What do you think are some basic red flags when dating?

[LoopyLoop99]

what are some basic red flags? in my experience some bad things or red flags

• When they talk badly about their ex. Yea some people get unlucky but i think it's a bad sign if someone talks really badly about their ex. Even if their ex was a bad person, maybe they could say something like "I thought they were nice but I ignored signs they were a bad person". I think its a really bad sign when someone takes 0 responsibility for a failed relationship. Shows really poor maturity levels. 

 

• If they are always on social media taking selfies. I think this is a bad sign. It shows they are constantly seeking validation and attention. It's a bit weird having  relationship with someone who constantly needs your attention/validation as well as others. If someone is unhappy/insecure how can they have a healthy relationship?

 

what are some other signs?

Edited May 27, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Removed gender-specific criticism

[cleverusername]

- Wedding ring on while hitting on you

And it happens surprisingly often

Edited May 27, 2021 by cleverusername

[LoopyLoop99]

10 minutes ago, cleverusername said:

- Wedding ring on while hitting on you

And it happens surprisingly often

do you mean you have a wedding ring on or they have?

[cleverusername]

1 minute ago, LoopyLoop99 said:

do you mean you have a wedding ring on or they have?

They do

[glows]

This is regardless of gender:

General negativity, non-communicative or withholding information that may be relevant (deceptive or not forthright), appearing confused or going through some transition (needs time to work out their own issues), low self-confidence, poor self-image, poor judgment overall when it comes to personal or career-related decisions. Unable to maintain stability.

Verbal/emotional abuse is a huge red flag, comments that are controlling, diminutive towards others including passive aggressiveness and ridicule. 

A person who expresses low tolerance and low patience for others or situations (low empathy) is not someone I want to be around.

These become apparent over time as you get to know someone. 

Edited May 27, 2021 by glows

[ZA Dater]

: Untidy

: Fidgeting

:Lack any sort of direction in life.

:Obsessed with talking about an ex

:Kids from two different guys

: Evasive when questions are asked.

[Woggle]

If they have an anti-male or misandrist kind of mentality

If every relationship problem they ever had is somehow not  their fault

Kids with multiple guys

Unable to admit when she is wrong

History of cheating

[Ami1uwant]

10 hours ago, LoopyLoop99 said:

what are some basic red flags? in my experience some bad things or red flags

• When they talk badly about their ex. Yea some people get unlucky but i think it's a bad sign if someone talks really badly about their ex. Even if their ex was a bad person, maybe they could say something like "I thought they were nice but I ignored signs they were a bad person". I think its a really bad sign when someone takes 0 responsibility for a failed relationship. Shows really poor maturity levels. 

 

• If they are always on social media taking selfies. I think this is a bad sign. It shows they are constantly seeking validation and attention. It's a bit weird having  relationship with someone who constantly needs your attention/validation as well as others. If someone is unhappy/insecure how can they have a healthy relationship?

 

what are some other signs?

Neither is to me.....someone unable to talk of a past relationship is a much bigger issue.  You can’t talk about it because you are hurt.

 

doing selfies is not a sign of validation.  Coming in here and posting a store on here and not taking critics well is someone looking for validation.

 

 

[smackie9]

Lack of responding to text messages.

[Wiseman2]

12 hours ago, LoopyLoop99 said:

When they talk badly about their ex. If they are always on social media taking selfies.

The key is getting on quality dating apps, not just randomly swiping out of boredom. 

The other thing is good screening criteria. That means not contacting, bothering with or researching their social media if it's a no-go.

 

[notbroken]

Entitlement.  Doesn't know the value of money, work, or things.   Doesn't contribute financially and expects to be 'taken care of'.   Bill Gates couldn't pay for everything they want/expect.  

Not affectionate.   Likely will only get worse over time. 

Treats other people poorly (that'll eventually be you too).  

Parties too much.   Addiction.  Constantly on a "girl's night out" while you are left at home.  

Wandering eye.  Too 'flirty'.  This likely won't stop. 

Low intelligence.  Can't or won't communicate well.  Not interesting - nothing to say.   

Unwilling to do anything outside.   Too 'clean' so doesn't want to go outside or it will 'mess up her hair'.   "Neat freak".  The opposite is also a 'no go' - too messy. 

For me - doesn't like dogs. 

Not adventurous.   

Yells.  Seems to like drama.  Creates it if it is not already there. 

Plays 'the blame game' regularly. 

Undisciplined kids or overly dependent if older (and always will be).  

