Author BiancaSW Posted June 18, 2021 Author Share Posted June 18, 2021 4 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: This was one of your first mistakes - trusting a married man who cheats on his wife. yep. Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted June 18, 2021 Share Posted June 18, 2021 25 minutes ago, BiancaSW said: It’s not hard for a grown up man to say I will never leave my family darling, but I like you and wanna have fun. Yes, but it is hard for a grown man to say this AND convince another woman to be involved with him. Some women have no issue with it, but there are many women who do. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BiancaSW Posted June 18, 2021 Author Share Posted June 18, 2021 (edited) 4 minutes ago, Starswillshine said: Yes, but it is hard for a grown man to say this AND convince another woman to be involved with him. Some women have no issue with it, but there are many women who do. very true. he didn’t know where I stood when he brought it up, he started with I met you and fell for you, don’t think of me as a lowlife but I want to build sumthin if you trust me. that’s it. no blameshifting. and yup, I shud have not trusted, but I did. And yep, I’ve been asking him same question every week for 12 months and the answer was still the same. no action, he blamed COVID lockdown on it. COVID screwed lotsa things up for lotsa ppl, so hard to judge here. said had it been not for COVID i wudve moved out. and yep - again I shud not have listened, but I did. Edited June 18, 2021 by BiancaSW Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 18, 2021 Share Posted June 18, 2021 34 minutes ago, BiancaSW said: there is no fantasy dynamics. this is the language he used in his every text for 12 months. he always called me wee and tiny, and I need to be cared after. I am short height-wise. In other words, it was part of the fantasy for him - the fantasy he sold you that you bought hook, line, and sinker. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 18, 2021 Share Posted June 18, 2021 33 minutes ago, BiancaSW said: “You are tiny in my arms. Cute wee lamb.” “Well u are a wee cutie pie in my arms”... It’s all bollox - but if you read it on a daily basis it engraves in your brain He talks to you like a child, not a grown woman. I would have found this disturbing. Honestly. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 18, 2021 Share Posted June 18, 2021 57 minutes ago, BiancaSW said: I was just saying that I was always honest with him at all times - from the very start and he knew where I stand and what I want / what I don’t, that’s all. That’s nice. He obviously did not extend the same respect to you. 59 minutes ago, BiancaSW said: if he said from the start what he wants / doesn’t want this rship would not possibly happen. Exactly. Most women will not entertain the idea of having sex with a married man who says “I love my wife and I’m not ever going to leave my family.” There is a very small population of women for whom it would be acceptable to have sex with a married man. Married me know this, which is why they are dishonest. It’s not rocket science. You seem to be under the illusion that life should be fair. If you are honest with him about your intentions = he should be honest regarding his intentions toward you. If he promised you something = he should follow through and do what he promised. If he gets you pregnant = he should at the very least support you and do what is required of a father (regardless of circumstance). It doesn’t work that way. Life is not this way. I don’t know how you could still be so naive after all that has happened, but here you are - stomping your feet as you insist that it’s just not fair that he wasn’t honest with you and that he won’t give you the decency of a conversation or an apology. You need to get over that - that’s not the way things work sometimes… When you walk into a hornets nest, you really can’t be surprised when they sting you. It’s just not very wise to then say - “I didn’t intend to bother them. I don’t know why they stung me!” 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 18, 2021 Share Posted June 18, 2021 (edited) 1 hour ago, BiancaSW said: if i could not trust him - how would I trust anyone. Please don’t insult our intelligence by telling us that - “if I can’t trust this married man, then I guess can’t trust anyone.” Bianca - you knew he was untrustworthy. You knew that he was lying and cheating on his wife. It boggles my mind how many women profess on this board that they can trust their married men when the most obvious and important thing they know about the man is that he is lying to and betraying his wife! It’s illogical. There are plenty of good, kind, decent, responsible, honest, and ethical men in the world. Just because