Author Sugarkane Posted March 1, 2015 Author Share Posted March 1, 2015 I can't believe how you think it's ok for her to be abusive. I'm not ungrateful and I ALWAYS help out with chores and groceries. Stop blaming your mother in law for the fact that you got pregnant, and had a child. Stop blaming her that you and your husband both don't have jobs. She is giving your whole family a place to live right now...you, your husband and YOUR child. She did not push you into your own life...you made your own way there, and this started well before you even met your MIL. She is against abortion. She expressed that. She didn't have sex. She didn't fail to use protection. She didn't get pregnant. She didn't have a baby. YOU did all of this. And you need to take responsibility for that and work towards fixing it. All she is doing now from what I can see, is giving you three a place to live. But somehow, everything wrong in your life is her fault? I can't believe how ungrateful you are...you really do take it to an unusual level. What exactly did she "cry" about and get her own way on this time? Mind you, it is her house...so she should get her way. Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Yes she did. She blackmailed us and threatened to kick us out with no where to go. Then judged us because she's religious. Then told us she would help. Then when they do, we have to pay back. I can't stand religious people. They also completely TAKE OVER on EVERTHING. Be happy for your child and that you can be home with her and to nurture her during these young years. Some seasons of life can feel more oppressive (because of circumstances & the inlaws), but it won't last forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 (edited) Yes she did. She blackmailed us and threatened to kick us out with no where to go. Wait, so you two were ALREADY living with her before you even got pregnant? It's not okay for her to be abusive, but if you and your husband had never been self-sustaining and thus had to rely on her goodwill, that is your (and your husband's) fault, no one else's. Australia does not have an exceptionally high unemployment rate, and there are plenty of people in Melbourne who manage to support themselves. Also if the two of you had to live in his mother's house and you already know what her response would be to your pregnancy, perhaps you should have considered abstaining from intercourse until you were able to get on your own feet and move out. As of now, financial independence and moving out still remains the best solution to your problem at this stage. What have the two of you tried to do to support yourselves? Edited March 6, 2015 by Elswyth 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 I think she should ask you guys to leave, it all sounds really codependent, maybe she and your sister in law are as awful as you say but you blaming everything on them is wrong, you guys need to move out and since you seem like you won't do it on your own they should ask you to move. I know unemployment is high but not everybody has family who will give free rent and support their adult kids and those kids somehow get buy, you guys really need to take responsibility for taking care of yourselves and being in charge of your own lives. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 Wait, so you two were ALREADY living with her before you even got pregnant? It's not okay for her to be abusive, but if you and your husband had never been self-sustaining and thus had to rely on her goodwill, that is your (and your husband's) fault, no one else's. I have yet to see a reply to this first question, SugarKane. So assuming you were living with her before you became pregnant, then you are where you should be. And with family providing a roof over the three of you - until things improve for you, financially - or with a viable alternative. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 Long story short I didn't know she was going to completely interfere as I hadn't lived with them long. Wait, so you two were ALREADY living with her before you even got pregnant? It's not okay for her to be abusive, but if you and your husband had never been self-sustaining and thus had to rely on her goodwill, that is your (and your husband's) fault, no one else's. Australia does not have an exceptionally high unemployment rate, and there are plenty of people in Melbourne who manage to support themselves. Also if the two of you had to live in his mother's house and you already know what her response would be to your pregnancy, perhaps you should have considered abstaining from intercourse until you were able to get on your own feet and move out. As of now, financial independence and moving out still remains the best solution to your problem at this stage. What have the two of you tried to do to support yourselves? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 Well how? Centrelink doesn't care unless we're in danger. Never mind that I have my sister in law screaming orders at us. Why doesn't she get pressured?! I don't know if its just the strong pain meds or what but my MIL asked me last week, "When are you going to have another kid"? Like where would it even sleep, the balcony? We already have 6 people living in 3 rooms. I really hate her. I have yet to see a reply to this first question, SugarKane. So assuming you were living with her before you became pregnant, then you are where you should be. And with family providing a roof over the three of you - until things improve for you, financially - or with a viable alternative. