Snakesalive Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 (edited) 20 hours ago, BiancaSW said: Neither of us could have thought of it happening Why ?basic biology if you’re having unprotected sex there’s a good chance you’ll get pregnant. Are our sure a part of you wasn’t hoping you’d get pregnant so the fantasy you and he had created would be complete ? sorry I wish you all the best with your pregnancy and I hope you’ll be a great mum but i can’t help feeling disappointed that you were both so irresponsible to not care if you brought another life into this mess and the consequences he or she will also have to live with . Edited June 20, 2021 by Snakesalive 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 8 hours ago, BiancaSW said: I told him I’m 2 months when he called, he kept screaming I don’t believe you, I don’t believe you... I had to hand up on him. we hadn’t spoken since. See that. His whole world where he is the nice guy came tumbling down and he was soooo angry. It was out of his control and he didn't like it one bit so he lashed out.. I do not believe he is a nice guy I think. he is a control freak. He is his kid's emergency contact he takes them to and from school he has arranged that stuff. When his kid got ill he rushes out of work to go to his wife who had the kid so HE could take the kid to the doctor. WHY? because he gets to be the hero, he also controls the situation. He rushes to the bedsides of sick friends, he is the hero, he controls the narrative. I think he is a very controlling person and the story of his controlling useless wife hides that fact. I am not saying she is all sweetness and light, but living with such a guy has probably taken its toll. lying, cheating, controlling... He comes out as the victim the hero the lovely guy but he only does things that benefit him. Rushing out of work to "help" means he has engineered time off, plus he is seen as a great guy a guy doing his best for his kids and humanity... Him cheating with the OP is seen as fine, the poor guy needs a break, but getting her pregnant and necessarily deserting her is disastrous for his good guy image.. He lost it and he then had to unleash his wife who he had primed to think Bianca was some sexy siren who seduced him into helplessness... Yeah right!? This is the guy who had sex in front of all in a taxi, right? Has ONSs, The guy who wants sex tapes and sends the OP dick pics... classy... Bianca, this guy recognised a void in you and set out to fill it to get his own needs met. He set you up. He infantilised you to take away any power you had. You were happy being taken care of as it is a cruel and harsh world out there. Once you were of no use to him and were spoiling his image and potentially ruining his marriage, you had to go... 9 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 Just now, elaine567 said: Once you were of no use to him and were spoiling his image and potentially ruining his marriage, you had to go... Saying all that, he could like so many MM, be back... Link to post Share on other sites
Author BiancaSW Posted June 20, 2021 Author Share Posted June 20, 2021 4 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: I am guessing some other woman entirely was sending him saucy pics, and those were the ones the wife found. She just figured OP sent them without considering that this man might have well have had more than one OW on the go. no, I know for sure - he never had OW on the go and no one was sending him nudes. he only had a one-night stand with that retiring colleague and whoever else his other colleagues said “he wasn’t faithful to his wife before” with. there were only once-off encounters. until we started to go out - his phone was very much in use by his kids - they were watching videos and playing games on it. he said since we started to go out - he had to be glued to the phone and started hiding it... he said he never did it before - like sexting and sending his d-pics, so I imagine there defo was a novelty and excitement there... Link to post Share on other sites
Author BiancaSW Posted June 20, 2021 Author Share Posted June 20, 2021 13 minutes ago, elaine567 said: See that. His whole world where he is the nice guy came tumbling down and he was soooo angry. It was out of his control and he didn't like it one bit so he lashed out.. I do not believe he is a nice guy I think. he is a control freak. He is his kid's emergency contact he takes them to and from school he has arranged that stuff. When his kid got ill he rushes out of work to go to his wife who had the kid so HE could take the kid to the doctor. WHY? because he gets to be the hero, he also controls the situation. He rushes to the bedsides of sick friends, he is the hero, he controls the narrative. I think he is a very controlling person and the story of his controlling useless wife hides that fact. I am not saying she is all sweetness and light, but living with such a guy has probably taken its toll. lying, cheating, controlling... He comes out as the victim the hero the lovely guy but he only does things that benefit him. Rushing out of work to "help" means he has engineered time off, plus he is seen as a great guy a guy doing his best for his kids and humanity... Him cheating with the OP is seen as fine, the poor guy needs a break, but getting her pregnant and necessarily deserting her is disastrous for his good guy image.. He lost it and he then had to unleash his wife who he had primed to think Bianca was some sexy siren who seduced him into helplessness... Yeah right!? This is the guy who had sex in front of all in a taxi, right? Has ONSs, The guy who wants sex tapes and sends the OP dick pics... classy... Bianca, this guy recognised a void in you and set out to fill it to get his own needs met. He set you up. He infantilised you to take away any power you had. You were happy being taken care of as it is a cruel and harsh world out there. Once you were of no use to him and were spoiling his image and potentially ruining his marriage, you had to go... yes, admitting he was unfaithful and leaving his wife for another woman - that would definitely ruin his hero image for hundreds of her relatives he has known for 20 years, that is why he was trying so hard to worm his way out of the sticky situation, I’m sure there were other aspects to it as well Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 4 minutes ago, BiancaSW said: no, I know for sure - he never had OW on the go and no one was sending him nudes How can you possibly know that? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BiancaSW Posted June 20, 2021 Author Share Posted June 20, 2021 (edited) 6 minutes ago, elaine567 said: How can you possibly know that? can’t be, but for the whole year I had to listen how this is new to him and for 20 yrs he’s been with his wife - he never had a long-term rship running parallel with his marriage and because he has never been in a situation like that before - he doesn’t know how to go about it. he looked rather helpless saying this is new, I don’t know what to do....’I was like Omg, you are grown up man - wth? Edited June 20, 2021 by BiancaSW Link to post Share on other sites
Author BiancaSW Posted June 20, 2021 Author Share Posted June 20, 2021 and he likes to be a hero - why not to be a hero for me and his unborn baby 😔 Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird2 Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 OP, I don't want to sound mean. but you've got a new little one to think about, and you don't have the luxury anymore of going down every rabbit hole trying to figure this guy out or these mental gymnastics that try and make him a nice guy who just slipped up. All you really need to know is he is a proven liar. You can not trust him. He was like this before you came along, and he will be like this long after you've gone. Please be kind to yourself and get rid of him. Like I said, you don't have the luxury anymore of trying to sort him out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BiancaSW Posted June 20, 2021 Author Share Posted June 20, 2021 16 minutes ago, elaine567 said: How can you possibly know that? that’s the other thing his wife said abt me: “A cheating w**** who set her sights on a married man with small children and tried to ruin a happy home life. Sure, she’s the victim here! The fact is, she is a liar...There was never an emotional relationship.” Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 7 minutes ago, BiancaSW said: that’s the other thing his wife said abt me: “A cheating w**** who set her sights on a married man with small children and tried to ruin a happy home life. Sure, she’s the victim here! The fact is, she is a liar...There was never an emotional relationship.” And who do you think fed her that information? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 50 minutes ago, BiancaSW said: no, I know for sure - he never had OW on the go and no one was sending him nudes. he only had a one-night stand with that retiring colleague and whoever else his other colleagues said “he wasn’t faithful to his wife before” with. there were only once-off encounters. until we started to go out - his phone was very much in use by his kids - they were watching videos and playing games on it. he said since we started to go out - he had to be glued to the phone and started hiding it... he said he never did it before - like sexting and sending his d-pics, so I imagine there defo was a novelty and excitement there... He said, he said, he said.... He is liar. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 11 hours ago, BiancaSW said: when they were in school / nursery, would arrange it so he comes before and after his work shifts.. So in other words, he had plenty of time for himself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 9 hours ago, stillafool said: I agree. This guy sounds kinda sick talking to OP as if she's a child and then sending d pics. Wonder what type of videos he wanted OP to send. I dont want to jump to conclusions/judgements because maybe it is a cultural difference, but it feels sort of he wanted to see her as a child which is creepy. Im a tiny woman myself, and I have never had anyone talk to me like that nor would have I liked it. And I find myself far from being super feminist, so it isnt a case of that either. Just gives me creepy vibes like the creepy uncle.... who hugs a little too long and too touchy... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, BiancaSW said: no, I know for sure - he never had OW on the go and no one was sending him nudes. he only had a one-night stand with that retiring colleague and whoever else his other colleagues said “he wasn’t faithful to his wife before” with. there were only once-off encounters. This man is a liar. You should not believe a word he says. The fact that his coworkers know about his sex life is wrong, wrong, wrong! IF they do know about his affairs, how can you say with any certainty that they know the whole story. They are his coworkers - where are the boundaries here!! Its very possible that he has been collecting photos from other women. He doesn’t even have to be in an affair with another woman to collect a photo. If you believe you were the only one, I have a bridge to sell you… Edited June 20, 2021 by BaileyB 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 2 hours ago, BiancaSW said: and he likes to be a hero - why not to be a hero for me and his unborn baby 😔 His wife has a problem with it. He doesn’t want to a reminder of this affair and his poor decisions. Because life is more complicated than this - there are any number of reasons why he disappeared from your life, it’s far too simple to expect this man to “be a hero” for this child. He is not a hero - he is a really messed up man with a really messed up life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BiancaSW Posted June 20, 2021 Author Share Posted June 20, 2021 1 minute ago, BaileyB said: This man is a liar. You should not believe a word he says. The fact that his coworkers know about his sex life is wrong, wrong, wrong! IF they do know about his affairs, how can you say with any certainty that they know the whole story. They are his coworkers - where are the boundaries here!! Its very possible that he has been collecting photos from other women. He doesn’t even have to be in an affair with another woman to collect a photo. If you believe you were the only one, I have a bridge to sell you… because they have been there when he got drunk and got busy with the retiring lady. but no one made a big deal out of it. because of me, on the other hand, they got to know about us - that was so wrong of me. I f***** hate him for leaving me in that situation where I had to resort to his colleagues to get some help 😖 i dont know what he was collecting, as I said his phone was accessible by his kids and wife. He refused to change the password as she will get suspicions coz he never changed it in 20 yes time... so he was just deleting our conversation threads. and I was on his phone under a different name. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BiancaSW Posted June 20, 2021 Author Share Posted June 20, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, elaine567 said: And who do you think fed her that information? him obviously - she heard for herself when he was shouting at me i am not worth any feelings. to save his marriage he didn’t have to fall so low as to destroy me to the ground, i feel I deserved it tho. because person who talks about ones private life to the colleagues deserves that attitude. I would be disgusted if he did it and would definitely have no feelings for a person like that. Edited June 20, 2021 by BiancaSW Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 (edited) 6 minutes ago, BiancaSW said: he didn’t have to fall so low as to destroy me to the ground You don’t have to be destroyed to the ground if you don’t want to be. It’s your choice. Edited June 20, 2021 by BaileyB 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BiancaSW Posted June 20, 2021 Author Share Posted June 20, 2021 (edited) ok removed. Edited June 20, 2021 by BiancaSW Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 8 minutes ago, BiancaSW said: . so he was just deleting our conversation threads. and I was on his phone under a different name. And he couldn't do that for other women too? Many cheating guys have burner phones or use secret apps to communicate with other women. Their phone is thus "clean". Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 Just now, BiancaSW said: that’s his wife’s words to my relative “you can both disappear like the insignificant tramps that you both clearly are” Why does it matter what this woman says? It’s what you say that matters. Are you going to continue to post all the hateful things that she says, or are you going to focus now on the future for yourself and your child. Again - it’s your choice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BiancaSW Posted June 20, 2021 Author Share Posted June 20, 2021 1 minute ago, elaine567 said: And he couldn't do that for other women too? Many cheating guys have burner phones or use secret apps to communicate with other women. Their phone is thus "clean". one thing with him... he is not that advanced.. technology-wise. the only thing he could figure out how to do was to change my name on his phone. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 2 minutes ago, BiancaSW said: one thing with him... he is not that advanced.. technology-wise. the only thing he could figure out how to do was to change my name on his phone. He doesn’t have to be technologically advanced to have two phones. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 16 minutes ago, BiancaSW said: ok removed. I’m simply saying Bianca, of what purpose is it to post her hateful words. They only have meaning if you give them meaning. So, either you believe the hateful things that she says - which you must, if you continue to post them. Or, you don’t. You say, these are the hateful words of a hateful woman. And, I am not going to give her the ability to define who I am - 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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