ericnunezzz Posted June 25, 2021 Share Posted June 25, 2021 Hello all, so I am very very recently single and am severely sad about the whole situation. I have even considered suicide (don't worry im fine now). So I have been talking to this girl for around 5 months now and it was long distance but you know, we managed to make it work. I always noticed that she had this friend, "Robbie" she calls him that it appeared was so much more special to her in her eyes. Of course she wasn't talking romantically to him but to me she was. I was always concerned about their relationship but she always assured me they were just friends. I tried to forget about it, at some point someone told me that if she chose me over him that I should feel proud and happy. I tried to abide by that and we kept talking for months. I started to get more and more attached to the point where i fell in true love with her. At some point she told me she loved me too and she didnt stop saying it day after day over the phone and saying how much she did. Obviously I got even more attached and I started to share my life with her, we started sending each other things and talking about things we loved and it was all going great until she got a job at a distribution warehouse. She started hanging out with her guy friend more and more since they worked at the same place. In the evenings after work she started to spend her time with him and I kept telling her to back off but she never listened and accused me of being overprotective and controlling. I backed off but I was so worried about her catching feelings for this other guy. Days went by and she kept talking so high about the other guy but she didn't really compliment me. A few weeks ago she text me out of nowhere saying she had to cut me off because well, she had started catching feelings for somebody else. I asked who it was and of course it was Robbie. I ended up convincing her that her feelings for him were wrong as I had told her to be careful and she didn't listen. She agreed and we kept talking. She eventually "lost" her feelings for him but then yesterday she just told me out of nowhere that she had to cut me off and she blocked me everywhere. I called her using a different number and she kept lying to me telling me different excuses for her sudden disappearance. I had to go, so I said I'll call you later and we're gonna talk about this. She said yeah but she didnt pick up later. I kept calling her and calling her and eventually Robbie picked up the phone asking what the f*ck it was that I wanted with Lupe. I explained everything and he hung up. The next day she tells me that she wants Robbie and is in a relationship with him already. She literally told me she loved me the day before. She told me she had been losing interest for me for days now and that she was really getting attached to Robbie so I tried my best to get the truth of her and she explained everything. Well, now we both blocked each other but I am severely devastated by her just leaving me like this over night. I tried so hard to get her to stay, I even sent her some screenshots of our happiest moments and all she said was "not anymore, sorry." Now i'm so friggin sad and lonely and I miss her so much already. She used to call me Amor which means Love in spanish and now she wont ever call me that again. Our favorite song is ruined now and I can't enjoy my favorite songs because she ruined them all for me. What should I do?? I feel used and confused. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 25, 2021 Share Posted June 25, 2021 Before I comment further, have you ever met this girl in person? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ericnunezzz Posted June 25, 2021 Author Share Posted June 25, 2021 No i did not, she never wanted to meet. but u must understand long distance relationships can and do work sometimes. sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 25, 2021 Share Posted June 25, 2021 48 minutes ago, ericnunezzz said: No i did not, she never wanted to meet. but u must understand long distance relationships can and do work sometimes. sometimes. The problem is that this was not a real relationship if you had never met, Eric. Unforuantely, you got attached to someone who wasn't looking to make you her boyfriend. If she never wanted to meet you, you need to realize that she wasn't serious about you. "I love you" means nothing when the person saying it does not want to meet. You will need to block her everywhere, and work on meeting local women you can see in real-life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ericnunezzz Posted June 25, 2021 Author Share Posted June 25, 2021 (edited) But I love her so much, everything feels so lonely without her. She really did become a part of me to be honest. I still can't believe she chose him over me though, I told her to be careful with him and she never listened. Now she's with him and all I can do is hear her talk about how "hot" he is and read her taken bios on social media. It sucks so much. Edited June 25, 2021 by ericnunezzz Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 25, 2021 Share Posted June 25, 2021 58 minutes ago, ericnunezzz said: all I can do is hear her talk about how "hot" he is and read her taken bios on social media No, all you can do is cut contact and block her. There is no need to have any more communication with her - no need to hear her talk about him, no need to follow her social media. I realize this hurts a lot, but you cannot tell her how to feel or who to like. It is not your place. You have to accept that real-life dating is always more appealing than a cyber-fling, OP. It is not suprising she opted for the real deal. It's not a reflection of your worth or value. Online relationships just don't have the legs to last when there is zero offline interaction. It sounds like it is time for you to unplug for a little while and get reacquainted with the people and things around you, not online. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted June 25, 2021 Share Posted June 25, 2021 9 hours ago, ericnunezzz said: I have even considered suicide Sorry this is happening. You need to make an appointment with a doctor for an evaluation and get the help you need. Sadly getting lost in a cyber fantasy makes things worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted June 25, 2021 Share Posted June 25, 2021 4 hours ago, ericnunezzz said: No i did not, she never wanted to meet. but u must understand long distance relationships can and do work sometimes. sometimes. No.... they never do. People say they do... but they actually don't. AND... that's why you are here. I'm sorry that you have been hurt by your crush... but the reality is... you built something in your head that never really existed. You fell for the mental image of what could have been. Since you never met... then there was really never a relationship. At best... you were "Pen Palls". Sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted June 25, 2021 Share Posted June 25, 2021 2 hours ago, ericnunezzz said: 1) everything feels so lonely without her. 2) I still can't believe she chose him over me though, I told her to be careful with him and she never listened. 