softball88 Posted June 7, 2021 Share Posted June 7, 2021 (edited) I'm friends with this guy and he noticed I was down in the dumps when he came to my place. We talked about my situation and everything. Then out of nowhere he says.. "I love you". I reminded him that we kept things strict and not get attached. He proceeded to tell me he loves me and that he doesn't know what that means long term but that he loves me. To change the subject, I asked him what he wanted to talk about. And he said.. "But I just said I love you". Wth? And tells me his mom knows about me. Not to mention, asked me to be his girlfriend. I never answered him and he told me to sleep on it. I couldn't answer because I felt like he should talk to me about this stuff when he's sober. He's an alcoholic. And I know he drank before he came over. It's been 2 days and haven't heard from him since. He hasn't told me he loves me or anything since. All of this annoys me more than anything. It's like that night never happened. My question is, why do alcoholics do this? Why do they tell you they love you and ask you to be their girlfriend then the next day they don't bother contacting you? The worst part is, he knows I fell in love with him and he made it clear that we wouldn't work out. So hearing all of that just made me feel so much worse. Edited June 7, 2021 by softball88 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 7, 2021 Share Posted June 7, 2021 (edited) His alcoholism isn't the reason he didn't raise the topic again. Rather, he didn't raise the topic again because you shut him right down and made it clear there would be no future between you. Only a glutton for punishment would risk opening up to you about love again. If you want to talk about this, you will have to be the one to raise the conversation. Edited June 7, 2021 by basil67 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 7, 2021 Share Posted June 7, 2021 2 hours ago, softball88 said: . He's an alcoholic. Unfortunately he's not really your platonic male-girlfriend. He's just orbiting until he gets in your pants. That's the only reason he came over to "comfort" you and fed you all those lines. On another note, don't try to decipher drunken behaviors. Also it would be best to distance yourself from this man. He seems like a headache you don't need. He's a rotten friend and would make an even worse BF. The best way to understand your involvement with alcoholics is to check out Al-Anon (support for people involved with alcoholics) to see what going on with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author softball88 Posted June 7, 2021 Author Share Posted June 7, 2021 (edited) I guess I should add that we don't have alot of sex so I know that's not his motive to be here. It's mostly just snuggling and that's it. And I didn't technically shut him down. Sometime ago, he's the one who shut me down. And we had a talk about what I'm going through and that's when he told me he loves me and asked me to be his girlfriend. But he hasn't talked to me since that night. But it's not unusual that we go 2-4 days without talking before he texts me again. When I distance myself or if I'm short with him, he starts to worry about me. But when I don't, he's fine. I am in an alanon support group but doesn't really help much. Edited June 7, 2021 by softball88 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 7, 2021 Share Posted June 7, 2021 (edited) You deflected a declaration of love - this is totally shutting him down. That he may have shut you down in the past is irrelevant to where you are now. But let's turn it around and approach this from an different angle: What outcome do you want with him? It sounds to me like you haven't figured that out yet. And why does al-anon not help much? Is it that you don't want to hear what they are saying? Edited June 7, 2021 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
Author softball88 Posted June 8, 2021 Author Share Posted June 8, 2021 Basil67 that's not at all the reason why Alanon doesn't help. I'm well aware whats going on and what I should and shouldn't do. But I can't help it. I love the guy. And we all know what that can do to us. I honestly don't know why it doesn't help. It just doesn't make any difference to me. But maybe I did shut him down. He also wasn't in his right state of mind and I wanted him to tell me this while sober but I haven't heard from him since Friday night. So I doubt he meant it. I texted him and I told him I don't want to talk to him anymore unless he is sober. He said he understands. That was that. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 8, 2021 Share Posted June 8, 2021 23 hours ago, softball88 said: I guess I should add that we don't have alot of sex so I know that's not his motive to be here. I am in an alanon support group but doesn't really help much. If you enjoy this on/off FWB situationship, then al-anon is not going to help. Are you there because other friends/family are problem drinkers? Link to post Share on other sites
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