TEN93 Posted June 18, 2021 Share Posted June 18, 2021 (edited) Hi. My girlfriend and I have been together for 18 months. It's been a rollercoaster of issues. We started rocky, and it's continued this whole time. We formed a bond and feelings for each other, though we have stayed together more than most other couples would (or put up with). I've been building a house and it's nearly finished. She has been settling her old house legally because of a separation with her ex partner (which has been drama this whole relationship with us and has contributed to a lot of issues). Her house isn't settled, and is going through Lawyers. I had the discussion with her that I would like her to move in one day. But because things have been rough, I've erred against it straight away and have instead told her that she can stay there but not move everything in straight away. I said it will take some time for us and I need some time to myself with it. I am thinking of breaking up with her now. I cannot and will not be allowed any time to myself by her. If I do, or want to stay with my family etc all I do is get abusive and snide messages. Now with my house. It is entirely my savings and name on it. I have planned this for years well before her time. Now it's done, she has offered ideas on things and while I have listened and taken things into account I have wanted to do what I want to do with a few things. She gets downright nasty about it. I wanted to landscape my back yard in a way I liked, and it conflicted with "Her" ideas. Instead of being supportive of my ideas and positivity with my house, all I get is negativity and nastiness. She will pick on everything and everything with my house, and when I speak up and say it is my house and my earnings I get told she will never come over, I am an idiot, everyone who agrees with me is stupid etc. My issue is now - I feel almost physically sick. I feel fearful around her now as any disagreement where I am calm about it I cop abuse, relentless phone calls and more. I feel like any power I have had in my life is being questioned, manipulated and stolen (which is hard for a guy to admit to that). I have repeatedly told her that it is fine to disagree about things, but the comments and nastiness is unacceptable. I just get gaslighted in return. She suffers with depression, anxiety and has been rumoured by her doctors to possibly suffer BPD. This has happened with my yard, driveway set up, internal things in the house - every single thing. I guess my question is - what are your thoughts on this and should I just leave & run? Edited June 18, 2021 by TEN93 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 18, 2021 Share Posted June 18, 2021 1 hour ago, TEN93 said: should I just leave & run? Before the sun sets today. She is abusive. Plain and simple - and simply unacceptable. There is no reason to keep her in your life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 18, 2021 Share Posted June 18, 2021 I get the house is your project, your house, your money but where is there room for your gf here? 18 months is not long but it is long enough to be seen as a team and to plan a future together. You are not wrong in wanting to be "independent" and to not listen to her ideas, as it is YOUR house, but that is not going to gel with many woman, who once they see a house will want to build a nest and put their own stamp on it You are getting in the way of that, hence why she is pushing back. It is probably too late to salvage this relationship, the house is now a huge bone of contention, but in order to share a life you have to be prepared to share... BTW always steer clear of anyone who is in a drama filled relationship with an ex. That relationship will sour any other going forward. Most cannot compartmentalise well enough to be able to be on one hand angry and upset with the ex, and on the other to be all sweetness and light with you. I guess you are getting the brunt of her frustration with her ex. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 18, 2021 Share Posted June 18, 2021 She sounds very nasty & very negative Stop thinking about breaking up & break up already. Landscape & decorate your house & you see fit. Enjoy! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 18, 2021 Share Posted June 18, 2021 15 hours ago, TEN93 said: My issue is now - I feel almost physically sick. I feel fearful around her now as any disagreement where I am calm about it I cop abuse, relentless phone calls and more. This has happened with my yard, driveway set up, internal things in the house - every single thing. should I just leave & run? Yes . Run.👟👟 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted June 24, 2021 Share Posted June 24, 2021 If you start to feel ill and fearful around anyone, that alone should tell you to get out of the situation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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