mortensorchid Posted May 31, 2021 Share Posted May 31, 2021 5 things: "I don't have the same thing that I had with Jane Doe that I have with you." "You're a dried up old maid." "I am going to get another girlfriend." "I was able to attract someone as wonderful as you, I know I can do even better now." "I am not interested in you romantically." No joke. And people wonder why I have problems. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trail Blazer Posted May 31, 2021 Share Posted May 31, 2021 1 hour ago, mortensorchid said: 5 things: "I don't have the same thing that I had with Jane Doe that I have with you." "You're a dried up old maid." "I am going to get another girlfriend." "I was able to attract someone as wonderful as you, I know I can do even better now." "I am not interested in you romantically." No joke. And people wonder why I have problems. The dried up old maid comment is terrible, whilst the other two would have been unpleasant in the context that I'm sure they were said. However, I'm struggling to see how the two bolded comments are mean? Once again, context is probably important to understand, but in isolation those comments are hardly "mean". The truth can hurt, but that is a very different concept to one of being mean. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted May 31, 2021 Share Posted May 31, 2021 20 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said: The dried up old maid comment is terrible, whilst the other two would have been unpleasant in the context that I'm sure they were said. However, I'm struggling to see how the two bolded comments are mean? Once again, context is probably important to understand, but in isolation those comments are hardly "mean". The truth can hurt, but that is a very different concept to one of being mean. They are actually all in contextual conditions: 1) Someone was measuring me up against this other woman he was in love with years before. He also had never been in a long term relationship before, the longest he had ever been with someone lasted about 6 weeks before me. It ended because she moved for a job and he never went after her. Plus he never went to see her wherever she moved to, and she moved on. 2) Old maid - I have been called this by a few people (a friend from my college years, a coworker, a few guy friends). They really meant it. 3) I had guys dump me and tell me this right afterwards. 4) Same as 3. They end up marrying the next one and getting divorced. 5) The Big Rejection - This is the rejection from 6 years ago when I was rejected. This was kind of the last straw for me, all hope truly left me with that I realize now. Now I really am too old and not worthy of love. I think I cried for a few days afterwards, but now I am okay. I have a face that might crack a mirror but I can be brave enough to go forth and not break my will to live. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jah526 Posted May 31, 2021 Share Posted May 31, 2021 I guess the most hurtful things have been when a boyfriend has made negative comments about some aspect of my looks. I’ve heard that I’m plain, been called fatty, had several comment on my thin hair, which I’m very sensitive about. The last one was the worst - told me I was good for nothing when I said I’d never given a massage before, said I should observe the women at work to see how to dress, said I had no “spark”, and many other things. On the other hand, a close friend recently told me he would be my sanctuary, and that’s quite possibly the loveliest thing anyone has ever said to me. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ThereSheGoes Posted May 31, 2021 Share Posted May 31, 2021 "I just don't see my future with a woman of color." ....well, alrighty then. Thank you for letting me know that I just lost four months of MY life. 3 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trail Blazer Posted May 31, 2021 Share Posted May 31, 2021 1 hour ago, mortensorchid said: They are actually all in contextual conditions: 1) Someone was measuring me up against this other woman he was in love with years before. He also had never been in a long term relationship before, the longest he had ever been with someone lasted about 6 weeks before me. It ended because she moved for a job and he never went after her. Plus he never went to see her wherever she moved to, and she moved on. 2) Old maid - I have been called this by a few people (a friend from my college years, a coworker, a few guy friends). They really meant it. 3) I had guys dump me and tell me this right afterwards. 4) Same as 3. They end up marrying the next one and getting divorced. 5) The Big Rejection - This is the rejection from 6 years ago when I was rejected. This was kind of the last straw for me, all hope truly left me with that I realize now. Now I really am too old and not worthy of love. I think I cried for a few days afterwards, but now I am okay. I have a face that might crack a mirror but I can be brave enough to go forth and not break my will to live. Once again, how is being rejected the same thing as being mean? I've been rejected by countless women. What you describe is not mean. I have a wonderful relationship with an amazing woman and I'm only here because I was rejected by those other women. I never once felt I wasn't worthy of being dated. You just need to not take things to heart as much and move on. Believe in yourself that you are worthy and present the best version of yourself to the world. Every day. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted May 31, 2021 Share Posted May 31, 2021 11 hours ago, mortensorchid said: "I am not interested in you romantically." I'd consider this a very mild rejection in the grand scheme of things. I wish more of my rejections (especially the public ones) had been more like this. 9 hours ago, mortensorchid said: The Big Rejection - This is the rejection from 6 years ago when I was rejected. What makes this the "Big Rejection?" I would think being called a dried-up old maid more worthy of the title "Big Rejection" than someone saying they're not interested in you romantically. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 31, 2021 Share Posted May 31, 2021 IMO worse or mean is not them speaking the truth. It's just for the purpose to hurt...people just do that...probably because they are nuts, and you just dodged a bullet. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 31, 2021 Share Posted May 31, 2021 Live-in ex: (context: I have a manageable chronic illness, we were discussing marriage). "If you get sicker when we marry, I don't want to end up being obliged to take care of you. We need some kind of contract that guarantees me that". 1 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted May 31, 2021 Share Posted May 31, 2021 5 minutes ago, Eternal Sunshine said: Live-in ex: (context: I have a manageable chronic illness, we were discussing marriage). "If you get sicker when we marry, I don't want to end up being obliged to take care of you. We need some kind of contract that guarantees me that". Ummmm wedding vows "for better or for worse" don't mean anything? Glad he's an ex! yikes. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ThereSheGoes Posted May 31, 2021 Share Posted May 31, 2021 1 hour ago, Eternal Sunshine said: Live-in ex: (context: I have a manageable chronic illness, we were discussing marriage). "If you get sicker when we marry, I don't want to end up being obliged to take care of you. We need some kind of contract that guarantees me that". Dayum. Dear god. What a piece of excrement he was. Not wishing him ill, but....if the shoe was on the other foot, he would want someone to be there. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Uruktopi Posted May 31, 2021 Share Posted May 31, 2021 14 hours ago, ThereSheGoes said: "I just don't see my future with a woman of color." ....well, alrighty then. Thank you for letting me know that I just lost four months of MY life. As I see it, you only "lost" a worth-for-nothing racist 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted May 31, 2021 Share Posted May 31, 2021 5 hours ago, Shining One said: I'd consider this a very mild rejection in the grand scheme of things. I wish more of my rejections (especially the public ones) had been more like this. What makes this the "Big Rejection?" I would think being called a dried-up old maid more worthy of the title "Big Rejection" than someone saying they're not interested in you romantically. The Big Rejection was a rejection I had about 6/7 years ago. I had a crush on someone and he rejected me. Long story short, I didn't approach things the right way and once he rejected me I walked away and never spoke a word to him ever again. But for reasons I still am not sure of (my shrink and I have been working on this still), that was a major turning point moment for me. I lost all my self worth, ever since then there has been a black cloud over me saying "no one wants you". And it remains. What's the point of trying anymore? 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted May 31, 2021 Share Posted May 31, 2021 17 hours ago, ThereSheGoes said: "I just don't see my future with a woman of color." ....well, alrighty then. Thank you for letting me know that I just lost four months of MY life. 😮 I'm just gobsmacked by this. I guess at least he told you before you arrived at his house unexpectedly one evening and discovered a Klan meeting in his lounge room. Maybe he was planning a future with someone on the same level of ignorance as himself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted May 31, 2021 Share Posted May 31, 2021 45 minutes ago, MsJayne said: I'm just gobsmacked by this. I'm not surprised. This is probably one of the more common rejection reasons. After hearing it a few dozen times, it's no longer shocking. Link to post Share on other sites
Alvi Posted May 31, 2021 Share Posted May 31, 2021 18 hours ago, ThereSheGoes said: "I just don't see my future with a woman of color." ....well, alrighty then. Thank you for letting me know that I just lost four months of MY life. Oh, wow. I wonder if this has something to do with a peer pressure. Perhaps someone told him something how he should not be dating people who have different skin colors and he went along. Maybe a "well-meaning" parent or a friend. In any case, good riddance! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trail Blazer Posted May 31, 2021 Share Posted May 31, 2021 18 hours ago, ThereSheGoes said: "I just don't see my future with a woman of color." ....well, alrighty then. Thank you for letting me know that I just lost four months of MY life. I can't say I am overly surprised. I've worked in Texas with people from many southern states and a lot of old racial prejudices are still very prevalent in that area of the country. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alvi Posted May 31, 2021 Share Posted May 31, 2021 3 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said: I can't say I am overly surprised. I've worked in Texas with people from many southern states and a lot of old racial prejudices are still very prevalent in that area of the country. But why date her for four month? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted May 31, 2021 Share Posted May 31, 2021 34 minutes ago, Alvi said: But why date her for four month? Yes, exactly. We're going a little off topic here, but it stinks of the guy seeing ThereSheGoes as some sort of disposable novelty, and it's so representative of the overall problem of racism - the ignorant bigot who has the brass neck to look down on someone who is in fact superior to him just by nature of their life experience and accumulated wisdom. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trail Blazer Posted June 1, 2021 Share Posted June 1, 2021 58 minutes ago, Alvi said: But why date her for four month? Because a racist white male will gladly f%&k a woman of color who he otherwise wouldn’t want to bring home to ma-and-pa. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted June 1, 2021 Share Posted June 1, 2021 The woman of color thing is bad. But if he didn't see himself as having a future with a woman of color then why did he even date a woman of color to begin with? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted June 1, 2021 Share Posted June 1, 2021 23 minutes ago, mortensorchid said: The woman of color thing is bad. But if he didn't see himself as having a future with a woman of color then why did he even date a woman of color to begin with? What Trail Blazer said. Racism never stopped slave owners from f***ing their slaves; just stopped them from treating them like human beings. Heck men can be misogynistic even without racism...racism just adds a whole other vile level to it. 2 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alvi Posted June 1, 2021 Share Posted June 1, 2021 2 hours ago, Trail Blazer said: Because a racist white male will gladly f%&k a woman of color who he otherwise wouldn’t want to bring home to ma-and-pa. What an A-hole that guy is. Glad that the trash took itself out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThereSheGoes Posted June 1, 2021 Share Posted June 1, 2021 3 hours ago, Trail Blazer said: Because a racist white male will gladly f%&k a woman of color who he otherwise wouldn’t want to bring home to ma-and-pa. Oh, most definitely. I run in to them all the time. It really truly is about an 'experience' for them. Good enough to taste, not to bring home. I think with my ex, he was from a small town from Northern Texas, and he moved down here in Southern Texas and was shell shocked by the variances in the ethnic groups we have here. And on top of that, curious. But he had no real intention of actually settling down with someone of color, due to his upbringing. Like others have stated, I was just an experiment, and many white men in the south have done this and will continue to do this. But he's a pretty messed up character though, beyond just being a racist. That was probably one of the most messed up things I have had a 'partner' tell me. Link to post Share on other sites
NeurodivergentMe Posted June 1, 2021 Share Posted June 1, 2021 My ex partner told me that of all his significant others he loved me the least. Beat that lol. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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