1) I'm very sorry to say... you were always alone. It was only a thought of have someone that was never real. 2) This is what I was saying about the long distance thing above. It doesn't work. It's human nature to want to be physically close to the one you love. And... she had someone close. I'm sorry you are feeling this way, but you need to find a girl who is real, and not fanitsy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ericnunezzz Posted June 25, 2021 Author Share Posted June 25, 2021 6 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: No, all you can do is cut contact and block her. There is no need to have any more communication with her - no need to hear her talk about him, no need to follow her social media. I realize this hurts a lot, but you cannot tell her how to feel or who to like. It is not your place. You have to accept that real-life dating is always more appealing than a cyber-fling, OP. It is not suprising she opted for the real deal. It's not a reflection of your worth or value. Online relationships just don't have the legs to last when there is zero offline interaction. It sounds like it is time for you to unplug for a little while and get reacquainted with the people and things around you, not online. She swore to me that distance wasn't the issue. She and I spoke over the phone for over three hours last night and she told me how she is with him now because she didn't want anyone to have him. That's the only reason according to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ericnunezzz Posted June 25, 2021 Author Share Posted June 25, 2021 6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this is happening. You need to make an appointment with a doctor for an evaluation and get the help you need. Sadly getting lost in a cyber fantasy makes things worse. I'm okay, and it wasn't a cyber fantasy. We had something real, she just got lost in who was there near her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ericnunezzz Posted June 25, 2021 Author Share Posted June 25, 2021 4 hours ago, Blind-Sided said: No.... they never do. People say they do... but they actually don't. AND... that's why you are here. I'm sorry that you have been hurt by your crush... but the reality is... you built something in your head that never really existed. You fell for the mental image of what could have been. Since you never met... then there was really never a relationship. At best... you were "Pen Palls". Sorry. I guess. I really believed it was real though. She told me it all was. I forgot to mention we actually did have plans to meet in July, she just didn't want to meet me sooner. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ericnunezzz Posted June 25, 2021 Author Share Posted June 25, 2021 4 hours ago, Blind-Sided said: 1) I'm very sorry to say... you were always alone. It was only a thought of have someone that was never real. 2) This is what I was saying about the long distance thing above. It doesn't work. It's human nature to want to be physically close to the one you love. And... she had someone close. I'm sorry you are feeling this way, but you need to find a girl who is real, and not fanitsy. This is why I said she chose him over me, he's there and I'm not. But maybe she actually loved me? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 25, 2021 Share Posted June 25, 2021 2 hours ago, ericnunezzz said: she just didn't want to meet me sooner. Why not? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ericnunezzz Posted June 25, 2021 Author Share Posted June 25, 2021 4 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Why not? She was busy with work, and apparently didn't have time to fly over here. I even offered to buy her a ticket but she refused. Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted June 25, 2021 Share Posted June 25, 2021 7 hours ago, ericnunezzz said: ....... But maybe she actually loved me? No... she couldn't AND... nether did you. (love her) You don't actually know her, and she didn't actually know you. You can debate that point all you want... but it's true. Until you spend REAL, ACTUAL, Face-to-face time with each other... you don't know. Maybe she doesn't like to shower, and stinks. Maybe she picks her nose, and farts all the time. Mabey she is rude to everyone around. (I knew a girl like that. She was sweet to me, but a b**** to a waiter/waitress or anyone who she saw below her) She may be a slob... she may be stingy with money... she may be a gold digger. These are all things you don't know about someone until you actually spend time with them. So... along with me saying NO... you two were never in love.... I will go a step deeper and say, it's just irrelevant because you are far away, and she has another guy. It's time to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 26, 2021 Share Posted June 26, 2021 7 hours ago, ericnunezzz said: She was busy with work, and apparently didn't have time to fly over here. I even offered to buy her a ticket but she refused. Then I think you need to accept she was not as interested in you as you were in her. She liked your attention online when it suited her but she didn't have any intention of taking it further. Without spending any time in person together, you don't know her on a significant level. It is not possible. The same goes for love. You can't love someone you have never met. You can be infatuated with the idea of them, but true love is based on a heck of a lot more than online interactions. For your own well-being, cut all contact with her. Get out there and meet girls around you. Not online ones who live far away with only vague plans to meet someoday. Not a wise investment. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted June 27, 2021 Share Posted June 27, 2021 (edited) I am really sorry. It hurts I know. You were in a fragile situation from the start really. Long-distance relationships do not often work because there is often temptation locally. It is a shame she did not warn you that her feelings were changing. Do you think she tried to but you did not want to hear? It is possible to love someone but not want to continue a romantic relationship with them. It is not right to tell her that her feelings were wrong. She cannot control her feelings. I can certainly understand you feeling it was unfair on you but that is not the same thing as wrong. I think it is best if you do not contact her again. I know you feel hurt and shocked but she is moving on and no good can come of any attempts to contact her. You did not know before but it is best not to get involved with people long distance. You invested too much in someone you didn't really know that well and who had a close friend in the background who was a risk. It is hard for you that she fell in love with someone else and you need to cry and grieve over this, but you will recover and find someone nice in the future. They say a 'broken heart' is the price we pay for loving. I do think that is true, whether it be a romance that goes wrong or the loss of a beloved family member. Edited June 27, 2021 by spiderowl Link to post Share on other sites
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