My husband has been cheating on me for the last 3 years

[Indigo Night]

4 hours ago, husbandcheating said:

Hello everyone, thank you again for your responses. I will be able to reply to everyone tonight as I will have time with the boys out of my house.

 

I wanted to bring up something my therapist brought up. Wedding Rings.I wear my wedding ring faithfully and sometimes my husband does not where his, but when we do family outings, trips, events with family, weddings, and things of that nature, my husband always puts his ring on.

The therapist that I have (she is religious) stated that is he is wearing his wedding ring, then that is a sign that he is committed to our marriage and myself. There is much more. But I wanted to get everyones perspective on him wearing his wedding ring. She stated that someone that really wanted to leave his marriage wouldn't wear the thing that signifies commitment to the marriage and the person.

I know you all have responded but the wedding ring is what I want would like your opinion on.

 

Thank you again.

You don't seem to want to listen to anyone who has been where you are. Went keep posting is you aren't willing to take any advice, and just keep grasping at straws? There were women who liked it when my ex wore his wedding ring. It made them feel like the 'stole' him from me, and added a special thrill to their affair. I know because I asked one of his long time flings. The ring turned her on.

Grasp at straws all you want, but the bottom line is he is cheating on you. Will it take him getting sometime pregnant, or giving you an STI, for you to actually gave what he's doing? 

Your therapists comment about the ring is absurd! I've been a therapist for 10 years, and can't say that right had ever crossed my mind. Perhaps you'd be better served talking to summertime not religious based. The ring means a lot more to you than it does the woman/women shaving in an affair with your husband. Summer see if as a challenge. Others see it as a guarantee that he wont get serious. Then there are those who just don't care. Your therapist put a lot of value onto a ring that is pointless on a man who cheats. 

 

[NYAG]

6 hours ago, husbandcheating said:

Hello everyone, thank you again for your responses. I will be able to reply to everyone tonight as I will have time with the boys out of my house.

 

I wanted to bring up something my therapist brought up. Wedding Rings.I wear my wedding ring faithfully and sometimes my husband does not where his, but when we do family outings, trips, events with family, weddings, and things of that nature, my husband always puts his ring on.

The therapist that I have (she is religious) stated that is he is wearing his wedding ring, then that is a sign that he is committed to our marriage and myself. There is much more. But I wanted to get everyones perspective on him wearing his wedding ring. She stated that someone that really wanted to leave his marriage wouldn't wear the thing that signifies commitment to the marriage and the person.

I know you all have responded but the wedding ring is what I want would like your opinion on.

 

Thank you again.

I don't know about that. If he's only wearing it some times then it must mean he's being selective. What is he doing on the days when he's not wearing it? Does it mean he wants people to think he is single or does he sometimes just not put it on in the morning if he's just pottering around the house all day?

[elaine567]

7 hours ago, husbandcheating said:

...when we do family outings, trips, events with family, weddings, and things of that nature, my husband always puts his ring on.

The therapist that I have (she is religious) stated that is he is wearing his wedding ring, then that is a sign that he is committed to our marriage and myself.

So by that logic, when he is not wearing his ring he is not committed?

[HadMeOverABarrel]

What kind of therapist is this? Is this someone who is professionally credentialed such as a masters degree in behavioral health and holds a state license to practice mental health?

Or is this someone at a church or religious institution that "counsels" people?

How many years has this person been in the mental health field? What are their areas of specialization? What techniques and modalities do they utilize?

[Starswillshine]

A big fat L.O.L.

The OW in our case bought herself a band to wear on her wedding ring finger (she was single), so she could pretend to be his wife when they were together. 

His vows mean crap, how do you expect the ring to signify something? 

[tynkrbel]

husbandcheating,

Why Are You Here  ?? ?? ??

What is it You are seeking from Us ??  Are You looking for 'approval' that You stay in this Marriage ??  You don't seem to have an 'issue' with Your Husband cheating. You 'justify' staying with Him, constantly praise what a 'good' Husband/Family Man He is.  Since You are TOTALLY accepting of this - STAY !! -  but know You 'sugar coating' what kind of Man He is.  Reality is You are Married to a cheating, lying Man who has no respect or regard for His Wife and Children.  He's a Man without Character (cheats and lies), and has no Morals (cheats and lies).

If this is okay WITH You, it's okay FOR You.   You're wasting Your time being here - and You're wasting Our time.

I'm done.

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, husbandcheating said:

I wear my wedding ring faithfully and sometimes my husband does not where his, but when we do family outings, trips, events with family, weddings, and things of that nature, my husband always puts his ring on.

It's part of his double life. On with the ring when he pretends to be a good husband and father. Off with the ring when he's prowling around impregnating teenagers.

