Shasur Posted May 29, 2021 Share Posted May 29, 2021 I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years. He has a son with his ex wife, on Thursday is was his birthday and for whatever reason I felt very weird towards him since I woke up, I didn’t pay much attention to my feeling and I thought I was just probably overthinking, later that night he gets a FaceTime from his baby mama, he couldn’t pick up at the time because we were eating, my heart start rising up, we got back from eating and I still felt some type of way but I wasn’t understanding why! So when we got back I asked if he was gonna return the call, I wanted to find out if she was gonna say happy birthday but it turned out that it was his son calling him so say happy birthday so I was cool with that, no big deal. Well it turns out that today I checked his phone and she send a picture of them 3 together telling him happy birthday with emojis! He never told me anything about and now that I find out my self I feel disappointed and Idk how to approach him about my feelings! He has been refusing to be straight forward with her and his excuse is that it’s because they got a child together! My problem is that I feel like he’s fine with keeping her hopes up and interest! What can y’all suggested? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 29, 2021 Share Posted May 29, 2021 It is the price you pay for dating a single parent. She is going nowhere, the son is going nowhere, you either accept their family unit and live with it, or you decide it is not for you and go find a single man with no baby mama baggage... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 29, 2021 Share Posted May 29, 2021 As a parent it's always better to date another parent that way both understand the kids will always be the priority and the ex is there to stay. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted May 29, 2021 Share Posted May 29, 2021 What exactly is it that you want to happen? You want his ex wife not to text him pictures or talk to him anymore? That is not going to happen. He has a child with someone else, and he is ALWAYS going to be involved with his ex wife because of that. You don't sound ready to be in a relationship with someone who has a child with someone else. You have unrealistic expectations and you don't seem to understand that he will always have this baggage. Either accept it and drop the jealousy, or move on from this relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shasur Posted May 29, 2021 Author Share Posted May 29, 2021 5 hours ago, ShyViolet said: What exactly is it that you want to happen? You want his ex wife not to text him pictures or talk to him anymore? That is not going to happen. He has a child with someone else, and he is ALWAYS going to be involved with his ex wife because of that. You don't sound ready to be in a relationship with someone who has a child with someone else. You have unrealistic expectations and you don't seem to understand that he will always have this baggage. Either accept it and drop the jealousy, or move on from this relationship. I don’t have an issue with him talking to her if it’s about the child, I don’t have a problem with him being a father to his child. My problem is that he hasn’t make it clear to her that he’s in a relationship and so she feels comfortable sending him pictures of her and he doesn’t stop her even after I told him multiple times to stop her from doing that and he has been refusing to do so! Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 29, 2021 Share Posted May 29, 2021 It would be best to stop rifling through his phone with suspicions and most of all realize they need a decent co-parenting relationship. Eventually your obstructionism and jealousy will drive him away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shasur Posted May 29, 2021 Author Share Posted May 29, 2021 31 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: It would be best to stop rifling through his phone with suspicions and most of all realize they need a decent co-parenting relationship. Eventually your obstructionism and jealousy will drive him away. A decent co-parenting includes sending pictures of each other? What is a healthy co-parenting? Where do you cross the line? This guy is not worthy of me after I left my family, job, and other material things to come live with him in a truck and he can’t do the most simple thing which is letting her know to respect his life and his relationship. Pretty unfair for me but this is what I get for giving my all to the wrong person! Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted May 30, 2021 Share Posted May 30, 2021 (edited) What family , do you mean you left a marriage ? And do you think him and the ex still have a thing ? what sort of pics like just pics or what? At any rate , it's really important things are good with an ex when parenting. That feeds through to the children makes a massive massive difference if mum and dad even if not together anymore at least still get along , it's huge for the kids, huge. Read up on it. Maybe that's all it is , she's doing unless you think she wants him back , what happened who left who why ? All these things come into it too. Does she know he's with you now ? He lets things slip bc he knows how you'll act and he also probably thinks well she's not gonna wanna know l talked to ex or kid stuff or whatever . Maybe it's just that stuff. lf you don't think there's anything going on , wouldn't worry about it and be thankful his child still at least has two parents that've put bs aside and kept things good for him. Yaknow , it' doesn't have to be just about the kids , some ex's end up in some kinda still good friends thing, that's ok , it's a good thing. Worlds better than angry and bitter and that feeding through to their kids. lf there's nothing else going on l wouldn't stress. Ex w and l have had mountains of convo over the yrs , about our daughter or just crap too, but l don't want her back.My gf's fine she understands she has an ex and a son too. Edited May 30, 2021 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shasur Posted May 30, 2021 Author Share Posted May 30, 2021 (edited) 6 hours ago, chillii said: What family , do you mean you left a marriage ? And do you think him and the ex still have a thing ? what sort of pics like just pics or what? At any rate , it's really important things are good with an ex when parenting. That feeds through to the children makes a massive massive difference if mum and dad even if not together anymore at least still get along , it's huge for the kids, huge. Read up on it. Maybe that's all it is , she's doing unless you think she wants him back , what happened who left who why ? All these things come into it too. Does she know he's with you now ? He lets things slip bc he knows how you'll act and he also probably thinks well she's not gonna wanna know l talked to ex or kid stuff or whatever . Maybe it's just that stuff. lf you don't think there's anything going on , wouldn't worry about it and be thankful his child still at least has two parents that've put bs aside and kept things good for him. Yaknow , it' doesn't have to be just about the kids , some ex's end up in some kinda still good friends thing, that's ok , it's a good thing. Worlds better than angry and bitter and that feeding through to their kids. lf there's nothing else going on l wouldn't stress. Ex w and l have had mountains of convo over the yrs , about our daughter or just crap too, but l don't want her back.My gf's fine she understands she has an ex and a son too. According to him he left her because she cheated on him with his friend! And it’s clear to me that she still interested in him other wise I wouldn’t understand the selfies she send. He actually acknowledges that she still got feelings for him but he’s been refusing to make it clear to her that he’s in a relationship. And no he left in bad terms, they weren’t friends! Edited May 30, 2021 by Shasur Add Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 30, 2021 Share Posted May 30, 2021 (edited) 9 hours ago, Shasur said: I left my family, job, and other material things to come live with him in a truck He lives in a truck? That's as a good reason to end it as any. Don't worry about his ex-wife. Edited May 30, 2021 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted May 30, 2021 Share Posted May 30, 2021 32 minutes ago, Shasur said: According to him he left her because she cheated on him with his friend! And it’s clear to me that she still interested in him other wise I wouldn’t understand the selfies she send. He actually acknowledges that she still got feelings for him but he’s been refusing to make it clear to her that he’s in a relationship. And no he left in bad terms, they weren’t friends! Yeah the selfies are a bit pointless thought they might've been sorta family with his child and things. But you are right then he should talk to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shasur Posted May 30, 2021 Author Share Posted May 30, 2021 15 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: He lives in a truck? That's as a good reason to end it as any. Don't worry about his ex-wife. Yes we been living in the truck for 2 years now! I left my job, family and everything else to come with him and support him, I don’t ask for much just the basics like food, time off from the road and personal care like shampoo and toothpaste! And I don’t get in between him and his child but when there is something I don’t like or don’t agree I will speak up! I have been telling him for several times in the past to let her know and be clear with her but he refuses! At this point I don’t trust him or believe in him! Link to post Share on other sites
Snow_Queen Posted June 2, 2021 Share Posted June 2, 2021 (edited) I’m both a parent and stepparent. Enmeshment can be a very real problem in some relationships. I had this issue in the beginning of my marriage with my husband. What you’ve described doesn’t sound like anything to worry about. An example of enmeshment: My SO’s ex started manipulating him because she felt jealous of his happiness. It was meant to make him feel guilty over the divorce and it worked. He would attempt to justify his actions for not trying harder to save their marriage. He would provide answers as to why he didn’t do this or that for her but did it for me. He also provided some emotional support at one point because of this guilt she instilled in him (listening to her problems and what was going on in her life, specifically). I had to put my foot down hard because it started putting us on the back burner. Our conversation helped him see this wasn’t healthy coparenting and he told her off next time she tried anything. I wouldn’t think about what she did too much. She may have been hoping he’d engage in nostalgic memories. No one really knows but her. However, if you do find yourself in a position with blurred boundaries, it’s perfectly reasonable to stand up for yourself. It can be hard to deal with someone else in the picture at times. It’s up to your partner to make sure boundaries aren’t being crossed. Edited June 2, 2021 by Snow_Queen Change of wording to better clarify 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 3, 2021 Share Posted June 3, 2021 On 5/30/2021 at 7:09 PM, Shasur said: Yes we been living in the truck for 2 years now! I left my job, family and everything else to come with him and support him Ok. Go back home to your job, friends and family. If you are living in a vehicle and begging for toothpaste, it's time to get a job and get out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Caauug Posted June 7, 2021 Share Posted June 7, 2021 On 5/30/2021 at 3:00 PM, Shasur said: According to him he left her because she cheated on him with his friend! This and the fact that he is now with you is very important. On 5/30/2021 at 3:00 PM, Shasur said: He actually acknowledges that she still got feelings for him but he’s been refusing to make it clear to her that he’s in a relationship. And he is now making her pay for cheating on him... He doesn't want her back, if he did, he would have her back. He wants you!!! He just wants to rub it in to his ex that she is not his No1.... He's getting his revenge. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 10, 2021 Share Posted June 10, 2021 I think you had a better life back home. No guy is worth being homeless for. You don't like the situation so get out of it...walk away...go home, back to your family. Link to post Share on other sites
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