My husband has been cheating on me for the last 3 years

[mark clemson]

9 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I don't recall telling OP to leave,

9 minutes ago, Allupinnit said:

Well we're trying to figure out what she wants to know...?

 

Ok - guess I misunderstood what you meant - apologies then.

[HadMeOverABarrel]

10 hours ago, husbandcheating said:

@HadMeOverABarrel can you explain the use of this within my situation?

Sure. Please tell me what you understand about 'sunk cost fallacy' from reading about it, and then I'll help explain how I think it applies to your situation. 

[SolG]

On 7/3/2021 at 3:52 PM, husbandcheating said:

 I don't quite put together the pieces of him not loving me because he is still at home with me. Right now currently sleeping right in our bed, right next to me. If he loved Amanda, he would be in her bed, or their bed but he is in OUR bed,  every night, every morning. I don't see how users are saying he is with me out of obligation or he loves me but not like he loves her. From his actions, his love is with me because this is his home. I am having a terrible time understanding users view on this.

 

On 7/3/2021 at 3:45 PM, husbandcheating said:

I don't understand that and I think this is what is frustrating some users. I don't understand how he can stay in our marriage just loving me as a great caregiver, and woman of the house. The affection, outings, social media etc, these are things that he does not have to do to say I am the great caregiver but he does. I don't make him do date nights or take me out so understanding that he sees me a "great caregiver" is really turning me for a loop that most think this is what it is. Our marriage he still has both feet in.

 

On 7/3/2021 at 4:31 PM, husbandcheating said:

 My husband and I do not have a bad marriage, our days are good. Very good. kids, family, us. There is no boat rocking and we are pretty stable in our everyday life.

As I was telling others in my previous post, many here are saying he is not in love with me but has love for me. My husband still does everything as a husband should, he takes me out on dates, we sleep in the same bad, have sex, he posts on social media about me, he always is just here as my loving husband. He takes me on special trips, and outings as husband and wife and he still dotes on me. This is how I know this Amanda woman is sex and temporary. When he is with me, he isn't worried about communicating with her so to me that indicates possibly boredom when he does contact her. She doesn't get half of the things I get. This is why I do not understand users standpoint here.

 

 

On 7/6/2021 at 6:25 PM, husbandcheating said:

I assume it is hard for me, very hard to see him being out the door when he is here at home with me. It is hard to see through that. He is still an active participant in our marriage. Very active. I have always known it to be true, affairs are for sex especially when your husband is still choosing to be at home and active in your marriage. He NEVER COMPLAINS. We may have disagreements ever so often about the kids but we are a good couple. 

Okay OP, I can see you're having a hard time understanding what a lot of posters here are putting down, and that you have a deep seated belief that physical presence is prima facie evidence of your WH's undying love and devotion to you. I'll offer an analogy that may help you understand the prevailing view that this might not be the case. 

In the corporate world there is a phenomenon called 'presenteeism'. What this is, is where an employee turns up physically for work... but they're not really there. So they're there in person, but not really fully mentally and/or emotionally engaged. Generally it results in the minimum effort required not to get fired. No extra effort, no challenging themselves, no stepping outside of their comfort zone... Just cruising along on autodrive doing what needs to be done, and no more.

Usually it's because they perceive they need to keep the job for some reason, not because they love it. Indeed generally they far from love it! The reasons are manifold. They need the money and have no options, they feel duty bound to stay, it's what they're used to and they're afraid of change, while they're disatisfied with the work they're comfortable with the benefits, etc.

Extrapolate that into relationship territory and you have the partner/spouse who is physically present, but otherwise just going through the motions. Not because they love their SO, but because they're for some reason not willing to rock the boat and are content to maintain the status quo.

This could well be your WH. Present but not engaged. Doing what he knows he needs to do to keep the family unit together, of which you are an integral part. Bit of social media, odd trip away and some alone time, some perfunctory hugs and kisses. No date nights required, no sex required, no really deep and/or meaningful engagement or vulnerability required. No conflict or pushing outside of the relationship comfort zone required... Just the minimum effort required to maintain an even keel. This is not loving, it is ticking the  required boxes.

And if this is the case.. you, by being oh so accommodating are enabling his path of least resistance. All he has to do is be there physically and you're 'happy'. With that box ticked, he's then free to engage in other pursuits that satisfy his other needs - enter the OW. Maybe he's Mr Reliable and Regular with you--and that's all you seem to require--and moonlighting with the OW as Mr Sowing His Oats and engaging in other more daring pastimes?

