HadMeOverABarrel Posted June 11, 2021 Share Posted June 11, 2021 Also, it is absolutely imperative that you love yourself at least as much as you love him. So ask yourself: are you sacrificing yourself for him? for his timeline/needs/desires? Healthy relationships are balanced. Are you giving more to him than you're giving to yourself? That is not sustainable for long--it will leave you exhausted and ultimately broken. What is this costing you? Aren't you paying a 'dollar today in HOPES (no guarantee) of two dollars tomorrow?' You really need to get real with yourself about what this is costing you. Write it all down so you can see it in front of you. Everything on that list is being gambled for a 'MAYBE SOMEDAY' -OR- YOU CAN TAKE CONTROL TODAY of your life save your future. All it takes is for you to DECIDE you are worth more than a 'maybe someday.' Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostinLove2 Posted June 11, 2021 Author Share Posted June 11, 2021 11 minutes ago, HadMeOverABarrel said: If you don't mind my two cents... Think about it. Think what would make you feel the most empowered, and the best about yourself, and then take action. You’re right. It’s probably just best to rip the bandaid off. I think I’m most afraid that if I walk away and tell him to find me when he’s finally free that it will be easily forgotten what was built and one of us will have moved on. I guess I’m guilty of being afraid I jumped ship too early. I’m guessing most here felt that way, but it might be best to just move on. Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted June 11, 2021 Share Posted June 11, 2021 Just now, LostinLove2 said: You’re right. It’s probably just best to rip the bandaid off. I think I’m most afraid that if I walk away and tell him to find me when he’s finally free that it will be easily forgotten what was built and one of us will have moved on. I guess I’m guilty of being afraid I jumped ship too early. I’m guessing most here felt that way, but it might be best to just move on. If you turn out to be so easily forgettable to him, he never deserved you in the first place. Also be wary of the sunk cost fallacy--like pulling a slot machine lever thinking the big win is just around the corner...meanwhile you lose more...and more...and more...and.... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 11, 2021 Share Posted June 11, 2021 5 hours ago, LostinLove2 said: I feel like as time moves on, the more impatient I am getting and it’s leading to constant bickering. The question is: how is bickering and listening to the typical cheater lines adding any quality or happiness to your life? At some level you know it's all BS, no? You are simply enjoying the drama and gamble. Will he? Will I beat the odds? Your situation is like people squandering their life savings on a slot machine. Thrills and chills that will leave you (emotionally) bankrupt in the long run. Link to post Share on other sites
Birdies Posted June 11, 2021 Share Posted June 11, 2021 (edited) 13 hours ago, LostinLove2 said: This does give me some hope that it could actually work, as rare as it sounds. While it may be a line, he keeps telling me to be patient. I don’t know if this is to hold me off or to get his ducks in a row. I’m hoping for ducks. lol. Did you find yourselves having petty arguments during that year or all bliss? I feel like as time moves on, the more impatient I am getting and it’s leading to constant bickering. No, we didn't really bicker. It wasn't bliss either, it was a lot of trauma for everyone involved. It was clear he was getting divorced (as he should - his marriage was a disaster with a very unstable wife), whereas my exH and I were taking some time to try to decide what we were going to do. He didn't pressure me, and we tried to take time apart to figure our own $hit out. After a few months it became clear that we were both getting divorced, and then we supported each other through that tough process. It's a lot harder of a situation when there is an uneven dynamic, like what you have. Where one of you is waiting on / pressuring the other. That's one of many reasons why I think you should take back your power, cut him off, and see what happens. Or tell him he can update you on his divorce proceedings and that's it, then see what happens. Edited June 11, 2021 by Birdies 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts