My bf dumped me after I slapped him once

[GeorgiaPeach1]

It sounds like you are truly sorry and have quickly come to the realization that slapping is not acceptable, ever.

If the relationship was otherwise a good one, not sure why he wouldn't give you another chance, assuming that you are okay with seeing a therapist.

I'm amazed at how imperfect people can point the finger at someone else, and throw them to the dogs, over one relatively minor bad choice. 

Women in general have less muscle tissue and less strength that men, so I doubt he was injured. 

The best thing you can do is to go no contact and make improvements within yourself. Hopefully once the smoke clears, he will rethink his decision to end the relationship. If he doesn't, you'll have to move on, but at least you'll have learned a valuable lesson.

 

[Okgal96]

You should seek some counseling or anger management to learn why this argument brought out that much uncontrollable anger. Respect your boyfriend’s wishes and focus on yourself to figure out what’s going on so you don’t become an abuser.

[Tinyjaguar]

IMHO, there is no room for violence in any relationship. Once it happens it is the start of a slippery slope. I had a friend who go pregnant to her bf after 3 months together. He then hit her during a domestic but she forgave him. What followed was nearly 10 years of domestic abuse including beatings, rape and persistent smashing of property. It was hell for her. She eventually found the courage to leave but it took several attempts because he had destroyed her self esteem so much that she believe that she couldn't make it on her own with 2 kids.

[Andy_K]

On 6/15/2021 at 8:29 PM, mark clemson said:

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A woman slapping a man one time (only) - no big deal (IMO, not necessarily in others').

A woman shooting a man one time - that's another story of course.

I agree with the premise that a one-time occurrence of a woman slapping a man isn't a big deal...unless she's the stronger, more physically dominant one in the relationship. Then I'd treat it the same way as a man slapping  a woman, i.e leave and don't look back.

[stillafool]

On 6/30/2021 at 1:49 AM, Tinyjaguar said:

IMHO, there is no room for violence in any relationship. Once it happens it is the start of a slippery slope. I had a friend who go pregnant to her bf after 3 months together. He then hit her during a domestic but she forgave him. What followed was nearly 10 years of domestic abuse including beatings, rape and persistent smashing of property. It was hell for her. She eventually found the courage to leave but it took several attempts because he had destroyed her self esteem so much that she believe that she couldn't make it on her own with 2 kids.

My parents were friends with a married couple and he would show up from time to time with a black eye, swollen lips, scratches, etc., with the most bizaar excuses how it happened.  I remember my parents talking about how she beat him up and he was too embarrassed to admit it.  Sometimes abused men suffer in silence because they know society views it different when the woman is abusing the man.  They consider the man weak.  Saying that no one should hit anyone.  if you don't like getting hit - don't hit.

Edited July 1, 2021 by stillafool

[Miss Spider]

Sorry… but the way the title is phrased…. Only once? Best believe if anyone slaps me once I will not stick around and find out if they do it more. I understand you didn’t mean to and women violence towards men is more socially acceptable, but I think he’s just making  the right call for him and you maybe you can learn a valuable lesson to control your temper/hands next time. I get some may see it as an overreaction, maybe it is or maybe he just didn’t grow up like that or see that as tolerable from a partner 

 

I see my friends slap their bf sometimes and find it super disturbing 

Edited July 1, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Acacia98]

The idea that a slap means little if the woman is not physically dominant troubles me. If one accepts that, then what does one do with emotional abuse? The abuser is not physically dominant, so the abuse does no harm?

The fact that one is willing to hit their intimate partner in and of itself does harm to the relationship. It has an impact on the partner's capacity to trust them or to feel safe and open next to them.

[Tinyjaguar]

7 hours ago, stillafool said:

My parents were friends with a married couple and he would show up from time to time with a black eye, swollen lips, scratches, etc., with the most bizaar excuses how it happened.  I remember my parents talking about how she beat him up and he was too embarrassed to admit it.  Sometimes abused men suffer in silence because they know society views it different when the woman is abusing the man.  They consider the man weak.  Saying that no one should hit anyone.  if you don't like getting hit - don't hit.

The worst one I heard of was a guy at work, where he and his wife had an "unsettled" relationship. There were little incidents that he kept hidden, such as having an iron thrown in his face and general physical abuse, especially after alcohol. Nothing would break his silence. Then, one day, he was hospitalised after an "accident". He claimed that he'd fallen in the night and been impaled on a child's toy (a Frozen castle). A few weeks later he confessed that she had stabbed him in the back after a drunken row and he'd nearly died. The police did become involved and it went to court, although, surprisingly, she did not receive a custodial sentence. 

It was only after that when he left her.

Edited July 2, 2021 by Tinyjaguar

[mark clemson]

18 hours ago, Andy_K said:

I agree with the premise that a one-time occurrence of a woman slapping a man isn't a big deal...unless she's the stronger, more physically dominant one in the relationship. Then I'd treat it the same way as a man slapping  a woman, i.e leave and don't look back.

I see it differently - in the "is it a pattern" sense. But of course, everyone has a right to react how they personally see it.

Of course, if either of them slap hard enough (e.g. to do real damage like breaking one's nose or so forth) it would probably be a different matter, even for me.

[Tinyjaguar]

But, in accepting any violence, you are crossing a line. If he forgave and she did it again, then he would still be expected to forgive her. Then things escalate and before you know it, he is forgiving out and out abuse.