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 It has been extremely stressful. My husband got let go recently because the woman that employed him, turns out didn't have the authority to hire him. He gets told that he's either over qualified or doesn't have experience in a particular area. Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 It has been extremely stressful. My husband got let go recently because the woman that employed him, turns out didn't have the authority to hire him. He gets told that he's either over qualified or doesn't have experience in a particular area. Well she was representing the company when she hired him. So if Melbourne offers unemployment benefits, I would think he would qualify. Perhaps Dept of Employment could also assist him in finding other employment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 15, 2015 Author Share Posted March 15, 2015 Well my sister in law tonight had a go at me for "putting her parents under stress". Really laughable. Neither of my in laws said nothing to her. How's that fair? She Also butted in a private conversation and somehow knows confidential medical information of mine. I'm annoyed with something my new counsellor said, that I have a choice to come to counseling. And yet it's a secret what/ where my sister in law does. Yet I cancelled a counseling session with my last counsellor (who I hasn't met yet) and was going to dob me into DHS. I didn't know this until I saw my doctor after. I'm sick and tired of counseling which has only sent me around and around in circles this past 2 years. Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Well my sister in law tonight had a go at me for "putting her parents under stress". Really laughable. Neither of my in laws said nothing to her. How's that fair? She Also butted in a private conversation and somehow knows confidential medical information of mine. I'm annoyed with something my new counsellor said, that I have a choice to come to counseling. And yet it's a secret what/ where my sister in law does. Yet I cancelled a counseling session with my last counsellor (who I hasn't met yet) and was going to dob me into DHS. I didn't know this until I saw my doctor after. I'm sick and tired of counseling which has only sent me around and around in circles this past 2 years. There can be bad seasons in life, and it appears you are going through one of them. Imo, you've got to accept this. Along with having a roof over your head and for yourself, husband, baby - the bitter sister-in-law is part of the deal. If you can't walk away from sister-in-law, the next time she confronts you, tell her you will not discuss in-laws with her, etc. She is your husband's sister. Can't he put her in her place?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 18, 2015 Author Share Posted March 18, 2015 Really sick of this spoilt princess. After I told the SIL to shut up after some insults she just had to butt in at us, she ran off crying to mummy and daddy. Then my in laws cracked it at me and I had to apologize. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 18, 2015 Author Share Posted March 18, 2015 Doesnt work. We tell her to butt out, but she'll keep on with the insults and says everything is her right to butt in because she lives here again now. Then my FIL gets angry and yells and threatens my husband with a knife. My FIL only gets abusive towards my husband. Never my SIL when she verbally abuses us. QUOTE=UpwardForward;6219021]There can be bad seasons in life, and it appears you are going through one of them. Imo, you've got to accept this. Along with having a roof over your head and for yourself, husband, baby - the bitter sister-in-law is part of the deal. If you can't walk away from sister-in-law, the next time she confronts you, tell her you will not discuss in-laws with her, etc. She is your husband's sister. Can't he put her in her place?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 18, 2015 Author Share Posted March 18, 2015 She did push us into this situation. And my parents haven't helped, I had no where to go. QUOTE=almond;6184184]Stop blaming your mother in law for the fact that you got pregnant, and had a child. Stop blaming her that you and your husband both don't have jobs. She is giving your whole family a place to live right now...you, your husband and YOUR child. She did not push you into your own life...you made your own way there, and this started well before you even met your MIL. She is against abortion. She expressed that. She didn't have sex. She didn't fail to use protection. She didn't get pregnant. She didn't have a baby. YOU did all of this. And you need to take responsibility for that and work towards fixing it. All she is doing now from what I can see, is giving you three a place to live. But somehow, everything wrong in your life is her fault? What exactly did she "cry" about and get her own way on this time? Mind you, it is her house...so she should get her way. Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 Imo, No one pushed you into the situation. Put up with them - or don't speak to SIL until you can get out of there. Perhaps explore opportunities. In-home work; Or moving out and becoming caretakers in another home; Or employment opportunities in other cities; Or extended education while you are waiting, etc Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 19, 2015 Author Share Posted March 19, 2015 For all the posters who said I'm ungrateful, I'm not the one screaming orders and butting in to everything, not helping with chores, trying to turn everyone against each other, making insults at people, making threats when I don't get my way and yelling at my husband for relying on his parents, when my SIL didn't want to give up her lifestyle, so has moved in again. Not to mention getting mum and dad to help buy for an apartment. Yet she takes advantage and still lives here, when she's getting rent from it. Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 The SITUATION is your problem. The old man threatening your husband with a knife?? All you can do is to think of ways to eventually be financially independent, and free of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 28, 2015 Author Share Posted March 28, 2015 Still don't have any answers as to why they let their daughter verbally abuse us. And why my in laws don't put pressure on my sister in law to have kids, when they didn't care that I was unemployed. Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 (edited) Still don't have any answers as to why they let their daughter verbally abuse us. And why my in laws don't put pressure on my sister in law to have kids, when they didn't care that I was unemployed. If they are allowing her to abuse you, it's because they are messed up people. A dysfunctional family. The father threatening his son with a knife? Once a couple are married, having children is just something people talk about. You take these people too seriously. Conceiving is normal for a married woman. Edited March 28, 2015 by UpwardForward Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 29, 2015 Author Share Posted March 29, 2015 I didn't get married until well after I had my daughter. QUOTE=UpwardForward;6238231]If they are allowing her to abuse you, it's because they are messed up people. A dysfunctional family. The father threatening his son with a knife? Once a couple are married, having children is just something people talk about. You take these people too seriously. Conceiving is normal for a married woman. Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 I didn't get married until well after I had my daughter. It doesn't matter. She is here now, and you pretty much have to go by priorities. You can't do anything about the inlaws. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Still don't have any answers as to why they let their daughter verbally abuse us. And why my in laws don't put pressure on my sister in law to have kids, when they didn't care that I was unemployed. Sugarkane do you love your child? Aren't you glad you had her/him? All this blame you put on your MIL is starting to sound like you are just resentful and bitter about being a mom. I was actually in a similar situation as you many years ago. I became pregnant at 16 and gave birth to my first child just 3 days after my 17th birthday. I never considered abortion but I was thinking about giving the baby up for adoption. I no longer lived at home but my mom still put a lot of pressure on me to keep my baby. Of course she would have liked me to have been a mature adult before getting myself knocked up and it wasn't her fault I got myself pregnant, but she hated the thought of me giving her first grandchild away so she kept telling me that having a baby alone isn't all that hard and that it would all work out okay and if I let him ago I would regret it forever. However my mother still had to kids at home under the age of 5, she had no disposable income and didn't even drive so that meant I was completely on my own once my baby came. He and I moved into our own apartment and I never had any help or support from family. I was truly on my own with a baby at the young age of 17 and I soon found out it was a lot harder than I had been led to believe. Still it would have never occurred to me to blame my mother for my situation. She didn't get me knocked up, she didn't make the decision for me, I just let her sway me into making the decision she was hoping I would make and I suspect that deep down I wanted the baby too. Mostly though I'm not sure how one stays mad about having a baby even after the baby is here. I loved my baby so much that I couldn't imagine being angry at anyone for my decision to keep him. Even when times were really hard on me I honestly don't think the thought ever once occurred to me to get mad at my mom and blame her for my predicament because my predicament was my baby and I certainly wasn't sorry I had him. Lots of people have children they didn't plan for and lots of people find their lives get harder when those kids arrive but because they love their kids they just get on with it and do the best they can. Having children isn't easy but you suck it up and do what you have to do. Constantly complaining about someone else supposedly making you have a baby does nothing to change the fact that you have a baby and most people wouldn't want to change that fact no matter how tough it is. I hope you never ever let your child hear you say anything about your MIL somehow forcing you into motherhood because your child will interpret that as meaning you never wanted her and that knowledge will damage her. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted March 30, 2015 Author Share Posted March 30, 2015 Yes I love my child. But I still have this problem of my sister in law is allowed to yell and insult/ threaten us with DHS. And when I followed the advice on here to tell her to shut up, I get told to apologize! She is a spoilt bitch. Link to post Share on other sites
Auspecial Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Sounds like quite the psychotic, toxic environment. You need to get your family out of there before more damage is done. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Why are the family so often threatening to report you to child services? Are they concerned for the child's welfare? For what reasons and in what context are they threatening to call child services on you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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