more pathetic comment... And yet, here you are, claiming that it's the way everyone is treating you, and you're doing precisely nothing about it. So much for "I don't want to..." Well patently, you obviously do. To the point that apparently someone else told you what to do with your body, and you did it... You go girl, strike a blow for feminism and individuality... Hell's bells, when are you ever going to get a grip, and stop complaining and actually DO something? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted February 14, 2015 Author Share Posted February 14, 2015 I've already explained how I was threatened. How did she threaten you? News flash: Lots of people in this world LOVE telling women what they can or can't do with their own bodies. However, they can tell you all they want, until they are blue in the face - the fact remains that it's still your choice, as long as you have the legal rights to choose (which you do, in Melbourne, and which is why it's so important to have those). So the decision you made is still on you, not her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted February 14, 2015 Author Share Posted February 14, 2015 I'm finding it extremely difficult to be civil. When my MIL drives her daughter to uni. But when I was heavily pregnant and carrying a heavy bag, told me to walk. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 Would actually like some advice instead of low brow insults. My husband has a Masters and CPA, but everything is SHORT TERM contracts. He works PART TIME. We have the HIGHEST unemployment rate in 12 years. It's not like my husband has been sitting around doing nothing. You have already been given a ton of advice in this 7 page long thread and you have listened to none of it. You and your bf/husband need to move out and get focussed on living your own lives and making your own way. Your MIL and SIL may or may not be terrible people but you can't change them so you may as well get over it and start figuring out how you are going to better your own life. Just stay out of the fights, act like a grown up, and stop expecting your MIL to become a different person. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted February 15, 2015 Author Share Posted February 15, 2015 It would be great if full time jobs were actually available.. You have already been given a ton of advice in this 7 page long thread and you have listened to none of it. You and your bf/husband need to move out and get focussed on living your own lives and making your own way. Your MIL and SIL may or may not be terrible people but you can't change them so you may as well get over it and start figuring out how you are going to better your own life. Just stay out of the fights, act like a grown up, and stop expecting your MIL to become a different person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted February 28, 2015 Author Share Posted February 28, 2015 As usual my mother in law cries to her husband to get her own way. Yet she doesn't care she pushed me into this and have bills stacking up that need paying. I feel like cutting myself. I've had to wait weeks to this new therapist. Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 (edited) As usual my mother in law cries to her husband to get her own way. Yet she doesn't care she pushed me into this and have bills stacking up that need paying. I feel like cutting myself. I've had to wait weeks to this new therapist. Stop blaming your mother in law for the fact that you got pregnant, and had a child. Stop blaming her that you and your husband both don't have jobs. She is giving your whole family a place to live right now...you, your husband and YOUR child. She did not push you into your own life...you made your own way there, and this started well before you even met your MIL. She is against abortion. She expressed that. She didn't have sex. She didn't fail to use protection. She didn't get pregnant. She didn't have a baby. YOU did all of this. And you need to take responsibility for that and work towards fixing it. All she is doing now from what I can see, is giving you three a place to live. But somehow, everything wrong in your life is her fault? What exactly did she "cry" about and get her own way on this time? Mind you, it is her house...so she should get her way. Edited March 5, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Edited out the offensive piece. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 1, 2015 Author Share Posted March 1, 2015 Yes she did. She blackmailed us and threatened to kick us out with no where to go. Then judged us because she's religious. Then told us she would help. Then when they do, we have to pay back. I can't stand religious people. They also completely TAKE OVER on EVERTHING. Stop blaming your mother in law for the fact that you got pregnant, and had a child. Stop blaming her that you and your husband both don't have jobs. She is giving your whole family a place to live right now...you, your husband and YOUR child. She did not push you into your own life...you made your own way there, and this started well before you even met your MIL. She is against abortion. She expressed that. She didn't have sex. She didn't fail to use protection. She didn't get pregnant. She didn't have a baby. YOU did all of this. And you need to take responsibility for that and work towards fixing it. All she is doing now from what I can see, is giving you three a place to live. But somehow, everything wrong in your life is her fault? I can't believe how ungrateful you are...you really do take it to an unusual level. What exactly did she "cry" about and get her own way on this time? Mind you, it is her house...so she should get her way. Link to post Share on other sites
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