blkitty Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 So I’ve been fwb with this guy for a little over a year, emphasis on the benefits. In the beginning we would hookup several times a week now it’s gone to maybe once a week. Even though we’ve been doing this for over a year I still feel like I don’t know him really well, he’s very secretive when I’m just asking casually what he’s doing or what’s going on. And in this year’s time me and him have only been out together ONCE and that was to a restaurant. He wanted to get the food to go but I had already gotten dressed and looking cute so someone else needed to see me looking good. Whenever I used to ask him to go out somewhere with me he would tell me that he really doesn’t go out like that which is fine I understand, I’m a homebody as well but he was just lying to me about that. I know he goes out with his friends to the club and wherever else, and when I texted him and asked him about that he never replied. I really wonder why men can’t give a straight up answer to a straight up question without lying. I really care about him cause he’s been there for me through stuff I’ve gone through this year, and I’m definitely not trying to be his girlfriend or anything cause I don’t see us working in that way, but why can’t we just go to a bar or wherever and just chill and be friends? I’ve always felt like he’s kind of keeping me at a distance for some reason I don’t know why Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 You are his fwb, NOT his gf. OR his friend actually He doesn't want to be seen out with you as he is, sorry to say, not proud of you. He may be seeing some else, has his eye on someone else or may just want to be seen as a young free and single guy out on the town with his mates, he doesn't want you spoiling that. You are getting attached and that is very bad in a fwb situation. Men tend to put women in boxes, you are in the fwb box, he doesn't see you as true friend or gf material. If you don't want to get hurt then end it, as it is going nowhere fast. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 24 minutes ago, blkitty said: So I’ve been fwb with this guy for a little over a year, emphasis on the benefits. Whenever I used to ask him to go out somewhere with me he would tell me that he really doesn’t go out like that which is fine I understand, I’m a homebody as well but he was just lying to me about that. I know he goes out with his friends to the club and wherever else, and when I texted him and asked him about that he never replied. I really wonder why men can’t give a straight up answer to a straight up question without lying. I really care about him cause he’s been there for me through stuff I’ve gone through this year, and I’m definitely not trying to be his girlfriend or anything cause I don’t see us working in that way, but why can’t we just go to a bar or wherever and just chill and be friends? I’ve always felt like he’s kind of keeping me at a distance for some reason I don’t know why First of all... don't make this a "MEN" thing on lying. Both sexes do it. OK... I broke it up some to help you see your own words. First... this is a FWB relationship. AND... to this guy... that EXACTLY what it is. This relationship is only about sex. You wanting to go out, or wanting to know what he is up to tells me that you DO want to be his GF. AND... I'm guessing he doesn't want to be your BF. (for whatever reason) I understand that in your mind, you are trying to justify going out once in a while would make give it the "Friends" part.... but to him... if he's having sex with you... and going out on "Dates" with you... that would make you his GF. You just need to give up on him. Stop having sex with him... and go find someone who actually wants to be your BF. To me... FWB would be a random thing. But saying you would hook up a few times a week... and it has slowed down to once a week.... I'm guessing in your mind... he is your BF, and you are getting mad that he isn't. Not to mention... you know knowing this is a FWB situation... hooking up once a week... when would you find time on looking for an actual BF ????? I've posted this before... but in my life I've had a few FWB/ONS kind of situations. In every case... I had to break it off because, after a while, the girl wanted more, and got crazy, and would accuse me of holding back the truth. But the reality was... I would have never dated these girls. Anyway... do yourself a favor... break it off, and find a real BF. FWB is meant to be a temporary thing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 16 minutes ago, elaine567 said: You are his fwb, NOT his gf. OR his friend actually He doesn't want to be seen out with you as he is, sorry to say, not proud of you. Yep. I don't know why it's known as FWB. The reality is... there is no "Friend" in it. It should be known as F**k Buddies. On the point of not being proud... I will expand on one of my personal FWB situations. The one girl I was hooking up with... she had a SMOKE'N hot body..... but she was a bit homely. (bad teeth, and kind of a hill-billy attitude) I absolute wanted to plow her... but I didn't want to be seen in public with her. OK... I know that makes me sound like a total pig... but it's the truth... and that's what the relationship was supposed to be. Just Sex. But when she started getting upset that we wouldn't go out... I broke it off because I wasn't going to hurt her feelings by telling her why I didn't want to "Date". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 (edited) 3 minutes ago, Blind-Sided said: Sorry.... double post Edited June 20, 2021 by Blind-Sided Link to post Share on other sites
Author blkitty Posted June 20, 2021 Author Share Posted June 20, 2021 40 minutes ago, Blind-Sided said: First of all... don't make this a "MEN" thing on lying. Both sexes do it. OK... I broke it up some to help you see your own words. First... this is a FWB relationship. AND... to this guy... that EXACTLY what it is. This relationship is only about sex. You wanting to go out, or wanting to know what he is up to tells me that you DO want to be his GF. AND... I'm guessing he doesn't want to be your BF. (for whatever reason) I understand that in your mind, you are trying to justify going out once in a while would make give it the "Friends" part.... but to him... if he's having sex with you... and going out on "Dates" with you... that would make you his GF. You just need to give up on him. Stop having sex with him... and go find someone who actually wants to be your BF. To me... FWB would be a random thing. But saying you would hook up a few times a week... and it has slowed down to once a week.... I'm guessing in your mind... he is your BF, and you are getting mad that he isn't. Not to mention... you know knowing this is a FWB situation... hooking up once a week... when would you find time on looking for an actual BF ????? I've posted this before... but in my life I've had a few FWB/ONS kind of situations. In every case... I had to break it off because, after a while, the girl wanted more, and got crazy, and would accuse me of holding back the truth. But the reality was... I would have never dated these girls. Anyway... do yourself a favor... break it off, and find a real BF. FWB is meant to be a temporary thing. I get what you’re saying, but I’m definitely not looking to be his girlfriend he doesn’t have the personality I look for in a boyfriend, but that dick is definitely boyfriend material, I like being single actually, but it’s like of course I’m gonna care about someone that I’ve spent so much time with. But after reading these comments I do realize I should cut it off 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 5 minutes ago, blkitty said: he doesn’t have the personality I look for in a boyfriend, but that dick is definitely boyfriend material. It seems you want to be part of someone's real life but not this guy? Once you stop hooking up with him, you may find someone who cares about you . 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 FWB is a misnomer in many situations. It should be called NSA (no strings attached) sex. This guy is not your friend. He's someone who is DTF you & that is it. He doesn't want to go out in public with you to get food of anything else because that is too much like a date & he is going to great lengths to keep you at arm's length & try to make it abundantly clear to you that this is not a relationship nor will it ever turn into one. You are in his life for one reason only: to have sex. When you asked him to accompany you to various places & he responded that he didn't like to go out, you thought he was lying to you. He's not. The very important prepositional phrase at the end "with you" was silent. The whole answer / rejection was "I don't like to go out with you." More fully it was "I don't like to go out with you because I don't want you to think this is more than just sex." That is very harsh but it's the whole truth. You say you really care for him & that is the problem. You developed feelings. Even if you don't want to be his GF, you still want this to be something more. He's a BF substitute in bed so now you want the substitute other places & he's not open to that. He does not share your feelings / interest. It's only about the sex for him No matter how much sex you have, it will not turn into love or even a deeper friendship. At this point you need to cut your losses I'm glad you are starting to realize that 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 21, 2021 Share Posted June 21, 2021 21 hours ago, blkitty said: I’m definitely not trying to be his girlfriend That's not how it appears, at all. And if we can see that online, he can definitely sense that in person. That is why he's distant. He's keeping you firmly in bed-buddy territory because he doesn't want anything more than that from you. It's time to stop this arrangement. It's causing you distress and it's not just about sex anymore for you. This is only going to end poorly for you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 21, 2021 Share Posted June 21, 2021 (edited) On 6/20/2021 at 5:53 AM, blkitty said: I really wonder why men can’t give a straight up answer The straight up answer here is that you have been giving this man very frequent sex for the past year, and while he has enjoyed the sex that is all he really wants from you. It’s the nature of the agreement that you have agreed to - the function of this relationship is sex. No man is going to turn down no strings attached sex. But just because he has sex with you, it does not mean that he wants to “date” you. On 6/20/2021 at 5:53 AM, blkitty said: I’m definitely not trying to be his girlfriend Sure you are. you have developed feelings for the man and you want to go on a date with the man. It’s in the title of your thread - how do I get him to go out with me? Darling girl, if you want a man to take you out, you need to not be giving him no strings attached sex several nights a week. There is little incentive to do anything more than meet your for sex - if that’s what you are offering. If you want more, you need to require more. Edited June 21, 2021 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 21, 2021 Share Posted June 21, 2021 On 6/20/2021 at 7:19 AM, blkitty said: of course I’m gonna care about someone that I’ve spent so much time with. This is where men and women differ. Don’t make the assumption that he thinks about your relationship or sex the same way that you do, he doesn’t. He is a different person, and he is a man. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 21, 2021 Share Posted June 21, 2021 On 6/20/2021 at 7:19 AM, blkitty said: I get what you’re saying, but I’m definitely not looking to be his girlfriend he doesn’t have the personality I look for in a boyfriend, but that dick is definitely boyfriend material, I like being single actually, but it’s like of course I’m gonna care about someone that I’ve spent so much time with. But after reading these comments I do realize I should cut it off So, you have feelings for the guy but don’t want him to be your boyfriend… You want to be single. You like the sex, but you are going to end it… because why exactly? Link to post Share on other sites
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