Why does he tell me that other women are interested in him?

[Butterflying]

There's a guy at work who has been flirting with me for over a year. We see each other once a week because we work for the same company. But we have different jobs that don't put us in direct contact unless we make an effort. He usually makes an effort. While it's never a good idea to date someone at work; due to the nature of our careers, it's not uncommon. Many successful marriages have started there. 

Our peers have suggested we date because we both have so much in common. For the past year we have kept our dates and communication outside of work a secret from our colleagues. We haven't had sex. We don't consider ourselves "boyfriend" and "girlfriend." Although he has made it clear that he would like to advance our status to something more serious. At which point we would no longer be a secret from our colleagues. The only hold up is me. I don't feel comfortable getting serious with him because I believe he is manipulative. 

He is always talking about other women: his ex's, women at work who want to date him, and every time someone compliments him. A few times he has compared me to another woman, for which I called him out on it and he apologized. Today he told me about a lady at work who complimented how attractive he is. I just laughed and said,

"Well I bet that made your day, didn't it?" 

Then I changed the subject, like I always do when he does that. Is he trying to make me jealous? What other reason could there be for him to tell me about another woman's interest in him? Honestly, I don't care what other women think of him. Men find me attractive too. A lot of them are colleagues who would do almost anything to date me. But I never tell him about these men because I'm not interested in dating them and I don't want him to be worried. So why does he want me to know that other women are after him? 

[mark clemson]

He might be trying to make you jealous - that makes him (very) manipulative.

He might be genuinely pleased, that makes him human, but also (likely) at least somewhat insecure AND more importantly either clueless or insensitive if he's sharing this with you.

He might be a bit "desperate" after a year of flirting with just dates and no advancing of the relationship. If it was me, I believe I would have long ago relegated this to "hot friend who I can't actually have since she's friendzoned me" status or similar and started looking elsewhere much more seriously.

Nonetheless, it really DOESN'T excuse the above in my mind.

So he's either manipulative or clueless/insensitive. Sounds like your gut instincts are right about him. So you should probably just shut this down. It sounds like you're keeping him around as an orbiter while you try to get past your gut instinct. But in this case it sounds like your gut was "wise".

Consider being kind and letting he know he's just a friend and you're moving on (and so should he). If he asks why, you COULD be honest, but it's probably wiser to be a bit more vague - "it's just not right + the whole workplace dating thing" or similar.

Of course if he finds someone else to date him he may flaunt it to annoy you, but sometimes that's the price we pay for staying out of a (likely) problematic relationship.

My two cents...

Edited June 23, 2021 by mark clemson

[Beauty93]

He wants to make u think other women want him so u can sweat him.

[Wiseman2]

Insecure. Wants to put feathers in his cap. Same reason he flirts with you. Ego boosting.

Just step away, don't flirt and act bored when he's getting himself off on his imagined harem of admirers.

He fancies himself as Hugh Hefner surround by women.

Maybe he'll show up for work in silk pajamas one day. If not, keep that mental image so you can laugh to yourself.

Edited June 23, 2021 by Wiseman2

[mrs rubble]

Agree with wiseman2, I used to have a boyfriend who told me that everyone looked at him when he walked down the street. I knocked him off his pedestal and told him that he walked like he had a carrot rectally inserted and THAT was why people looked at him.. he was a good looking guy.. but needed to be reigned in. He’s definitely insecure. 

[d0nnivain]

He's telling you in the hopes that interest by other women will increase his value in your eyes.  

After a year of these meeting on the DL with no sex, & now you saying you think he's manipulative & your are leery of getting more involved with him, it sounds like you owe him the courtesy of squashing his hopes.  Cut this off so he can move forward with someone who does love him.