pepperbird2 Posted June 16, 2021 Share Posted June 16, 2021 If you are a WS, how did the affair get started? Was it a spur of the moment type thing or were you actively looking for an ow/om? Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted June 16, 2021 Share Posted June 16, 2021 I have no direct experience on any side of this equation but I am going to guess that no one will own up to looking for it. Lots of "it just happened" and "we couldn't resist." 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Harry Korsnes Posted June 16, 2021 Share Posted June 16, 2021 8 hours ago, pepperbird2 said: If you are a WS, how did the affair get started? Was it a spur of the moment type thing or were you actively looking for an ow/om? Curiosity killed the cat. I wish i knew. Link to post Share on other sites
torn_heart Posted June 16, 2021 Share Posted June 16, 2021 8 hours ago, pepperbird2 said: If you are a WS, how did the affair get started? Was it a spur of the moment type thing or were you actively looking for an ow/om? Spur of the moment, I found someone I thought would be a good friend because we had so much in common, and suddenly it became an affair. From day one she knew I was in a relationship and when we started she also was, but suddenly we got together. Link to post Share on other sites
Bittersweetie Posted June 16, 2021 Share Posted June 16, 2021 8 hours ago, pepperbird2 said: If you are a WS, how did the affair get started? Was it a spur of the moment type thing or were you actively looking for an ow/om? When my A started my H and I were living over two thousand miles apart temporarily. I was lonely and resentful and I thought I'd look online for someone to fill in the gaps...I didn't have any intention of meeting at first, just emails. I looked at a married web site because I wanted the expectations to be set up front. But then I went down that slippery slope of "it's okay if we just chat" then "it's okay if just meet up for a drink" etc etc etc. So while I didn't start out actively looking to be a MW in a full blown affair, I also pushed ahead through all the caution signs that were there for myself. I self-justified all my actions plus all of the validation I received through the web site also helped with my poor self-esteem at the time. What is so frustrating and upsetting to me is looking back there are so many points where I could've stopped going down the path I was on, and I didn't. I just didn't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
denwickdroylsden Posted June 17, 2021 Share Posted June 17, 2021 I was always openly on the alert for A opportunities. Some with ppl in the workplace, or elsewhere. Some sought out on line. I wanted it, I went after it, when I could get it, I did not hesitate. I even cheated on ppl I was cheating with. Am 100% different now and a safe partner with a person who knows (most of) my history. No excuse for the long trail of damage and broken hearts I left behind me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pumpernickel Posted June 17, 2021 Share Posted June 17, 2021 I met xMM while on a girls trip. He was at the same location for a business conference. We happened to stay at the same hotel. Then we found out that we lived really close. Well not really close but a 90 minute drive apart. I was single at that time. He was in a long-term M. Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted June 17, 2021 Share Posted June 17, 2021 I've never personally been in that situation... because when I commit to someone... I'm loyal. But, I digress. I have 2 female friends, who I've been listening to their story for years. Both are similar. Both were married, and their H was neglecting them in some way. (Such as working long hours) both have several kids, and wanted H to help more with them. (but from what I saw, they were) Both had several friends at work, and a guy "Friend" showed them attention. (both over several years) now..... 1) Friend #1 was working a second job, and it was later in the evening. They would often go out in groups to get a drink after work. She told me she hit the "F**k-it" stage one night, and they got a hotel room. She also told me that her and her H were hardly ever having sex anymore, and she just needed the attention. (but with her working 2 jobs, and having 3 kids... I'm sure lack of sex was on her too) It went on for years before she felt guilty, and told her H. They are still together, and working on things... but it's almost like they are room mates. 2) Friend #2 just got tired of her H. He is a good guy, and a friend of mine. Anyway, she started hanging out with this guy from work... and somewhere along the line, the nights out (away from the kids) it was ok for her to stay the night. I don't think (at first) she told her H that it was a guy. I'm guessing that it was supposed to be at one of her female friend's houses. But over..... I'm guessing 4 or 5 years... the truth came out. They are still married... she wants a D, but keeps saying they stay together for the kids, and she can't afford the house without her H. Honestly... I don't know why her H puts up with it. At this point... they are married, but single... if that makes any sense. The A is out in the open, and neither will file. But, I will continue to listen to her drama because she was instrumental in helping me recover from my D. I have one more female friend who "Got married to save her relationship" with her BF of (at that point) 6 years. She had to propose to him... and had to do all the work to get the house they lived in. After being married for 6 months... she realized it was a mistake. While her H is a nice guy... he is the epitome of a "Man Child". He forgets appointments... he has to be told 3 or 4 times to do basic things (needed household things) he will drop dirty laundry on the floor in front of the basket... he will let household chores go until it's a tipping point. She let him pay bills for a while... and their internet got turned off.......... And so on. She started hanging out with a guy she knew from a while ago, and things just developed over a few months. And that was enough for her to go file for her D. She told me she wasn't sure at first, but then saw what it was like to be with a guy who can take care of himself... and knew that she didn't want to be her H's mom any longer. I think officially... they made it a year married when she started the paperwork. Funny.... I don't know a single guy who started an affair. Anyway... I hope those stories help give some insight. Link to post Share on other sites
Pumpernickel Posted June 17, 2021 Share Posted June 17, 2021 14 hours ago, Bittersweetie said: I looked at a married web site My brother did that, and then that very site was hacked with ransomware or something (Not sure it was the same site as yours obviously) - My brother confided in me out of all people, and he was literally scared to death for two years that some information would be sent to his wife. (He hasn’t mentioned it for a few years now, so I think it’s all good, but I think he also learned his lesson.) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bittersweetie Posted June 17, 2021 Share Posted June 17, 2021 2 hours ago, Pumpernickel said: My brother did that, and then that very site was hacked with ransomware or something (Not sure it was the same site as yours obviously) - My brother confided in me out of all people, and he was literally scared to death for two years that some information would be sent to his wife. (He hasn’t mentioned it for a few years now, so I think it’s all good, but I think he also learned his lesson.) Yes, I was on the same site. At the time I used it, I didn't have to provide payment information so I registered under a fake name and address. But when all that news came out, it was understandably very difficult for my H, who knew about my use of the site. I even started a thread about it here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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