On 7/6/2021 at 6:43 PM, husbandcheating said:

That Is one thing I do know, my husband does value our family together, as a young boy, his family was split. He said he never wanted that life for our children, he would wake up to his kids everyday and he didn't want me to be a single young mother. That is absolute love. He does value our family a lot. 

Ding, ding, ding! Here appears to potentially be the nub of it OP! He values you. He values the family unit. It is important to him. He will do what he needs to in order to maintain it. That includes exhibiting the behaviour you need to feel loved, as opposed to actually loving you. 

My money is still on a split self affair. He has you as caregiver and mother of his children to which he is loving upstanding father and husband. And the OW to meet his other needs. Between you, the sum provides a whole relationship for him - but separately you are each insufficient in his estimation.

I bet if you confront him he will choose you and the family. He needs you and the family unit more than the OW. And once he's stabilised the situation, he'll either engage the OW to outsource his deeper needs to again (If she's willing), or find another willing participant.

Edited July 7, 2021 by SolG

[Prudence V]

6 hours ago, SolG said:

My money is still on a split self affair.

It does sound like that. 

[husbandcheating]

On 7/2/2021 at 9:08 AM, HadMeOverABarrel said:

Yes, lots of this happening in OP's mind, especially projecting what 'he' needs (he needs to focus on his family to be happy) when really it's what SHE needs but for which she ultimately has no control. Perhaps the projection is a self-soothing defense mechanism--when we don't feel in control, we try to mitigate our anxiety by trying to gain control over our environment or others, especially when we lack tools for self-empowerment or self-realization.  When we are overtaken by fear (of change/loss/the unknown), our mind can concoct all sorts of mental gymnastics to make us feel safe even when we are not.

That's probably bio-evolutionary (sp?). I watched a lecture yesterday about how stress and poor coping mechanisms manifest as diseases in the body. It included how personalities are formed based on early life experiences, how we compensate as adults, how that shapes our behavior in relationships, and how those behaviors can manifest serious diseases in our bodies. 

Look up Dr. Gabor Mate if you're interested. 

Thank you for this @HadMeOverABarrel

[husbandcheating]

On 7/2/2021 at 11:52 AM, HadMeOverABarrel said:

^^^^STEPS 1 & 2

^^^^STEPS 1 & 2

^^^^STEP 3

^^^^STEP 3

^^^^STEPS 1 & 2

^^^^STEPS 1 & 2

@husbandcheating Please notice the patterns here. STEPS (examples outlined above):

1) You are looking for confirmation he is committed to your marriage.

2) You see him do certain things which you believe confirm what you want to see (i.e. confirmation bias).

3) You see evidence to the contrary.

 

Repeat cycle beginning again with 1) You look for confirmation [that THIS TIME] he is committed to your marriage.

YOU WILL CONTINUE THIS MENTAL MERRY-GO-ROUND UNTIL THE DAY YOU DECIDE TO STOP!!

Other people in your situation have started threads wherein they are caught up in this same cycle. Edith's is one such thread. Another was started by Lacey(something I believe). Even LShalcy's thread might be enlightening (OW whose MM successfully hid his marriage from her for 2 years and she is caught in a similar thought loop as you).  They are stuck exactly the same way as you. Perhaps reading their threads will enlighten you with your own situation. Maybe you'll be detached enough from their stories to understand how their situations are harmful to them while at the same time recognizing similar patterns between their stories and yours--mainly with respect to how you and they choose to handle their circumstances.

Thank you again @HadMeOverABarrel and for this breakdown of things. Just some notes on your 1-3

1.  You are looking for confirmation he is committed to your marriage. - I believe this to be true but I also believe he does show me. 

2. You see him do certain things which you believe confirm what you want to see (i.e. confirmation bias).-The things that I see him do are all things that I have never asked for. I guess I am in the mindset of no one is holding a gun to head to stay. If he wanted to leave bad enough, I feel like he would have done it already. I have heard of men marrying women out of an obligation or because the woman became pregnant, those marriages to me never last. We are over the decade mark and have made our life, our life. I don't see a marriage lasting over a decade if the husband is solely there for obligation. I don't see a man staying in a marriage if he did it for obligation doing all of the things that my husband does. I actually do know someone that her husband married her because she had his child. Their marriage lasted all of 3 years. He was not as loving as husband, he didn't do all the things that my husband does. You can tell he was there just for the baby only. He couldn't take it anymore and finally left her. He is now happily married to someone else for about 7 years now. My husband is still here. Packing up the car as we speak. We are going to a water park with the family. 

The Edith thread, I have some of this, it is very long and I will continue to read, but from what I see, her husband still chooses to be with her. My mom always told me "a man is not going to stay where he doesn't want to" so I suppose I am holding on to that as well. I know my husband is cheating and I came here to get everyones insight which I am so thankful for and still trying to make sense out of everything. I do understand he has been with this woman for 4 years but I also know it doesn't trump our knowing each other half of our lives and us being married for over 10 of them. I do feel like she is disposable and I am wondering when he will dispose that relationship.

I was reading other threads on here gaining perspective in The Other Woman thread, and I see a lot of posters tell these women-you are nothing to him. But here users are saying "well it seems like he is love with her". 

[Allupinnit]

@husbandcheating - thanks for coming here and being honest with your story.  I do wish you the best giving your husband the opportunity to do right by you some day.

[Prudence V]

12 minutes ago, husbandcheating said:

I do feel like she is disposable and I am wondering when he will dispose that relationship.

OP, what exactly is your endgame here? Are you like @edith, happy for him to have as many OW as he wants as long as they’re “just for sex”? Are you happy to turn a blind eye to any “extramural pursuits”, as long as he comes home every night? Are you - as some BW on these boards have claimed - less concerned about fidelity, but more concerned about loyalty (or inertia, perhaps)? It’s unclear what you’re really seeing as the goal here, so it’s not clear how we can respond in a way that’s useful to you. 
 

@HadMeOverABarrel suggested earlier you were just looking for confirmation that he loved you, that he was committed to you, that your M was the real deal… is that it? If you’re just wanting people to tell you what you want to hear, you might be disappointed around here. Many people here have had their own experience of infidelity (on different sides; some, on more than one) and so recognise clues that you may be oblivious to, or choosing not to see, and are not going to close their eyes to those and assure you that everything’s fine when it’s evident to pretty much everyone but yourself that it’s not. 
 

If you’re wanting us to tell you that you will outlast his GF, we can’t know that - we can only look at the evidence, and make deductions from that. And the evidence suggests that he’s investing in a future with her. Yes, he speaks of buying a house for you - but as we’ve pointed out repeatedly, you do not co-own his current house, and he doesn’t want you (and the kids) on the street. If it was you he was building the future with, surely by now he would have put your name also on the deed of his house, instead of just talking of buying you your own one? 
 

You’ve given us lots of evidence that he’s invested in the family. No one has ever disputed that, and his words to his brother indicate that he doesn’t want to be a part-time parent. So, he’ll either wait it out with you until the kids are grown, or he’ll leave and (attempt to) take the kids with him. Nowhere in the evidence you’ve given is there any indication that he’s planning a long term future *with you* beyond when the kids are grown. Social media posts and water parks aren’t evidence of that - especially when you have so much counter-evidence.

What, in the evidence you’ve given us (his conversation with his brother; his investing in a future with her; his communications with her) indicates to you that his relationship with his GF is “disposable”? I’m asking for evidence - not his mere presence doing yard work or overnighting in your bed. 

[husbandcheating]

On 7/2/2021 at 12:22 PM, Hurtx10 said:

He is running the show...he is having his cake and eating it too.

 

same thing happened to my cousin decades with her high school sweetheart. He had a relationship with a co worker for years, the other woman got pregnant- and he left his wife, their kids who are in their 20s. He started a brand new life with her.  

My cousin was even willing to raise the baby as long as they stayed together. It’s not going to get any better. It doesn’t matter if you have history. Someone else captured his heart, history doesn’t matter in this case. 

 

So so many wives willing to be the sidechick.

 

Thank you @Hurtx10 for your response.

Your cousin was with her high school sweetheart and he left her for a co worker? I am so sorry to hear that. Was she aware of his relationship with the co worker? Was he still doing family things and being her husband? A family man and being there for her in the marriage, or was he checked out and she knew it?

I know my husband is cheating and I do think this is a mid life crisis but his behavior towards me hasn't changed, if anything, it has gotten better.