 Hopefully your therapist is licensed, objective, qualified and personal religious views will not obscure advice that is in your best interest.

[tynkrbel]

P.S.

Your therapist realizes You're accepting of Your Husband cheating  - AND  - She realizes if She says what You want to hear, You will keep coming back and pay Her fee(s).  She knows Your Husband is only committed to HimSelf.  He wears His ring because He knows it makes You happy  AND  Your therapist knows what You want to hear and keeps You coming back.

Now, I REALLY am done

[introverted1]

10 hours ago, husbandcheating said:

Hello everyone, thank you again for your responses. I will be able to reply to everyone tonight as I will have time with the boys out of my house.

 

I wanted to bring up something my therapist brought up. Wedding Rings.I wear my wedding ring faithfully and sometimes my husband does not where his, but when we do family outings, trips, events with family, weddings, and things of that nature, my husband always puts his ring on.

The therapist that I have (she is religious) stated that is he is wearing his wedding ring, then that is a sign that he is committed to our marriage and myself. There is much more. But I wanted to get everyones perspective on him wearing his wedding ring. She stated that someone that really wanted to leave his marriage wouldn't wear the thing that signifies commitment to the marriage and the person.

I know you all have responded but the wedding ring is what I want would like your opinion on.

 

Thank you again.

You need a new therapist.

[BaileyB]

1 hour ago, Starswillshine said:

The OW in our case bought herself a band to wear on her wedding ring finger (she was single), so she could pretend to be his wife when they were together. 

Yikes! That’s another level of delusion…

[heartwhole2]

Your husband is only wearing his ring when he knows family members and his wife will be bothered that he's not. It doesn't mean anything positive. It just means that he's not married in his mind except when he has to put on a show. I think this is what the therapist was trying to point out to you -- not to make you feel better that he wears it sometimes.

You can't be a good husband half the time and OW's boyfriend the other half of the time. Having a mistress that you're funneling family money to means you are being a crap husband.

You're not going to find magic proof that he loves you and wants to stay married to you. It's just not there. Maybe if you get firm and have a hard boundary around not dating other people while married to you, then he'll decide he'd rather be the family man with his kids every day and put in the effort. But that's a big if. He's already shown he is willing to lie and cheat to get what he wants. He's already disrespected you so much.

Only you can put a stop to it by saying you won't be married to someone with a girlfriend.

[serial muse]

OP you can speculate endlessly about what this or that means - rings, social media posts, texts, offhand comments about houses and the future (both to you and to her!).

But asking him outright to end his affair is perhaps the quickest way to get the answers you're looking for, and to find out what he actually wants. See what he says. 

Edited August 16, 2021 by serial muse

[heartwhole2]

44 minutes ago, serial muse said:

OP you can speculate endlessly about what this or that means - rings, social media posts, texts, offhand comments about houses and the future (both to you and to her!).

But asking him outright to end his affair is perhaps the quickest way to get the answers you're looking for, and to find out what he actually wants. See what he says. 

And then, most importantly, see what he does.

[Lisa_Lisa]

5 hours ago, tynkrbel said:

husbandcheating,

Why Are You Here  ?? ?? ??

What is it You are seeking from Us ??  Are You looking for 'approval' that You stay in this Marriage ??  You don't seem to have an 'issue' with Your Husband cheating. You 'justify' staying with Him, constantly praise what a 'good' Husband/Family Man He is.  Since You are TOTALLY accepting of this - STAY !! -  but know You 'sugar coating' what kind of Man He is.  Reality is You are Married to a cheating, lying Man who has no respect or regard for His Wife and Children.  He's a Man without Character (cheats and lies), and has no Morals (cheats and lies).

If this is okay WITH You, it's okay FOR You.   You're wasting Your time being here - and You're wasting Our time.

I'm done.

We should stop replying to her questions and only respond to any action she's taken in her situation. We're running around in circles wasting our time giving advice and thinking thoughtfully about how to respond to her. We are all her therapists. Please stop the madness. Stop engaging. 

[vla1120]

16 hours ago, husbandcheating said:

I know you all have responded but the wedding ring is what I want would like your opinion on.

Wearing his wedding ring (or not wearing his wedding ring) means ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!! Your therapist is way off base (and religion has nothing to do with it, either!) Talk about grasping at straws....

My first husband, who cheated, wore his ring ALL THE TIME. My second husband, who was very committed to me, never wore his wedding ring because of his job. 

[DingDang]

16 hours ago, husbandcheating said:

Hello everyone, thank you again for your responses. I will be able to reply to everyone tonight as I will have time with the boys out of my house.

 

I wanted to bring up something my therapist brought up. Wedding Rings.I wear my wedding ring faithfully and sometimes my husband does not where his, but when we do family outings, trips, events with family, weddings, and things of that nature, my husband always puts his ring on.

