Dilemma

[BaileyB]

This is difficult to read. 

I’m going to go camping for days with a woman who I know to be married with children - but I’m not going to have an honest discussion with her about her marriage, my expectations, or what we are doing together. And, this is not a problem because I believe her to be “unhappy” in her marriage. 

This is not a problem if you both have the consent of your spouses. Perhaps you should have a discussion with her husband to confirm her availability to go camping... No doubt, he will set you right. 

[BaileyB]

On 6/6/2021 at 7:06 AM, JohnnyF said:

If she is happily-married and this is just a platonic relationship for her

Married women do not generally have platonic relationships with other men.
Not many husbands would be ok with this. And not many women would do it, out of respect for their husband. 

On 6/6/2021 at 7:06 AM, JohnnyF said:

This would be an ideal situation for us both since we both are unwilling to change our current lives but could enjoy a special relationship outside the home. It's not just about sex. It's also about maintaining a friendship with someone with whom I share interests.

Again, consider this from the perspective other than your own. How do you think her husband will feel about the fact that his wife maintains a “special relationship” with another man? This isn’t about common interests - you want a “special relationship” with this woman. You are looking for a friend, a partner, if she is interested - a lover. You are looking to date this woman and again - her husband is likely to have a problem with that. 

You are living in fantasy land here - 

[BaileyB]

On 6/4/2021 at 10:30 AM, JohnnyF said:

If in fact they are sort of separated but living together for the sake of their kids, then he wouldn't care who she's going with. She did tell me once that she had no clue what he was doing that morning. Like I said, there are subtle things she's said and the way she's said them that make me suspect they're not happily married.

 

On 6/6/2021 at 7:06 AM, JohnnyF said:

Either she's lied and told him she's going with a female friend or they have some sort of arrangement (for the sake of their kids) and are not in a happy relationship. Perhaps they each have their turn at caring for their kids when one wants a vacation with someone else (their kids are very early and late teens so they're not that high maintenance). Again, I base that on subtle things she's said and how she's said them.

You make a lot of assumptions and do a lot of projecting. 

There is no direct line between “she is unhappy in her marriage” and “they live separate lives and he won’t mind caring for the children while she vacations with another man - in fact, he he wouldn’t care who she vacations with.” That’s a huge assumption to make. 

What do we know for sure - if she is unhappy in her marriage, that does not give her a license to cheat on her spouse. And you are not justified in pursing a relationship with this woman because you “suspect” that this woman is unhappy in her marriage. You are most notably on shaky ground given the fact that you haven’t had an honest discussion with the woman and you are basing these judgments on “subtle things” she has said and how she has said them...

Her lack of boundaries has enabled you to create a whole story in your mind about her marriage and the possibility of a relationship with this woman - none of which you actually know to be true and real. 

Edited June 7, 2021 by BaileyB

[Amethyst68]

I'm curious if you've discussed this prospective relationship with your wife and been honest with her about the potential mess that could end up happening if you start an affair with a married woman with children because at the end of the day that's what this would be....