How to move on from a co-dependent relationship

[Dottie160]

I(30F) been best friends with this guy(35M) for 6 years, and I have decided to cut contact just yesterday when he told me he wanted to date people. I feel crushed and sick to my stomach.

We started as roommates who didn't know each other and became close almost instantly, we hung out for a while before it became intimate. When I told him about my wish to be in a relationship with him and my feelings, he was honest and told me he was seeing me more as friend. Somehow because of our closeness and all, we kept sleeping together for about a year on and off, until he decided to put an end to it because he felt bad for hurting me. I stopped insisting and we went on as friends until now.

The thing is with all this, our relationship became co-dependent to a point where we still did everything together, texted everyday. He got inheritance from his dad and bought a place, and I found a great deal on an apartment close to him (not intended at all). And even when we moved out on our own, with the pandemic and everything, we stayed close, seeing each other sometimes up to 5 days a week.

I now feel in a withdrawal period, it hurts like hell and although I know it will pass, my question is: is it possible for him to realize he loved me now that I'm gone? Or is it straight up wishful thinking?

In the meantime, I'm looking for advice to move on with my life and find myself outside of him, as my life has become full with him and now feels empty. Every little thing reminds me of him.

Thank you in advance for your help.

[BeanCounter]

Is it possible? Of course. But if you're trying to move past him, get that thought of your mind, it's very unlikely.

Maybe try for a rebound guy? Honestly, I think it's the best way to get someone out of your mind. You could potentially even be surprised by someone and find someone you really like that is more in-line with what you're looking for.

Alternatively, get out and make some friends. You're young enough that you can find groups with similar interests to you and meet new people. Keeping yourself busy is the best way to keep someone out of your mind

[ShyViolet]

1 hour ago, CAB390 said:

I now feel in a withdrawal period, it hurts like hell and although I know it will pass, my question is: is it possible for him to realize he loved me now that I'm gone? Or is it straight up wishful thinking?

You need to stop this.  You already told him you had feelings for him a while ago, and he told you that he didn't return those feelings.  That was the point that you should have put an end to this pointless quasi-relationship and stopped torturing yourself.  If he loved you, he would have been in a relationship with you by now.  He wouldn't have rejected you.  Stop kidding yourself.  The only way for you to move past this is to stick to no-contact.  

[Dottie160]

I was only wondering as it takes 2 people to be in a co-dependent relationship and that he may not realize how he feels until I'm gone.

[ShyViolet]

3 minutes ago, CAB390 said:

I was only wondering as it takes 2 people to be in a co-dependent relationship and that he may not realize how he feels until I'm gone.

To be honest, it sounds like this relationship was co-dependent on your end.  Not on his end.

He seemed to have no problem letting you know that he wasn't interested in a relationship with you, multiple times.  And then he had no problem hanging out with you and enjoying the benefits of a FWB situation with no strings attached.  You were the one that kept hanging on and holding out hope for more.  It's time to stop.

[Dottie160]

12 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

To be honest, it sounds like this relationship was co-dependent on your end.  Not on his end.

He seemed to have no problem letting you know that he wasn't interested in a relationship with you, multiple times.  And then he had no problem hanging out with you and enjoying the benefits of a FWB situation with no strings attached.  You were the one that kept hanging on and holding out hope for more.  It's time to stop.

I agree with you that it's time to stop, which is why I have decided to cut contacts and let him know when he reached out again. What confuses me is why he engaged in such a close relationship without having feelings.

I obviously wanted more out of our relationship and I'm at fault for hoping that long, but it is still a fact that he was texting me everyday, stopped by my place almost everyday for a while.

Ultimately, he was as invested as I am, just not with the same feelings apparently. But it makes no sense to me to be this invested with someone for so long if there's nothing there.

I know I may sound desperate as you don't really know the whole background. But it wasn't just in my head.

[ShyViolet]

5 hours ago, CAB390 said:

Ultimately, he was as invested as I am, just not with the same feelings apparently. But it makes no sense to me to be this invested with someone for so long if there's nothing there.

I know I may sound desperate as you don't really know the whole background. But it wasn't just in my head.

It sounds like he viewed you as a friend.  It sounds pretty platonic after the sleeping together stopped.  He liked hanging out with you as a friend.  Why is it hard for you to believe that?  Before that, you were sleeping together.  Friends with benefits.  And he put an end to the "benefits" part because he didn't want to "hurt" you.  READ: He didn't have romantic feelings for you, and he knew that you did, so being a decent guy he knew that sleeping together wasn't a good idea because he wasn't able to return those feelings.