The therapist that I have (she is religious) stated that is he is wearing his wedding ring, then that is a sign that he is committed to our marriage and myself. There is much more. But I wanted to get everyones perspective on him wearing his wedding ring. She stated that someone that really wanted to leave his marriage wouldn't wear the thing that signifies commitment to the marriage and the person.

I know you all have responded but the wedding ring is what I want would like your opinion on.

 

Thank you again.

My husband wore his ring the whole time he was cheating on me. He never took it off. It means nothing. Your therapist is wrong. 

[Veronica73]

I am somewhat impressed in your self control. You’ve known since what…February? There is nooooo way in the world I could keep that to myself for six months. Hell, it would probably be hard for me not to confront him before I had time to go to a lawyer and document financials.

[HadMeOverABarrel]

 changed my mind

Edited August 16, 2021 by HadMeOverABarrel

[mark clemson]

11 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

 impregnating teenagers.

Wrong thread WM2...

Edited August 16, 2021 by mark clemson

[ExpatInItaly]

On 8/16/2021 at 2:46 AM, husbandcheating said:

The therapist that I have (she is religious) stated that is he is wearing his wedding ring, then that is a sign that he is committed to our marriage and myself

Your therapist must've gotten her credentials from Comedy College. 

[husbandcheating]

On 8/15/2021 at 5:59 PM, RebeccaR said:

It means nothing and in fact it’s an easy way for him to lull you into a sense of security that doesn’t exist. He is emotionally and physically intertwined with another woman, and lying to you about that fact. There is literally no cost to him of putting on the ring knowing it makes you happy.

Thank you @RebeccaR. The ring doesn't particularly make me happy. This isn't something I make him do. 

Thank you again.

[husbandcheating]

On 8/15/2021 at 6:56 PM, Pumpernickel said:

Your therapist said that? Seriously?

Wearing a wedding ring means nothing. He’s not even wearing his wedding ring all the time - just “sometimes”. How much do you pay your therapist? Two peanuts an hour? Sheeeesh - Get real woman

 

@Pumpernickel Yes she did. She is a religious marriage counselor and therapist. 

[husbandcheating]

On 8/15/2021 at 8:32 PM, Indigo Night said:

My ex wore his ring while he cheated on me. Your therapist is WAY off base! I'm a therapist, and would never claim that his wearing his ring meant nothing more than putting on a show for family. 

Thank you @Indigo Night She put a lot of emphasis on him still being in the home, the ring, etc. Just at yesterdays session, she emphasized how my husband still wants to be with me as yes he is still in the home and he could have made a decision not to do so but something seems to be hindering his process of this affair. That the affair could stem from something in his childhood or something else but the fact that he is still deciding to come home and be in the home. That he is deciding to still do things for me as his wife, he is committed to being my husband. 

[husbandcheating]

On 8/15/2021 at 8:39 PM, BaileyB said:

That seems like a ridiculous thing for a therapist to say.

You yourself state that he does not wear his ring - except when he is putting on a show for you and everyone else at a family gathering. That’s very much in keeping with what everyone has been saying to you, is it not. This marriage is for show, 

@BaileyB She did say this, and put a lot of emphasis on it. He wears it when we go out. Not around the house, etc. I never thought it was for show, Just thought that he wore it when we went out bc we are going out. Not just at family gatherings, but just events in general.

[husbandcheating]

On 8/15/2021 at 10:46 PM, Indigo Night said:

You don't seem to want to listen to anyone who has been where you are. Went keep posting is you aren't willing to take any advice, and just keep grasping at straws? There were women who liked it when my ex wore his wedding ring. It made them feel like the 'stole' him from me, and added a special thrill to their affair. I know because I asked one of his long time flings. The ring turned her on.

Grasp at straws all you want, but the bottom line is he is cheating on you. Will it take him getting sometime pregnant, or giving you an STI, for you to actually gave what he's doing? 

Your therapists comment about the ring is absurd! I've been a therapist for 10 years, and can't say that right had ever crossed my mind. Perhaps you'd be better served talking to summertime not religious based. The ring means a lot more to you than it does the woman/women shaving in an affair with your husband. Summer see if as a challenge. Others see it as a guarantee that he wont get serious. Then there are those who just don't care. Your therapist put a lot of value onto a ring that is pointless on a man who cheats. 

 

Thank you @Indigo NightI do listen to the advice that is being given. While it may seem like I am not, I think about these things every single day and how will I incorporate things that have been said. 

Yes I know that he is cheating on me and I live with this everyday. It is very hard knowing this but also seeing how loving he is towards me and our children.

My therapist did say those things about the ring and she also says that him deciding to remain in our home says a lot. That he is still committed to our marriage regardless of the affair.