Author luiscasabuena Posted June 2, 2021 Author Share Posted June 2, 2021 17 hours ago, Allupinnit said: I wear heels to the office. *shrug* You won't be able to change the way she dresses. Some women don't put stock into dressing femininely and yet are not without their share of admirers. If you start suggesting it, it will come across as controlling and she may even be offended, as if you weren't attracted to her (are you?). I am attracted to her face... but her clothes sort of turn me off. I'm more in to the girl's face than the clothes she wear... If I see a pretty face with ugly clothes, I'd still pursue her. But really, her clothes are meh 😕 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 2, 2021 Share Posted June 2, 2021 1 minute ago, luiscasabuena said: I am attracted to her face... but her clothes sort of turn me off. 😕 Stop letting her feed you, then maybe she can afford some better clothes. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author luiscasabuena Posted June 2, 2021 Author Share Posted June 2, 2021 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: Stop letting her feed you, then maybe she can afford some better clothes. I can pay for my food, actually. But she likes paying everything all the time. I feel ashamed of myself. But I've been calling delivery services to bring food to her ward when she's on duty. It's still not quits though. She wants to eat at expensive restaurants. I feel bad 😕 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted June 2, 2021 Share Posted June 2, 2021 17 hours ago, dramafreezone said: What? 😀 Plenty of women love wearing dresses and heels. They enjoy that look, and I enjoy looking at them. Not many doctors in residency do though, I'm not certain they are even allowed to wear heels. Just ask any nurse or doctor in residency you know. Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted June 2, 2021 Share Posted June 2, 2021 20 hours ago, luiscasabuena said: ... She somehow kinda leads me on to something... like "sleep is my man and you seem jealous." She just said that a while ago. ... She's a pediatrician... Always on duty. She's not yet done with her residency.... It seems like you are surprised by this. What do you do for a living? Also wonder how much life expereince you have/your social circles. It's well known doctors don't get to sleep, especially residents. I'm not a doctor, but have had a demanding profession myself and even that pales in comparison to most doctors. If you ever had to work at a job where you were "on-call" outside normal business hours think you would understand. I'm getting the impression from her joke, you may also be unsatisfied about how much and easily she can make time for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dramafreezone Posted June 2, 2021 Share Posted June 2, 2021 5 hours ago, SumGuy said: Not many doctors in residency do though, I'm not certain they are even allowed to wear heels. Just ask any nurse or doctor in residency you know. Yeah I'm in the healthcare profession and work with physicians and nurses. They come in all types. I know what work attire dictates and how stressful residency is but that doesn't mean that she can't dress up outside of work if she wants to make the effort. Many residents do. That just happens not to be her style. If OP prefers that I think he should have a heart to heart. Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted June 2, 2021 Share Posted June 2, 2021 1 minute ago, dramafreezone said: Yeah I'm in the healthcare profession and work with physicians and nurses. They come in all types. I know what work attire dictates and how stressful residency is but that doesn't mean that she can't dress up outside of work if she wants to make the effort. Many residents do. That just happens not to be her style. If OP prefers that I think he should have a heart to heart. I'm thinking about work attire, not outside. Sure people come in all sizes, some after a 12-16-20-24-even 36 hour shift are itching to dress up and put some heels on after being on their feet for hours upon hours upon hours, others maybe not so much. Overall that is irrelevant as to what others do, she isn't obviously doing that. I saw OP mention he is in a third world country...perhaps his attitude could fly there (even if women there wish it did not) can say where I have lived in the US if any man said to a doctor even half of what is said here, she'd kick him to the curb in a heart beat; perhaps after saying "perhaps if it is the clothes you need to get turned on you should date or even wear those" she's a doctor not a doll...she may also offer to correct his cranial rectal inversion for him. My expereince of the medical profession is it is not easy (especially in the beginning), full of people who are high achievers, and they are so far beyond can do it is not funny. Then to be judged by the clothes one wears, as if all the other aspects of her just are not as impressive as a nice dress and heels. It is like something out of Mad Men...yeah you are a doctor, bright, funny, intelligent, kind, saving lives, feeding men dinner but if you want to attract a man you have to dress nice. Please. If she was posting here would tell her to run. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 2, 2021 Share Posted June 2, 2021 7 hours ago, luiscasabuena said: I can pay for my food, actually. But she likes paying everything all the time. You'll have to decide if she would make a good sugar mama or you can deal with baggy clothes, no? Link to post Share on other sites
dramafreezone Posted June 2, 2021 Share Posted June 2, 2021 3 minutes ago, SumGuy said: My expereince of the medical profession is it is not easy (especially in the beginning), full of people who are high achievers, and they are so far beyond can do it is not funny. Then to be judged by the clothes one wears, as if all the other aspects of her just are not as impressive as a nice dress and heels. It is like something out of Mad Men...yeah you are a doctor, bright, funny, intelligent, kind, saving lives, feeding men dinner but if you want to attract a man you have to dress nice. Please. It depends on what that guy wants ultimately, but I don't think it's demeaning to her for him to want to be attracted to her beauty. These days a guy isn't allowed to like what he likes without being cast as a bad person. This may sound sexist, misogynistic, but as a man, a romantic's interest's career doesn't add any value in my eyes. If she loves it and it brings her fulfilliment and happiness, it makes her a better person, then great for her, I'm glad that she's doing what she loves. Me? I could take it or leave it, her occupation in of itself does not factor into her desirability to me. Am I physically attracted to her, is she kind, is she agreeable, is she supportive? Those are my non-negotiables. If I were to meet someone making $35k and she had all of those qualities, what more do I need? I have a pretty good career already. It seems like with every passing year men are increasingly shamed for liking and desiring beauty. Now there's this plus-sized movement where we're being told that we have to like that too or we're bad people. I think OP can talk to her to see if she wants to try out glaming up a bit. If not then he has to either accept her as is or not, just like I said in another thread. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted June 5, 2021 Share Posted June 5, 2021 My lady doesn't care round the house , even wears my stuff says it's really comfy . l get a bit sick of it and say something she laughs ahhh, if l looked sexy all the time then l wouldn't look sexy to you anymore would l . Hmmm, ahhhh, l don't know. Upside is among wearing anything round the house , it's often ahhh, shall we say also rather minimal at times too , ummm, very minimal. And she gets a real kick out of driving me a bit crazy with some of the minimal's too , which l dooooo love. So it's not all bad haha. Link to post Share on other sites
MeadowFlower Posted June 5, 2021 Share Posted June 5, 2021 On 6/2/2021 at 1:44 AM, SumGuy said: You don't. She's not a servant meant to satisfy your gaze. That you have the view that she still has a chance if she just dresses more the way you like...is just mind boggling. Are you sure you're a guy lol. I mean that as a compliment. On 6/2/2021 at 2:30 AM, luiscasabuena said: ^^So how do you get sensual with someone who doesn't care about their appearance? By loving her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author luiscasabuena Posted June 5, 2021 Author Share Posted June 5, 2021 We just talked about it two nights ago. I tried to do it lightheartedly, even joked about it. But she got offended and boom we had our very first fight. But after that, we had a heart-to-heart talk and I felt something --- that I actually love her. We didn't talk until the afternoon the next day (which was yesterday)... and we're still talking now at this very moment. I slept late last night, around 2 am, because I was still talking to her. Link to post Share on other sites
MeadowFlower Posted June 5, 2021 Share Posted June 5, 2021 I feel sorry for her. Why should you try and change her. She doesn't deserve that. Perhaps you don't deserve her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 5, 2021 Share Posted June 5, 2021 2 hours ago, luiscasabuena said: , even joked about it. But she got offended and boom we had our very first fight. Telling someone how to dress and making jokes is cruel, particularly when you accept all the dinners she's buying you because you complained about your car payments. Try to fix your sensitivity and empathy issues. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 5, 2021 Share Posted June 5, 2021 3 hours ago, luiscasabuena said: We just talked about it two nights ago. I tried to do it lightheartedly, even joked about it. But she got offended and boom we had our very first fight. But after that, we had a heart-to-heart talk and I felt something --- that I actually love her. We didn't talk until the afternoon the next day (which was yesterday)... and we're still talking now at this very moment. I slept late last night, around 2 am, because I was still talking to her. You may now think you love her, but you just went way down in her estimation big time... She won't forget that in a hurry, no matter how nice/happy she appears to be now. That was a black mark on your slate... Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 5, 2021 Share Posted June 5, 2021 4 minutes ago, elaine567 said: That was a black mark on your slate... Agree. Unfortunately I think you got at least 2 jerk points for that stunt. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted June 5, 2021 Share Posted June 5, 2021 (edited) On 6/2/2021 at 10:58 PM, dramafreezone said: It seems like with every passing year men are increasingly shamed for liking and desiring beauty. Now there's this plus-sized movement where we're being told that we have to like that too or we're bad people. I think OP can talk to her to see if she wants to try out glaming up a bit. If not then he has to either accept her as is or not, just like I said in another thread. My personal take on the subject is that people have their preferences, and that's fine. I'm not gonna demonize anyone, male or female, for being attracted to a certain type of person and dating that person (as long as we're talking about consenting adults). But I have a problem with someone dating a person who doesnt tick their major boxes and then asking that person to change to make them happy. For instance, I'm never gonna be the woman who likes to get glammed up. It's just not going to happen. So if that matters to a man, I would much rather he focused on women who were on the same page as him. I can't speak for the woman OP is "dating", though. Maybe she feels different about the subject. But I think it would be ideal for him to get a sense of why she dresses the way she does before even thinking of doing anything else. I think its respectful to make the effort to understand why people make certain choices as opposed to just walking into their lives and asking them to change. Edited June 5, 2021 by Acacia98 Link to post Share on other sites
dramafreezone Posted June 5, 2021 Share Posted June 5, 2021 5 hours ago, Acacia98 said: My personal take on the subject is that people have their preferences, and that's fine. I'm not gonna demonize anyone, male or female, for being attracted to a certain type of person and dating that person (as long as we're talking about consenting adults). But I have a problem with someone dating a person who doesnt tick their major boxes and then asking that person to change to make them happy. For instance, I'm never gonna be the woman who likes to get glammed up. It's just not going to happen. So if that matters to a man, I would much rather he focused on women who were on the same page as him. I can't speak for the woman OP is "dating", though. Maybe she feels different about the subject. But I think it would be ideal for him to get a sense of why she dresses the way she does before even thinking of doing anything else. I think its respectful to make the effort to understand why people make certain choices as opposed to just walking into their lives and asking them to change. Yes I agree. It's simply a matter of determining if they're even compatible. It's fine if she likes to dress a certain way, and if it's important to the OP that he have a woman that loves to dress a certain way, then obviously this is a deal breaker. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dramafreezone Posted June 5, 2021 Share Posted June 5, 2021 (edited) 9 hours ago, luiscasabuena said: We just talked about it two nights ago. I tried to do it lightheartedly, even joked about it. But she got offended and boom we had our very first fight. But after that, we had a heart-to-heart talk and I felt something --- that I actually love her. We didn't talk until the afternoon the next day (which was yesterday)... and we're still talking now at this very moment. I slept late last night, around 2 am, because I was still talking to her. So there it is. She's not going to be the type to wear dresses and heels. So really no need to dig any further, accept her as is or just move on. But you shouldn't feel bad for wanting what you want. 6 hours ago, MeadowFlower said: I feel sorry for her. Why should you try and change her. She doesn't deserve that. Perhaps you don't deserve her. People in couples frequently try to change each other. Some women frequently try to change the way a guy dresses and I never see this degree of outrage about it, why is this such a huge deal when it's the other way around? It's preferences, we've all done it. My only point to OP is not to belabor the point. If this is a dealbreaker then move on. Edited June 5, 2021 by dramafreezone Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted June 10, 2021 Share Posted June 10, 2021 (edited) Very true , could just hear women banging on about the bf or h that doesn't giva fk how he looks. Have heard it a plenty of times. And they do try to mold their men and dress, all the time. But at the same time yeah it is a tricky one op , is it wrong to ask her to make more effort, l don't know , a woman would ask him . Good news is you can wear what you want or look like a slob too in that case. Edited June 10, 2021 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
Daisydooks Posted June 10, 2021 Share Posted June 10, 2021 On 6/2/2021 at 3:58 PM, dramafreezone said: It depends on what that guy wants ultimately, but I don't think it's demeaning to her for him to want to be attracted to her beauty. These days a guy isn't allowed to like what he likes without being cast as a bad person. This may sound sexist, misogynistic, but as a man, a romantic's interest's career doesn't add any value in my eyes. If she loves it and it brings her fulfilliment and happiness, it makes her a better person, then great for her, I'm glad that she's doing what she loves. Me? I could take it or leave it, her occupation in of itself does not factor into her desirability to me. Am I physically attracted to her, is she kind, is she agreeable, is she supportive? Those are my non-negotiables. If I were to meet someone making $35k and she had all of those qualities, what more do I need? I have a pretty good career already. It seems like with every passing year men are increasingly shamed for liking and desiring beauty. Now there's this plus-sized movement where we're being told that we have to like that too or we're bad people. I think OP can talk to her to see if she wants to try out glaming up a bit. If not then he has to either accept her as is or not, just like I said in another thread. He isnt wrong for wanting what he wants. Its fine that he wants someone who dresses more feminine. Heck, if she had more time, she may dress differently (as seen in some of her other/older pics online - probably when she wasnt doing her residency) but as a resident, she probably doesnt have loads of time and what free time she does have, she has chosen to spend them with him. He is wrong for wanting it from her. Clearly she doesnt want to dress differently, or she would have by now. Not every man feels the way you do, and a lot of men would agree with you. No one is wrong for that. Some men like larger women, some men dont. Some men like heels and glammed up women, some dont. Preferences are completely normal. I have my own. So no judgement there. She would have "glammed up" for their first 6 dates if she had ANY intention to, dont you think? What will chatting about it do other than offend her? Seriously? What will happen by mentioning he isnt attracted to her attire is she will be offended and end it. I think we as people need to accept who people are... and accept who we are. He is within his right to want a girly girl/someone who dresses more feminine. She is well within her rights not to oblige if she doesn't find that comfortable and she doesnt have to conform. Neither of them are bad or wrong for this. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author luiscasabuena Posted June 10, 2021 Author Share Posted June 10, 2021 We're okay now. We're still talking. Actually, if we didn't fight over it, I don't think I'll develop strong feelings for her. Some things have to happen, I guess... Link to post Share on other sites
Author luiscasabuena Posted June 10, 2021 Author Share Posted June 10, 2021 On 6/6/2021 at 12:15 AM, dramafreezone said: So there it is. She's not going to be the type to wear dresses and heels. So really no need to dig any further, accept her as is or just move on. But you shouldn't feel bad for wanting what you want. People in couples frequently try to change each other. Some women frequently try to change the way a guy dresses and I never see this degree of outrage about it, why is this such a huge deal when it's the other way around? It's preferences, we've all done it. My only point to OP is not to belabor the point. If this is a dealbreaker then move on. Some people extend their advocacies to others like crazy. I'd understand if their advocacies have something to do with the rest of the world like environment or mask-wearing but to insist and impose preferences on other people can be suffocating. I wish we'd just let others be and be happy. The world will be a better place if we learn to respect other people's preferences. Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted June 10, 2021 Share Posted June 10, 2021 Show up on the date looking like a slob. When she complains, that's your chance to explain it to her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 11, 2021 Share Posted June 11, 2021 On 6/10/2021 at 6:27 PM, luiscasabuena said: The world will be a better place if we learn to respect other people's preferences. Indeed. Like accepting how others choose to dress... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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