Would you date someone with genital herpes?

[Jorjax]

I’m not sure what’s the best place to post this, but since I’m asking from a relationship point of view I think this is suitable. Would you date someone with genital herpes? I met this guy and I’m interested in him, and I do appreciate the fact that he was very frank and honest about it once things started heading that way, but I’m not sure. (Men are more prone to transmit it than women) 

A relationship may not last at all, but herpes lasts forever. 

Please tell me what you’re thinking. I don’t mean to sound insensitive or cruel at all, just honestly not sure what to do. 

Thank you.

[SumGuy]

No, to be honest and I'm a man.   I believe, but check, it can have more complications in women.  Also I believe, but check, condoms don't provide much protection, some but not nearly enough.   If I did, the person would have to be mind blowing amazing, would have to see that for at least 6 months before having sex or any genital contact, AND see if there is anyway to avoid catching it myself. 

I the answer to the latter is you are greater than 50% cahnce to catch it no matter what you do, then basically "dating" this person is really asking the question do I want so spent the rest of my life with them?

Like you say, relationships may not last but herpes lasts forever.   

This is doubly sad though if he caught them through no fault of his own.

[stillafool]

I once dated a drop dead gorgeous guy who was really nice, good career and compatible.  On the 3rd date he revealed that he had herpes.  I stopped dating him immediately.

[Jorjax]

3 hours ago, stillafool said:

I once dated a drop dead gorgeous guy who was really nice, good career and compatible.  On the 3rd date he revealed that he had herpes.  I stopped dating him immediately.

How did he take the rejection?

[Jorjax]

4 hours ago, SumGuy said:

No, to be honest and I'm a man.   I believe, but check, it can have more complications in women.  Also I believe, but check, condoms don't provide much protection, some but not nearly enough.   If I did, the person would have to be mind blowing amazing, would have to see that for at least 6 months before having sex or any genital contact, AND see if there is anyway to avoid catching it myself. 

I the answer to the latter is you are greater than 50% cahnce to catch it no matter what you do, then basically "dating" this person is really asking the question do I want so spent the rest of my life with them?

Like you say, relationships may not last but herpes lasts forever.   

This is doubly sad though if he caught them through no fault of his own.

Yeah it was not his fault. He got back with an ex shortly after they’ve broken up and she said nothing (I’m guessing she had sex with new partners). She probably knew cause herpes usually isn’t something you miss if you have an outbreak. He said he’s never confronted her or talked to her after cause what’s the point. I really felt bad for him. He didn’t deserve it. Who does? 
 

He told me “just tell me if you choose not to continue, no hurt feelings I promise.” That just made me more sad. 

Edited June 1, 2021 by Jorjax

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, Jorjax said:

How did he take the rejection?

He understood and was somewhat used to it.

[Wiseman2]

13 hours ago, Jorjax said:

 Would you date someone with genital herpes?

No. Feel bad for anyone who has contracted it, but any form of STDs is a hard no for me. Great he was aware/honest, but don't pity date.

[Happy Lemming]

Hard NO from me, as well.

Many years ago, I was dating this woman and she disclosed she had hepatitis.

No need to continue any further discussion, I'm wasn't going to date her, kiss her or sleep with her.

Similar to @Wiseman2, I'm glad she was honest and told me, so I could make my own choice to continue or leave. 

I left.

[Jorjax]

3 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

Hard NO from me, as well.

Many years ago, I was dating this woman and she disclosed she had hepatitis.

No need to continue any further discussion, I'm wasn't going to date her, kiss her or sleep with her.

Similar to @Wiseman2, I'm glad she was honest and told me, so I could make my own choice to continue or leave. 

I left.

Hepatitis can be pretty dangerous though as far as I’m aware, I don’t fault you for that! That’s serious. Herpes is pretty much just a skin condition compared. 

[Gaeta]

I carry hsv-2.

I am assymptomatic and take daily anti-viral.

I have only dated negative men and it was never transmitted to them.  I have a friend also with it and her bf of 8 years is still negative.

You can pm me if you have questions. Every person is different. It depends of your age, depends if you carry hsv-1 yourself it will give you an additionnal protection at 40%. How long he's had it,  Etc etc.

I offer you talk to me in private because l don't like those threads about hsv. I will not post here again.  A lot of false information in these threads and enormous prejudice againts a virus that belongs to the same category as chicken pox.

ETA: statistic says by age of 40 about 36% of women carry it. Go get tested. Chances are you already have it. And no hsv is not included in a full sti screening, it's too commun. 

Edited June 2, 2021 by Gaeta

[5x5]

Yes I would presuming I was informed, plus as long as I knew the person was taking measures to prevent/limit transmission.

[lana-banana]

I had a herpes scare once, and while I don't have any firsthand experience with it, the 72-ish hours of believing I had it was absolutely worse than the disease. That's not an exaggeration; doctors used to not test for it at all because the stigma was considered worse than actual genital herpes. About 80% of those infected with HSV2 don't even realize they have it, which tells you something about how "serious" it is.

I can understand being very reluctant but with regular protection the odds of transmission are quite low, and the prevalence of the disease skyrockets with age. About 50-75% of unmarried women between 45 and 55 have HSV2! If you are dating over 40 you almost certainly have been exposed. And yes, if you use protection you can drastically lower the odds of transmission to about 2% or less.

But none of that really answers your question. If you really, seriously like someone then I think you should pursue it; an extremely minor skin disease is worth true love, I think. But it's harder to make that call when you're younger. If I was under 25 I might not want to do it, while if I was 45 or older I wouldn't give it a second thought. Go with your gut on this one.

[ShyViolet]

Here are some statistics from CDC.gov:   More than one out of every six people age 14 to 49 have genital herpes.  Most people with genital herpes don't even have symptoms.  The stigma around this is a little crazy.  Some of you who are saying you'd immediately break up with someone, probably have it and don't even know it.

[Jorjax]

3 hours ago, Gaeta said:

I carry hsv-2.

I am assymptomatic and take daily anti-viral.

I have only dated negative men and it was never transmitted to them.  I have a friend also with it and her bf of 8 years is still negative.

You can pm me if you have questions. Every person is different. It depends of your age, depends if you carry hsv-1 yourself it will give you an additionnal protection at 40%. How long he's had it,  Etc etc.

I offer you talk to me in private because l don't like those threads about hsv. I will not post here again.  A lot of false information in these threads and enormous prejudice againts a virus that belongs to the same category as chicken pox.

ETA: statistic says by age of 40 about 36% of women carry it. Go get tested. Chances are you already have it. And no hsv is not included in a full sti screening, it's too commun. 

Could you please message me then? I added you but not sure how to send you a message. Thank you! 

[introverted1]

4 hours ago, Jorjax said:

Could you please message me then? I added you but not sure how to send you a message. Thank you! 

You have to have 50 posts or be a supporting member in order to use the pm system.

[Gaeta]

4 hours ago, Jorjax said:

Could you please message me then? I added you but not sure how to send you a message. Thank you! 

I tried and not working. I think you need a minimum of posts to access messaging. I don't know how many, maybe someone here knows?

Meanwhile:

A) how long he had it

B) is the virus active? Meaning he has symptomes?

C) is he on daily anti viral?

D) how old is he?

[introverted1]

26 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

I tried and not working. I think you need a minimum of posts to access messaging. I don't know how many, maybe someone here knows?

It used to be 50. Or you become a premium member and get instant access.

[Jorjax]

4 hours ago, Gaeta said:

I tried and not working. I think you need a minimum of posts to access messaging. I don't know how many, maybe someone here knows?

Meanwhile:

A) how long he had it

B) is the virus active? Meaning he has symptomes?

C) is he on daily anti viral?

D) how old is he?

Oh yea I just signed up so it could be a while. 
 

A) about 10 years 

B) He said he still gets outbreaks but they’re rare. I know he had one few months ago.

C&D) Yes he’s on a daily anti viral and he’s 44, he was a swim coach and a runner so he is pretty healthy. 
 

he seemed pretty open about discussing it and willingness to answer my questions. 

 

[Gaeta]

3 minutes ago, Jorjax said:

Oh yea I just signed up so it could be a while. 
A) about 10 years 

B) He said he still gets outbreaks but they’re rare. I know he had one few months ago.

C&D) Yes he’s on a daily anti viral and he’s 44, he was a swim coach and a runner so he is pretty healthy. 
he seemed pretty open about discussing it and willingness to answer my questions. 

