Should I tell his wife?

[Vaday007]

I miss him so much. I miss his love. I miss the time we spent together.  I found out he is still married and lied to me. 

And now he moved on to someone else.

[Vaday007]

Okay. I found out he is married. I broke up with him. Now I found out he moved on to a new woman. It is making me angry.

I have been telling mean things to him. In the end he made it look like the problem is me. He is my first love and it is driving me crazy because on the other side, I want his love back and on the other,  I want to hurt him and the new girl.

 

I wanted to tell his wife. I am afraid it will not change anything cuz she may already have a hunch that he's doing something and she may not believe me.

I am planning to tell her everything and even send her the intimate pictures he sent me.

For days I only wanted revenge.

[mark clemson]

May your decision, either way it goes, bring you all the happiness you deserve!

[Vaday007]

I have been having suicidal thoughts because of it. When he found out about it, He told me he never realized how ugly I can be even though he has been telling the truth and that is a character he will never want to be around

[mark clemson]

There are hotlines for that. You should call one AND contact a professional therapist. This board is no substitute for that and if you're even remotely having serious thoughts about that you need better help than can be given here.

Edited June 6, 2021 by mark clemson

[Luna66star]

Were there not any red flags that something was amiss during the relationship?  Not sleeping over, no weekends, not meeting his family, hiding phone, etc.

Did you have a gut feeling something was off with him? They are very good actors but usually something doesn't add up at one point.

 

 

[Vaday007]

6 minutes ago, Luna66star said:

Were there not any red flags that something was amiss during the relationship?  Not sleeping over, no weekends, not meeting his family, hiding phone, etc.

Did you have a gut feeling something was off with him? They are very good actors but usually something doesn't add up at one point.

 

 

There were no signs. But I did have this feeling that something was off. Like even though he is giving me so much time, I always feel like there's someone else. I was never able to find him on Facebook. 

 

Later on, around Christmas I couldn't see him and he didn't even let me have a video call on him so I started to think there is someone new I decided to check on facebook and click photos there I saw pictures of him. It turned out he blocked me on his Facebook that's why I can never see him. So I made new Facebook account and that's where I saw his wife's as well.

I broke up with him but he insisted they are separated,  she live in his house because they didn't want to divorce yet before they retire.

And upon my investigation the new girl is actually his coworker. 

[BaileyB]

If I was you, I would steer far and wide.

I would thank my lucky stars every day that I discovered the truth and got away from the man. 

[Vaday007]

It hurts so much. I want to move on asap and forget about him. Right now though I am burning with hate, I wanted to tell his wife, not sure if it's a good idea.

[Vaday007]

If your husband who has been nothing but good to you, perfect in almost every way, reliable and sweet - turns out to be cheating- would you rather know about it or not?

 

Would you rather stay ignorant about it? Or wi you appreciate if someone told you about it?

[BaileyB]

How long did you date the man?

[BaileyB]

I would want to know. 

But if I may, the way that you ask this question is not fair. You have already said in your other thread that you want revenge. You would be telling his wife because you are angry and you want revenge, and that you should not do. 

And if I may, a husband is not good, perfect in almost every way, reliable and sweet if he is cheating - with multiple women. 

Edited June 6, 2021 by BaileyB

[Bonifidelifelover]

Get help & don’t tell her, ur wasting ur energy & breathe trust me

[Vaday007]

12 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

I would want to know. 

But if I may, the way that you ask this question is not fair. You have already said in your other thread that you want revenge. You would be telling his wife because you are angry and you want revenge, and that you should not do. 

And if I may, a husband is not good, perfect in almost every way, reliable and sweet if he is cheating - with multiple women. 

Yes.  I so wanted to tell her to get revenge on her husband. But I am not sure if the wife will want to know about these things...

[BaileyB]

5 minutes ago, Vaday007 said:

Yes.  I so wanted to tell her to get revenge on her husband. But I am not sure if the wife will want to know about these things...

How do you feel about possibly hurting his wife in your attempt to seek revenge on the man that hurt you? 

In my opinion, it’s all about intention. Your intention is not good. I think you will find that it won’t bring you the satisfaction that you seek. Your best revenge is to walk away and live a good life. Keep your dignity. Leave this man to his own dysfunction. 

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Vaday007 said:

I have been having suicidal thoughts 

Ok. The best thing you can do is contact a suicide hotline and talk to someone about what's going on. They'll listen and help direct you to the right mental health care.

Becoming a Fatal Attraction case won't solve anything. You may cause some drama, but they'll all write you off.

[vdsry]

6 hours ago, Vaday007 said:

Okay. I found out he is married. I broke up with him. Now I found out he moved on to a new woman. It is making me angry.

I have been telling mean things to him. In the end he made it look like the problem is me. He is my first love and it is driving me crazy because on the other side, I want his love back and on the other,  I want to hurt him and the new girl.

