What could he want?

[Guinevere04]

I filed for custody of our 3 yo son in June. I also filed for child support bc my soon to be ex never paid a nickle even though daycare is $92 a wk and his parents get our son every other weekend and he never sees him or calls to check on him. I take that back he called him on his birthday, back in May.

 

So when I filed for custoday, I called him and told him that I wasn't try to stir up anything but in order for me to get child support they told me at the court, that the judge likes for custody to be determined. I told him that I wasnt trying to take him away, I just wanted custody and support established. I would agree to joint legal custody and he could have him every other weekend. He said fine, I said fine. we agreed to a child support amount between us. Now, he has been to alcohol rehab, has only worked 3 months this year, hasn't made a single house payment or any other bill payment since January, lives in our house and my son and I live in an apt. I have paid every daycare, house payment, car payment, credit card, everything. We have had to file bankruptcy because he wouldn't help me do anything and even though he has made $25,000 this year (disability because his back hurts) he wouldn't pay anything because he says its what I deserve for not wanting to be with his drunk a$$ anymore. So we go to court for pre-trial, the judge set the cs at the rate we had between us and of course, he hasnt bothered to pay me that a single time. We get our real court date, and I have my lawyer send his lawyer a letter saying that I agree to joint custody, mainly because I know that I will never consult him about anything. Last week our son gets sick and has to be put in the hospital for pnuemonia. I didn't tell him because I thought he was only staying one day. The minute the dr said he needed one more day, I called my ex and his concern was not my son's condition or medicines or how he was, but why I hadn't called him and he gave me the third degree. He stayed thirty minutes and then was kind enough to tell me my a$$ was fat before he left. So, I have said all of that to ask this, we go to court on Friday for custody. He has STILL not signed the joint custody agreement that I offered. I don't want him having joint legal but I offered that to keep from having to rake each other through the coals in court. He isnt working, yet never calls to get our son and never sees him, only his parents. What are the chances that he hasnt signed them because he wants full custody? Or is he just slacking and is waiting until that day to agree right at court time? He does nothing for my son. I am the one who takes him to the dr, feeds him, bathes him, buys his clothes, toys, plays with him, takes him to the playground and movies. This litle guy is my best friend and my life and if this sorryness thinks he is going to try to take him away from me, they better have a padded cell waiting for me on Friday. He doesn't spend his alloted time with him, why would he want him fulltime? I am just hoping that he hasn't signed the papers yet because he is procrastinating as usual. He doesnt have one single thing to use against me in court except I may be a tad bit overprotective. We had bankruptcy court today and he didnt even show up!!

[tonyp56]

I can tell you from a father’s point of view, I love my three children, and all I want is to be with them. The idea that my wife would take them from me kills me. I want to spend time with them all the time, knowing that I can't, I settle on the little bit of time I do get with them. They are my life!

 

It sounds like, from a man and a fathers point of view, that your husband--soon to be ex--doesn't want or doesn't know what he wants when it comes to your son. I know that if I was there, I'd want nothing but to be with my kids and give anything I could (I am in a way, but not the same, my wife and I agree on joint custody) for their support. Your husband sounds like he doesn't, and it sounds like you've done more than enough to share your son with him, you've been extremely nice and you've done more than your fair share! I'd say to him, "either you start paying/helping me with our son or I am going to get sole custody!" Don't let him try to say "I will" or something, say either you do it, or I will go for sole custody. If he fights you then perhaps he wants his kid, but if he doesn't then I am sorry, he isn't acting like a father should. If you are afraid of him, perhaps you should confront him with someone else there that you trust, but if there is no worries, then you can decide how you want to. If possible confront him in person, not over the phone. You will have to do this or if you like don't confront him then spring up in court asking for sole custody. Either way he is going to be or he is going to not be your son's father, if he wants your son, then he needs to step up and take some responsibility.

 

It could be, he doesn't want the divorce and he thinks that if he doesn't do this or that he can stop it. I don't know who asked for the divorce, but if it was you, this may be his way of holding onto you and your son. I know this sound backwards from anything that you'd do, but I think I can see how he would be thinking—I am after all a man. In my case, I've thought the same thing "if I don't do this or allow this then maybe" but I love my kids too much and I am unable to do it. It could very well be his way of not having a divorce. If you didn't start it, I'd say it still could be him not wanting a divorce. Maybe you should sit down with him (with or without your attorneys present) and ask him if he wants a divorce. Then if he says no, say to him, that it is going to happen rather or not he wants it too, and he, if he doesn't want to lose his parental rights, better start acting like a father should.

 

That is my 2cents, I hope it helps. I know how I would be, I love my children and I want to be in their lives, and I couldn’t do what he is doing. That said, it could be his way in his mind to stop the divorce.

[Guinevere04]

He made the comment once that he didnt like seeing our son because it reminded him of his marriage.

 

I think he is just pouting and being irresponsible as always. Court is tomorrow and expect him and his lawyer to think I am still agreeing to joint custody.

 

My lawyer is just going to tell them to let the judge decide. I offered it and he didn't take it, and he continues to show him self, belittle me and blame me. Nothing is ever about our son, just him.

 

So if a judge wants him to have joint custody, she can tell him that. I'm not giving anything else.

 

I applaud fathers that are proactive in their childrens lives. He has an 11 year old daughter than I basically took care of when she was there EOW. I picked her up and took her to school and he barely spoke to her.

 

Oh well, it's out of my hands.

[KAris112297]

He made the comment once that he didnt like seeing our son because it reminded him of his marriage.

 

Selfish PR!@*!

 

I think he is just pouting and being irresponsible as always. Court is tomorrow and expect him and his lawyer to think I am still agreeing to joint custody.

 

My lawyer is just going to tell them to let the judge decide. I offered it and he didn't take it, and he continues to show him self, belittle me and blame me. Nothing is ever about our son, just him.

 

One day it will settle in, reality that is...when he figures out...thats all there is...just him.

 

I applaud fathers that are proactive in their childrens lives. He has an 11 year old daughter than I basically took care of when she was there EOW. I picked her up and took her to school and he barely spoke to her.

 

Good for you.

 

Oh well, it's out of my hands.

 

Hold your son's.

 

-KAris

[Guinevere04]

One day it will settle in, reality that is...when he figures out...thats all there is...just him.

 

 

Just him and his 12-pack of bud light, that is.