My husband has been cheating on me for the last 3 years

[stillafool]

9 hours ago, husbandcheating said:

Ever so often, we do engage in physical intimacy and he still attends our family gatherings, outings with kids, family vacations, and even proclaiming me on social media outlets knowing I love to share our relationship with our friends and family. He always makes it a point to post me on special occasions which to me always says "we are OK".

But everything you love to share about your happy relationship is pretty much a lie if he has been seeing another woman for 3 years.  I have a Taurus brother and yes he cheated  on his 1st wife with a Scorpio for 4 years before he divorced his wife and married her.  When our other brother commited suicide he ran to the Scorpio for comfort before he even told his wife.  He of course loves his 2 boys and the Scorpio has been a great step mom to them.  Don't underestimate the affair your husband is carrying on with this other woman and don't think that what they are doing will just magically end one day.  Be prepared.

[lana-banana]

Social media means nothing. It certainly means less than creating a business and looking at property together! It could be that he ultimately won't divorce, but you can't take that chance. Talk to a lawyer before you confront him.

Edited June 20, 2021 by lana-banana

[husbandcheating]

14 minutes ago, stillafool said:

But everything you love to share about your happy relationship is pretty much a lie if he has been seeing another woman for 3 years.  I have a Taurus brother and yes he cheated  on his 1st wife with a Scorpio for 4 years before he divorced his wife and married her.  When our other brother commited suicide he ran to the Scorpio for comfort before he even told his wife.  He of course loves his 2 boys and the Scorpio has been a great step mom to them.  Don't underestimate the affair your husband is carrying on with this other woman and don't think that what they are doing will just magically end one day.  Be prepared.

Hello Stillafool. On the subject of signs, this woman is a scorpio, through the many of texts I have gone through, at the beginning of November some time is when he sent her birthday wishes. 

Thank you. I am hoping that this woman will disappear.

If I may ask, how long was he married to his 1st wife? We have known each other half of our lives and I guess I just don't see him giving that up.

[husbandcheating]

1 hour ago, BaileyB said:

If that’s not a world, I don’t know what is - 

This is not about sex. 

I guess what I mean is, it is not bigger than the world we created. 

[BaileyB]

1 minute ago, husbandcheating said:

I guess what I mean is, it is not bigger than the world we created. 

It’s still another world that he IS creating with another woman, in secret from you. That is the problem. 

And yes, social media posts mean nothing when your husband is having sex and buying property with another woman. It simply means that he is really good at keeping up appearances…

[BaileyB]

This feels like edith 2.0. 

She is 13 years down the road from you… only her husband is a whole lot less invested with his other woman than your husband. 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/topic/587945-my-husband-has-been-cheating-with-the-same-woman-for-over-a-decade-is-this-serious/

Edited June 20, 2021 by BaileyB

[husbandcheating]

17 minutes ago, lana-banana said:

Social media means nothing. It certainly means less than creating a business and looking at property together! It could be that he ultimately won't divorce, but you can't take that chance. Talk to a lawyer before you confront him.

Alot of people always say, social media means nothing, but it means to me that he is willing to show the world, or the people that are in our world that he loves, acknowledges me as his wife and love in his life. To me, his posting on social media, lets everyone know I am the one he is with. Yes he did create a business with her but that is in the dark, social media is light. A business can dissolve and no one knows about it. 

[lana-banana]

4 minutes ago, husbandcheating said:

Alot of people always say, social media means nothing, but it means to me that he is willing to show the world, or the people that are in our world that he loves, acknowledges me as his wife and love in his life. To me, his posting on social media, lets everyone know I am the one he is with. Yes he did create a business with her but that is in the dark, social media is light. A business can dissolve and no one knows about it. 

All it shows me is that he is invested in his identity as a loving family man. It doesn't mean he is one (and he clearly is not). I know it's not common for men to leave marriages over affairs but this is different from the typical affair situation that we see on this website. Ignore this at your peril.

[BaileyB]

11 minutes ago, husbandcheating said:

Alot of people always say, social media means nothing, but it means to me that he is willing to show the world, or the people that are in our world that he loves, acknowledges me as his wife and love in his life. To me, his posting on social media, lets everyone know I am the one he is with.

When my friend was cheating on her husband and her marriage was breaking up, her husband was posting happy family photos. Social media was used to portray and image that was far from reality. 

11 minutes ago, husbandcheating said:

Yes he did create a business with her but that is in the dark, social media is light.

If this is how you are attempting to dismiss this relationship in order to justify staying in your marriage, that is your prerogative. 

Choosing to ignore reality does not mean that it does not exist. Good luck to you. 

