She doesn't care how she looks

[chillii]

5 hours ago, Daisydooks said:

To be honest, you're not going to change a man into some GQ model either... and shouldnt. Haha I mean, sometimes men do need help in this category, and if they ask for it, or share a desire to look more dressy but arent sure what to buy, then sure, help them shop. Otherwise, meh! Dont try to change a truck driver into a GQ model. 

If he is comfortable in what he wears, it sure isnt up to me to change it. My partner usually wears sweats and a t-shirt daily. When he worked outside the home years ago, he would wear nice things and immediately change once home. Once he was "off the clock" he dressed like a 17 year old. If he wanted my opinion, Id give it. If he wanted to change it, Id help him. He likes wearing jeans and metal t-shirts (that are usually/mostly from a decade ago or more in some cases because he doesnt want to get rid of them.) Some are newer since his old ones are torn. Some he has torn the sleeves off because they started to tear. Hahahaha But the reality is, he isnt just going to start wearing dress shirts and dressier pants for me because I find him sexy in them. Of course on occasion, he will dress up as do I if we actually have anywhere to be. Our first date was in sweats! Hahahaha  Heck, during covid he has adopted a "zoom shirt look" wherein he wears a dress shirt with sweats. Super sexy! Hahahaha It doesn't bother me and he isnt here to impress me or dress himself for me. He is comfortable. Most of the time, he looks like he is ready for bed or dresses like a teenager (although his pants are around his waist at all times and always have been.) Its fine. I am still with him many moons later knowing this about him. I have been known to throw out holey socks and undies on him however. Hahahaha No shame in my throw holey stuff out game! 

 

 

Haaa , that one cracks me up . But you know what , he might even like your opinion even if he doesn't ask.

My partner is always messing with stuff l put on , l actually quite like it myself weird. I dunno , it just sort of has such a caring feel to it the way she does it. But then she pulls no punches about anything and again it's usually in a really caring way though , and l absolutely love that too.

She always asks what l think of this or that , most partners do l found.

 

 

 

Edited June 15, 2021 by chillii

[Wiseman2]

A woman with in good shape looks fine in a burlap sack. If you're just not attracted, outfits are not going to make it/break it.

[dramafreezone]

17 hours ago, enigma32 said:

I dunno man, this just seems like a preferences thing to me, and a shallow one at that. When I am not at work, I dress like a bum most of the time, with shorts and a t shirt, my basic gym outfits. It's what I feel comfortable wearing. I will admit that I do tend to be attracted to women who dress a bit more femine though, so I kinda get where you are coming from. In the grand scheme of things though, how much does this really matter? By the time you have been with someone for a good while, they aren't going to be wearing sexy dresses and high heels at home while you lay around and watch movies together, they're gonna be wearing old leggings and probably one of your t shirts. If you aren't attracted to her when she's dressed down, you won't be attracted to her in the long haul because you're gonna see her like that much more often than not. 

Early romance is built on shallowness until you get to know the person.

If this matters to him, then it's an indication that there's just not enough of the other positive qualities to cover the deficit.

He's probably missing sexual presence with her.  Sexual presence is as much a mindset as anything else, so maybe he's just trying to manufacture something that isn't there.

[Daisydooks]

16 hours ago, chillii said:

 

 

Haaa , that one cracks me up . But you know what , he might even like your opinion even if he doesn't ask.

My partner is always messing with stuff l put on , l actually quite like it myself weird. I dunno , it just sort of has such a caring feel to it the way she does it. But then she pulls no punches about anything and again it's usually in a really caring way though , and l absolutely love that too.

She always asks what l think of this or that , most partners do l found.

 

 

 

Oh he will ask, as do I. If we actually have somewhere nice to be, we dress up and help one another pick things out and match things. Hr recently had to record a video for work and asked me what tie would work best with the shirt he'd chosen. He had 2 ties that would have gone with the shirt, but ultimately, he looked much better without a tie at all, so we went for option 3 - no tie. He still wore pajama pants for his video as no one could see the bottom half. We have named this the "covid look." I hope it dies when covid does. Hahahaha

I cant say we have ever been so off kilter that we show up to anything dressed completely differently from one another (like OP and his new date.) If its a sweat pants and tshirt kind of thing, typically we are both dressed similarly or if it is a dressier event/outing, we tend to both look the part and look like we came together, unlike OP where he seems to be dressing to impress and she seems to be dressing so as not to. Hahaha I will go back to my first comment however, and in that, I feel as though what little time she does have, she is spending it with OP, and probably not overly concerned with her attire during her residency. If what she wears bothers him, perhaps she just doesnt care about his opinion? Perhaps she doesnt have the time? She obviously has nicer clothing as she has taken pics in nicer clothing so she owns it, but maybe she is just at  a point wear she doesnt care to impress someone with dressing up. I can't blame her. I dont do heels and rarely wear anything other than mascara because my eyelashes are blonde. If that bothered someone I was dating and he said something about dressing up in heels and make up, Id probably end it if it was a problem. Id rather be single. Serious answer. Id tell him Im not the woman for him and he should go find her. 

