Ravenblue3 Posted June 22, 2021 Share Posted June 22, 2021 Bought tickets to a huge sporting event and costly seats, we have a fight before the game as I’m chronically ill so you can predict when your health goes down. Day of game, my health plummeted , led to a fight, i still go just lay in back seat and had a horrible experience. I cant get past him saying i make it miserable before we even left. I’m hurt, and he hasn’t addressed. How do you know what’s said in anger isn’t the truth? Inside i feel we are so close to divorce. I’m so hurt.advice, am i a witch.I’m sorry i got sick.I’m sorry i always do. depressed in florida Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 22, 2021 Share Posted June 22, 2021 I'm so sorry this happened to you and I'm sure the stress is not helping your chronis illness. Could you have offered that he take a friend to the sporting event and you stayed home to take care of yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ravenblue3 Posted June 22, 2021 Author Share Posted June 22, 2021 I did offer and originally bought for that. Just didnt happen like that ,he said he wanted to spend time with me but i cant get past what he said and was a horrible experience…for me it hurts as i hate being sick.i feel like a burden already and have been trying so hard to get normal in my life.it sort of shows me why try, in 6 months ive went from literally so sick i slept a month(after moving across the world to the Middle East for him for a year of true isolation) and have been trying to get out of the bed to make him happy.I’m so hurt. How to address without making worse?? Is it even worth it as in anger looks like the truth comes out. So much for 1000 bucks.I’m deeply struggling today as weve been doing better and all the things hes said when weve been trying was fake i guess.very down today and dont want matters worse but so wish my heart was safe and happy so i could concentrate on my health,i never thought I’d be here in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ravenblue3 Posted June 22, 2021 Author Share Posted June 22, 2021 Thanks for responding, i never talk to anyone its so appreciative to be able to 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 22, 2021 Share Posted June 22, 2021 46 minutes ago, Ravenblue3 said: i still go just lay in back seat and had a horrible experience. Inside i feel we are so close to divorce. Sorry this happened. Don't go to events with him. Spend your own time relaxing with your own friends and family and let him go with friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ravenblue3 Posted June 22, 2021 Author Share Posted June 22, 2021 You’re right. Just after so many years trying, doing past events, being back in states.i thought all was ok.i tried ya know? I feel so horribly he feels i make it miserable i truly didnt mean to 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ravenblue3 Posted June 22, 2021 Author Share Posted June 22, 2021 Side bar, we are texting while hes at work just cordial, why am i so deeply hurt.i know its silly. Maybe its the totality of all. It’s like the experience and when he said I’d make it miserable..its wounded me pretty deep. As i always put him first literally yet to him i dont. It’s to a point when asked what would make me happy i dont know what to say.i want health, peace. It’s rocked so much effort to repair and i feel foolish i believed him at all. Nothing has changed has it? What to say? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 22, 2021 Share Posted June 22, 2021 If you have a chronic illness he needs to adjust his expectations. I suspect he was looking forward to this sporting event, especially after lockdowns & because the tickets were so expensive. He didn't handle his disappointment well. He was mean about it & lashed out in anger. It's not like you got sick on purpose. You were a trooper for going anyway. Going forward if you ever invest in costly tickets like this again, you need a back up plan -- a child, a sibling, a dear friend or somebody you know who will be available at the last minute to go on your place if you can't attend and who will not be hurt that they are the back up plan. My husband & I do a version of this. He loves comedy shows. Me, not so much. But I won't even go if the comedian is known to be really raunchy -- think Bob Sagat, Lisa Lampenella or Andrew Dice Clay. If he gets tickets to those comedians or vulgar ones like them, I just tell him to take his buddy because I'm gonna hate it & make your life miserable. I even offer to drive . . .anything so I don't have to hear those comedians. Stop with the texting. If you are up to it, make him a nice meal for when he gets home from work. Over dinner talk calmly about a plan going forward but make sure he apologizes for his outburst. Without yelling help him to understand how much his words hurt. You do need to take care of yourself. You need a concrete answer to what would make you happy. Once you figure that out, take steps to achieving it. If you are back in the states, you have options. Get a new doctor. Change up your meds. Do more PT. Learn bio-feedback. Take charge of your health so you can get some peace. Best wishes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ravenblue3 Posted June 22, 2021 Author Share Posted June 22, 2021 Thank you, yeah texting got worse suddenly.now, he didnt say it blah b lay blah. Then he has to go so its always the same. I now its not ok to be crying in the afternoon and trying too figure out how to sleep and just not let this get any worse.im sorry i messed it up for him and for me.he sees me as such a pain. I deal with so much being ill……im sorry Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted June 22, 2021 Share Posted June 22, 2021 Sorry to hear of your chronic illness. Whether you're the "ill" or "healthy" partner, dealing with medical constraints can leave you feeling unhappy, frustrated, anxious, and resentful. Determine what you can do together and what you can do separately. Introduce some new activities that you and your partner can do together that aren't as taxing on you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ravenblue3 Posted June 22, 2021 Author Share Posted June 22, 2021 I hear you.I’m trying.i am. Just the marriage is coming to a head for many reasons , was this the straw that broke it i dont know. I’m in tears and its not a big deal but I’m lonely, hurt.i just think its crap to always be here Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 22, 2021 Share Posted June 22, 2021 @Ravenblue3 Have you every been treated for depression? Sometimes people with chronic illnesses who are in pain all the time develop depression out of frustration for their lousy situation. Talk to your doctor & find a good therapist. You sound so hopeless, like you are on the verge of giving up on everything. My heart breaks for you. I'd like to see you get help. