Psychopathic online romancer?

[Claire1]

I met a guy via a war game both loved at a time. He was a clan leader and I was really attracted to him. We both quickly developed feelings, I felt it was real. I never felt such an instant connection, I wanted to move across the globe far away, I had 12 h difference with him. It was like I was one with him, I felt he was the one. But I never knew a guy, he was really secretive for me yet told me I could ask anything. But didn’t have time to chat a lot because the time difference. I guess he knew how to seduce and I was worried all the time he is some psychopathic predator too good to be true, we also had 20 years age difference but it didn’t bother him at all. I have had ALL bad experiences about all the men. He seemed mature, even more mature than me. But 2 weeks I felt really happy like never before, really loved and cared. And not alone at all. I thought feelings were mutual. But my suspicions were really bothering him wanting to move even faster with me, go absolutely crazy about him, yet holding back telling about his feelings. He wanted to meet me too, even though he lived so far away. He told me he was a teacher and loved working with kids. He played hot and cold, but not too much that I would have been too bothered about it. He felt also glingy in my opinion, he was really worried if I didn’t contact for half a day, in a game he started acting like I was already an enemy, stalkerish. I never knew that for sure, but had a feeling, maybe projection of my own feelings. He said he has hard time trusting anybody, I believed him, I had the same. His mother had died of cancer and he had to take care of it. My father had died suddenly without being able to say goodbye so I felt we had a lot in common. I told him everything about my life and also my mental health problems. Everything seemed to be fine with him, he could accept me the way I am. He told me he would always reply my messages and like to read them. But suddenly he vanished gradually. He said he might have covid. It felt overexaggarated like he was crying for attention. I was still worried though and called him. He had only a flew but he never bothered to inform me about it in days. He was really cold and distand in a phone and not happy at all that I called, seemed really a different person than in writings. He was feeling sorry for himself having such a cold. I felt abandoned heavily, because of my father and sudden death of him. I had told everything about it. Days went buy and I got really frustrated and anxious. To the point i left angry messages. I was almost suicidal. I threatened to leave him if he won’t come back online in 2 days, I need to know at least how he is doing. He had called when I was sleep, but had deleted message about the call. I had notification though. Last message was cryptic message, ”I couldn’t even work today” in notifications. He had deleted that message too.  I was beginning to suspect this is really over. I called him again he never answered. I had a feeling he might read my messages even if he had gray icon in discord for days. I tried to make him come back to explain what had happened. I tried that days. The next day I was asking forgiveness that I had been angry (although in my opinion for a very good reason). The icon turned green, he never texted anything, that felt creepy. Then when I continued it turned gray. I said this seems harsh. He then blocked me. How can anybody do that to somebody? Last time when we had a good talk a week ago he said cryptically ”I want to make you feel”. I thought it was romantic. Yeah I have felt betrayed, angry, confused, drowning, insane in a week. 

[basil67]

I'm not seeing anything where a psychiatric label would be appropriate - sounds more like he love bombed you then lost interest.   Truth be told though, you'd never met him and you likely don't know that he was who he said he is.   I say this in the kindest manner, stick to dating people who you can meet easily, and don't ignore your gut feeling about things which don't feel right. 

 

 

 

[Claire1]

Well I see he isn’t what he said he is. He did not care and made me believe he cares. After all that stuff I told him. He told me he is nothing like my last boyfriends he would not ever let me go.  No arguments before disappearing, although I told him to say what he really wants and if he has any problems we could talk about it. Well this is far worse than anything  I’ve experienced,  especially after my dad died  so suddenly and I couldn’t say goodbye.  He doesn’t care if I would kill myself for this, I have had suicidal depression so long. I’m glad I now at least I know he doesn’t care and don’t feel anything for him but shock. I did not even want to date him initially because I am not well, he kind of convinced me. I’m glad I found out this soon enough how he really is. He doesn’t have empathy for people doing something like this. 

[Wiseman2]

Seems like a dangerous addiction to gaming, internet usage and cyber fantasy as well as cyber romances.

Step away from the game console. Step away from all these trolls.

Talk to real life people about this. Friends, family, etc.

[Claire1]

Thanks for the reply. I am blocking him out of my life just in case he comes back, I doubt it though. Now I am even more confused, I checked his linkedin was connected to hotmail and he is really working as a program leader in getting better future for kids. So he is a humanist then, still treats me like a garbage. Yikes.. 2 faced weirdo. In internet he is psychopathic clan leader leading 2nd the most powerful clan in the most toxic server I’ve ever been to without any server rules. I have quit this game already making me sick, because I am too sensitive and caring person. I am there only to see who wins the game after 2 weeks, even that is sometimes too much to log in.

[elaine567]

14 hours ago, Claire1 said:

. I told him everything about my life and also my mental health problems.

 You invested far too heavily and likely scared him away. Not everyone can or wants to deal with mental health issues in someone else.
Get real life help for your issues, you sound like you are "on the edge" and not coping.
Look after yourself first and foremost.

[Claire1]

3 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

 You invested far too heavily and likely scared him away. Not everyone can or wants to deal with mental health issues in someone else.
Get real life help for your issues, you sound like you are "on the edge" and not coping.
Look after yourself first and foremost.

Yeah that might be the most of the case. Also it became power play me wanting him to speak more from the start when he was not ready, he was unnecessarily quit even about the most basic stuff when I had told him everything, yet he seemed to only like it, so I couldn’t stop telling about myself, it was nice to think somebody listens and cares, nobody ever listens. My mental health issues didn’t bother him at all, he wanted to help. But he wrote less and less and that is why couldn’t even break up with me, it would have required him to use words I so much wanted and pressed him to say, so he became this cruel out of pride I think.  So his words became more and more meaningful, and longed for. It made me crazy. So not one word to break up. So I am worried in my sick mind he is still playing the game with my mind. If he would say ONE word, I would run back to him. Better to block him,.

[elaine567]

It was one sided, you unloaded but he didn't, he remained quiet.
You felt cared for but he was likely  just humouring you as he probably realised early doors he couldn't really deal with it.
He was just being nice, but his niceness impelled you forward to get more and more deeply involved.
You unloaded more and more, but he was in reality fading away, until eventually he disappeared.

[Wiseman2]

14 minutes ago, Claire1 said:

, it was nice to think somebody listens and cares, nobody ever listens. My mental health issues 

Plenty of people care and listen. Especially people who can help rather than hurt you.

Go to a physician for an evaluation of your moods anxiety and overall health.

Ask for a referral to a therapist for ongoing support.

Get off the games and stop talking to trolls who hurt you.

[Claire1]

Thanks for all the help. It helps me to be less paranoid hopefully for good. Problem is it is really hard to get help where I live. I will stop being social in games, it was hard when so lonely. For a long time it will be very hard to trust anybody even less than I already trusted.