 

[lana-banana]

Rude to waiters, bartenders, customer call reps, whatever---automatic red flag. Anybody who cannot be gracious to folks working awful minimum wage jobs is not relationship material.

Edited May 27, 2021 by lana-banana

[LoopyLoop99]

10 hours ago, Ami1uwant said:

Neither is to me.....someone unable to talk of a past relationship is a much bigger issue.  You can’t talk about it because you are hurt.

 

doing selfies is not a sign of validation.  Coming in here and posting a store on here and not taking critics well is someone looking for validation.

 

 

taking selfies on social media with boobs and ass out isn't looking for validation and attention?

you're joking right?

[mark clemson]

Here are a few additional ones to look out for. Apparently they even make a perfume for this type!

 

 

[notbroken]

Another one today is 'addicted to their phone'.  If they would rather stare at their phone, text, etc than really be with you then move on quickly. 

 

[GeorgiaPeach1]

1. When a man wants to take you for coffee, for a walk or to his house on the first few dates.

2. When a man doesn't pay for the first date.

3. Lack of good hygiene and manners.

4. Keeps bringing up an ex.

5. Has multiple kids by multiple people.

6. Still living at home past 25.

7. Has a felony or several misdemeanors. 

8. Rude to restaurant staff and/or other drivers.

9. Likes to gossip behind people's backs.

10. Too aggressive or too passive.

[Donnas]

dont wanna pay firstdate, talking about ex all the time, just got single.

[LoopyLoop99]

12 hours ago, notbroken said:

Another one today is 'addicted to their phone'.  If they would rather stare at their phone, text, etc than really be with you then move on quickly. 

 

yea hard to take a girl seriously who spends all her time on social media!

[Soak]

Talk about an ex with fervour on first date: Indicates they're not over them.

Visually looks you up and down, physically.

Always looking over your shoulder, like they feel they have somewhere else to be.

Not asking enough questions about you, or being too intrusive with questions.

[Soak]

5 hours ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said:

6. Still living at home past 25.

Omg, what is it with men who stay living with their parents? I know a few. Most of them are socially inadequate

[basil67]

8 hours ago, Soak said:

Omg, what is it with men who stay living with their parents? I know a few. Most of them are socially inadequate

Where I live, the median house price is above  AUD $1,000,00.  (US750,000) .   A person who stays at home longer to be able to save for a house has a better chance at financial security.   Those who who have a secure financial future have the last laugh.

Edited May 29, 2021 by basil67

[Ami1uwant]

I disagree on the notion of talking about an ex means you aren’t over them.

 

not talking about them is the bigger red flag.  
 

digging into the details you don’t want to know about it ending.  You should hear about it’s existence.

 

this is more complicated if they just came out of 15+ yr relationship.  Much of their life doings were shared with this person.  If they had kids they are still connected.

 

with all relationships there are good things or bad things.

 

Red flags to me are big differences that matter....in these there isn’t right/wrong but big differences

 

on a first date people aren’t going to be their normal self for someone you didn’t know before.  A first date with someone you knew like a friend of a friend or coworker or someone you knew thru work, or know them from a social group/church is going to be very very different.

 

I recall meeting one woman. It went great, but we were near opposites politically. I can’t live with that today.

 

 

[elaine567]

I think red flags apart from the obvious - Anger, aggression, abuse, alcohol, addiction... etc.  - are pretty individualised.
We all, based on our own experience have different deal breakers and things we are prepared to tolerate.
Our filters tend to vary widely, our screening processes differ.
Even the obvious and serious red flags I listed above may be seen as "nothing" to some people who see them as normal, a challenge or even stimulating...

Like a lot of  stuff to do with dating there are no set rules or formulae for failure or success..

[spiderowl]

- Lying

- Bad manners

- Anger over very little

- Love bombing

- Patronising

- lots of bad situations from the past that they just 'happened' to be near

- Any kind of criminal record

- Sexting, suggestive remarks

- Calling me babe, honey, or any other familiar term when we don't know each other properly yet

- being mean with money

- demeaning attitude towards women

- arrogance

- making decisions for me about food, drink, etc.

- 

[SumGuy]

53 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

I think red flags apart from the obvious - Anger, aggression, abuse, alcohol, addiction... etc.  - are pretty individualised.
We all, based on our own experience have different deal breakers and things we are prepared to tolerate.
Our filters tend to vary widely, our screening processes differ.
Even the obvious and serious red flags I listed above may be seen as "nothing" to some people who see them as normal, a challenge or even stimulating...

Like a lot of  stuff to do with dating there are no set rules or formulae for failure or success..

This.