I need help. I destroyed my bestfriends life after sleeping with her husband

[NinaRinna]

I really need help, and advice I'm in a scary situation and dangerous situation. It's all my fault. I know I'm a monster. But please hear me out. For 3 Months I had an affair with my best friends husband. For him it was purely sexual and he broke it off. But we decided to meet up and my husband found out, and caught is leaving our Hotel. My husband is a Police Officer. He is very abusive towards me verbally and sometimes physically. That doesn't excuse what I did to my best friend. Well.

Of course everything came to light. My best friend is or WAS pregnant only 4 months. She had only told me. Not even her husband knew because they suffered a terrible miscarriage last year. It was going to be a big surprise when she was five months. But it never happened because when she found out about the affair she was devastated, heartbroken.

She was so in love with her husband and they had a good marriage. I know he loves her. I ruined everything. I seduced him. I was jealous of what they had. My marriage was terrible. My husband kicked me out of the house. But not before giving me 6 stitches in my head. He pushed me down the stairs. My best friend told her husband she wanted him out so he moved in with his brother for a while. I sent him text and he told me she wanted a divorce. He was so heartbroken and ashamed.

I wanted to tell him about the baby but. I know it's not my place. I felt like a monster and I needed to make sure my best friend was ok. Friends were furious with me, but we're saying she was so thin and not eating and everyone was concerned. One evening I needed to return home to retrieve some things. My husband was in the back yard with his buddies. One of which is a fellow officer. I heard them talking about me and my affair partner. They were drunk. Saying TERRIBLE things.

My husband said he blames my best friend for not being woman enough to keep her husband satisfied so he starting f***ing me. He said he got even. He said if that MF bangs my wife. I Raped the s*** out of his. And I dare the the b**** to say anything. I'll have her arrested and locked up on charges she didn't even do. My husband is a powerful cop. He has been in trouble a lot. He's shady and he has been suspended for harassing people and he's just not a good cop. He's on a force that are full of guys like him. But I have been powerless. I'm scared of him. Many people are.

Anyway. I found a bag of clothes in a evidence bag. It was a white bra, and white panties, a Heather grey tee. Blood splatter. It was in his closet. I recognize the tee. It's my best friends tee. She wore it all the time. It's a old university tee. I felt sick. I had not see my BF around the neighborhood. Her car wasn't parked at her house.

I sent my AP a text and asked if he had spoken with her. He said he had been calling her but she's blocked him or not responding. He had went to their house but assumed she was at work. I took the bag. Put it in my cars trunk. I returned to the house two days ago and my husband has scratch marks on his neck! His knuckles are busted up. He said he had a scuffle with a crackhead and I need to mind my business and get the f*** out of his house. I hate him so much...

I called my AP and asked him to meet me. Not for sex, but I wanted him to see the shirt in the bag. I decided to take a chance and just drop by my BF house. I was concerned about her and her baby. I had not heard from her or anything. She was there! She was all beaten up. Her face was black and blue. Her mouth busted. Deep purple bruises on her arms she showed me her stomach, back and sides and she appears to have been dragged. She was in pain. She said she lost the baby. That she was hit by a car while cycling. I asked if she sought treatment. She said NO!!!!  I asked her if her husband knew. She said No!! She got really upset. Saying that she's fine.it looks worse than it is. After talking a bit longer. She confessed to me that she was sexually assaulted and beaten. She was running at night. She was raped.

We live in an area which is not safe. But I know my BF I know that she's lying. She's hiding something. I believe my husband hurt her. To get revenge on her husband. He's evil. He is spiteful. I heard his drunk conversation and I know it's her shirt in the bag. I told her husband. I want to report this. But. [ ] The Blue Backs their own. My husband has rank. He will not hesitate to harm me. Especially since I have been sleeping with another man.

I feel sick for what I did. My cheating caused this. I blame myself. I'm so sorry. I don't know what to do. I'm so afraid. I'm so afraid for my BF. If my husband finds out I suspect he hurt her. He will hurt her. My Affair Partner said that a Cop followed him home from work yesterday. He wasn't pulled over, but he was obviously being watched. I'm sick. My cheating caused all this. Please don't bash me. I know I am a monster. I need advice. I need to get my BF back to her husband if possible. I need to fix this. Where to start??

Edited June 7, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
remove identifying information, paragraphs

[stillafool]

At this point you need to mind your business.  I doubt your BF wants to look at you much less get your help.  You've told her cheating husband and if you know her mother, sister or brother, tell them and then butt out.  Leave her alone now.  If you are afraid of your husband don't go over his house anymore alone and file for divorce.

[PhoenixRising8]

This is pretty serious stuff including police, who may or may not be involved in serious criminal activity and bodily harm.  Heaven forbid that worse physical harm befall anyone.  I would invest in a consult with a top notch criminal lawyer to get advise on how to proceed and how to protect yourself and those who are impacted.  And turn over the evidence bag!  Figure out next steps because you need to understand how to proceed to protect yourself.

[mark clemson]

Yeah, BFF, husbands or no, this whole story is something for the police and possibly lawyers to be involved in, not an internet chat room.

[Wiseman2]

All this and you didn't get a restraining order?

[NinaRinna]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

All this and you didn't get a restraining order?

People keep saying get a restraining order or go to the Police. That would be detrimental for me! My husband would never let me get away with it. I know my options are very limited. I just want to make things right for my now EX BF. She didn't deserve this. She is all I'm concerned about. I know I need to get a lawyer but I cannot afford one. I called legal aide. I had a consultant with a lawyer and they won't touch it when they heard which PD is involved.

Edited June 7, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
identifying information

[NinaRinna]

4 hours ago, mark clemson said:

Yeah, BFF, husbands or no, this whole story is something for the police and possibly lawyers to be involved in, not an internet chat room.

Lawyers won't touch it. And The Police Department....My husband is a Cop. Not a chance. They will harrass me and may even go as far as planting something on me. Or harming me to make me shut up. I came to the internet chat room. For ADVICE. That's the whole point of Chatting No?

[NinaRinna]

7 hours ago, stillafool said:

At this point you need to mind your business.  I doubt your BF wants to look at you much less get your help.  You've told her cheating husband and if you know her mother, sister or brother, tell them and then butt out.  Leave her alone now.  If you are afraid of your husband don't go over his house anymore alone and file for divorce.

I wish it were that simple. It would be suicide if I presented this man with divorce papers. He put me out of our house to hurt me. To make a fool of me. He is not wrong. I did cheat. But he has had numerous affairs himself. I know there's no excuse for my actions. I just want to make my wrong right. My Friend has NO family. She has only her husband as family. She's alone. I just want to make her safe. I understand if she never wants anything to do with me.

[NinaRinna]

5 hours ago, PhoenixRising8 said:

This is pretty serious stuff including police, who may or may not be involved in serious criminal activity and bodily harm.  Heaven forbid that worse physical harm befall anyone.  I would invest in a consult with a top notch criminal lawyer to get advise on how to proceed and how to protect yourself and those who are impacted.  And turn over the evidence bag!  Figure out next steps because you need to understand how to proceed to protect yourself.

I can't afford a lawyer. I don't know who I can turn the bag over too. My husband is a Police Officer. Her husband tried taking the bag when he realized the clothes were hers. I don't understand how or why my husband kept her clothes??? Was he planning on harming her again and planting it on me? It was in our bedroom closet. I'm afraid to make a move at this point. I don't know what he's capable of. He says he HATES me. I have no where to turn. Someone made the comment that I shouldn't post this in a chat room. But I have no one to talk to and I need some insight. 

[Taramere]

You're including a frightening amount of detail here, and placing both yourself and your friend at risk in the process.  I'd advise you to ask the moderators to delete the entire thread.  As far as who to turn to goes, I'd suggest your best bet is to contact one of the large, aggressive "no win no fee" law firms in your area who have a proven track record of robustly and fearlessly pursuing police brutality cases.  I would think that if your husband has form, they'll have heard of him and may at least be prepared to give you an initial free appointment.   

[Crazelnut]

You need to go to a battered women's shelter. Your friend and her husband have to deal with their own issues. Your AP knows what your BH did to his wife. That is their concern now, not yours. Sorry.

[BaileyB]

1 hour ago, NinaRinna said:

I came to the internet chat room. For ADVICE.

What kind of advice were you seeking exactly? 

You need to go to a women’s shelter. You need to talk with the police, and get yourself a lawyer. You need to leave your husband and leave your friend alone. You can’t fix this for her. Your safety should be your only concern right now. 

Edited June 7, 2021 by BaileyB

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, NinaRinna said:

Lawyers won't touch it. And The Police Department....My husband is a Cop. Not a chance. They will harrass me and may even go as far as planting something on me. Or harming me to make me shut up. I came to the internet chat room. For ADVICE. That's the whole point of Chatting No?

Then it looks like you are going to have to pack your stuff and move out of town where he can't reach you or know where to find you.  What other choice do you have when your life is at stake?  You can handle divorce proceedings from there.  Again, do not try to ease your guilt by now trying to be a friend to your former BFF.  Leave her and her husband alone.  That friendship is kaput.

Edited June 7, 2021 by stillafool

[basil67]

Your presence in your former friend's life is only going to put her at risk.  You need to cut her from your life.    As she was so badly beaten, raped and lost her baby, she would have needed medical care.  The hospital would have done a rape kit and called police and social workers.  As she didn't know it was your husband, there would be no reason for her to not seek help.  Let the DNA and assault records speak for themselves.  

As for your personal situation, the other posters are correct - you need to contact a women's shelter and figure out how to leave. 

 

 

[mark clemson]

2 hours ago, NinaRinna said:

 I came to the internet chat room. For ADVICE. That's the whole point of Chatting No?

 See above for some solid suggestions then that take your "facts" into account.

 

9 hours ago, NinaRinna said:

 My cheating caused all this. Please don't bash me.

This appears to be a common misconception for some folks. Your cheating didn't cause other people to take actions that they decided to take any more than your husband/unhappy marriage caused you to cheat in the first place. They didn't make decisions for you just as you didn't make decisions for them.

Your (putative) survivor's guilt is misplaced and probably not helpful. Perhaps you are unable to help feeling this, but other who might read this in a less dire situation might learn from this (non-positive) example, e.g. if they incorrectly blame themselves for their BS's decision to divorce.

[MsJayne]

Your post borders on unbelievable due to the fact that it reads like a bad movie script. Someone above suggested having this thread removed, but I wouldn't because it could be evidence. Can I ask what country you live in that there are so many corrupt cops in one force who would protect a criminal, (your husband)? He must have realised by now, or will very soon, that you've stolen the evidence bag, which means that he'll be looking for it. I'm assuming he must have removed it from a police storage facility? My advice is to go to a counselor, someone not connected with the justice dept in any way, and tell them everything, and keep that bag safe. You can guarantee that among your husband's colleagues there would be plenty who would love to see him taken down because no one really likes a sociopathic bully, you just have to identify the one who will help you. But, you can't do anything without your ex best friends co-operation. 

Edited June 8, 2021 by MsJayne