Uncontrolled blinking when nervous on dates

[max3732]

Since high school I've had a problem where I can start blinking uncontrollably when I get really nervous. Normally it isn't an issue, but it has been a few times when I get especially anxious and I'm thinking maybe this happens on dates and turns women off.

When I was doing virtual speed dating I was doing great with the women I wasn't interested in and then this one comes on that I really liked. At one point I felt nervous and I could see myself on the screen blinking like crazy. I tried to hold my eyes open but it didn't work.

Obviously not being nervous/anxious would stop it, but I don't see how to get rid of that feeling when I get into stressful situations. I asked an optometrist and he said there's nothing wrong with my eyes. I think it's just a nervous tick.

I've also had this happen in non-dating situations where I'm especially anxious. I don't really know what if anything to do about it.

[basil67]

Could it be that if you're feeling stressed or nervous, then you're with a woman who is not a good fit for you?   When you're with someone who's a good mutual fit, it should feel easy and comfortable. 

[S2B]

I know people who do this when they lie.

[glows]

Maybe focus on your heartrate and slow down your breaths rather than think too hard about what to say or whether you're saying it right. Even if it improves a little, it might help you feel a bit better overall and less flustered. The good thing about this is that you'll certainly notice when you've met a keeper - the person who overlooks this/doesn't judge you and also puts you at ease. 

I wouldn't worry too much about it. Don't let it affect the way you feel about yourself.

[Taramere]

14 hours ago, max3732 said:

Since high school I've had a problem where I can start blinking uncontrollably when I get really nervous. Normally it isn't an issue, but it has been a few times when I get especially anxious and I'm thinking maybe this happens on dates and turns women off.

When I was doing virtual speed dating I was doing great with the women I wasn't interested in and then this one comes on that I really liked. At one point I felt nervous and I could see myself on the screen blinking like crazy. I tried to hold my eyes open but it didn't work.

 

I sympathise.  I remember doing a professional training course in which we got really detailed feedback on our presentation - to the point where the person who got their feedback before me came out close to tears because the trainer had torn his body language to shreds.  I was dreading going in, got nervous - and almost the first thing the trainer said to me was "do you know that you blink a lot, and that it's really distracting?"  I had absolutely no idea, since I was too busy worrying about blushing, hands shaking, voice shaking and stuff like that when I got nervous.  Now I had "blinking too much" to add to the list of things to feel self conscious about.  

I thought about it a fair bit, but worried that if I focused too much on blinking less I might end up staring at people like some sort of psycho.  I think in a potentially romantic context, things like blushing or blinking more than usual can be quite charming so long as you carry on engaging with the person despite the embarrassment.  It's when you let your worries about these things take over to the point where you disengage (out of embarrassment) from the other person that it's most likely to present a problem.  I mean, there are undoubtedly people who are turned off by any signs of shyness or nervousness, but they're not the women you'd be suited to temperamentally, and they'll screen themselves out pretty quickly.  However, there are other women who will find it charming and possibly like you that bit more because your vulnerability is on display.

[mark clemson]

If it's a nervous tic you should probably see a doctor or a therapist to get treatment for your stress/anxiety. It is a sign of "overload" in terms of your stress level, but there are actually a wide variety of treatments (both behavioral/psychological and medicinal) for anxiety, so you should be able to free yourself of this with the help of a specialist and some therapeutic "work" on your part.

[Wiseman2]

Yes. Deep breaths, relax, inner calm. Inner humor. Just say to yourself :"I'm a bit nervous but at least I'm not sucking my thumb".👍

[max3732]

23 hours ago, mark clemson said:

If it's a nervous tic you should probably see a doctor or a therapist to get treatment for your stress/anxiety. It is a sign of "overload" in terms of your stress level, but there are actually a wide variety of treatments (both behavioral/psychological and medicinal) for anxiety, so you should be able to free yourself of this with the help of a specialist and some therapeutic "work" on your part.

I'm pretty sure it's a nervous tic. I also used to have a problem where I'd stutter that started around the same time. Sometimes I still feel this coming on when stressed and I've learned if I pause a bit before trying to say the word where I feel a stutter coming on I can avoid it.

With the blinking though for the most part I'm not even aware I'm doing it unless it's really bad or like with the virtual speed dating where I could see myself. What kind of specialist would I talk to? 

It's not like I feel anxiety all the time. It's just when I get into a situation like a date with someone I see as a good potential match and I'm trying to do a good job.