Edited June 20, 2021 by BaileyB

[understand50]

OK, husbandcheating,

From a long time husband, You do not seem to know if they are being physical.  Married men can have close relationship with other women, and  not cross the line into cheating.  The best thing you can do is ask and put everything on the table. For those who say, "no,  gather evidence", I think, in your case you are not going to get a smoking gun, because I think there is none. I could be wrong.  My wife does have an old High school boyfriend that she does talk to from time to time.  (time measured in years), and I know she discusses her life with him.  I have several "girl" friends, that I have known all my life, and we discuss our lives from time to time. They are my sounding boards.  Yes, I have affection for them, but it is friendship, and from knowing them from my very early childhood.  I also, have long term male friends I can and do talk to from time to time.  All of my friends serve as sounding boards, and I to them, of just things, when we both need to talk.  Now I am now saying this women is one of those.  The big difference with me, is my wife knows about all of my friends, and have met them from time to time.  

So, going forward, talk to your husband, you may find this is more of a friendship then a "love"  Keep in mind, a good friend is hard to find, and there is a bit of "love" involved.  I have always said, that if one of my fiends called, I would not hesitate to show up with a firearm, pickup truck and shovel. (you get the drift) You need to insist that he "share" his friend with you, if this is not a emotional affair, and keep you in the loop.  If he is talking to her to work things out, just let him know, you expect to brought into the loop when he is ready, but NO SECRETS.

Now, I could be wrong, and If I am, disregard.  But, I want to state that not everything,  is what we think, and among human relationships, there is room for many relationships, many if not most do not have to threaten a marriage. Bottom line, talk to your husband, find out, and move to a open and honest discussion.  You may find out the worst, but you may find something else.  Here's hoping for the best.

I wish you luck....

 

 

 

[husbandcheating]

21 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

This feels like edith 2.0. 

She is 13 years down the road from you… only her husband is a whole lot less invested with his other woman than your husband. 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/topic/587945-my-husband-has-been-cheating-with-the-same-woman-for-over-a-decade-is-this-serious/

Wow.

[husbandcheating]

8 minutes ago, lana-banana said:

All it shows me is that he is invested in his identity as a loving family man. It doesn't mean he is one (and he clearly is not). I know it's not common for men to leave marriages over affairs but this is different from the typical affair situation that we see on this website. Ignore this at your peril.

Thank you lana-banana. He not only posts our family, he posts me with loving captions and honestly just showing the love off. I do understand what you are saying.

[BaileyB]

You want to know if this is a platonic friendship turned business partner, ask him. People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. 

The fact that he has carried on in secret from you says a lot… 

[husbandcheating]

5 minutes ago, understand50 said:

OK, husbandcheating,

From a long time husband, You do not seem to know if they are being physical.  Married men can have close relationship with other women, and  not cross the line into cheating.  The best thing you can do is ask and put everything on the table. For those who say, "no,  gather evidence", I think, in your case you are not going to get a smoking gun, because I think there is none. I could be wrong.  My wife does have an old High school boyfriend that she does talk to from time to time.  (time measured in years), and I know she discusses her life with him.  I have several "girl" friends, that I have known all my life, and we discuss our lives from time to time. They are my sounding boards.  Yes, I have affection for them, but it is friendship, and from knowing them from my very early childhood.  I also, have long term male friends I can and do talk to from time to time.  All of my friends serve as sounding boards, and I to them, of just things, when we both need to talk.  Now I am now saying this women is one of those.  The big difference with me, is my wife knows about all of my friends, and have met them from time to time.  

So, going forward, talk to your husband, you may find this is more of a friendship then a "love"  Keep in mind, a good friend is hard to find, and there is a bit of "love" involved.  I have always said, that if one of my fiends called, I would not hesitate to show up with a firearm, pickup truck and shovel. (you get the drift) You need to insist that he "share" his friend with you, if this is not a emotional affair, and keep you in the loop.  If he is talking to her to work things out, just let him know, you expect to brought into the loop when he is ready, but NO SECRETS.

Now, I could be wrong, and If I am, disregard.  But, I want to state that not everything,  is what we think, and among human relationships, there is room for many relationships, many if not most do not have to threaten a marriage. Bottom line, talk to your husband, find out, and move to a open and honest discussion.  You may find out the worst, but you may find something else.  Here's hoping for the best.

I wish you luck....

 

 

 

Thank you understand50. It is a very physical relationship as they talk about their sex life within text messages. For his birthday, I did something very romantic for him and the whole time, I was thinking he was focused on us, on me. I took him to my fathers beach house for a couple of nights away from our children. I found out that as soon as we picked up the kids and was home, he was  communicating with her.  He told me he needed to work on his actual birthday and that they were getting a run through for the reopening but he actually spent his whole day with her.  He spent days with me in which I did think we were having a great time and that again he was focused on me but he immediately threw himself back into her. She expressed her discontent of our beach trip and he told her he understood and that he went because I had planned it and how I had told everyone what we were doing and he was only "obliged" to go. The day after his birthday is when she was sending him photos of their day which included a home I suppose is hers, a chef, pictures of them snuggled up, videos, a bartender. He praised her and there was much more but their relationship is very physical. 

 

[husbandcheating]

9 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

You want to know if this is a platonic friendship turned business partner, ask him. People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. 

