Should I inititate the 2nd date?

[Gaeta]

10 minutes ago, SumGuy said:

Then why not ask him out?  

Because l want him to confirm his interest by initiating that 2nd date. You find that silly?

[Marka]

27 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Because l want him to confirm his interest by initiating that 2nd date. You find that silly?

It is not silly at all. But he maybe fully 50/50 type and thinks now is your turn.

[poppyfields]

1 hour ago, SumGuy said:

I do not believe for a second exuberance and being honest about having an amazing time is always love bombing, sounds kind of jaded to me. 

It's fine to be honest and say you had an amazing time, but that's NOT what he said.  He said he was on Cloud 9 and dreaming of their date.

I don't view my attitude as jaded, I view it as realistic and grounded, it was the first meet.

Such expressions are over the top, but heck I know many women eat this stuff up, which is why men say such things, even when not knowing if they wish to see the woman again.  

Even Gaeta admitted herself, he acted like "Prince Charming," which is a fairly tale!  😆

That does not mean I am jaded, to the contrary I am open, flexible, accepting and enthusiastic when I view their words and actions as genuine.

I mean if he's truly on Cloud 9, what the hell is he waiting for?

It's been said many times, interested people ACT interested, and by that I mean they want to spend time together, IN PERSON, texting/messaging is lazy and/or putting someone "on hold."

I do not advise asking him out Gaeta, let him lead in these very early stages.  You have only had one meet.

If he's interested, he will.  I think you know that too.

 

Edited June 28, 2021 by poppyfields

[lonelyplanetmoon]

38 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Because l want him to confirm his interest by initiating that 2nd date. You find that silly?

In our age group I feel that men do need to initiate early on as a sign of true interest.  Women can show interest in many ways but the man does need to lead.

we want to know that they want to be with us, not that they are with us because we are there (by default).  The early interest is usually followed through with effort.  
 

G- don’t initiate a second date.  Let him ask you.  Otherwise you will always question his true interest.  That has been my experience.

[poppyfields]

21 minutes ago, lonelyplanetmoon said:

In our age group I feel that men do need to initiate early on as a sign of true interest.  Women can show interest in many ways but the man does need to lead.

I agree but men were initiating and leading since I first began seriously dating in my late teens/early 20s.

I mean even my high school boyfriend knew he had to initiate to get things going.

I don't believe it's an "age" thing, I believe it's an "interest" thing.

And also how men were raised; if they had a strong father or male figure guiding them, they know what to do.

Edit:  Gaeta, this man knows what to do as well.  Not sure why he's not, especially given his over the top comments after your meet.

But I think it's okay to take a "wait and see" approach, as long as you're not cutting yourself off from other men and other options.

 

 

 

Edited June 29, 2021 by poppyfields

[CaliforniaGirl]

49 minutes ago, Marka said:

It is not silly at all. But he maybe fully 50/50 type and thinks now is your turn.

He might, but here's the thing. If there are fundamental mismatches it's not good. She shouldn't have to be getting out her crystal ball and psychically seeing into the dude's soul after one date just to figure things out. 😂

He came on strong, he presented himself as the pursuer/put it out there type, he acted old-fashioned and presented himself that way, he pushed things to a higher heat with all the flowery talk. That's the person she likes, not a 50/50 Renaissance man. He showed her one person and she trusted that that person was genuinely him. Expecting her to guess that underneath the whole old fashioned courtly gentleman thing is a guy who's keeping a tally of whose turn it is to call seems unreasonable at this stage. He's either who he presented himself to be, which she wants, or hes someone else, whom she doesn't want. She should be able to see which one he is soon.

Edited June 29, 2021 by CaliforniaGirl

[Gaeta]

23 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

He said he was on Cloud 9 and dreaming of their date.

That was the short version. What he sent was a long poetic paragraph. It's not about flattering me with compliments, it's about hope, life, love. It makes me smile. It is over the top, l know, but like sumguy said l think it's part of his personality. 

[Allupinnit]

If you liked him *a lot* on the first date, he was Prince Charming, etc. he's probably VERY good with women.  

Do you find yourself being seduced by charm a lot, @Gaeta?  I mean poems are nice, but he can cut and paste that to lots of women.  The r'ship builds in person or not at all.

 

[Weezy1973]

@Gaeta in a previous post you said you have a “masters degree in men.” Which might be true, but you certainly don’t have one in dating! Why are you getting so caught up this early?

He’s just a possibility at this point. Keep dating others, don’t get hung up on what this guy does. If he asks you out again great, and if not, also great. You don’t even know him yet. So what you like “a lot” about him is the story you’ve made up in your head about him. Not him.

[CaliforniaGirl]

Just now, Allupinnit said:

If you liked him *a lot* on the first date, he was Prince Charming, etc. he's probably VERY good with women.  

Do you find yourself being seduced by charm a lot, @Gaeta?  I mean poems are nice, but he can cut and paste that to lots of women.  The r'ship builds in person or not at all.

 

She isn't going to know whether he's genuine after just a week. Nobody can know that about another person. My feeling is that it's doubtful he copied and pasted since she met him and he was as flowery in his language in person. Time will tell whether anything comes of this, which is really typical of dating. Unfortunately anyone could be anyone in the first few weeks/months, and any time you date you're taking a chance. If they have a second date she may learn more. That's just how dating goes...

