MelodyRye Posted June 8, 2021 Share Posted June 8, 2021 I don't want to get too much into the details. I'm just going to get to the point. During an argument I slapped him once (knocking out his glasses; the right side lens broke) and he broke up. I sincerely apologized for that incident and was honest when informing him that's the 1st time I've ever slapped anyone in my life and last time. He accepted my apology but isn't coming back. He requested not to call him again. I feel terrible and really wanted to fix this. I really honestly do believe this was a rare one time incident, ever to repeat itself. Is there any hope that things can be worked out and I'll win him back one day? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 8, 2021 Share Posted June 8, 2021 I wouldn't take you back if I were him. If you couldn't control yourself that time I would think it would happen again. Sorry, with your next boyfriend try to control your temper. It isn't nice for guys to hit girls or vice versa. Abusive. 8 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 8, 2021 Share Posted June 8, 2021 Judging on the raw details you gave us, I'm afraid this would be a deal breaker to me too. My only other thought is that if you've never assaulted someone before, could it be that the relationship was very toxic? I knew a very kind and gentle man who was driven to participating in screaming matches with his partner - to the point of police being called. Sometimes, a relationship can be so bad that it brings out our worst selves. But if you were getting wound up to the point of losing control, then you shouldn't go back anyway. Either way, the relationship is (or should be) dead in the water. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Alfano Posted June 9, 2021 Share Posted June 9, 2021 Just respect his wishes and leave him alone. Fix yourself before you find yourself slapping the next guy for whatever perceived transgression has incited your fury. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted June 9, 2021 Share Posted June 9, 2021 Violence is not a part of any healthy relationship so honestly he had every right. Work on those issues so you don't make the same mistake in the future. 5 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 9, 2021 Share Posted June 9, 2021 7 hours ago, MelodyRye said: . During an argument I slapped him once (knocking out his glasses; the right side lens broke) and he broke up. You're fortunate he didn't have you arrested for assault. Maybe you'll get the bill for the glasses. Instead of wondering if he'll be back, get to a physician about the moods and anger. Ask for a referral to a therapist. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted June 10, 2021 Share Posted June 10, 2021 If the situation were reversed and he hit you, my advice would be to run, regardless of what the circumstances were and who started it. Inability to control your temper and your physical behaviour is a sign of immaturity, sometimes a sign of something worse. While I get that some people actually do "ask for it" it doesn't mean that it's OK to do it. You walk away from someone who makes you that angry, you don't stick around to be wound up to the point where you feel violent towards them. You need to offer to pay for the repair or replacement of his glasses. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MelodyRye Posted June 10, 2021 Author Share Posted June 10, 2021 22 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: You're fortunate he didn't have you arrested for assault. Maybe you'll get the bill for the glasses. Instead of wondering if he'll be back, get to a physician about the moods and anger. Ask for a referral to a therapist. I agree with your statement. He just called once and yes it was regarding his glasses I've damaged. I've agreed to pay for it. Besides that he wants nothing to do with me and I've accepted the fate of the relationship by now. I'm sad my bad choice had this consequence of losing someone I loved. I'll be seeking help and get to the root of why I lost self-control like that. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MelodyRye Posted June 10, 2021 Author Share Posted June 10, 2021 1 hour ago, MsJayne said: If the situation were reversed and he hit you, my advice would be to run, regardless of what the circumstances were and who started it. Inability to control your temper and your physical behaviour is a sign of immaturity, sometimes a sign of something worse. While I get that some people actually do "ask for it" it doesn't mean that it's OK to do it. You walk away from someone who makes you that angry, you don't stick around to be wound up to the point where you feel violent towards them. You need to offer to pay for the repair or replacement of his glasses. Years ago I would've said that if I ever got hit, I would be walking out the door fast. I'm really shocked at myself that I've struck someone I loved. I've agreed to pay for his glasses. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted June 10, 2021 Share Posted June 10, 2021 37 minutes ago, MelodyRye said: Years ago I would've said that if I ever got hit, I would be walking out the door fast. I'm really shocked at myself that I've struck someone I loved. I've agreed to pay for his glasses. Can I ask what he said or did that you reacted so badly to? Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted June 10, 2021 Share Posted June 10, 2021 Good for him Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted June 13, 2021 Share Posted June 13, 2021 One incident is not a pattern. However some folks have "zero tolerance" for certain things - if he's one of those, he's one of those and there probably isn't much you can do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 13, 2021 Share Posted June 13, 2021 All patterns start with one incident. