don't know what to do

[lovingly]

I have been with someone for a very long time, over 7 years. We started out young and now that we're older, both over 21, it seems like we are going through the same problems. I feel like I'm still in a high school relationship/ been married for 20 years. I don't know if he's just gotten too comfortable with me or what but it really bothers me. We don't go out, we have little romance, and he doesn't seem to have much of a problem with letting me down. If we are supposed to go somewhere, he'll be out already and tell me "I'm sorry baby, I'll take you there tomorrow". Then he'll come get me when it's time to go to bed and he'll have a fit if I tell him I don't want to go. Like he can't sleep if I'm not cuddled up with him. I feel that he has insecurity issues also and don't know what to do to help him with that. I give him all of me and act like I am married when I do go out. Because of this I get really irritated with him sucking his teeth and stuff when my phone rings or I say I'm going out with the girls. I don't treat him like that. We also had some issues in the past that we dealt with because he thought he couldn't trust me. I feel like our problems are SLITGHTLY my fault because I don't speak up but I feel like if I have to always tell him what I want and what's going on, I will always have to do that and who wants to always have to tell their man to be romantic or take them out or surprise them. My girlfriends say I should get some friends so we can seperate for a while and he can get his act together but I'm not sure if that's the right thing to do. That's not the kind of person I am and I think it is a waste of time and pretty fake but I don't know what else to do. He has come a long way in the growth department and still has a ways to go so I am not sure if I'm forcing him to mature up on me or if I am legit with what I want. What would be reasonable for me to do?

[Ashesmum]

It sounds like you're a little more on the mature level than your boyfriend. Which means that you need to tell him how you feel. Have one night to discuss the whole relationship, his side and yours. Then you can figure what to do or change. But not speaking up doesn't help matters. I know the feeling of not wanting to always have to say something cause it might sound like you're nagging all the time, but he's never gonna know if you don't say something. As for him being comfortable with you, yes. After such a period of time I do believe that men get too comfy in how they have it in a relationship, but that's why the women have to speak up to show them how good they have it and how they miss it. Otherwise it's just gonna keep being the same way. Good luck.

I have been with someone for a very long time, over 7 years. We started out young and now that we're older, both over 21, it seems like we are going through the same problems. I feel like I'm still in a high school relationship/ been married for 20 years. I don't know if he's just gotten too comfortable with me or what but it really bothers me. We don't go out, we have little romance, and he doesn't seem to have much of a problem with letting me down. If we are supposed to go somewhere, he'll be out already and tell me "I'm sorry baby, I'll take you there tomorrow". Then he'll come get me when it's time to go to bed and he'll have a fit if I tell him I don't want to go. Like he can't sleep if I'm not cuddled up with him. I feel that he has insecurity issues also and don't know what to do to help him with that. I give him all of me and act like I am married when I do go out. Because of this I get really irritated with him sucking his teeth and stuff when my phone rings or I say I'm going out with the girls. I don't treat him like that. We also had some issues in the past that we dealt with because he thought he couldn't trust me. I feel like our problems are SLITGHTLY my fault because I don't speak up but I feel like if I have to always tell him what I want and what's going on, I will always have to do that and who wants to always have to tell their man to be romantic or take them out or surprise them. My girlfriends say I should get some friends so we can seperate for a while and he can get his act together but I'm not sure if that's the right thing to do. That's not the kind of person I am and I think it is a waste of time and pretty fake but I don't know what else to do. He has come a long way in the growth department and still has a ways to go so I am not sure if I'm forcing him to mature up on me or if I am legit with what I want. What would be reasonable for me to do?

[marzipan75]

Well, I have to applaud you for being in the relationship for 7 years, I myself just came out of an 8 year relationship and he broke up with me. I was in a similar relationship to yours but we had our fair share of other problems unlike yours. All I can tell you is if you're considering breaking up then try and talk to him about it. It sounds like loving him is not the problem, sometimes in a long relationship you experience an identity loss and that's certainly something that I've had. We had mutual friends who were devastated when we broke up and it only happened a week ago! I'm sure you don't want to hear this from me but his behavior is not fair to you. I know because I think I've been in your shoes for 8 years. You feel guilty when you do something with your friends but he shouldnt when he does stuff with his? You are expected to drop whatever you're doing just cause he's suddenly interested? Does that sound at all familiar? I am certainly no authority here but it sounds like you're afraid of being alone and that's a very valid thing. right now you're having all these emotions and maybe he is too. Think about where things are going in your relationship. Talk with him about your future together because if you are unhappy and it sounds like you are then why are you letting this go on. Dont blame yourself, don't blame him either. Both of you are in this and he does things and so do you by letting him. I think you should think about how you feel about things and go from there.

It sounds like you're a little more on the mature level than your boyfriend. Which means that you need to tell him how you feel. Have one night to discuss the whole relationship, his side and yours. Then you can figure what to do or change. But not speaking up doesn't help matters. I know the feeling of not wanting to always have to say something cause it might sound like you're nagging all the time, but he's never gonna know if you don't say something. As for him being comfortable with you, yes. After such a period of time I do believe that men get too comfy in how they have it in a relationship, but that's why the women have to speak up to show them how good they have it and how they miss it. Otherwise it's just gonna keep being the same way. Good luck.