justbrowsing85 Posted August 6, 2021 Share Posted August 6, 2021 26 minutes ago, HadMeOverABarrel said: So as I asked earlier, what are you hoping to get here at Loveshack? ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ I also asked a similar question a dozen pages ago. 🙄 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author husbandcheating Posted August 6, 2021 Author Share Posted August 6, 2021 On 8/2/2021 at 8:15 PM, vla1120 said: What she has “on him” is clearly love and open communication, something he is not currently sharing with you. They are setting the groundwork for their new family together. She’s a secret from you, but not from everyone. His brother knows. Maybe he has met her. Your husband has met HER family. Clearly the only one being kept in the dark is you. Yes, but what are you going to do with this knowledge? It’s not looking good. You are high on hopium. It’s time to come out of the fog, consult an attorney, and protect your assets. If he does buy property while still married to you, that’s pretty dumb because it would be a marital asset. He doesn’t seem dumb to me. Also, you mentioned him not wanting to be pushed, or questioned whether he’s acting out of character. My husband of 32 years is completely different with his girlfriend than he ever was with me. I’m shocked to hear what he will put up with from her when he never acted that way during our 32-yr-marriage. Don’t judge or try to anticipate his behavior with her based on his behavior with you. It is now (way past) time to look after your own interests. Thank you @vla1120 From what I have read, he does not plan on having his name on anything, but plans on putting his money into whatever it is they are doing. Thank you again 1 Link to post Share on other sites
heartwhole2 Posted August 6, 2021 Share Posted August 6, 2021 1 minute ago, husbandcheating said: Thank you @vla1120 From what I have read, he does not plan on having his name on anything, but plans on putting his money into whatever it is they are doing. Thank you again Are you OK with that? At least if the business is in his name, you know your rights in a divorce. If he's silently investing with no paperwork you will have a harder time reclaiming what's yours. It's not his money. It's joint marital money. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jspice Posted August 6, 2021 Share Posted August 6, 2021 You should probably PM the poster called “Edith” … if you don’t know her already … You two can commiserate. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author husbandcheating Posted August 6, 2021 Author Share Posted August 6, 2021 On 8/2/2021 at 8:19 PM, vla1120 said: Actually, to answer my own question, I suspect nothing will be in his name. Everything will be in HER name, as it is in their joint business venture. You need to find out if/where he is stashing money away and follow the money trail to their joint ventures. Otherwise, you risk losing access to quite a bit of your marital assets. Yes you are correct. honestly I do not care about the money, what he makes is what he makes and his hard earned money, he works really hard. And I mean I do not care about the money in the aspect of if we were to get a divorce. I do not like that he is sharing money matters with someone at all. Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted August 6, 2021 Share Posted August 6, 2021 39 minutes ago, jspice said: You should probably PM the poster called “Edith” … if you don’t know her already … You two can commiserate. Yeah, but at least Edith has started therapy now so fingers crossed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author husbandcheating Posted August 6, 2021 Author Share Posted August 6, 2021 On 8/3/2021 at 2:16 AM, NYAG said: Well if she's a secret she's important enough to protect, right? @NYAG is this really an association with protecting? Seems more so hiding. Link to post Share on other sites
lovelychef87 Posted August 6, 2021 Share Posted August 6, 2021 On 6/22/2021 at 1:16 AM, husbandcheating said: Thank you Dis. I actually do work, I just do not make as much as him. I have had the same job for well over 10 years now. It is not that I am turning a blind eye, I just think this is very temporary. We have history, children, our families are tight knitted, and we are married. He has never mentioned divorce in anything that I have read. He in fact said that he wants to keep his household intact. Some people advise he will leave when the kids get older, our youngest is 9 so you are meaning to tell me a man will play a game of charades for 8-10 years. I highly doubt that. One cannot "be fake" for too long. I truly believe that my husband loves me, look at his actions outside of this temporary affair. No man can play that well. I do not want to throw our family away based off of 4 year sex thing vs the love we have had over 20 years. Wendy William ex cheated with same woman for 15yr. LTA happen. Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted August 6, 2021 Share Posted August 6, 2021 1 minute ago, husbandcheating said: @NYAG is this really an association with protecting? Seems more so hiding. @husbandcheating Please tell us what you are wanting to accomplish here. Is it just an endless debate on your husband's motives? You provide details. Posters give their opinions in choir on those details. You then set out to refute those opinions. Meanwhile you are DOING NOTHING in your marriage regarding any of this. What is the point here?? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author husbandcheating Posted August 6, 2021 Author Share Posted August 6, 2021 On 8/3/2021 at 3:29 AM, Prudence V said: If you were a soldier, and you found out your commander in chief was an enemy agent, head of your enemy’s armed forces - would you still trust him to lead you into battle against that enemy? Because that is what you are doing here. Thank you @Prudence V for this analogy Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted August 6, 2021 Share Posted August 6, 2021 16 minutes ago, husbandcheating said: @NYAG is this really an association with protecting? Seems more so hiding. You are so worried about nitpicking over what small words mean… so much so that you’re likely to harm yourself in the future. this is a true form of denial. I hope we are all wrong for your sake but this doesn’t look good for you. Link to post Share on other sites