Most recently, I was surprised with 2 new bathing suits my partner ordered for me. I am TERRIBLE at picking bathing suits. He did such an amazing job. Truly. He even thought to get me a little wrap thing that goes around my bottom half just in case I didnt want my butt out! Hahahaha We do help one another, but neither of us is overly dressy ever, or overly concerned about it ever. Naked, he is damn sexy to me and vice versa. He could be wearing a burlap sac and Id be fine with it. Hahahahaha Even in his dress shirt and pajama pants the other day for his video, he was the most attractive man Id ever met. Hahahahaha 

[Els]

On 6/2/2021 at 1:02 AM, luiscasabuena said:

Then, she's financially stable (this sorts of act like a stamp from my parents, not from myself lol - please understand that we live in a 3rd world country so money is still quite an issue at least for my parents...)

 

 

 OP is clearly not attracted to her and probably never will be even if she spent $1000 on a new wardrobe (in fact, that might somewhat negate the "parental seal of approval").

He just needs to decide whether he wants attraction in his relationship (whatever that means to him), or if he wants a practical one that ticks all the boxes and gets the "parental seal of approval". Realistically speaking, as an average dude in a 3rd world country with somewhat overbearing parents who seem to want him to date above his own economic status, he isn't likely to get both. It's incredibly uncommon as it is to find a woman in Asia (his posts seem to indicate the Philippines) who's willing to pay for all the dates.

Edited June 17, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
civility

[chillii]

Actually l think he said he was very much so and l suppose he wouldn't even be wasting his time if he wasn't, but the clothes turned him off.

[Els]

9 hours ago, chillii said:

Actually l think he said he was very much so and l suppose he wouldn't even be wasting his time if he wasn't, but the clothes turned him off.

No, he literally said: "but she's super smart. i think i can look past her looks but honestly it's very hard to transition to sensual levels when the girl simply doesn't look visually appealing."

Let's be honest, if the genders were reversed and the OP was a woman dating a paediatrician who paid for every single date, while simultaneously wondering if she can "look past his looks" and whining about how he wasn't visually appealing to her... you lot would be calling her a gold-digger and calling him a "chump" or a "simp".

[salparadise]

Ask her out to a symphony or something where dressing up is absolutely appropriate. Don’t mention attire, just let her decide. If she shows up in baggy pants and a sweatshirt at least you’ll know what not to expect, ever. But if she breaks out the little black dress and heels, then you know she’s able—and willing—to dress appropriately when it’s called for. If it’s the latter you just need to adjust your expectations. If the former, you’ll know that she’s probably rebelling against the notion that women must look a certain way to conform. 
I do think you have a fundamental mismatch between what you expect and what she prefers. Personally, I wouldn’t mind at all given that she’s smart, your personalities mesh, and she believes in holding up her end… but that’s me, and I don’t have the same type of hot-woman fantasies that seem to be at the top of your agenda. I believe you have to accept people for exactly who they are, and there will always be compromises. 

[LivingWaterPlease]

Why don't you compliment her on her OLD photos you said were more glammed up? Maybe ask her when she likes to dress like that. Tell her you find it really attractive but, of course, you wouldn't expect her to dress like that all the time. That you're just wondering if that's something in her past or if she likes to dress like that sometimes now?

Express to her that you like (love?) her the way she is and find her so interesting and beautiful just as she is. But, that the way she dressed in her OLD photos is exciting to you and it would be fun to see her like that sometimes IF she enjoys dressing that way, too.

If she expresses she doesn't like to dress that way, just did it for the photos, I think you should break off the R because attraction is a big part of a R.  Especially in the long term it can contribute to attraction when things are feeling mundane or routine after many years together.

I dated a guy who only wore blue jeans. Ever.  It was OK for a year but I wouldn't want to be with someone who dressed like that forever and ever. But, that was who he was. So he wasn't the one for me. I don't believe I'd have asked him to dress differently. In fact, I don't believe I'd ever ask that of anyone. I'd just choose someone who dresses in a way I find attractive. And I do have preferences.

[chillii]

14 hours ago, Elswyth said:

No, he literally said: "but she's super smart. i think i can look past her looks but honestly it's very hard to transition to sensual levels when the girl simply doesn't look visually appealing."

Let's be honest, if the genders were reversed and the OP was a woman dating a paediatrician who paid for every single date, while simultaneously wondering if she can "look past his looks" and whining about how he wasn't visually appealing to her... you lot would be calling her a gold-digger and calling him a "chump" or a "simp".

Ahh , your right yeah think l was mixing it up with one of his others.

[luiscasabuena]

People have misconstrued me and it's all over the posts. I didn't say this is a non-negotiable requirement for me, just preferences. And I actually think she's attractive but like all other people would not look visually appealing all the time. It's just that, she doesn't put any effort to her looks when we're together, which happened about 5-6 times already. 

I already asked her about this and tried to see if there will be a change. Well, it produced our very first fight. However, it was the very same fight that solidified my feelings for her. We still talk today and we're even more comfortable with each other than ever before.

In fact, I'm already planning to enter in a relationship with her. I think I'm already emotionally-prepared.

[d0nnivain]

I like the suggestion by @salparadise  Ask her on a date to a venue where dressing up is required.  The suggestion to compliment her on her Tinder photo that you liked is a good one.  Ask whatever happened to that dress & suggestion you would like to see it live in person rather than on a photo.  You may also want to consider giving her a dress you would like to see her wear as a present, assuming there is an occasion for gift giving coming up.  

Do realize that while she's a resident, she is exhausted.  She may not have the time or energy to dress up at this stage of her career.  If everything else about her is good don't push this superficial issue about clothes.