Newbie101 Posted June 3, 2021 Share Posted June 3, 2021 I'm struggling with my husband of 2 years. We've been together almost 8 yeah altogether. Recently we're fighting a lot, like within the last week every day. We make up but then we fight again about something different. Sometimes I feel like we speak a different language altogether, like something I say will set him off and he'll read into it something so significant and I'm like "what". I won't go into specifics but he gets violent in the house. He punched a door the other day and it split and other times he just tells and calls me hurtful things. He's never raised a hand to me but its a stressful environment. I don't know what to do. I mentioned therapy to him one time but he refuses to do it. I feel a bit lost. I often just apologise to try and resolve things and move on but at the moment we're friends for a few hours then a fight starts again. Tonight he's in the spare room. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 3, 2021 Share Posted June 3, 2021 (edited) 12 minutes ago, Newbie101 said: He punched a door the other day and it split and other times he just tells and calls me hurtful things. He's never raised a hand to me but its a stressful environment. He's never raised a hand to you...yet. You need to leave asap. Abusers do not change. Do not go to join therapy with an abuser. It's a dog and pony show and opportunity for more crazy-making The double speak is to generate chaos and keep you off balance. The show of force/anger is for the same purpose and to intimidate you, keep you in line walking on eggs. It's all about control, like you would whip a slave just to keep them down and lord over them. It's all calculated to harm and hurt you. he enjoys it. it makes him feel powerful Run, as fast as you can .👟👟 Stop telling him your thoughts or feelings, that's loading the gun he'll use on you. Talk only to trusted friends, family a therapist and an attorney. Be very honest. Do not minimize or protect. Do not tell him you're leaving. Do not threaten divorce. Just take care of it all behind the scenes and then just disappear and serve the divorce papers. Edited June 3, 2021 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
Caauug Posted June 5, 2021 Share Posted June 5, 2021 Get him to see his doctor for a check up, and blood work. He could have a medical problem causing this. Speak with his doctor before hand if you can to voice your concerns. It could be a chemical or hormone imbalance that could be easily treated with implant or medication. Link to post Share on other sites
Dolfin80 Posted June 5, 2021 Share Posted June 5, 2021 Has he just turned into an abuser or has he always treated you like this? Link to post Share on other sites
Lola Posted June 6, 2021 Share Posted June 6, 2021 It’s a shame he doesn’t want help. It would be the best option. When things are going bad in my relation we have Hollidays. Time for ourselves. Even if it’s a town close to home, but just a romantic weekend, far from work, stress and any worries. We come back feeling better and it’s like a new beginning. But if it doesn’t work and he doesn’t want professional help I think it’s time to move on. We deserve to have peace and it sounds like you are living a nightmare. You can see a psychologist yourself and make your well-being a priority. Good luck!!!🥰 Link to post Share on other sites
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