Found out the reason I have been bitter in dating

[Emilyinroses]

Hi everyone. I recently posted here on this forum about my dating experiences and a few people mentioned I sounded bitter and that can come across to men.

I agree that I did feel bitter and have been sarcastic, rigid and even rude sometimes to guys online.

I have been trying to find out why and this week it just clicked. Somehow I am trying to solve things that weren’t solved with my ex.

Long story short, I had an on-off 1 year relationship with a guy nearly 2 years ago, before we ended completely he asked me to marry him and we both wanted for things to work.

Then one day we had an argument because I was sick with a bacterial infection, asked him for space to be on my own, he got insecure and angry and ended things with me on the spot, taking all his stuff from my house (he was moving there). 1 month later he was in a relationship with another woman and 3 months later he married her. 

I was left devastated but somehow knew we weren’t compatible. But I did feel heartbroken for many months and even recently I wanted to date again and find someone new but am always sarcastic and bitter to men.

Last week I was told my ex got divorced and  right after the divorce he was quickly into a new relationship again. That’s when I realised two things:

- He clearly has a co-dependency and insecurity issue because he jumps from relationship to relationship (he is the kind of person who finds his soulmate several times per year), and so what he did to me was not personal.

- I have been acting like all men are to blame for what happened with him, like they owe me what he didn’t give me. And that is an absurd.

I feel like a weight was taken off my shoulders. Like the bitterness is gone now and I can just calm down.

Any advice on how to make dating fun again? Thank you!

Edited June 2, 2021 by Emilyinroses

[mark clemson]

I'm not an expert, but going in with a positive attitude as you are now will no doubt help. Keep your expectations reasonable, from what I read here you'll likely have to kiss (or at least go on a date with) a lot of frogs. Make it fun by doing things you enjoy and trying to enjoy the other person's company while respecting yourself.

My two cents.

[dramafreezone]

On 6/2/2021 at 3:09 PM, Emilyinroses said:

 

- I have been acting like all men are to blame for what happened with him, like they owe me what he didn’t give me. And that is an absurd.

I feel like a weight was taken off my shoulders. Like the bitterness is gone now and I can just calm down.

Any advice on how to make dating fun again? Thank you!

Well, what do you want out of dating?  It's not all about fun, it is partly a job when you're looking for something long term.  This is more the case as we get older and older.  It's fine to just wing it in our 20s but that's just not as practical as we get older.

If you accept that this is partly a job that you have to approach with purpose, then you need to go to therapy and get yourself fixed.  If you don't take yourself seriously, it will show up in your results that you're not taking this as seriously as you should be.

Then like we discussed before, define the man that you want to be with long term.  How old is he, how much does he make, what is his status in life?  Then befriend women that are with these type of men and become their apprentice.

Once you're prepared, dating can be a lot of fun.  The preparation won't be all that fun, but it's necessary to acheive the best results.

[Foxhall]

On 6/2/2021 at 11:09 PM, Emilyinroses said:

feel like a weight was taken off my shoulders. Like the bitterness is gone now and I can just calm down.

Any advice on how to make dating fun again? Thank you!

Good to get to a feeling of calm,

take it steady and try to maintain the calm outlook,

once you date again, no need to jump in too quickly, go with the flow and keep your sense of self.

[Alpacalia]

Rejection stings. It's like rubbing sandpaper on a boo-boo.

Some suggest that dating is an opportunity to learn more about yourself while also having fun meeting new people.

Others speculate that it’s kind of a pain in the tuchus.

PS. Glad to hear you’re feeling a bit more optimistic!

[Fletch Lives]

You've made great strides realizing the reason you are down.

 

It takes time to get over a past relationship. Eventually your positive attitude will come back.