You Deserve Better

[vwisme]

While I cannot say I'm fully healed, I can say I'm so much better off than I was even during the relationship. 

While I am no expert on breakups, I did have an eye opening experience from my ex reaching out. I'll explain the situation and point out why you also deserve better. 

 

Long story short, my ex broke up with me two weeks ago. At first I was devastated but we had been off and on for a year and there were clearly faults on both sides (boundaries, stonewalling, etc.). To be very clear, we were both immature in a lot of ways and needed to grow.

She asked if we could. She stated she would support me in moving on and be my biggest fan when I find someone new even though it would hurt like crazy. I asked her to give me a couple of days as I thought through being friends. I also asked if she still wanted me (which she said yes) and if she saw a future with us together (she said she was unsure). I said okay and let it be. 

Two days later I ask her to talk and she says she’s busy but I can text her. She calls me 10 min later asking why I hadn’t texted yet (I was crafting the message) and wondering if I was seeing someone else.

I let her know I was not seeing anyone and I just wanted to talk about being friends. I let her know that I still loved her it’s best we weren’t friends. If she still has feelings for me and I her, why subjugate each other to the pain. I let her know if she ever needed anything at all, a helping hand and/or a listening ear I’m there but being friends atm isn’t best. If she changed her mind about the breakup, give me a call. She stated she understood and that was that.

At first I was really happy she took it well and we could move on maturely. Until a couple of days ago. She called me out of the blue but I was in meetings so I missed it. No message or text but I figured I’d call back to check.

She answered the phone in a cheery tone saying “oh! I called you to tell you some great news but I forgot you didn’t want to be friends so sorry about your boundary”. I just said okay and hung up.

 

I tell this story to say it took this exact thing happening for me to realize that she didn't care enough about my wellbeing. She was focused on only what she wanted and decided to be manipulative and vindictive. Or as one of my best friends put it...borderline insidious. 

At first I was incredulously angry and the more I thought about it, the more it just built up inside. How could someone just disrespect my boundaries like that? How can someone who claims they love you completely spit on an honest moment? But the more I thought about it, the more I realized this was the universe, God, whatever you want to call it giving me a huge neon sign "YOU DESERVE BETTER". It was at that moment that I had to ask myself the tough questions.

Why did I ever allow such a person to continuously trample my boundaries with no regard? At what point did I decide that I didn't deserve love and care from people? That I didn't even deserve a full fledged apology? When did I decide I didn't deserve the best? 

 

Do I care to block her? No. Do I care to screen her calls? No. I never did because I know I'm done and there's nothing she can do about it. I hope you realize you deserve better and if someone isn't willing to step up and give their best -- don't just walk --> run.