lovelychef87 Posted August 6, 2021 Share Posted August 6, 2021 On 6/22/2021 at 2:52 PM, stillafool said: But 3-4 years isn't a temporary affair or a fling especially when they have set up a business together. If she is the only one taking care of his sexual needs at present maybe you should fight for your husband between the sheets. You can bet that's where Scorpio is putting in her best work. As a scorpio female we can fake a lot of things we plot and plan as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted August 6, 2021 Share Posted August 6, 2021 3 hours ago, husbandcheating said: We are currently looking at homes for our family...and to that as well, who buys a home "together" but one person won't be living in it You have no idea if your husband is planning to live in that home with you. OP, your self-declared naivete is not an asset. You claim that Amanda is just a distraction, don't mind that your husband is funneling thousands of dollars to her, don't mind that he is planning to invest in property with her, don't mind living in a house for which you are not on the deed, don't mind that your husband declares love for and has sex with someone else. The number of things that you are prepared to look the other way about is staggering. Your husband has cheated before and he's cheating now. Even if your wildest hopes come true and Amanda walks away, what on earth would make you think that your husband won't just find a new AP? It's clear from everything you've shared that while he may be devoted to his sons and to the illusion of being a family man, he is not devoted to you in the way that a husband should be. Is it that you subscribe to a definition of marriage wherein it's ok if the husband has a mistress as long as he does not publicly humiliate his wife and continues to put up a good front of a devoted family man? If this is the case, then I echo the question others have asked: why did you come to Loveshack in the first place? What do you hope to gain from this thread that is now on its 28th page with every poster save one telling you that your marriage is essentially a sham? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 6, 2021 Share Posted August 6, 2021 1 hour ago, husbandcheating said: honestly I do not care about the money, what he makes is what he makes and his hard earned money, he works really hard. And I mean I do not care about the money in the aspect of if we were to get a divorce. You will care in the event that you find yourself divorced with no income and dependent on his generosity/what he is legally required to pay you in spousal/child support. You will be wishing you had paid more attention sooner… 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted August 6, 2021 Share Posted August 6, 2021 3 minutes ago, BaileyB said: You will care in the event that you find yourself divorced with no income and dependent on his generosity/what he is legally required to pay you in spousal/child support. You will be wishing you had paid more attention sooner… Yep. I wonder if by then he will be without assets on paper and unemployed on paper (i.e. no alimony or assets to hand over in divorce) while in actuality he has assets stockpiled in the secret business he owns with Amanda along with its income. OP, for him to walk away from Amanda, he has to give up the business he built with her, his assets he's funneled to her, and who knows what else. He is very invested in her in more ways than one, certainly more than just sex. This is not going to just go away. He's not going to get tired of her so you can carry on the fantasy that lives in your mind. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Allupinnit Posted August 6, 2021 Share Posted August 6, 2021 I think at this point with your complacency you should not be surprised when they sweep the rug out from under you and who knows what you'll be left with. I'm so sorry, I know this hurts like you cannot imagine and don't want to break up your family by forcing his hand. But if you don't sack up now don't be surprised when they decide your fate for you, together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
justbrowsing85 Posted August 6, 2021 Share Posted August 6, 2021 OP - I have to ask. Through out your post, you project utmost confidence of your husband's love to you and your family, be it buying a house with you, his proclamation on SM, he attending family events and vacation, proofs that his heart is with you and your family. Yet why is it that you are so afraid to confront him? Don't you see the contraction here? Internet strangers can offer some insights but why not get the answers straight from the source. WTF with you and Amanda? I want to be empathic but like another posted mentioned, you are being willfully ignorant and your children will suffer because of this. If not for yourself, do take action to protect your children. He is having an affair for three years and counting no less. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
