Anyone else raised in a strict household who didnt grow up to appreciate it?

[siren8272]

On 6/28/2021 at 3:26 PM, glows said:

I had a strict upbringing. I didn't resent it. I just went outside the boundaries more often and did not give any care. Sure, I was punished. So? I didn't turn to drugs, didn't do anything to damage my health mentally, physically. I remained healthy and an abiding citizen and eventually outgrew the family rules and norms. I earned my degrees, remained financially independent and grew the family business. I like what I am today because a large part of it is owed to the groundwork I had when I was little.  I'm older now and go about my own rules. Over time even parents learn that times change and old ways have room for improvement. Let go of all that resentment eventually.

Make it a practice to keep reinforcing your own beliefs in the way you live. If you keep looking backwards trying to relive the past, you're not moving forwards.

Im not simply "looking backwards" this is part of my therapy as a way to heal and move forward , but i appreciate your comments:)

[BaileyB]

On 6/21/2021 at 11:18 PM, siren8272 said:

She even went as far to say she thinks that a lot of time strict parents create ambitious adults because their main drive is to be so successful they will never be under their parent's  control again.

I have certainly seen this to be true. 

 

Edited July 2, 2021 by BaileyB

[siren8272]

3 hours ago, BaileyB said:

I have certainly seen this to be true. 

 

Paris Hilton and Kim K come to mind both had moms that were toxic ...like kim k's mom threatened to kill her and choked her(this was out of her sister khloe's mouth)...This also explains their behavior towards Kris (their mom)....my mom will make passive aggressive comments about my degrees such as " you did it with my help" or if someone compliments me ..once someone said my outfit from amazon was cute and my mom before i could say it said "thank you" she was like "i knew she wasnt talking to me" with a smirk...she still think she and I are at an age where her acting as she does would get people thinking shes just being a tough love mom BUT im almost 40 and people I see when she does act like this on occasion  look at her like shes nuts they look at me with SYMPATHY. After all this time took until 40 for society to see im not being just a moody teen she really has an issue.

[jspice]

You’re being quite unfair with your responses here. 
You've given very little information and people are trying to answer your question   but you keep accusing them of things they’re not doing. 
 

“Strict” is not “controlling “.

The Hilton and Kardashian mother’s aren’t “strict”, they’re wack jobs and toxic.  If you’re comparing your mother to them she’s probably toxic too and not “strict”.
 

My parents were very strict but we have a friend relationship. I respect the hell out of them but I’m not afraid of them. 

Stop taking every response as an attack. You asked a question and people are giving you experiences. 

[Katkats7777]

I was invited to several slumber parties in grade school and was never allowed too. God forbid, I could get molested by some male at a friends. I was allowed to go to the mall and amusement parks and some b-days parties with friends. But when it came to boys like homecoming, Prom i was forbidden even in my early 20’s when i was still living at home. What good is that? Bad things happen i get it, but not to experience prom or a prom date because god forbid i get knocked up!

[BaileyB]

Kindly siren, and I think you know this - 

What you describe as strict is probably better labeled as emotionally abusive. 

[hotpotato]

I certainly didn't appreciate it. I have, not had, a very controlling family. I was barely allowed to spend the night at someone's house. Once I wanted to spend the night at a girls house who literally live across the street and mom wouldn't let me. After that I quit asking to be social. My family also deprived me of many experiences in their attempts to mold me into what they wanted. 

I get told who I am, what i like, what my abilities are, and what i am going to do with my life. I don't appreciate it. I think they low key taught me a lot of bad habits and made me overly emotionally independent. The only positive thing is that I learned to be headstrong and not listen to other people. If I listened to people I would've missed out on many, many experiences. The bad side is that I don't feel like I need anyone aside from maybe on a superficial levels. 

Now im older, and i am allowing myself to flourish in my own way instead of being shoved in someone else box. 

 

 

[hotpotato]

On 7/2/2021 at 8:07 AM, Katkats7777 said:

I was invited to several slumber parties in grade school and was never allowed too. God forbid, I could get molested by some male at a friends. I was allowed to go to the mall and amusement parks and some b-days parties with friends. But when it came to boys like homecoming, Prom i was forbidden even in my early 20’s when i was still living at home. What good is that? Bad things happen i get it, but not to experience prom or a prom date because god forbid i get knocked up!

Catastrophizing. 

My mom didn't want me to play sports so she made up a story about how I would be molested, by a coach I suppose. 

[LuckyM]

Yes,  and I am much older. My parents were very abusive (literally especially verbally) overly strict, demanding

and punishing for everything or anything.  Then they switched to act like they cared.. They were the King and Queen of the house.

Do I appreciate this?  No one would.  So I am very educated and try to be ambitious, set goals for myself, self-critical.. Some of it I owe to this

bad parental mentality. I think that I succeeded despite them, not because of them. Obviously, I am not over it and never will be. Therapy is no help.

 The opposite is parents who are too lenient and have no rules. Their kids probably have no ambition and do what they please.

[Katkats7777]

10 hours ago, hotpotato said:

Catastrophizing. 

My mom didn't want me to play sports so she made up a story about how I would be molested, by a coach I suppose. 

Same...

