Missjune19 Posted June 23, 2021 Share Posted June 23, 2021 Hi all, This is the first for me, I usually don’t write on forums so I might go on a lot. Okay here we go! Basically I’ve been talking to this guy for almost two years, but we’re not in a relationship, it’s kinda confusing we’re kinda between f*** buddy, best friends we do everything what you would do when you’re in a relationship we both established our feelings for each other and want something out of it but we haven’t put label on it. So the other day, I was round his place and I was going to surprise him with a gift and hide it in one of his drawer. When I opened it I discovered he has belongings of one of his ex. I found pages of diary planner from last year, photos of them and clothes and toothbrush. I also found boxes of condoms and pregnancy test, handcuffs and dildo wrapped in her T-shirt. The thing is he told me openly about this ex recent she came back saying she still loves him and wants another try but he told her about me. So now I don’t know how to confront him without him accusing me of going through his things. So guys need advise on what to do. X Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 23, 2021 Share Posted June 23, 2021 Tell him that you were going to hide the gift in his drawer to surprise him, then saw the stuff. He will undoubtedly tell you that she left the stuff behind and he's been meaning to give it back. You're going to have to work out whether or not you believe him. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 23, 2021 Share Posted June 23, 2021 (edited) 29 minutes ago, Missjune19 said: we’re kinda between f*** buddy, Since you are interested in having a BF/relationship, it seems you are wasting your time in this situationship. Cut your losses. You are expecting loyalty in a situation where it's not the case. Get tested for STDs. And delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps. In the future, don't invest in nebulous arrangements. As you can see, settling for nonsense like this leads to nothing but disappointments, headaches and heartaches. Edited June 23, 2021 by Wiseman2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 23, 2021 Share Posted June 23, 2021 You are in a no strings attached/casual relationship. No mention of exclusivity so what he gets up to, is none of your business. If you want a real relationship, make it plain you want a real relationship and forget abut these "no label" arrangements. Women are often not suited to such arrangements. They want the gf experience, they want to be made priority with no formal commitment, BUT with no formal commitment men end up seeing others. and take full advantage of their no label status. You thought you had relationship that was going somewhere, he was/is still mixed up with his ex and is likely perfectly happy with the "no label" status of your arrangement. He gets regular sex and companionship from you whilst he tries to sort out his love life... Men also tend to put women in boxes, so women who are happy with "casual", are not then seen as relationship material. You shoot yourself in the foot. "Confronting" him is kind of inappropriate as he is not your bf. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 23, 2021 Share Posted June 23, 2021 No he's not cheating on you but he might be cheating with you. He can't cheat on you because technically you two have never labeled your interactions or promised to be exclusive. Without that promise there can be no cheating. But we don't know for sure that you are not the OW. You have to tell him that your innocent plan resulted in these findings. Then you two need to have a long over due talk about who what you are to each other. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 23, 2021 Share Posted June 23, 2021 (edited) I think you have crossed boundaries....surprising him with a gift? going through his stuff? Accusing him of cheating? Doing things like you are in a relationship? No label means no commitment. You are letting him have his cake and eat it too. You been at this for 2 years I doubt it's gonna be anything more than it is as long as he's screwin around. Don't tell him what you found but ask him directly about his ex or other women...if he glosses things over with what you want to hear, that will be your answer. Edited June 23, 2021 by smackie9 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alfano Posted June 23, 2021 Share Posted June 23, 2021 You completely invaded his privacy, and now you have more questions than the answers you'll ever get. More concerning is that you don't seem to have any problem with your actions. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 23, 2021 Share Posted June 23, 2021 17 minutes ago, Alfano said: You completely invaded his privacy, and now you have more questions than the answers you'll ever get. More concerning is that you don't seem to have any problem with your actions. Eh. . .I don't see what she did as that terrible. She probably opened what she thought was his sock drawer intending to find socks so she could "hide" the present she bought him. Instead she is the one who got surprised. To me this is different from the folks who go through the SO's phone intent on finding evidence of cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted June 24, 2021 Share Posted June 24, 2021 16 hours ago, Missjune19 said: Basically I’ve been talking to this guy for almost two years, but we’re not in a relationship, it’s kinda confusing we’re kinda between f*** buddy, best friends we do everything what you would do when you’re in a relationship we both established our feelings for each other and want something out of it but we haven’t put label on it. Why not? That would have made your predicament a lot more clear. Figure out what you and he are. Basil67 is on target: Tell him about what you found--you're supposedly 'best friends and do everything you would do blah blah blah..' You can't talk to him about it? If he tells you "you're snooping, blah blah blah", then apparently, you dont' have the sort of relationship with him as you thought you did and perhaps it's time to rethink things. It's time to make a declaration of intent, don't you think? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Missjune19 Posted June 28, 2021 Author Share Posted June 28, 2021 Thank you guys for the advice. Now I know what I need to do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 28, 2021 Share Posted June 28, 2021 On 6/23/2021 at 10:27 AM, Missjune19 said: we’re kinda between f*** buddy, best friends we do everything what you would do when you’re in a relationship we both established our feelings for each other and want something out of it but we haven’t put label on it. Why not? Who's been resisting that? I'm going to assume it's him. As the others have already said, it's not cheating as he is not your boyfriend. He is free to sleep with whomever he chooses. As that doesn't sit well with you, it's time you two become a couple or part ways completely. Link to post Share on other sites
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