When will my tears dry up? 6 months of NC but I'm still thinking about my Ex-MM

[Evie]

44 minutes ago, Snakesalive said:

I was in the relationship for 6 years but it wasn’t a physical affair the whole time -doesn’t make it any better -it’s just a fact . We were both married and worked together . Long story short he left his wife -not for me (I’m still not clear if he ended the relationship or her) there were so many lies I don’t know what was true. 
I left my husband we moved in and things went wrong pretty quickly , I realised I had just been an emotional crutch for him everything he said -all the tears etc about how he was insecure etc -all text book stuff evaporated-people on here will say the person at the end was the person they really were and that’s absolutely true. I honestly couldn’t believe how wrong I had got things and it’s took me almost 9 months to get to where I am . 
 

 

6 years is such a long time so you’re very strong to be able to come to clarity in just 9 months. This is very encouraging for me…thank you!

[Snakesalive]

36 minutes ago, Evie said:

6 years is such a long time so you’re very strong to be able to come to clarity in just 9 months. This is very encouraging for me…thank you!

I’m not sure I am strong really , I think I just hit rock bottom and had to pull myself out of it some days I felt like I was just surviving it was truly the darkest time of my life . I’ve just recently reconciled with my husband after lots of counselling and work on myself and our marriage. It’s  hard work but I realise how much of a fog I was in -no excuses , total responsibility for my part but when I think back to my time in the affair i had become a different person -a shell of who I am -pretty ugly actually-I feel lucky I’m out of it and grateful for a second chance . 
 

I know you’ll find happiness again believe me -look after you , stay distracted, don’t idealise him , keep a journal , get some therapy -it will all help xo

[LAGirl65]

I am so sorry you are in so much pain.  Your first post that it feels like drug withdrawal is completely fair. 

I went through this too.  I had support here, and my very close friends knew and helped me.  The biggest help was weekly psychotherapy.  I learned why I was making bad decisions and picking guys like this.  

It gets better.  I can attest to that. I have found real love, it is possible to heal.  Please give yourself time to heal.  

[Evie]

1 hour ago, LAGirl65 said:

I am so sorry you are in so much pain.  Your first post that it feels like drug withdrawal is completely fair. 

I went through this too.  I had support here, and my very close friends knew and helped me.  The biggest help was weekly psychotherapy.  I learned why I was making bad decisions and picking guys like this.  

It gets better.  I can attest to that. I have found real love, it is possible to heal.  Please give yourself time to heal.  

Thank you, LAGirl65! It’s good to have support and friends that hold you accountable. I’m much better than where I was 6 months ago but I do go into relapse.  I’m taking this one day at a time.