tempuser146 Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 The background for my situation is long, but it's simple: I'm in love with someone. Without any hesitation I can say that she is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. We dated for quite awhile before we called it off so we could each have some time to gain some perspective. This was more for her sake, but after the amount of time we'd been together without it moving forward, I figured if the separation would help her finally be ready to move on - it was worth it. During the separation, I had two semi-serious relationships. I wasn't able to let either of them proceed beyond a certain point because of my love for girl #1. Now, after rebuilding the friendship with girl #1, having numerous talks and even spending some fairly-quality time together - I find myself still waiting for her to be ready. Basically, I'm willing to wait awhile to see if things will work out. I've proven to myself that I'm unable to move forward in another relationship until I know for certain that things won't work with her. My question is simple - do you have any advice on how to get through the next few months while she is still 'finding herself?' Note that finding herself does not necessarily mean dating anyone else. It might, but mostly it's supposed to be time for her to be self-sufficient and not leaning on anyone. Thus, I find myself thinking about her and being ready to move forward with my life - but not able to... Link to post Share on other sites
flakyapplepie Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/359 http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/18 http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/172 Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 Whenever I hear or see the phrase, "finding myself," it takes a lot of grit not to say, "Look in the friggin mirror! You're right HERE fercryinoutloud!" It's self-help book BS. She won't find what she's searching for by meandering around the country or anything of that nature. What she's looking for is already inside her. IMHO, I think it's shorthand for "I don't want to be in a relationship right now," so I'd advise you to move on. Yes, it's going to be painful, but you've been through pain before and you survived just fine, right? Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
hunnibee858 Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 You need to move on darling. She is withholding what she really feels trying to spare your feelings. If you love someone there should be nothing to think about except sharing a future with them, not needing time to yourself. You seem sweet. There are plenty of women out there. Dont let her bring you down. Stand strong and keep yourself happy. You dont need to hang around any longer, cause all she is doing is taking you for a ride and it will only hurt more in the end. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
JohnJohn Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 IMHO, I think it's shorthand for "I don't want to be in a relationship right now," so I'd advise you to move on. Yes, it's going to be painful, but you've been through pain before and you survived just fine, right?Good luck. I second this. If a person really loves you and wants to be with you then they would never risk losing you while they "find themselves". Link to post Share on other sites
Author tempuser146 Posted October 18, 2005 Author Share Posted October 18, 2005 I think I've made it too clear that I'd always be here and that she should feel free to take her time to make sure that she's ready. If I were to loosen that grip and just go away for a bit, I'm guessing the behavior may change. Each of the two times before when I started pursuing someone else - just to see what it was like - girl #1 changed her tune and started being more into the relationship. Normal human response. However, we've talked about it and both realize we have things to work on and figured we should be working on them separately. I don't completely agree - but do see some benefits in fixing some personal flaws while separated as opposed to dealing with too much at once. Thus, the waiting... Link to post Share on other sites
Ruff Ryder Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 To all play boys and play girls, maried, single, flirting etc, this is for you, please pass to all people that you know In love and life don’t ever play games. If you love someone, TELL them, if you don’t, TELL them. The human heart is a very complex thing in that it makes us do the strangest things when it reaches a point of desperation especially when we are hurting. I’m sure many of us have reached that point where we find ourselves attacking the competition “in the name of LOVE” even attacking the object of your affection, some of us have even found ourselves hiding behind bushes or tagging the car playing spy. At the end of it all, relationships, whether friendships or romance, need two elements to survive - COMMUNICATION and COMPROMISE and it needs another two elements two fall apart – PRIDE AND STUPIDITY. Too proud to say I’m sorry, too proud to say I’m hurting, too proud to say I’m feeling a little insecure. And so stupid, stupid enough to let them go because you think they will be back, stupid enough not to tell them that you love them because you think they will stick around longer if you play hard to get, stupid enough not to answer their calls when you have a fight because you want to make them hurt and you want to teach them a lesson they’ll never forget. Watch out you are not the one who learns a lesson. If it’s worth a great person walking out of your life, possibly for good, then by all means knock yourself out. But don’t cry when that person never calls again, or finds solace in another’s arms, or throws themselves off a twenty story building because the pain you were causing them was too much to bear. Don’t cry when a beautiful relationship is broken and can’t be fixed because YOU chose to play games instead of laying your cards on the table and working it out. Say exactly what you feel and ask exactly what you want to know. No matter how STUPID you sound. At least you will know exactly where you stand. And even if after you’ve poured your heart and it still doesn’t work out, you will be at peace because you know you did your best on your part. Your conscience will be clear and you will move on knowing that you didn’t go down without a fight. Loving someone is not a game. People are not pyramids; you can’t go off on your own selfish trip and expect to find them in the exact same spot you left them weeks ago. If you don’t take care of your partners needs when they need you to, what guarantee do you have that somebody else won’t. So when you find your partner in your best friend’s arms or hear they are getting married to someone you thought was just a “rebound trip” after you let them go without a fight: Don’t cry, ‘cause while you were busy playing games…….SOMEBODY ELSE WASN’T Link to post Share on other sites
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