 

Do you have cold sores? If you do than that gives an additional % protection against type 2. 

I was serious when I suggested you go get tested. A lot of women carry hsv-2 in the high 30%. When you put the statistics of men and women together it brings the percentage down because men are less infected but women by themselves are huge carriers and often silent carriers with no symptoms. A silent carrier like me on antivirals has a chance to transmit it at .05%, half of a percent. A  man like your guy with an active virus on anti-viral his rate is around 2 or 3% as per study. 

I am not a doctor, I am just someone positive that did a lot of reading, asked a lot of questions to her doctors etc. 

If you are looking for a reassurance that you won't get it, there is none. The risks are very low but risk 0 does not exist. 

If this is someone who could turn into someone special to you, first go get tested, all this wondering and worring may not even be necessary. 

[Gaeta]

I would like to add, this man is very honest and you have to appreciate that. There are no laws, not in Canada anyway, that forces people to disclose they have hsv. It is asked of us to do so out of moral but let me tell you, a lot of positive people (about half) out there don't disclose it and there is nothing you can do about it. 

[introverted1]

45 minutes ago, Jorjax said:

A) about 10 years 

B) He said he still gets outbreaks but they’re rare. I know he had one few months ago.

C&D) Yes he’s on a daily anti viral and he’s 44, he was a swim coach and a runner so he is pretty healthy. 
 

 

 

Based on this, I think I'd date him. He sounds aware and responsible. 

There are guys out there who wouldn't bother telling you.

I'm also way more concerned about HPV, for which there is no test (in men) and can lead to cancer, than about HSV.  Not that I want to take risks with HSV, but considering you take a risk for HPV with every new partner (unless you always use a condom and never perform oral sex), I think the risk from HSV is more manageable, especially with a partner who is taking active steps to prevent transmission.

 

[Gaeta]

21 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

Based on this, I think I'd date him. He sounds aware and responsible. 

There are guys out there who wouldn't bother telling you.

The way I see it, the chances of getting it are higher if you have sex with men who don't care enough about their sexual health to get regular check up. The amount of men having unprotected sex is mind blowing!!

I remember once telling a man and his reaction was OH I got that once and I said what do you mean you got that once? and he said ya I got it, and I don't have it anymore. Those idiots are everywhere. 

Edited June 2, 2021 by Gaeta

[Jorjax]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

Do you have cold sores? If you do than that gives an additional % protection against type 2. 

I was serious when I suggested you go get tested. A lot of women carry hsv-2 in the high 30%. When you put the statistics of men and women together it brings the percentage down because men are less infected but women by themselves are huge carriers and often silent carriers with no symptoms. A silent carrier like me on antivirals has a chance to transmit it at .05%, half of a percent. A  man like your guy with an active virus on anti-viral his rate is around 2 or 3% as per study. 

I am not a doctor, I am just someone positive that did a lot of reading, asked a lot of questions to her doctors etc. 

If you are looking for a reassurance that you won't get it, there is none. The risks are very low but risk 0 does not exist. 

If this is someone who could turn into someone special to you, first go get tested, all this wondering and worring may not even be necessary. 

I don’t have hsv1 or 2 so far. I got tested not long ago because my long term bf had oral herpes, but I never got it from him. I got tested after our breakup because I didn’t want to put anyone at risk either. We just avoided kissing and oral sex anytime he had an outbreak, and he wasn’t on any anti-virals. 

This new guy is definitely responsible and he also told me the risk is never zero and I’ve to make that decision if I’m willing to take it or not. 
 

do you no longer have any outbreaks? Or did you ever have any? You said silent carrier so I wonder. 

Edited June 2, 2021 by Jorjax

[Jorjax]

49 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

The way I see it, the chances of getting it are higher if you have sex with men who don't care enough about their sexual health to get regular check up. The amount of men having unprotected sex is mind blowing!!

I remember once telling a man and his reaction was OH I got that once and I said what do you mean you got that once? and he said ya I got it, and I don't have it anymore. Those idiots are everywhere. 

Haha oh geez that made me chuckle. Got it once!? Like it’s lice?

[stillafool]

59 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

The amount of men having unprotected sex is mind blowing!!

Not just the men, women are having unprotected sex also at an alarming rate.