you trusted a man that you shouldn’t doesn’t mean that you should never trust anyone again. It means - you need to be more discerning about the people you trust. If you purposefully chose to ignore red flags like - this married man is pursing me and I know him to be a serial cheater - you will get hurt. You can’t then throw you arms in the air like a victim and say “I guess I can’t trust anyone.” This man was never to be trusted. End of story. Edited June 18, 2021 by BaileyB 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 18, 2021 Share Posted June 18, 2021 21 minutes ago, BaileyB said: He talks to you like a child, not a grown woman. I would have found this disturbing. Honestly. There is a lot of immaturity on display here He is the one doing the crying like a child and she joins in... and he treats the OP like a child with this infantile type pillow talk. They seem like two kids hiding away from the grown up world, that is until his wife found out and he went running back to his Mummy... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted June 18, 2021 Share Posted June 18, 2021 10 hours ago, elaine567 said: Ok but did you not see the inconsistency? He has a fluid personality. a chameleon . He will be the person anyone wants him to be as long as it suits him. Actually the more that is revealed about this guy the more I think you are right about him being a sociopath. There is also apparently a category "personality disorder not otherwise defined" (something like that) which might fit as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 18, 2021 Share Posted June 18, 2021 Have you been to the doctor for prenatal care? Do you plan to raise the child yourself? What is your plan as far as childcare, etc.? While you are at the doctor, be very honest (about being with a marred man who runs around) so they can do the appropriate STD testing. Clearly you weren't using protection. Make sure they also test for blood-borne STDs like HIV, hepatitis, syphilis, etc. It's never too late to be responsible and do the right thing for your health. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BiancaSW Posted June 18, 2021 Author Share Posted June 18, 2021 (edited) 58 minutes ago, elaine567 said: There is a lot of immaturity on display here He is the one doing the crying like a child and she joins in... and he treats the OP like a child with this infantile type pillow talk. They seem like two kids hiding away from the grown up world, that is until his wife found out and he went running back to his Mummy... May be you are right Elaine, I was feeling very secure and protected - people were telling me he is weak, but I did not want to hear or know. Work colleagues who knew him for 10 yrs were really happy we started to go out, they wanted him to leave the wife. I don’t know the whole story - but I know girls at his workplace raised it with him couple of times before he got with me that he needs a divorce <- they might have known sumthin I didn’t. They knew him better than me... “Well I hope you are sleeping my wee tiny lamb. I’d love to be standing at the bottom of your bed watching you sleep. (Hope that doesn’t sound creepy). Night Night xxxxx sweet dreams wee yin X” <- I’ve never ever felt so safe in a rship and he said he feels safe and protected with me.These were cruel things to say if he didn’t mean them. Edited June 18, 2021 by BiancaSW Link to post Share on other sites
Author BiancaSW Posted June 18, 2021 Author Share Posted June 18, 2021 28 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Have you been to the doctor for prenatal care? Do you plan to raise the child yourself? What is your plan as far as childcare, etc.? While you are at the doctor, be very honest (about being with a marred man who runs around) so they can do the appropriate STD testing. Clearly you weren't using protection. Make sure they also test for blood-borne STDs like HIV, hepatitis, syphilis, etc. It's never too late to be responsible and do the right thing for your health. yeah everything is in place, no health-related issue from that perspective either 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 18, 2021 Share Posted June 18, 2021 1 minute ago, BiancaSW said: May be you are right Elaine, I was feeling very secure and protected - people were telling me he is weak, but I did not want to hear or know. Work colleagues who knew him for 10 yrs were really happy we started to go out, they wanted him to leave the wife. I don’t know the whole story - but I know girls at his workplace raised it with him couple of times before me that he needs a divorce <- they might have known sumthin I didn’t. They knew him better than me. “Well I hope you are sleeping my wee tiny lamb. I’d love to be standing at the bottom of your bed watching you sleep. (Hope that doesn’t sound creepy). Night Night xxxxx sweet dreams wee yin X” <- I’ve never ever felt so safe in a rship and he said he feels safe and protected with me.These were cruel things to say if he didn’t mean them. Is he Scottish?