Blacksheep33 Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 Hi I have an older brother who has a 4 year old girl and 2 year old boy. I don’t have children of my own. My brother and I used to be close when we were kids but we drifted apart as we grew up. Now we are not close anymore since we are each in our own world and rarely talk to one another. Ever since my brother became a dad, I’ve been going to his house a lot more often since I became an aunt. I love seeing my niece and nephew but for some reason lately I’ve been feeling stupid when I go there because my brother never speaks to me or visits me. Only when he needs something, he reaches out. Like one time he contacted me because he needed someone to watch his kids ASAP. I did him the favor and after that, he didn’t speak to me as usual. Lately every family gathering is at my brother’s house because he has kids while I don’t so I have no choice but go there. It’s like everything revolves around them. My parents know that my brother and I don’t speak a lot. My mom has been telling me that I need to go to my brother’s house more often to see my niece and nephew. I am annoyed by this because I an expected to go, while my brother doesn’t have any obligations towards me. I am supposed to be the “good sister” while it’s okay for my brother to basically ignore my existence. Even though I have a busy life, I’ve visited my brother maybe 15 times in 2 years while he only visited 1 time in 2 years and was a quick 10 minute visit. Am I right to feel annoyed? I feel that if I tell them I don’t want to go, they will see me as a monster. I also don’t know if I’ll ever have kids because I’ve had too many failed relationships. Is this the way things are going to be from now on? I will be the cool aunt and sister while my brother isn’t expected to visit me at all and everyone seems okay with this. We don’t live far from one another and I love my brother and his kids but I feel like I worry too much for someone who doesn’t even care about me at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Pumpernickel Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 Assuming you want a good relationship with your niece and nephew, by all means go visit them. Not sure why you insist that they come visit you. I am sure that as a parent of 2 young children it's easier for him if you swing by every now and then. Especially the 2-year old will make a mess in your house, and maybe your brother just wants to be thoughtful? You are childless, and therefore you're not used to the mess.....all their toys are at their own house as well. I don't know – seems logical to me that you go see them, rather than the otherway around..... Maybe throw them a birthday party or something if you want the family over. Or is your sibling relationship problematic per se? Maybe that's why he's not coming over. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 21, 2021 Share Posted June 21, 2021 You don't have to go more often but with little kids think about the logistics. It's easier for 1 person -- you -- to go to them than it is to get 2 little kids & all their stuff into a car & travel to you. Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted June 21, 2021 Share Posted June 21, 2021 When you say your brother never speaks to you, do you mean even when you are at his house? Do you ever strike up a conversation with him? Maybe he feels you do not have much in common any more, but you could rectify that with a little communication. Do you golf? Hike? Bowl? Maybe you could invite him to go somewhere with you, just the two of you, to reconnect, even if only to a local bar to catch a game. You won't know unless you ask. Maybe he is just tied up in his adult life with his adult responsibilities and just needs a bit of a kick start. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted June 21, 2021 Share Posted June 21, 2021 Only go as often as YOU want to go. You're not obligated to do anything. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blacksheep33 Posted June 21, 2021 Author Share Posted June 21, 2021 You’re right that it does make sense that I visit my brother instead of him coming over with his family. I get that. The fact is how often am I expected to visit my brother since he doesn’t make a lot of effort with me and we barely talk? For example for birthdays, the only way I can see my brother and sister in law is by going to their house. I’ve gone many times to personally give them a small gift or thought. When my birthday came around my brother said he was going to give me my gift whenever I stopped by. So I had to go there to get my gift. I guess it’s always easy for them since they don’t go anywhere and me and my parents always go to them. My brother’s birthday was on a tuesday and I couldn’t go celebrate because I had to work and they he had lunch with my parents at his house. I asked my brother if I could go to his house on the weekend since I had a gift for him and I could also spent some time with my niece and nephew. He said he was going to check with his wife (my sister in law) but he never got back to me at all and I didn’t want to sound pushy inviting myself to his house. I thought it was rude to ignore me and not get back to me. Then a couple of weeks later I get this urgent text from him asking “can you please baby sit my kids tonight from 6 to 10 pm?” It was on a weekday so basically right after work I had to rush to his house. I did him the favor but I just feel like I’m always the one making more effort. I don’t think my parents should be pushy to visit my brother more. I think I’m already doing my best but they act like I’m cold and I’m supposed to be 100% devoted even if they don’t make an effort with me. Link to post Share on other sites
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