How did you feel when your ex moved on?

[robaday]

I'm talking from my perspective as a male. Even women I didn't have strong feelings for when they found a new partner I would have a twinge of sadness (immature I know!!). But those I have been in love with, I am generally heartbroken when they find someone (unless a long long time has past in which case I am happy for them). 

How do women feel when their ex moves on and finds someone else? Is there a difference between genders?

[basil67]

I'm female.  For me, it would depend on whether I'm the dumper or dumpee.  If I was the dumper, I would be really glad to see them move on.  But if I was the dumpee and was heartbroken, then hearing the news would likely create further hurt.

[d0nnivain]

With few exceptions I never really cared.  Once my relationship was over, I didn't spend time thinking about the other person. 

One guy who dumped me, when I saw him a few years later & he had a wedding ring, I was upset.  I wondered what she had that I didn't.  I never really understood why he dumped me & why I wasn't "enough."   A few years after that when his wife was pregnant he said something to me that gave me my "closure" & I was so glad we never married. 

I broke it off with the guy after him.  Maybe 8 years later I was married & I found out he had a new live in GF.  I was happy that he found somebody & was doing well.  In the immediate aftermath of our break up I was a bit obsessed that he not get together with a former mutual friend but other than that it just wasn't something I thought about.  

Edited June 24, 2021 by d0nnivain

[MsJayne]

I don't think the genders would be too different, it's more about the person regardless of being male or female, (or any others that have recently become a gender). We like to think we had something special with someone, it's disappointing when we realise it wasn't really how we saw it and they've met someone who means more to them than we did. It's good to acknowledge it by feeling a little sad and nostalgic, because if you still thought that you were in their every thought and their new person was just filling a void left by you, that would indicate there's something wrong with your perception. 

[MsJayne]

4 minutes ago, basil67 said:

If I was the dumper, I would be really glad to see them move on. 

Ain't that the truth. Means if you encounter them somewhere you won't get the sad puppy eyes any more and they hopefully stop asking you at three month intervals whether you've changed your mind. 

[robaday]

I have never asked for an ex back who broke up with me, as I kinda feel it's disrespecting their decision. I have asked for exes back who I broke up with as I figure it is up to me to make amends and make those moves, not them. 

[Mrin]

As a guy, I am always really happy when they find happiness and move on. And I've been the dumper and the dumpee. When a relationship ends something changes about the way I feel about the woman. I move them into the friend category. Consequently I'm friends with almost every single ex of mine and can find happiness in their happiness. 

I also know that I'm an abberation in how I handle this. 

Edited June 25, 2021 by Mrin

[Happy Lemming]

Male here... I never really cared, either way.

If I get dumped because I'm not good enough and the woman thinks she can do better... go for it.  I hope she finds what she is seeking.

No skin off my nose.

[ExpatInItaly]

With my most significant exes, I didn't even know they'd met someone else until months after the fact, as we hadn't had any contact after the break-up. Heard randomly through the grapevine. 

And in both those cases,  I was largely indifferent to it. Glad that they'd moved on and that was more or less the only thought I gave it. 

[Blind-Sided]

Well... long ago... I dated a girl who I thought I was going to marry.  I was VERY close with her family (Worked for her dad, rode motorcycles with her brother)... and she broke up with me for a some BS reasons. Then, I find out from her brother that she was seeing a friend WELL before she broke up with me.  (So, she was cheating)  This was +26 years ago.  To this day... if something pops up about her... I still feel a little hurt. Not so much about her... because she was a cheating, lying whore... but because the betrayal, and the loss of the second family I grew attached to.

The few girls that I had to "Dump"... I was happy they moved on.  That way they stopped bothering me. LOL

As far as the exW.... it's funny to me actually. We spent 20 years together, but when I found out her "Friend" that was coming around before we were actually divorced, was her HS BF... and there is a high probability they were in an EA before the D.............. You would think it would bother me.   But it doesn't at all.  I think that's because she got so cruel .  Not to just me, but to our oldest daughter.  And that she tried to accuse me of truly criminal level accusations... and that she went to the local woman's abuse center to get a free lawyer, and other free help... to me, it just showed me how mental she had become, and to what extremes she was willing to go to, to justify her own delusions.  So... I don't even care, because she has truly become ugly, and isn't the same person I fell in love with all those years ago.  

[ThePhoenixStillRises]

I haven't been in too many relationships in my lifetime.  When I was the one that had been broken up with and the other person moved on, I always would wonder what was wrong with me?  Feelings of not being good enough usually resulted.  Always wondering why it didn't work out...because usually I didn't know what had gone wrong.

In my more recent experience, my ex has been with his new girlfriend about a year and a half now.  He has not formally introduced me to her and I only ever really hear about her from our children.  To me, it really only matters that she is nice to our children.  But my main feeling that prevails is that it is weird.  I knew this woman when she was a little girl.  So I imagine any interaction I have with her will feel very awkward.  I also feel bad for her because she is young and has no idea what she is really getting herself into.  

[d0nnivain]

17 hours ago, ThePhoenixStillRises said:

In my more recent experience, my ex has been with his new girlfriend about a year and a half now.  He has not formally introduced me to her and I only ever really hear about her from our children.  To me, it really only matters that she is nice to our children.  But my main feeling that prevails is that it is weird.  I knew this woman when she was a little girl.  

If you already know the EXs new GF & you know she's nice to your kids, why do you need a formal introduction?  IMO the formality, scheduling introductions to important people in your life, adds more pressure.  It will happen when it happens organically.  Maybe the EX doesn't want you to two to meet for reasons having nothing to do with you.  

Since this is a thread about what happens, how you feel, when your EX moves on, maybe you need to take a closer look about how you feel about your kids' father?  I know I bumped into an EX (the 8 years later guy from above) &  his "new" GF a few years ago.  I was married.  I don't know how many years they were together but I know she lived in with him in our old apartment.  I really didn't want to meet her or have to be nice to her but I was gracious & oh so grateful that I looked good that day.  She was a much shorter curvier version of me. {shudders}    A few months after that I encountered that same EX again.  He suggested the 4 of us go on a double date.   I was like hell no but  side stepped the suggestion claiming that DH & I were too busy.  

Edited June 26, 2021 by d0nnivain

[Blind-Sided]

1 hour ago, d0nnivain said:

A few months after that I encountered that same EX again.  He suggested the 4 of us go on a double date.   I was like hell no but  side stepped the suggestion claiming that DH & I were too busy.  

OK... I understand about moving on, and time heals... but to suggest a double date.... there had to be some not so pure intentions there.   I'm glad you side stepped it. 

[Coup La-La]

On 6/24/2021 at 7:28 PM, robaday said:

I'm talking from my perspective as a male. Even women I didn't have strong feelings for when they found a new partner I would have a twinge of sadness (immature I know!!). 

 

That's not immature at all to have morose feeling after that. When our mom gives away 1 of our toys to the Salvation Army, we're always devastated, even if it's a toy we're not particularly fond of. Same principle.