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author BiancaSW Posted June 18, 2021 Author Share Posted June 18, 2021 7 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Is he Scottish?? how do you know? lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 18, 2021 Share Posted June 18, 2021 Do you have people in place to help you with the baby once it's born and someone to babysit while you work? I know it's early but never too soon to plan for the "wee one" (who is actually the only wee one). 8 minutes ago, BiancaSW said: “Well I hope you are sleeping my wee tiny lamb. I’d love to be standing at the bottom of your bed watching you sleep. (Hope that doesn’t sound creepy). Sorry but this does sound creepy to me. Almost incestuous. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 18, 2021 Share Posted June 18, 2021 Just now, BiancaSW said: how do you know? lol The words he uses. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NYAG Posted June 18, 2021 Share Posted June 18, 2021 3 minutes ago, stillafool said: Do you have people in place to help you with the baby once it's born and someone to babysit while you work? I know it's early but never too soon to plan for the "wee one" (who is actually the only wee one). Sorry but this does sound creepy to me. Almost incestuous. Very creepy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 18, 2021 Share Posted June 18, 2021 6 minutes ago, elaine567 said: The words he uses. He sounds like he wears a kilt. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 18, 2021 Share Posted June 18, 2021 10 minutes ago, stillafool said: He sounds like he wears a kilt. I wish there was a 🤣 on the like button. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 18, 2021 Share Posted June 18, 2021 (edited) 35 minutes ago, BiancaSW said: Work colleagues who knew him for 10 yrs were really happy we started to go out, they wanted him to leave the wife. I don’t know the whole story - but I know girls at his workplace raised it with him couple of times before he got with me that he needs a divorce <- they might have known sumthin I didn’t. They knew him better than me... Kindly, their opinion does not matter. The only opinion that matters is his and he has made his own decision. They apparently didn’t know him better than you do if they thought he was seeking a stable, healthy relationship. All evidence to the contrary. No doubt, they saw the “work persona” which you now know, is far from the true character of the person. Edited June 18, 2021 by BaileyB 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 18, 2021 Share Posted June 18, 2021 33 minutes ago, BiancaSW said: Work colleagues who knew him for 10 yrs were really happy we started to go out, they wanted him to leave the wife. These are not your friends. Friends don't cheer on a single woman dating a married man. Anyone with a grain of sense knows this will bring trouble into her life, and his. Again, it's not a good look for a Teacher. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 18, 2021 Share Posted June 18, 2021 (edited) 9 minutes ago, stillafool said: These are not your friends. Friends don't cheer on a single woman dating a married man. Anyone with a grain of sense knows this will bring trouble into her life, and his. If anything, I have to wonder if they were just enjoying the gossip of an office affair. The work day can be long and tedious… True friends would warn you to stay away from the married man who cheated on his wife in public after a work party… Edited June 18, 2021 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author BiancaSW Posted June 18, 2021 Author Share Posted June 18, 2021 3 minutes ago, BaileyB said: If anything, I have to wonder if they were just enjoying the gossip of an office affair. The work day can be long and tedious… don’t know, possibly Link to post Share on other sites
Author BiancaSW Posted June 18, 2021 Author Share Posted June 18, 2021 8 minutes ago, stillafool said: These are not your friends. Friends don't cheer on a single woman dating a married man. Anyone with a grain of sense knows this will bring trouble into her life, and his. Again, it's not a good look for a Teacher. not a good look for a Teacher? Link to post Share on other sites
Snakesalive Posted June 18, 2021 Share Posted June 18, 2021 1 minute ago, BiancaSW said: don’t know, possibly I might have missed it earlier in the thread but why oh why were you having unprotected sex with this guy? Was it his idea ? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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