[Allupinnit]

Just now, CaliforniaGirl said:

She isn't going to know whether he's genuine after just a week. Nobody can know that about another person. My feeling is that it's doubtful he copied and pasted since she met him and he was as flowery in his language in person. Time will tell whether anything comes of this, which is really typical of dating. Unfortunately anyone could be anyone in the first few weeks/months, and any time you date you're taking a chance. If they have a second date she may learn more. That's just how dating goes...

Well hopefully he will ask her out again then.  

I dated lots of men before I met my H and learned that unless they are moving toward you, consistently, they have you on hold.  Flowery language doesn't mean much unless you're looking for a pen pal.

[Gaeta]

6 minutes ago, Allupinnit said:

Do you find yourself being seduced by charm a lot, @Gaeta?  

Yes l am. I admit.

If you look at who l'm usually dealing with ex: last night guy trying to reach under my dress, when l come across a man with conversation, charm, acts interested in me...it does the trick for me.

[Allupinnit]

Just now, Gaeta said:

Yes l am. I admit.

If you look at who l'm usually dealing with ex: last night guy trying to reach under my dress, when l come across a man with conversation, charm, acts interested in me...it does the trick for me.

Yeah - I ran into a lot of smooth guys as well and it's FUN - but ultimately you realize that it's the same BS he spreads thin and you start looking out for breadcrumbs of genuine interest.  

I commend you for getting back out there and trying.  OLD wasn't easy NOR fun when I was doing it and it seems like nothing's changed.  I have friends who describe getting nearly sexually assaulted the way you were on dates and it is SCARY.  

[Gaeta]

It's so funny. He just sent me a 13 line poem to ask me how is my evening.

I usually reply 1 sentence to his chapter long messages lol

Edited June 29, 2021 by Gaeta

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 hour ago, SumGuy said:

Perhaps he is looking for someone with initiative, can do.   Sounds like he has plenty of sh*t to do. 

I find it amusing that if a guy is eloquent and exuberant and romantic means he is some false prince charming or love bomber.  It is not a choice between Disney fantasy and Player, that's a false dichotomy but people do seem to love mapping things that way.

Well, I think you're exaggerating a tad here but the rest of us can share our experiences as well and that can be valuable. It can't hurt for her to guard her heart in these early stages as she doesn't know him yet and he came on very strong, but now really isn't moving forward, and yes, sorry, that doesn't match. If he had presented himself a different way that would be a different thing.

He doesn't sound like someone who needs a can-do take initiative partner, though anything is possible. But if he does want that, then his whole old fashioned gentleman, ladies are ladies, let me court you with poetry thing was fake. So let's hope not! 😂

Time will tell.

[CaliforniaGirl]

Just now, Gaeta said:

It's so funny. He just sent me a 13 line poem to ask me how is my evening.

I usually reply 1 sentence to his chapter long messaged lol

Oh God. Girl...

[CaliforniaGirl]

7 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Yes l am. I admit.

If you look at who l'm usually dealing with ex: last night guy trying to reach under my dress, when l come across a man with conversation, charm, acts interested in me...it does the trick for me.

I feel like maybe you need someone between these two extremes?

[Gaeta]

2 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

I feel like maybe you need someone between these two extremes?

If l look back my exs were men that were charming and good with words. I enjoy that as long as it's sincere.

[jspice]

4 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

It's so funny. He just sent me a 13 line poem to ask me how is my evening.

I usually reply 1 sentence to his chapter long messages lol

Ugh that sounds so boring. That’s not real communication and I would grow tired of that very quickly. He’s just throwing a bunch of words at you to appear interested but he’s not actually showing real interest. 
 

[poppyfields]

11 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

It's so funny. He just sent me a 13 line poem to ask me how is my evening.

Sorry again don't mean to sound like a negative nellie, but take with a grain of salt, he's a good creative writer and that's pretty much all you should glean from that thus far. 

He knows it too, no doubt it's worked very well for him in the past.

Remember, words mean jack * when not followed up with solid action, like asking for that second date.

Edited June 29, 2021 by poppyfields

[Marka]

It sounds like he likes not you as a person but how he feels around you. I suspect he is kinda personality who needs drama in relationship, pull and push and all of these stuff. To have inspiration for writing his poems. Treat with caution

[Gaeta]

Oh yes yes, l take all this with a grain of salt. 😊

[Gaeta]

My teen want me to google his text lol, she says noway he writes this. It makes her cringe lol

[Weezy1973]

14 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

If l look back my exs were men that were charming and good with words. I enjoy that as long as it's sincere.

Having a “masters degree in men” implies you learn from the past, but you seem to be continuing a pattern.

There’s a big difference between a charming man and a unique connection between two people where each person is “charmed” by the other.

Kind of like the difference between a flirty woman and a woman who is flirting specifically with you because she’s interested in you….

[Gaeta]

8 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

My teen want me to google his text lol, she says noway he writes this. It makes her cringe lol

I've googled a few and nothing. Looks like he's a poet indeed.