"wives willing to be the sidekick" interesting concept

[BaileyB]

15 minutes ago, husbandcheating said:

his behavior towards me hasn't changed, if anything, it has gotten better.

Indeed, and you consider this to be a sign of his commitment to you as his primary partner. 
In truth, he is perhaps trying to assuage his guilt. He is most definitely trying to distract you and keep you happy lest you discover the affair and disrupt his plans. And you, are quite happily obliging. You are definitely buying what he is selling…

[Allupinnit]

1 hour ago, Prudence V said:

OP, what exactly is your endgame here? Are you like @edith, happy for him to have as many OW as he wants as long as they’re “just for sex”? Are you happy to turn a blind eye to any “extramural pursuits”, as long as he comes home every night? Are you - as some BW on these boards have claimed - less concerned about fidelity, but more concerned about loyalty (or inertia, perhaps)? It’s unclear what you’re really seeing as the goal here, so it’s not clear how we can respond in a way that’s useful to you. 

The answer is yes.  In fact I think it's a lot more common than we realize.

[HadMeOverABarrel]

1 hour ago, husbandcheating said:

Thank you again @HadMeOverABarrel and for this breakdown of things. Just some notes on your 1-3

1.  You are looking for confirmation he is committed to your marriage. - I believe this to be true but I also believe he does show me. 

2. You see him do certain things which you believe confirm what you want to see (i.e. confirmation bias).-The things that I see him do are all things that I have never asked for. I guess I am in the mindset of no one is holding a gun to head to stay. If he wanted to leave bad enough, I feel like he would have done it already. I have heard of men marrying women out of an obligation or because the woman became pregnant, those marriages to me never last. We are over the decade mark and have made our life, our life. I don't see a marriage lasting over a decade if the husband is solely there for obligation. I don't see a man staying in a marriage if he did it for obligation doing all of the things that my husband does. I actually do know someone that her husband married her because she had his child. Their marriage lasted all of 3 years. He was not as loving as husband, he didn't do all the things that my husband does. You can tell he was there just for the baby only. He couldn't take it anymore and finally left her. He is now happily married to someone else for about 7 years now. My husband is still here. Packing up the car as we speak. We are going to a water park with the family. 

The Edith thread, I have some of this, it is very long and I will continue to read, but from what I see, her husband still chooses to be with her. My mom always told me "a man is not going to stay where he doesn't want to" so I suppose I am holding on to that as well. I know my husband is cheating and I came here to get everyones insight which I am so thankful for and still trying to make sense out of everything. I do understand he has been with this woman for 4 years but I also know it doesn't trump our knowing each other half of our lives and us being married for over 10 of them. I do feel like she is disposable and I am wondering when he will dispose that relationship.

I was reading other threads on here gaining perspective in The Other Woman thread, and I see a lot of posters tell these women-you are nothing to him. But here users are saying "well it seems like he is love with her". 

I will probably come back to this and comment more when I can, but here are a couple things that jumped out to me as I read it.

Your mom may have inadvertently done you a disservice with that remark, especially by not qualifying it. A person's motives for staying in a marriage are not that black/white. Sometimes it comes down to timing, opportunity, conditions, other factors. 

To say a person is 100% committed to something just because they appear so is not the whole picture. In your case, you related what he said in confidence to his brother. I presume he has a close enough relationship with his brother to share his private thoughts, thoughts that he is not sharing with you. The fact that he is saying these things to brother is an indication of his true intent (unless you can think of some other reason he would intend to deceive his brother with what he said? Probably not.). The fact he's saying this to brother but not you shows his intent to deceive. Plus he's carried on a years long affair behind your back which shows he is good at deception. That's your main problem. He is good at deceiving you. As such, can you really rely on all these little gestures as evidence when he is a practiced deceiver? Isn't it in his best interest to play happy family for you? If he were setting things up to pull the rug out from under you, would he want you to know it in advance? Of course not!  The best way to keep you from knowing is to show you the opposite. To simplify--here's an analogy: a lot of magic is slight of hand. The magician distracts his audience, getting their attention to go one direction, while he completes the illusion in another. That makes the illusion (deception) easier to pull off undetected. Your husband is the magician in my analogy.

Can you imagine if the magician told the audience beforehand, "I'm going to make this ball disappear from my right hand while you look my left hand, so don't look at my right hand, ok? Ready? Don't look where I said not to look!" Then, where would you look? Exactly where the magician told you not to because you'd know that's the secret of the illusion. But! by distracting your attention without telling you what's actually happening...poof! Magic!  Your husband knows he can keep you deceived by distracting you with happy family.