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ravenblue3 Posted June 22, 2021 Author Share Posted June 22, 2021 Oh no, in trying to speak he got frustrated on his way home.I’m not ready for this to hear or say hurtful things. I’m tired like inside.please pray this one isn’t bad Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ravenblue3 Posted June 22, 2021 Author Share Posted June 22, 2021 I am on prozac, just went up trying to cope. It’s a lot anymore i wont lie Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ravenblue3 Posted June 22, 2021 Author Share Posted June 22, 2021 Thank you all for responding.i dont have a support system so i was reaching out to try 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 22, 2021 Share Posted June 22, 2021 (edited) 2 minutes ago, Ravenblue3 said: I am on prozac, just went up trying to cope. It’s a lot anymore i wont lie Tell whoever prescribes your meds that you need talk therapy too. Pills alone won't fix your soul. I'm sorry you are dreading his return home & fear it will be hurtful. Did you consider what I suggested & make or order a nice dinner? When he comes in, don't engage. Whatever he says, reply in a calm voice with a neutral statement along the lines of I'm sorry you feel that way I understand what you are saying I acknowledge that you are frustrated Don't push his buttons. Rather ask questions. What would he have you do differently? What's his solution? etc. Edited June 22, 2021 by d0nnivain Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ravenblue3 Posted June 22, 2021 Author Share Posted June 22, 2021 I was and need it.ive moved around with his jo. Overseas where they didnt really uphold therapy (UAE) and while live alone some.i need it and trying to get back in at home.the pandemic has huge wait times.ill keep trying Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 22, 2021 Share Posted June 22, 2021 If I can ask & it's not too personal, what is the nature of your illness? Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted June 22, 2021 Share Posted June 22, 2021 4 hours ago, Ravenblue3 said: Bought tickets to a huge sporting event and costly seats, we have a fight before the game as I’m chronically ill so you can predict when your health goes down. Day of game, my health plummeted , led to a fight, i still go just lay in back seat and had a horrible experience. I cant get past him saying i make it miserable before we even left. I’m hurt, and he hasn’t addressed. How do you know what’s said in anger isn’t the truth? Inside i feel we are so close to divorce. I’m so hurt.advice, am i a witch.I’m sorry i got sick.I’m sorry i always do. depressed in florida I'm sorry for what you're going through. I'm afraid I can't bring myself to sympathize with your husband. He knows you're chronically ill. But he doesnt seem to have adjusted his understanding of what you are reasonably able to do to fit your reality. In the brief bits of your story that I have read here, it seems like you're doing double work: 1. Fighting the illness and 2. Pushing yourself to do things that exhaust you and may very well make you sicker in order to be the "perfect" woman and make him happy. That's twisted. In my books, a partner who is not particularly empathetic when you're sick or in pain, even if it's just a minor illness, is not a good partner. And yours is not a minor illness. So your guy is a really lousy partner. Your anguish makes perfect sense under the circumstances. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ravenblue3 Posted June 22, 2021 Author Share Posted June 22, 2021 As to my illness, there’s many diagnosis.its autoimmune plus a lot of extras lets say as sort of personal or maybe its me feeling weird sharing all the details.i look normal but physically, socially, emotionally. I have constraints now, sadly..I hope that helps and i so appreciate your response and ideas but.before i could try a new approach the situation worsened. Good times, lol.. To me, yes, i definitely need to get back into therapy just trying to get through this or the aftermath, a different way. I will try engaging with him in a more positive way.I’m trying, I am and want to.I’m beginning to get mixed emotions of frustration. Trying to blogs as a better way then holding this in.I’m hurt i make no excuses. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ravenblue3 Posted June 22, 2021 Author Share Posted June 22, 2021 Yeah, i do feel resentful.I’m ashamed i do but i do he doesn’t seem to care.who’s the worst in this i dont know.i have a role, he does, my illness .I’m very confused and have no idea why so important at this moment, maybe totality. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 22, 2021 Share Posted June 22, 2021 3 hours ago, Ravenblue3 said: Overseas where they didnt really uphold therapy (UAE) and while live alone some. What did you think of the healthcare systems there vs where your home is? Were you able to get what you needed? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ravenblue3 Posted June 22, 2021 Author Share Posted June 22, 2021 There were issues for me while there Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ravenblue3 Posted June 22, 2021 Author Share Posted June 22, 2021 I’m really sorry, all the articles said to reach out.i dont have at home. I came here thinking maybe it would help.i appreciate the advice very much. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 22, 2021 Share Posted June 22, 2021 1 hour ago, Ravenblue3 said: I’m hurt i make no excuses. Do you tell your husband this and what is his response? Link to post Share on other sites
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