Would you consider it 'normal' that a girl who has cheated several times with the same guy avoid him?

[Zebarbu]

Especially if they live in the same place and all the other flatmates know about the affair?

[d0nnivain]

Normal is such a loaded word.  

Sounds more like the girl is trying to avoid temptation.  

What's your interest?  Are you the person she was cheating with & now you feel miffed because she is avoiding you?  If you ever cared about her, be OK with the distance she's putting in here.  It sounds like she's making an effort to stop cheating on her SO.  At the very least she has chosen to ignore you so don't bring drama.  Let her actions roll off you like water off a duck's back.  

[Zebarbu]

2 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

Normal is such a loaded word.  

Sounds more like the girl is trying to avoid temptation.  

What's your interest?  Are you the person she was cheating with & now you feel miffed because she is avoiding you?  If you ever cared about her, be OK with the distance she's putting in here.  It sounds like she's making an effort to stop cheating on her SO.  At the very least she has chosen to ignore you so don't bring drama.  Let her actions roll off you like water off a duck's back.  

Thanks for your response,

The reason nothing has happened since he arrived is because he's here in the flat and spending 24/7 with her. I haven't texted her, she hasn't texted me. It would be impossible for anything to happen.

He's leaving the 17th.

I'm just going to leave it be and see what happens after.

Edited June 15, 2021 by Zebarbu

[d0nnivain]

Well gee. . . she was with you in his absence.  Now that he's here, she is picking him.  What does that tell you about how she feels about you? 

[Zebarbu]

1 minute ago, d0nnivain said:

Well gee. . . she was with you in his absence.  Now that he's here, she is picking him.  What does that tell you about how she feels about you? 

That she probably just wants sex... which is absolutely fine for me because I've told her I don't want anythign serious.

[d0nnivain]

Well if all you want is sex, then don't blow it by getting between her & him while he's here.  Just go about your business. 

[Zebarbu]

10 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Well if all you want is sex, then don't blow it by getting between her & him while he's here.  Just go about your business. 

No way would I want to get between them when he's still here haha!

Is that possibly why she's avoiding and being cold with me then? Some sort of guilt/regret? Maybe even some worrying that her BF will figure it all out.

I wonder what will happen when he leaves?

 

 

[glows]

Why do you care if she's cold considering you don't want anything serious? It sounds like you're too emotionally involved.

Do you date others also?

Edited June 15, 2021 by glows

[d0nnivain]

13 minutes ago, Zebarbu said:

Is that possibly why she's avoiding and being cold with me then? Some sort of guilt/regret? Maybe even some worrying that her BF will figure it all out.

I wonder what will happen when he leaves?

Yeah.  

What happens next will probably depend on what happens between them while he's at your flat. 

[Zebarbu]

11 minutes ago, glows said:

Why do you care if she's cold considering you don't want anything serious? It sounds like you're too emotionally involved.

Do you date others also?

i've got a date lined up on the 18th

[Zebarbu]

2 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Yeah.  

What happens next will probably depend on what happens between them while he's at your flat. 

Yeah, sure... what she's shown me is that she's capable of having sex despite being with him. I'll give it a few days, go to this party with my work mates on the 17th, the date on the 18th, and then see how it goes.

[glows]

5 minutes ago, Zebarbu said:

i've got a date lined up on the 18th

So date others and find a woman not like this one. 

If she cheats on someone else she can also cheat on you. What's the point putting any stock in anything she says or does? It sounds like she's just an fwb (not actually someone you can trust).

[Zebarbu]

3 minutes ago, glows said:

So date others and find a woman not like this one. 

If she cheats on someone else she can also cheat on you. What's the point putting any stock in anything she says or does? It sounds like she's just an fwb (not actually someone you can trust).

Good, that's all I would want anyway! Just to have fun in the moment and that's it. All I'm expressing is curiousity about how she is right now since her BF is here, that really is all.

[ExpatInItaly]

40 minutes ago, Zebarbu said:

All I'm expressing is curiousity about how she is right now since her BF is here, that really is all.

Isn't it obvious? 

She doesn't want him to find out. 

[Zebarbu]

9 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Isn't it obvious? 

She doesn't want him to find out. 

That's how I feel too, to an extent... it could be a plethora of reasons, but it does seem like the most, as you put it, 'obvious'.

If it is that, I just need to relax and wait till he leaves

[Zebarbu]

46 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Isn't it obvious? 

She doesn't want him to find out. 

I'm also quite astonished how 'happy' she sounds, and that's my biggest doubt about it being just because her BF is here...

[basil67]

Her sounding happy with him correlates to the reason I believe she hasn't contacted you: she's having a great time and hasn't given you any thought.  

[mark clemson]

7 hours ago, Zebarbu said:

Is that possibly why she's avoiding and being cold with me then? Some sort of guilt/regret? Maybe even some worrying that her BF will figure it all out.

I wonder what will happen when he leaves?

It sounds like she is ensuring you stay on the back burner (if that) while he's here.  As for what happens when he leaves, you'll find that out soon enough.

So long as he's aware that she multi-dates, there's nothing inherently wrong with "playing 2nd fiddle" IF you're cool with it. Some are, some aren't.

Edited June 16, 2021 by mark clemson

[ExpatInItaly]

15 hours ago, Zebarbu said:

If it is that, I just need to relax and wait till he leaves

For what, exactly?

As long as she hasn't broken up with him for you, you're wasting your time with her. She has no moral compass anyway.

[d0nnivain]

15 hours ago, Zebarbu said:

I'm also quite astonished how 'happy' she sounds, and that's my biggest doubt about it being just because her BF is here...

You are using her for sex.  It's a brave new world. So guess what?  She's using you right back.  You are a warm body while he's gone.  She prefers him (not that her cheating shows that) but her happiness shouldn't matter to you because you are only about the sex right?  You don't want anything serious.  Or do you?  It's time for you to examine your own feelings because honestly from what you are posting you are waaaayyyy more invested than you want to admit.   Especially since you are housemates this has potential to rock your whole living situation.  What's plan B when this blows up in your face?