The big difference between your story and the stories on OW/OM forum is your husband actually confided in another person in confidence his true intentions. That rarely happens in the OW/OM forum. Also, people here are picking up on things you've stated about your husband which you are dismissing. You are dismissing them because they are too painful for you to acknowledge. We can see them easily because we are not in the situation as you are.

I think your effort on readimg others' threads is great! Keep doing that. You will learn a lot!

[introverted1]

Respectfully, OP, I think you are confusing your husband's dedication to his children with his dedication to you.  It's clear from the snippet you shared of his exchange with his brother that he does not feel confident in entrusting the children to you as the primary parent, and this seems to be what keeps him with you. Most of the actions you present as "evidence" of his commitment to you are in fact examples of his commitment to his children (like the water park).  Unlike other WS on this board, your husband has invested in his OW significantly, both in terms of time/love and money:  he is investing in a business with her.  This is not something someone does when they are engaged in "just sex." You also have glossed over the fact that your husband tried to get you to leave the marital home 7 years ago.  That is pretty significant! I think your husband has been unhappy for quite some time.  I would be very surprised indeed if he stays with you in the long run.

[HadMeOverABarrel]

53 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

his behavior towards me hasn't changed, if anything, it has gotten better.

Not sure where the original quote is.

@husbandcheating. Anyhow, fwiw, I felt that my involvement with xMM was making his marriage tolerable, too. I felt that he would take all the excitement and sexual energy he generated with me back to his wife. I started feeling like I was doing her work for her in their relationship. Like she could do less, I'd charge him up, and he'd go take that charge back to her. I was the one left depleted. It's one of the things that helped me get out and stay away. 

[LynneVicious]

5 hours ago, HadMeOverABarrel said:

 

The big difference between your story and the stories on OW/OM forum is your husband actually confided in another person in confidence his true intentions. That rarely happens in the OW/OM forum.

 

5 hours ago, introverted1 said:

d in his OW significantly, both in terms of time/love and money:  he is investing in a business with her.  This is not something someone does when they are engaged in "just sex." You also have glossed over the fact that your husband tried to get you to leave the marital home 7 years ago.  That is pretty significant! I think your husband has been unhappy for quite some time.  I would be very surprised indeed if he stays with you in the long run.

These are indeed clues to what the husband is feeling. I am surprised the op is rug sweeping these events, unless it’s too painful to think about. I hope op at least sees a lawyer so she can understand her rights in the marriage should he pull the rug out from her. 
 

Op, I do hope it works out for you, but it would benefit you to be proactive: talk to a lawyer. Talk to your husband about what you know also. 

[pepperbird2]

Sounds to me like this is a case where the WS doesn't want to be the "bad guy", so he'll keep this going as long as he can. If and when the OP decides she;s had enough, he will blame her and claim it's her doing- he was just the attentive husband and dad-he can't imagine where this all came from.🤮

Sound like he's one big chickiensh&t coward.

[husbandcheating]

I am going to reply to everyone individually. Are you all familiar with the spouse taking pictures together during regular and holiday times? 
 

I have found out that my husband has taken numerous photos with her during a regular time as well as during holidays. I also found out that he has spent every day that we have deemed special with her throughout the course of the day.

This is really crushing to say and I am really hurt by it. Our anniversary, he was with her the whole day and I suppose “fitted me in” that night. On other days as well that are supposed to be our special days. 

[S2B]

It’s shocking you continue with him. He has hurt you over and over.

he’s been married to her as much as he is to you…or even more maybe.

[husbandcheating]

On 7/2/2021 at 12:34 PM, Hurtx10 said:

It doesn’t matter because emotionally in his heart where it truly counts, he isn’t yours. 

IMO he sees you as a great caregiver “the woman of the house”- his words. For his children. 

Thank you @Hurtx10. I still don't understand the concept of "for his children". My husband just doesn't do things with me and our children. He goes out with me personally, we have had date nights, we attend friends events now that things are opening up together, not with the kids. 

I am the woman of the house, the only woman, we have all sons.

[husbandcheating]

On 7/2/2021 at 5:07 PM, HadMeOverABarrel said:

Correcting myself from my previous post. Not Lacey(something), but @LaurenEliz.