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 13, 2021 Share Posted June 13, 2021 On 6/8/2021 at 5:57 PM, MelodyRye said: Is there any hope that things can be worked out and I'll win him back one day? No. You hurt his dignity & broke all trust. Flip the genders. Nobody would advise a woman to stay or come back so why should this guy return to you ? Chalk this up as a learning experience for you. Learn that this is the consequence of violence & remember it if you ever have an urge to hit somebody again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Uruktopi Posted June 14, 2021 Share Posted June 14, 2021 Paying for his glasses may be fair, but don´t seem to be too relevant given how they got broken. I´m not asking you about the details, but...was his perceived offence to you so serious to justify your reaction? If not the above, were you (for other unrelated reasons) in an unusual "state of mind" (health, prescription drugs, stress, a personal or couple crisis)? I´m not justifying your behaviour, but you may find useful to think about what was / is behind it. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted June 14, 2021 Share Posted June 14, 2021 Dude here. Ya, I would have ended it with you too. Live and learn. Might be worth digging into in therapy because you now know you're capable of violence towards a romantic partner. Chances are, if left undealt with, it will come up again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted June 14, 2021 Share Posted June 14, 2021 I too would like to know what was said, or what lead up to this. Since I was accused of abuse by the exW, and take this very seriously these days.... 1) I wouldn't say with you. 2) Depending how hard, and the exact circumstances... I may file a police report. If you are starting to feel rage, to the point where you need to hit someone... then you need to get some help. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted June 15, 2021 Share Posted June 15, 2021 (edited) On 6/13/2021 at 3:58 PM, basil67 said: All patterns start with one incident. LOL. Sure that's true, but the one incident doesn't make them a pattern. If you get into one car accident, do you have a pattern of being unsafe driver? Not until the second one, at least. Edited June 15, 2021 by mark clemson 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted June 15, 2021 Share Posted June 15, 2021 (edited) [ ] A woman slapping a man one time (only) - no big deal (IMO, not necessarily in others'). A woman shooting a man one time - that's another story of course. Edited June 15, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator off topic 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 15, 2021 Share Posted June 15, 2021 6 hours ago, mark clemson said: LOL. Sure that's true, but the one incident doesn't make them a pattern. If you get into one car accident, do you have a pattern of being unsafe driver? Not until the second one, at least. Apples and oranges. An car accident is called an accident because it is an accident. Assaulting someone is a deliberate act. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted June 16, 2021 Share Posted June 16, 2021 If anyone slapped me the reason to break up wouldn't only be the fear of it happening again. It would be the demonstration of disrespect. You probably have a new found respect for him, since he won't tolerate that kind of treatment. Not sure you would (though you probably think you would) if he would take you back. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted June 16, 2021 Share Posted June 16, 2021 4 hours ago, basil67 said: An car accident is called an accident because it is an accident. Assaulting someone is a deliberate act. Fair enough, let's stick with the example at hand: a woman slapping a man one time (only) - not a pattern. To your point, it might be the beginning of a pattern. But might is the operative word there. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 16, 2021 Share Posted June 16, 2021 @mark clemson When a man smacks a woman, we all tell her to get out because it will only get worse. I can't see why it would be different if genders were switched. Fact is, no matter what our gender, we all know that it's wrong to hit someone else, so it's not like the one who assaults another can plead that they didn't know better. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted June 16, 2021 Share Posted June 16, 2021 38 minutes ago, basil67 said: @mark clemson When a man smacks a woman, we all tell her to get out because it will only get worse. I can't see why it would be different if genders were switched. Fact is, no matter what our gender, we all know that it's wrong to hit someone else, so it's not like the one who assaults another can plead that they didn't know better. Hmm. When a man smacks a woman (only smacks) *I* point out that one incident is not a pattern. IF he's knocking out teeth or similar when he slaps or doing other more drastic actions, THAT is another matter. That goes both ways as well for me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted June 16, 2021 Share Posted June 16, 2021 13 hours ago, basil67 said: Apples and oranges. An car accident is called an accident because it is an accident. Assaulting someone is a deliberate act. I agree. If the crash was intentional... that would make it the same. And in that case... I would have her locked up for attempted homicide. Link to post Share on other sites
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