justbrowsing85 Posted August 6, 2021 Share Posted August 6, 2021 i meant to say contradiction... Link to post Share on other sites
RebeccaR Posted August 6, 2021 Share Posted August 6, 2021 OP, has it occurred to you that perhaps you and your husband have little in common? He and Amanda are both interested in business and real estate, in addition to being more compatible sexually (evidently). It seems he needs her companionship because he does not have as much in common with you. Of course you have your history and children in common, and maybe that is enough to keep him from divorcing you, but if he stays with you he will always be looking for more sexually, intellectually and socially. You might just have to come to terms with the fact that your marriage is not meeting his needs. Of course he should be honest about this instead of cheating, but his lack of candor doesn’t change the fact that you two are not well suited. Think honestly about whether there is any truth in what I am saying. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 6, 2021 Share Posted August 6, 2021 1 hour ago, justbrowsing85 said: He is having an affair for three years and counting no less. It is actually FOUR years and counting... 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lovelychef87 Posted August 6, 2021 Share Posted August 6, 2021 (edited) HC do you know if your husband AP has a SO of her own? Is she a single mom? Edited August 6, 2021 by lovelychef87 Link to post Share on other sites
lovelychef87 Posted August 6, 2021 Share Posted August 6, 2021 2 hours ago, elaine567 said: It is actually FOUR years and counting... And who know if the 4yr AP is the first one. who knows how many AP he may have had this 4yr is the one HC caught him in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 7, 2021 Share Posted August 7, 2021 (edited) 6 hours ago, HadMeOverABarrel said: OP, for him to walk away from Amanda, he has to give up the business he built with her, his assets he's funneled to her, and who knows what else. He is very invested in her in more ways than one, certainly more than just sex. And he has no legal claim to any of these things (that you know of OP) just as OP has no legal claim to her home. That’s an awful lot of trust to put in Amanda - he is trusting her to do the right thing by him in much the same way that you are trusting him to do the right thing by you OP. Funny how that works - you depend on him, he depends on her… Edited August 7, 2021 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted August 7, 2021 Share Posted August 7, 2021 2 hours ago, lovelychef87 said: And who know if the 4yr AP is the first one. who knows how many AP he may have had this 4yr is the one HC caught him in. He's cheated before. Here's the summary so far. Bullets 1, 2, and 4 address the cheating that's been revealed to date. On 7/26/2021 at 7:48 AM, introverted1 said: If I can summarize the past 24 pages, the list looks like this: Your husband cheated when you were pregnant with your first child He cheated after your first child was born He married you out of obligation (pregnancy) He's cheating now with Amanda He offered to buy you a house if you would agree to let him leave with the boys (and NO, this is not the type of thing said in anger during an argument) He's told his brother and family that he loves Amanda He's invested significant amounts of money into a business venture with Amanda He's looking into buying land/house with Amanda You and he argue and say "terrible things" He does not engage in intimate conversations with you and your sex life is minimal He shares intimacy -- physical and emotional -- with Amanda. He has never put you on the deed to his house that he jointly owns with his mother He's trying to buy a new house "with" you that many here believe he will not live in with you It doesn't look good. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
heartwhole2 Posted August 7, 2021 Share Posted August 7, 2021 If you buy a new home together, since it was bought after you were married, it will be a marital asset either way. So honestly since you do not seem keen to confront him any time soon, it would be in your interest to make the new home purchase happen sooner than later. 10 hours ago, husbandcheating said: Yes you are correct. honestly I do not care about the money, what he makes is what he makes and his hard earned money, he works really hard. And I mean I do not care about the money in the aspect of if we were to get a divorce. I do not like that he is sharing money matters with someone at all. I've been trying to point out to you that your attitude towards your marriage is connected to the big problem that you are now facing. If you decide that providing well for the family isn't just, you know, his duty as a husband and father, but rather something special that he should be rewarded for with unlimited access to joint funds and the ability to spend them however he wants, then where do you draw the line? It's OK for him to treat the money like his own and spend it however he wants, unless he has a secret girlfriend, and then that's not OK? You don't have to nitpick or monitor all of your spouse's spending in order to have a healthy financial relationship. But you know who earns the right not to be monitored or treated like a child? Someone who doesn't abuse that privilege. You're trying to pretend that he's someone that he just isn't. Don't you work hard? Don't you keep up your end of "the deal"? Then how come you don't get to do secret stuff with the money? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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