Here is her first thread (and you should check her second thread she posted months later as well):

 

Thank you @HadMeOverABarrel

[husbandcheating]

On 7/2/2021 at 11:58 PM, elaine567 said:

You appear to have little or no comprehension of how affairs work. he stays for his kids,
Take away the kids factor and you would likely not see him for dust.

it is perfectly possible to maintain a veneer, all the while resenting,  or even hating a partner.
Women do it all the time, they stay for kids, for financial reasons and for "show". they may or may not stray,  and one day once the kids are grown, they are financially stable, or they cannot stand the pretence any longer, they leave... 

Atm he needs you to look after his kids, so is doing the good husband/father thing. because it suits him.
What all cheaters have in common, is they all do what is best for themselves and have little care for anyone else.
ATM he is playing the family man with a mistress on the side, plotting his escape.
If Dday happens such men tend to dump the OW and try to salvage what is left of their marriage  as they don't want to lose their kids or their assets.
Once the flak dies down they often resume things with their OW anyway. Win, win.

What makes your situation different is that your husband is still young enough to start again and that he is caught up financially with this woman. 
if he was 50+ then you could keep up this charade of a marriage and turn a blind eye, as the likelihood being he wouldn't leave.
However here it is a house of cards, anything is possible....
Wake up.

@elaine567 Thank you. You are right, I do have little comprehension of how affairs work. From what I know affairs are for sex, spouses or husbands in particular do not leave their wives. And if they are still staying with the wife, they still love and want to be with the wife. My mom told me a long time ago, that if the man stays, he is staying because he wants to. I also have been under the assumption that when people stay together for the children, it is strictly for the children, there are no proclamations of love, there is no time between the marital unit (i.e. date nights, affection of any kind), everything is solely based around the children. 

"For show"?

"Plotting his escape?" That is heartbreaking as it seems as if I am a prison world for him.

[S2B]

What is your plan?

you staying or divorcing him?

[elaine567]

1 hour ago, husbandcheating said:

From what I know affairs are for sex, spouses or husbands in particular do not leave their wives. And if they are still staying with the wife, they still love and want to be with the wife. My mom told me a long time ago, that if the man stays, he is staying because he wants to. I also have been under the assumption that when people stay together for the children, it is strictly for the children, there are no proclamations of love, there is no time between the marital unit (i.e. date nights, affection of any kind), everything is solely based around the children. 

You can't assume any of that and you shouldn't either.
You have assumed you come from a position of strength, he loves ME, he won't ever leave ME, he is staying for ME, and the kids..
But your position is a bit shaky, since he has been in this affair for 4 long years, they run a secret business together, and he has told his brother he loves her....
You on the other hand are the high school sweetheart he was obligated into marrying due to you getting pregnant at 18.
You had already split up beforehand, so it was hardly the romance of the century...Maybe for you but maybe not for him. 
You think it is oh so romantic, the fact you have been together since HS, but the reality is that this was a guy railroaded into getting married, he cheated on you before too, and now he is stuck with three kids...
He has I guess taken a mistress to make his lot more bearable, as so many do.

As he is still so very young, your position, far from being rock solid, is built on shaky ground.
He may like you a lot, he may love you as the mother of his children but plotting his escape is may be exactly what he is doing... or he may just love being "da man" with two besotted women in tow, who knows?
The problem then being, who does he consider to be his #1?
Who is dispensable who is indispensable?
You, the wife and mother of his children or Amanda, the woman he has professed to being in love with?
 

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, husbandcheating said:

Our anniversary, he was with her the whole day and I suppose “fitted me in” that night. 

That's correct. Affairs are not either/or, they're and. You and his lover.

Affairs are all about double lives. Yes you're "the woman of the house", and she's his lover.

You have half a husband and she has half a man. Sadly he's convinced you that being his housewife is a happy place for you to be.

Does he know that you know about his affair? Or are you just checking his phone?

[Prudence V]

12 hours ago, husbandcheating said:

I am the woman of the house, the only woman

The only woman in *that* house, perhaps. Which is why he wants to move you out, into your own home - so he can move the woman he loves into _his_ house, with him. 
 

This cannot be news to you. He told you 7 years ago he wanted you to move out. He has told his brother he wants to be with his love. He has told you he wants to buy you your own house. You have al, the pieces to the puzzle, but you’re just not putting them together to see the whole picture.