 

I wanted to tell his wife. I am afraid it will not change anything cuz she may already have a hunch that he's doing something and she may not believe me.

I am planning to tell her everything and even send her the intimate pictures he sent me.

For days I only wanted revenge.

Don’t do it… 

Read my thread.

just don’t do it… it’s not worth it. 
learn from my mistakes.

[NYAG]

9 hours ago, Vaday007 said:

Okay. I found out he is married. I broke up with him. Now I found out he moved on to a new woman. It is making me angry.

I have been telling mean things to him. In the end he made it look like the problem is me. He is my first love and it is driving me crazy because on the other side, I want his love back and on the other,  I want to hurt him and the new girl.

 

I wanted to tell his wife. I am afraid it will not change anything cuz she may already have a hunch that he's doing something and she may not believe me.

I am planning to tell her everything and even send her the intimate pictures he sent me.

For days I only wanted revenge.

Revenge is a waste of energy. You will not feel better for it.

[Taramere]

10 hours ago, Vaday007 said:

If your husband who has been nothing but good to you, perfect in almost every way, reliable and sweet - turns out to be cheating- would you rather know about it or not?

 

Would you rather stay ignorant about it? Or wi you appreciate if someone told you about it?

The last person I'd want to hear about it from would be the woman he'd been cheating with.  Particularly if she was in a state of high anger and out for blood.  Even if, on balance and in the long term, it would be better for his wife if she knew about his cheating, no good can come from as highly charged, aggressive and vengeful a scenario as that.

You're at a crossroads here.  One route will take you further down a path of feeling filled with hatred, vengeance and liable to dive into furious confrontations that might give you a brief angry rush but that will bring nothing positive into your life.  The other route will take you down a path of healing, where you start to make better decisions and where you'll be less likely to attract married men looking for some side action and more likely to attract a decent man.  If you'd rather take that route to healing, start with making a telephone call to a helpline which will hopefully help to calm you down and veer you away from these suicidal thoughts.

As bad as a situation like this is, it's also an opportunity for you to learn important things about yourself, how you handle yourself in an emotional crisis and what you need to do to make better choices in the future.  This is a very unhappy situation, and no doubt horrible comments have been exchanged between you and your ex MM...but the situation, the things he said and the way you're feeling right now doesn't need to define who you are.  I see your post was written some hours ago.  Are you still having thoughts of suicide?  Have you contacted any helplines?

[LostinLove2]

On 6/5/2021 at 10:10 AM, Vaday007 said:

I miss him so much. I miss his love. I miss the time we spent together.  I found out he is still married and lied to me. 

And now he moved on to someone else.

I don’t ever think it is a good idea to tell the wife. It’s not her fault her husband is scum. She is the victim in all of this. It’s very sad that he did this to you, but he’s the one to blame, not his wife. You are only punishing her, not him. 
 

I’m sorry that he lied to you, but now is the time for you to move on and find someone special. He’s not the one. 

[usa1ah]

11 hours ago, Vaday007 said:

If your husband who has been nothing but good to you, perfect in almost every way, reliable and sweet - turns out to be cheating- would you rather know about it or not?

 

Would you rather stay ignorant about it? Or wi you appreciate if someone told you about it?

Your only reason for doing so is for spite.

 

It has nothing to do with you having her best interest at heart. All you want to do is hurt him as much as you can. It doesn’t matter who you bring down with him. 
 

You will only look like a fool if they really are separated. They both might be dating other people. 

[MsJayne]

18 hours ago, Vaday007 said:

Yes.  I so wanted to tell her to get revenge on her husband. But I am not sure if the wife will want to know about these things...

There's a good chance she already knows she's married to a lowlife, because she's his wife and she knows him far better than you do. How would you feel if you contacted her and blabbed about your fling with him, and she just laughed at you and told you that you're the latest in a string of sordid affairs he's had? You would be left feeling even worse than you do now. She's taken enough punishment in life, she's married to someone who doesn't really love her, so you should leave her out of it.  Him, however.....if his modus operandi is lying to women in order to manipulate them into having cheap flings with him, there's no crime in warning other women, but don't do it out of spite and bitterness, you do it because you don't want other people to be hurt as you have been. You obviously feel you've been emotionally raped, and that's perfectly understandable, so perhaps a bit of counselling so you can vent your rage safely? 

[basil67]

9 hours ago, Taramere said:

The last person I'd want to hear about it from would be the woman he'd been cheating with.  Particularly if she was in a state of high anger and out for blood.  Even if, on balance and in the long term, it would be better for his wife if she knew about his cheating, no good can come from as highly charged, aggressive and vengeful a scenario as that

Conversely, the OP might turn up using careful wording and have the wife rip her to shreds.  The risk of volatility in delivering such information is high from either direction