everythingbagel213 Posted June 20, 2021 Share Posted June 20, 2021 (edited) I (33M) have been friends with this girl (28F) for about 5 years. We met through common friends and got into a casual sex relationship for a few months. On my end, I really liked her as a friend, we were having a lot of fun and all, but she confessed she had feelings so we stopped seeing each other for a little while. She however wanted to remain friends and I had no objection to that so we started hanging out again with no sex involved. She was going through a difficult time financially so I offered my support, we hung out on a regular basis and texted everyday. Her feelings were always kind of coming and going, and I didn't know how to tell her I wanted to date, so I didn't for a few years. I'm a loner so it was fine by me in a way, dating makes me uncomfortable overall, and I knew it would complicate things and didn't want to lose her as a friend. Since things were slowly coming back to normal in my country pandemic wise, I expressed my desire to see what's out there, and as expected, our relationship clashed. She couldn't bare the idea of me dating other people so she backed off and we didn't talk or see each other for a few months. I've had a few dates since but things never felt right, as if something was missing. I kept wondering how she is doing, what's new with her. I held myself back from texting her so many times because I knew she needed her space, but over time, it made me more and more sad that I couldn't reach out to her. We had so many shared memories and all, and I figured I miss her as a friend, but now it kind of aches and I'm very confused about it. So my question is this : is it possible that I was in love with her this whole time without realizing it? TL;DR : Can we realize we're in love years later once the person is gone? Edited June 21, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed reference to other advice site Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 21, 2021 Share Posted June 21, 2021 Given that you chose to see others instead of talking about having a relationship with her, I think it's unlikely that you loved her. I'd be more inclined to work on the theory that you're lonely and getting a bit misty eyed about the past. Link to post Share on other sites
Author everythingbagel213 Posted June 21, 2021 Author Share Posted June 21, 2021 12 hours ago, basil67 said: Given that you chose to see others instead of talking about having a relationship with her, I think it's unlikely that you loved her. I'd be more inclined to work on the theory that you're lonely and getting a bit misty eyed about the past. Thank you kindly for your reply. The thing is, I wasn't alone until a few days ago, and I actually stopped seeing a girl because I couldn't get her out of my mind... This is what actually confuses me, I wanted to see what's out there and now that I have, it's like no one is good enough. I feel like I idealized the idea of a relationship and didn't realize I had the right person in front of me the whole time. I just don't know why my feelings never showed up before... Link to post Share on other sites
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