my husband has not touched me since 2005

[sheilasday17]

I am a "young"  74.  Met  husband in 2001 .... he is now 57.  He is a recovered  alcoholic  , sober  about  10 or more years... He has not touched me since  2005. He says he has problems, impotency. But i feel  there  are  many ways to be intimate.......besides intercourse.... but he doesnt  seem to care ...so i go to bed all these years  looking   at his  back. and feeling  unloved.   But  thats  not the worse of it..he is a grouch  every night...if he has worked hard all day  cutting  grass, whatever landscapers do...he  ends up  is  talking  snippy  to me..in  bed  while we are  watching a movie  and  when  i  complain ..he  says he is tired.... and often tells me to shut up........that he is  tired  is  his excuse for being irritable    every  night of the week....I could survive without him  i have  my  s.s.  and  s.s.I.  and this is my house i had when i  met him....he hd nothing when i met him...literally nothing ...my dad was an alcoholic so i think  tht is why i was  atttracted to  Stephen....not healthy, i know.....but i am happy  he  quit drinking....he is also  exactly like  Felix  Unger....i dont houseclean  well enough to suit him so he  tuns the vacuum  everyday....and b****es the house is  a mes...it never is a mess...i am an artist  so the kitchen island is wher ei like to  work..and yes  that area  gets cluttered  ,  but i  put it all away  at the end of the day....always....i am a gret  cook, prepare him wonderful meals...i am not unattractive so i dont know  what  his problem is.....the first  few years together  we were intimate...then  all tht  stopped...just   feel  hopeless and very  sad....my  last   years  should not be with me feeling like  this....any  comments appreciated .. Sheila

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, sheilasday17 said:

 i am happy  he  quit drinking....he is also  exactly like  Felix  Unger..

Seems like lack of companionship. Yes like "The Odd Couple".

Perhaps it is a marriage of convenience for both of you. You have someone there and sort of coexist.

Edited May 28, 2021 by Wiseman2

[FMW]

It's unlikely things will change after so many years, as I'm sure you realize.  So you have to make the difficult decision of deciding if you would be happier without him.

It's one of those situations where you weigh all the positives of him and your relationship against the bad.  That includes your willingness to strike out on your own or make peace with how things are.  Would you be happier without him?

I'm sure you've tried to talk about things over the years, but I would certainly give talking one more try, making it clear how far down the road you are in being unhappy.  Do you think he's satisfied with things the way they are?  Maybe start the conversation with asking what he's feeling/thinking about things.

[Fletch Lives]

There are few issues here which would best be addressed in marriage counseling.

[Happy Lemming]

17 hours ago, sheilasday17 said:

 He has not touched me since  2005.

Obtain a discreet FWB and have some fun!!

[LuckyM]

Would you be happier living alone? Can you? This is a stalemate situation. Not likely to change. If you love him you will stay but it does not seem he loves you and partly because of the age gap. Did you gain weight? At 74 you probably won't meet a romantic man but it is possible. Of your age. Many men over 55 lose interest in their wives sex or all sex and maybe it was never so good. Maybe he is no longer attracted to you. I am in your age group and I am not aattracted to ladies my age. I can't get excited in the least to do anything with them He might be like that. his job is tiring but not a good reason IMO. If he wants to clean let him. Don't take it personally.  I think you know the answers better than we do.