Not sure if this is considered "strict" or "controlling" but when I was like 21 she basically forced me to take catholic classes to get baptized at a catholic church. Which in the end I never did go through with it, but I HATED this, this is what she wanted me to become some stupid nun or for me to wait till marriage to have sex. Kept putting things in my head saying that all the guys that I met are drug addicts or are "bad" people. Yeah, look how that turned out, 39 still single, hooking up with 20 year old guys, all because I missed out out sex 18-22, does that make any sense now? And basically whoring myself on Tinder having sex with guys that are 2 decades younger than me all because of her dumb ass rules about not wanting me to be near boys nor go out with guys at 18-25 because fear that I "may" get knocked up, how stupid is she? Um...there is birth control...DUH. Now, at almost 40 I'm looking sad and pathetic living a life that I never got a chance to live.  

Edited July 4, 2021 by Katkats7777

[siren8272]

On 7/2/2021 at 2:18 AM, jspice said:

You’re being quite unfair with your responses here. 
You've given very little information and people are trying to answer your question   but you keep accusing them of things they’re not doing. 
 

“Strict” is not “controlling “.

The Hilton and Kardashian mother’s aren’t “strict”, they’re wack jobs and toxic.  If you’re comparing your mother to them she’s probably toxic too and not “strict”.
 

My parents were very strict but we have a friend relationship. I respect the hell out of them but I’m not afraid of them. 

Stop taking every response as an attack. You asked a question and people are giving you experiences. 

 I use the term strict because many people often conflate strict with toxic/abusive so i use "strict" as an all encompassing word. Finally I asked a question yes , but telling me my therapy isnt working, and attempt to gaslight me has nothing to do with poster's personal experiences. The question was " did anyone else have strict parents growing up and not appreciate it" . I said nothing about how the thread feels about my healing process nor my progression with my therapist. I have a right to counter anything towards my person I feel is incorrect. My educating a person on their toxic views especially when it comes to me is not "taking every response as an attack" by the way gaslighting what you are doing is toxic i ask that you please stop. It wont work on me and I can recognize it from a mile away.  Thank you for your comment though . 

[siren8272]

On 7/2/2021 at 5:34 PM, BaileyB said:

Kindly siren, and I think you know this - 

What you describe as strict is probably better labeled as emotionally abusive. 

People often conflate the two . I have had people consider my getting hit with an extension chord at 10 for not getting along with classmates(who grew up to be criminals by the way) even though i had all A's on my reportcard as just my mom being strict especially here in the south. So to not confuse anyone exactly what I mean I used the word "strict" ....Thank you for being kind and your comments.

[hotpotato]

On 7/4/2021 at 6:30 PM, Katkats7777 said:

Same...

Not sure if this is considered "strict" or "controlling" but when I was like 21 she basically forced me to take catholic classes to get baptized at a catholic church. Which in the end I never did go through with it, but I HATED this, this is what she wanted me to become some stupid nun or for me to wait till marriage to have sex. Kept putting things in my head saying that all the guys that I met are drug addicts or are "bad" people. Yeah, look how that turned out, 39 still single, hooking up with 20 year old guys, all because I missed out out sex 18-22, does that make any sense now? And basically whoring myself on Tinder having sex with guys that are 2 decades younger than me all because of her dumb ass rules about not wanting me to be near boys nor go out with guys at 18-25 because fear that I "may" get knocked up, how stupid is she? Um...there is birth control...DUH. Now, at almost 40 I'm looking sad and pathetic living a life that I never got a chance to live.  

 Sorry to hear that. Ive heard the saying that happy families are the same, but every unhappy family is miserable in its own way. 

I hate the feeling of lost time as well. I do things now I shouldve been doing 20 years ago, but noooo, my family was trying to make me into Steve Urkel. My immediate family allowed me to do very little because of their plans for my life. They hated that I wanted to be athletic. Grandma would laugh in my face if I said I wanted to dance. Mom wouldn't allow me to play sports, but she let my brother play multiple sports and dragged me along to watch. My mom took me to a dr and tried to make the dr tell me to stop exercising. She's been criticizing me for being very active for the past 20 years.  Ive dealt with criticism my entire life because i didn't become a poindexter. My mom was also physical abusive, but I think wasting my potential was more annoying. So now since they refused to let me get lessons when I was younger, I now twerk around a stripper pole. See? Now I do things they really hate. I also do beginner ballet, tumble, and aerial, but look how old I am.

I guess the moral of my story was in the end they change nothing. Overly controlling parents create power struggles that need not exist. If someone has it in their heart to do something, they will do it. 

 

[Miss Spider]

Sorry .. to your thread question, my parents weren’t strict at all( except maybe grades, but nothing too bad) They were the best parents, but I wish they were stricter about me getting to bed on time. My dad would try to get me to go to bed but my mom would allow me to stay up and now my sleep pattern has been problematic into adulthood. I don’t know if that has a lot to do with it., oh well 

 

But I would say that sounds pretty damaging if your parent(s)deprived you have those type of experiences you described growing up. I think a lot times being super strict is often driven by a need to control. Maybe the parents just aren’t happy themselves and the kids take the brunt. I think overly strict parenting can be extremely damaging if it’s to the extent it robs the child of their too much of their identity/autonomy/will and/or it’s enforced with a lot of physical and/or emotional harm( which is often is) I wish you healing 

Edited July 7, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[siren8272]

*bump if allowed(it's been a while since was posted I wanna see what new members think.