The fact that he has carried on in secret from you says a lot… 

It is not platonic. They talk about it. One minute they have gone from talking about their clients in this business to sex to kids. A mashup of conversations but sex is involved.

[BaileyB]

9 minutes ago, husbandcheating said:

It is not platonic. They talk about it. One minute they have gone from talking about their clients in this business to sex to kids. A mashup of conversations but sex is involved.

You say that in such a detached and unemotional way…

[husbandcheating]

6 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

You say that in such a detached and unemotional way…

It's honestly unbelievable and I don't understand the point when he has me and our family. He is here every single night with us and behaves this way. He shows me affection, and is present. So why? There is no need to talk to any other woman in the way that he is other than me. 

[stillafool]

56 minutes ago, husbandcheating said:

If I may ask, how long was he married to his 1st wife? We have known each other half of our lives and I guess I just don't see him giving that up.

He was married to his first wife for 16 years.  They met in college and married right after graduation.  He was craaaaazy about her when they first met.

 

24 minutes ago, husbandcheating said:

The day after his birthday is when she was sending him photos of their day which included a home I suppose is hers, a chef, pictures of them snuggled up, videos, a bartender. He praised her and there was much more but their relationship is very physical. 

My brother's Scorpio was a restaurant owner when they met.  She closed down her restaurant for his birthday, hired a band, her best chef, and wined, dined and sexed him to no end.  He was seeing stars by the end of the night according to him.

[Starswillshine]

2 hours ago, husbandcheating said:

Thank you Starswillshine. I am not ok with this woman. I am waiting for him to finally dump her. Just last week he posted a beautiful post on his social media page and later that night I found out he was at an early dinner with her right before he came home to play games with the kids. We have too many years together. 

I am so sorry that happened to you. This is ridiculous.  

The best thing you can do is make sure he knows you will not put up with that. 

Gather all the information. Print things out, throw it on the table, and say you're out. Either he straightens up or he doesn't. You have to be willing to lose it all to save it. 

It's a gamble, of course, but if you do not do something he will just continue as is until one of you gets tired of it. 

[ExpatInItaly]

25 minutes ago, husbandcheating said:

So why? There is no need to talk to any other woman in the way that he is other than me. 

...ask millions of betrayed partners, every single day. 

And yet, cheaters still cheat. You are doing an incredible amount of mental gymnastics with yourself to convince yourself that he is still invested in this marriage and in you. 

[husbandcheating]

30 minutes ago, stillafool said:

He was married to his first wife for 16 years.  They met in college and married right after graduation.  He was craaaaazy about her when they first met.

 

My brother's Scorpio was a restaurant owner when they met.  She closed down her restaurant for his birthday, hired a band, her best chef, and wined, dined and sexed him to no end.  He was seeing stars by the end of the night according to him.

He threw away 16 + years with a woman he knew who he had children with for a woman he didn’t know? Did he act as he was still in love? I wonder what made him make a crazy decision as that! Has he gave you insight on that and the reason behind it? That is a big wow for me. He married early just as we have. I am always under the assumption that he won’t throw away what we have for this thing he has on a side. 
 

From the text messages he always sends her is always says “he has never been loved like she loves him and how he loves her” “how she speaks to how he has always wanted to be loved and she knew without discussing it” Reading that was a blow to me.

It is so much that I have read and it kills me every single day.

[husbandcheating]

32 minutes ago, Starswillshine said:

The best thing you can do is make sure he knows you will not put up with that. 

Gather all the information. Print things out, throw it on the table, and say you're out. Either he straightens up or he doesn't. You have to be willing to lose it all to save it. 

It's a gamble, of course, but if you do not do something he will just continue as is until one of you gets tired of it. 

This is very frightening. We have children and he is a wonderful father. I also love him, we have too much history to throw away.

[ExpatInItaly]

1 minute ago, husbandcheating said:

we have too much history to throw away.

And yet he is doing exactly that by having an affair to begin with. 

Unforuantely, even long marriages sometimes come to an end. Having a lot of history together does not guarantee that someone's feelings won't change to the point that they leave. 

[Starswillshine]

26 minutes ago, husbandcheating said:

This is very frightening. We have children and he is a wonderful father. I also love him, we have too much history to throw away.

We had a good marriage. 4 kids. And 20 years..... I was also a SAHM. I get how scary it is. But I am so much happier now that I dont have to deal with the deceit. IMO, it is scarier when everything is great, yet they are stabbing in the back. It is the most deceitful when they act like everything is fine. 

[stillafool]

30 minutes ago, husbandcheating said:

He threw away 16 + years with a woman he knew who he had children with for a woman he didn’t know? Did he act as he was still in love?

Yes and I don't think it was easy for him but the pull was too great.  No I never discussed his decision with him but of course my parents threw a fit.  After 16 years they didn't act like they did when they first got married but he did and acted like a good husband.   Anyone can put on an act for a little while.