ExpatInItaly Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 3 hours ago, BiancaSW said: but for the whole year I had to listen how this is new to him and for 20 yrs he’s been with his wife - he never had a long-term rship running parallel with his marriage and because he has never been in a situation like that before - he doesn’t know how to go about it. Bianca. You have got to stop believing everything this man tells you . Espeically a man who you know lies. Surely you cannot be this naive? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 4 hours ago, BiancaSW said: no, I know for sure - he never had OW on the go and no one was sending him nudes. You don't know this for sure. There is a lot about this man you don't know about. Remember how sure you were that he was the good guy who was going to leave his mean wife and create a life with you the love of his life. Well you see how that panned out. You'd probably be shocked to know the real him. He's proven himself to you. I think everything Elaine and ExpatInItaly said is spot on. You just don't want to believe it and are still hanging on to your dream that he was somehow in love with you when facts say differently. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 4 hours ago, BiancaSW said: yes, admitting he was unfaithful and leaving his wife for another woman - This was never going to happen nor did he have intentions of it happening. You need to start facing this. 3 hours ago, BiancaSW said: that’s the other thing his wife said abt me: “A cheating w**** who set her sights on a married man with small children and tried to ruin a happy home life. Sure, she’s the victim here! The fact is, she is a liar...There was never an emotional relationship.” Why are you surprised that she would say this about a woman who is having sex with HER husband, intruding on her family? She is the victim here, not you and certainly not MM. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 4 hours ago, BiancaSW said: yes, admitting he was unfaithful and leaving his wife for another woman That's just it, he was never going to leave his wife for you so why would he admit anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Snakesalive Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 (edited) 7 hours ago, Snakesalive said: Why ?basic biology if you’re having unprotected sex there’s a good chance you’ll get pregnant. Are our sure a part of you wasn’t hoping you’d get pregnant so the fantasy you and he had created would be complete ? sorry I wish you all the best with your pregnancy and I hope you’ll be a great mum but i can’t help feeling disappointed that you were both so irresponsible to not care if you brought another life into this mess and the consequences he or she will also have to live with . So I’ve pretty much read all your thread and I’m finding it increasingly difficult to emphasise wit you which is pretty unusual fir me. So here’s the thing and maybe it’s the elephant in the room -I think whether you admit it to iyourself and others or not I think you deliberately got pregnant -there I said it. I don’t want to pour on the guilt Shame and every other emotion you’re feeling at least admit you were selfish and reckless In not thinking about the consequence of unprotected sex. Edited June 20, 2021 by Snakesalive 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 Pregnancy is the natural consequence of unprotected sex. If you chose to have unprotected sex, you must have know what was inevitably going to happen… 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BiancaSW Posted June 20, 2021 Author Share Posted June 20, 2021 25 minutes ago, Snakesalive said: So I’ve pretty much read all your thread and I’m finding it increasingly difficult to emphasise wit you which is pretty unusual fir me. So here’s the thing and maybe it’s the elephant in the room -I think whether you admit it to iyourself and others or not I think you deliberately got pregnant -there I said it. I don’t want to pour on the guilt Shame and every other emotion you’re feeling at least admit you were selfish and reckless In not thinking about the consequence of unprotected sex. well that’s not how it happened. no need for empathy. I explained somewhere in the thread what was going on at the time. we haven’t planned for it and it is definitely not right time for me career-wise. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BiancaSW Posted June 20, 2021 Author Share Posted June 20, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, stillafool said: That's just it, he was never going to leave his wife for you so why would he admit anything. well that’s it - if you love your wife don’t f*** about with other people and their lives. yep, I believed what he was saying. why not for him to admit what’s been said - that’s the truth. I don’t know what he was going to / not going to do - but that’s what I got from him for the whole year. Edited June 20, 2021 by BiancaSW Link to post Share on other sites
Author BiancaSW Posted June 20, 2021 Author Share Posted June 20, 2021 1 hour ago, stillafool said: This was never going to happen nor did he have intentions of it happening. You need to start facing this. Why are you surprised that she would say this about a woman who is having sex with HER husband, intruding on her family? She is the victim here, not you and certainly not MM. well it was portrayed as he is the only victim in the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 1 minute ago, BiancaSW said: well it was portrayed as he is the only victim in the situation. By who? This man and his wife? That’s not surprising - it happens time and again when affairs are discovered. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 22 minutes ago, BiancaSW said: well that’s it - if you love your wife don’t f*** about with other people and their lives. yep, I believed what he was saying. why not for him to admit what’s been said - that’s the truth. I don’t know what he was going to / not going to do - but that’s what I got from him for the whole year. Well now you know what he was going to do - nothing as it pertains to you. If he was lying and cheating on his wife what makes you think you're so special that he wouldn't do this to you? I agree if one is married why cheat on their spouse, but also may I ask if you knew he was married why did you get involved with someone else's husband? Neither of you are innocent. There is a price to our decisions. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 8 minutes ago, BiancaSW said: well it was portrayed as he is the only victim in the situation. Ohhhh that is such a surprise...NOT. It is of course all about him... Playing the victim to elicit sympathy seems to be his "thing". 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BiancaSW Posted June 20, 2021 Author Share Posted June 20, 2021 (edited) 11 minutes ago, stillafool said: Well now you know what he was going to do - nothing as it pertains to you. If he was lying and cheating on his wife what makes you think you're so special that he wouldn't do this to you? I agree if one is married why cheat on their spouse, but also may I ask if you knew he was married why did you get involved with someone else's husband? Neither of you are innocent. There is a price to our decisions. because he said he wants to change his life and it’s HIS decision and I have nothing to do with that and it will be up to him to deal with HIS wife. All he was asking was a shoulder to lean on. He said it’s hardest decision in his life and was begging for more time. Edited June 20, 2021 by BiancaSW Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 8 minutes ago, BiancaSW said: because he said he wants to change his life and it’s HIS decision and I have nothing to do with that and it will be up to him to deal with HIS wife. All he was asking was a shoulder to lean on. He said it’s hardest decision in his life and was begging for more time. Well now you know that too was a lie. He had no problem making the decision to throw you under the bus AS SOON as his wife found out. You saw how easy that decision was for him to make. He seemed to be begging for a lot including sexual videos. No surprise here it's all typical of these situations. This was not some fairytale love story that you seem to want to believe. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 1 minute ago, stillafool said: No surprise here it's all typical of these situations. This was not some fairytale love story that you seem to want to believe. Yes, absolutely. I was coming to say how textbook this man's behaviour and proclamations were, during this affair. Bianca, it's too bad you didn't find this forum before this all blew up so badly. You could have read the stories of OW and realized this twerp is just a basic run-of-the-mill philanderer. Seriously. The things he said to you and the narrative he sold you are so cliché and nothing at all special. You could swap out his sob story and victim-schtick with just about any other MM the women on here write about. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 (edited) 6 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Bianca, it's too bad you didn't find this forum before this all blew up so badly. I don’t know that it have changed anything. She has pages and pages of people telling her that this affair is typical and she still does not truly believe or accept it. She is still trying to find a way that this affair meant something to him, still insistent that it should have worked out differently… Edited June 20, 2021 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Snakesalive Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 On 6/14/2021 at 5:30 PM, BiancaSW said: He knew how much I wanted a child Just this - you knew he was married , you knew he had a family -this statement says everything about your selfishness . 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Snakesalive Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 16 minutes ago, Snakesalive said: Just this - you knew he was married , you knew he had a family -this statement says everything about your selfishness . You also said if the pregnancy test was positive you didn’t want anything from him (or words to that effect) ….. that’s not quite true though is it ? you also said this wasn’t a good time on your career to have a child but there you were having unprotected sex … of course he should step up -he took his part in bringing a life into this world . The Abuse you’ve had must be really difficult to deal with and I’m in no way condoning that but cmon you have to really take responsibility here and grow up . The pair of you have affected other people lives here on a huge scale -people that are totally innocent in all this . so instead of complaining about how he sold you a fantasy that he didn’t deliver just please pause , cut the drama and be grateful you have the opportunity to learn some hard lessons and move on . 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BiancaSW Posted June 20, 2021 Author Share Posted June 20, 2021 (edited) 42 minutes ago, Snakesalive said: Just this - you knew he was married , you knew he had a family -this statement says everything about your selfishness . ok fair enough, I’m not going to explain myself. its not that black and white and I didn’t throw anyone under the bus. FYI it’s not the whole story, so i don’t appreciate this judgement of me being selfish. Yep, I fell in love with the man - he was a consenting adult, yep, he lied to me so I had no idea of his true intentions. I believed what he said. that’s it. him and I are both responsible and both f**** up. Edited June 20, 2021 by BiancaSW Link to post Share on other sites
Author BiancaSW Posted June 20, 2021 Author Share Posted June 20, 2021 had he followed thought with his promises - things would have been different. I would not be sharing and asking for opinions - I would be discussing things with him only. he did not follow through and I am in a s*** place. He is in a good place - enjoying his life and him and his wife teamed up against me (I haven’t done anything bad to him ever), yep, unplanned pregnancy with bad timing - no one tricked anyone into anything, we have both been reckless.So that’s it. End of discussion here. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 (edited) 52 minutes ago, BiancaSW said: had he followed thought with his promises - things would have been different. Had he followed through on his promises you would find yourself with a man who has a problem with honesty and fidelity. Perhaps, he would get with you and then sneak back to his wife. Or maybe, it would be an office Christmas party one night stand. Or maybe, he would find another trusting and unsuspecting woman with whom he could build a fantasy life. You would be home caring for his child, and he would be complaining to that woman about how the sex has dried up, or you won’t let him video tape your intimate activities, or any number of other grievances. No doubt, you would be caring for his children in addition to your own while he is off dreaming with another woman… and when he is home, you will be wondering who he is texting with at 11pm at night while you are trying to get the baby to sleep. Oh - add to that a very angry ex-wife who is making your life miserable by not picking the kids up when she is supposed to have them and financial stress because he is now required to pay child support as she has taken him for every dollar of spousal support she is entitled to receive. Never mind the lawyer bills, the sale of the family home, children who are having difficulty coping… THIS is your happy ending. Thank goodness for unanswered prayers. Edited June 20, 2021 by BaileyB 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 (edited) 5 hours ago, BiancaSW said: well it was portrayed as he is the only victim in the situation. Of course. All cheaters are "victims" . Victims of loveless/sexless marriages, abusive horrible spouses, circumstances, etc., etc., etc.. Then, when the tables turn, they are the "victim" of vindictive, psycho, etc., lovers. They are basically scammers. Lack of integrity is in every fiber of their being. You can count on that no matter how good an act they put on. Edited June 20, 2021 by Wiseman2 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted June 21, 2021 Share Posted June 21, 2021 Hey Bianca. Hang in there. I think what can frustrate people most is when they believe an OW thinks the MM is better than they see him. There's a tendency to want to shake the OW into reality. It's a process for you and your perspective will change over time regarding your experiences. Right now I think you are still grieving the loss of what you thought you had, but I think you are moving in the right direction. It will take time. It's hard for people who are not currently experiencing the emotions you are experiencing to remember it can be a hard process and takes time. Also people can be triggered when they feel OW is not taking enough responsibility for their role. I believe this is too new for you to be at the place some are expecting you to be. You have a lot of emotions and changes to process. You'll get there. Just keep moving in the direction away from MM, and take measures to secure your and your baby's future without depending/expecting anything from MM. Focus on self-care. Be well! 5 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BiancaSW Posted June 21, 2021 Author Share Posted June 21, 2021 (edited) 38 minutes ago, HadMeOverABarrel said: Hey Bianca. Hang in there. I think what can frustrate people most is when they believe an OW thinks the MM is better than they see him. There's a tendency to want to shake the OW into reality. It's a process for you and your perspective will change over time regarding your experiences. Right now I think you are still grieving the loss of what you thought you had, but I think you are moving in the right direction. It will take time. It's hard for people who are not currently experiencing the emotions you are experiencing to remember it can be a hard process and takes time. Also people can be triggered when they feel OW is not taking enough responsibility for their role. I believe this is too new for you to be at the place some are expecting you to be. You have a lot of emotions and changes to process. You'll get there. Just keep moving in the direction away from MM, and take measures to secure your and your baby's future without depending/expecting anything from MM. Focus on self-care. Be well! thank you - thank you for your kind words. It sucks to be dropped like a hot potato, you love a person and they mean a world to you and you trust them unconditionally. I believed my MM who stated he needs more time and is confused and if he doesn’t give us a chance... blah blah... he will always regret not changing his life. You don’t want to believe they are cowards and liars, you wanna see that good person YOU fell in love with. Yes, the MM is married - but at the end of the day - it takes two to tango, MM knows what he has to lose and if he is happy to be there involved with the OW - one might wonder whether his love for his wife is somewhat loose and so is his marriage. He is the only one who knows what’s going BOTH at home and with the OW - he has all the power to suit himself. The OW doesn’t know what’s up with his family, are his feelings for his wife gone? does he want to leave her and start a new life? is he as free/brave/honest in his decisions as he claims to be? he says he is truthful to you and gets upset that you don’t trust him and “making a lowlife out of him” - you just learn to believe blindly. It’s not about being or not being a victim, but because you trust you can f*** up your life. If I was with him and some guy was trying to lure me in by being lovey-dovey/buying me a yacht and Beverly Hills mansion/sending me nudes with coronal, sagittal and axial planes or videos of him jumping like a kangaroo with his d*** out - I would still just tell him to f*** off. because I would have the only man I want and love, why on earth would I want anyone else? Edited June 21, 2021 by BiancaSW Link to post Share on other sites
Author BiancaSW Posted June 21, 2021 Author Share Posted June 21, 2021 also, using the other person who loves you for your own entertainment is the shittiest thing one can do to another human being. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts