Should I inititate the 2nd date?

[Gaeta]

7 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I'm confused now, didn't you already go out with him?

Yes we had a date last Thursday

I don't know his number by heart, if he text I'll have to ask him who he is. He'll realize I was no longer waiting on him. He never called to chat so I doubt it will be his options. 

I understand the ego boost phenomenon but why treat me to dinner when it was not planned & spend 4 hours with me? That's an expensive and time consuming ego boost. 

Edited July 1, 2021 by Gaeta

[poppyfields]

6 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Yes we had a date last Thursday

I don't know his number by heart, if he text I'll have to ask him who he is. He'll indicate I was not longer waiting on him. He never called to chat so I doubt it will be his options. 

I understand the ego boost phenomenon but why treat me to dinner when it was not planned & spend 4 hours with me? That's an expensive and time consuming ego boost. 

To pull you, and then troll you.  He had to do something to initially pull, he couldn't just bombard you with nonsensical "poetry" (trolling) without making that initial effort...

I'm sorry to say this, but imo it was all a game. 

"I'm on Cloud 9, dreaming of you."

Even his last, "I can't wait to see you"?

I mean seriously?  Did he think you just fell off the turnip truck? Lol

Edited July 1, 2021 by poppyfields

[Miss Spider]

29 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Yes we had a date last Thursday

I don't know his number by heart, if he text I'll have to ask him who he is. He'll realize I was no longer waiting on him. He never called to chat so I doubt it will be his options. 

I understand the ego boost phenomenon but why treat me to dinner when it was not planned & spend 4 hours with me? That's an expensive and time consuming ego boost. 

Probably attempt to keep you hooked in the lowest effort way possible. Think about it —you’re multi dating, or maybe just deciding to/when to see them again, maybe you even have a SO you’ve got to spend time with…. So  not setting up plans  with that particular person at the moment, what do you do? Maybe send them all the same recycled vids and  love poems . They’re like aw wow they must like me.. they sent me a love poem… so you can pick back up later theyre still all wooed(possibly) … I knew it wouldn’t work on you but you wouldn’t believe how many people are that gullible 

Edited July 1, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, Gaeta said:

If he writes back I'll have to ask who is this?. 🙂

Well since his MO is poems, songs, why not send this:

 

[CaliforniaGirl]

3 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

Probably attempt to keep you hooked in the lowest effort way possible. Think about it —you’re multi dating, or maybe just deciding to/when to see them again, maybe you even have a SO you’ve got to spend time with…. So  not setting up plans  with that particular person at the moment, what do you do? Maybe send them all the same recycled vids and  love poems . They’re like aw wow they must like me.. they sent me a love poem… so you can pick back up later theyre still all wooed(possibly) … I knew it wouldn’t work on you but you wouldn’t believe how many people are that gullible 

This. IMO he's just keeping you circling in his loop for later, whenever, or never.

[CaliforniaGirl]

3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Well since his MO is poems, songs, why not send this:

 

 

Cute!  But IMO it shows WAY too much forethought. "Sorry, can't remember who this is" or just no answer would be the route I'd be taking if and when he showed up again to send a copied and pasted poem.

[Wiseman2]

42 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

if and when he showed up again to send a copied and pasted poem.

Ok sending a poem is a good idea:

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Who the hell are you?

[glows]

Just delete the message if he says anything. If he's an entertainer he needs an audience so it's simple.. don't give him one. Sorry it came to this, Gaeta. Onwards.

[balin]

Maybe he is just clumsy or not good at talking emotionally as suggested and copy/pasting shyt in the absence of being able to wing it. But he might be a serial love bomber too lol.

I struggle at this. After one meet HOW to kind of say something emotional to reinforce whatever connection might have been there and get further toward that direction. When you absolutely do not know them yet but do have a good vibe. And not superficial weather blah blah etc how was your day and also not sounding too eager and blowing it.

If he had a clear green light (not a delay or orange light) he should have asked by now.

Edited July 1, 2021 by balin

[Happy Lemming]

53 minutes ago, balin said:

I struggle at this. After one meet HOW to kind of say something emotional to reinforce whatever connection might have been there and get further toward that direction.

 

Just ask them out for a second date. 

Start by calling the woman up (not texting) "Hi, Sally... I had a really nice time the other night and would like to see you again.  As luck would have it, my favorite comedian is performing at the Laff Factory downtown this weekend.  I also know of this great Tex-Mex place across the street where we can grab some dinner before the show.  Would you like to go??"

That is how you date, you don't send a bunch of recycled poetry and songs. 

If she contacts you before you've had a chance to formulate a plan for the second date, let her know that you are doing some research/planning, but haven't nailed down anything concrete yet.  Is there something specific she knows about that she is very interested in doing this weekend??  If so, craft the date around her suggestion.

 

[Miss Spider]

8 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

Just ask them out for a second date. 

Start by calling the woman up (not texting) "Hi, Sally... I had a really nice time the other night and would like to see you again.  As luck would have it, my favorite comedian is performing at the Laff Factory downtown this weekend.  I also know of this great Tex-Mex place across the street where we can grab some dinner before the show.  Would you like to go??"

That is how you date, you don't send a bunch of recycled poetry and songs. 

If she contacts you before you've had a chance to formulate a plan for the second date, let her know that you are doing some research/planning, but haven't nailed down anything concrete yet.  Is there something specific she knows about that she is very interested in doing this weekend??  If so, craft the date around her suggestion.

 

This… don’t have to wax poetic you just ask them on a second date and they say yes or no ,  it’s pretty cut and dry 

[Dis]

14 hours ago, Gaeta said:

No, my interest has died.  I can't keep an interest up very long if it's not mutual.

Same here G

 

I was in the same boat as you and was hoping/bumming out that I hadn't heard from him. Then it got to the point where so many days had passed and I got turned off instead of hoping he'd text. 

 

No interest = no interest from me either 

[Alpacalia]

Well it's a good thing he didn't call.

Probably too busy on his treadmill.

[Alvi]

58 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

Just ask them out for a second date. 

Start by calling the woman up (not texting) "Hi, Sally... I had a really nice time the other night and would like to see you again.  As luck would have it, my favorite comedian is performing at the Laff Factory downtown this weekend.  I also know of this great Tex-Mex place across the street where we can grab some dinner before the show.  Would you like to go??"

That is how you date, you don't send a bunch of recycled poetry and songs. 

If she contacts you before you've had a chance to formulate a plan for the second date, let her know that you are doing some research/planning, but haven't nailed down anything concrete yet.  Is there something specific she knows about that she is very interested in doing this weekend??  If so, craft the date around her suggestion.

This is exactly how this should be done. You nailed it down perfectly.

[CaliforniaGirl]

1 hour ago, Happy Lemming said:

Just ask them out for a second date. 

Start by calling the woman up (not texting) "Hi, Sally... I had a really nice time the other night and would like to see you again.  As luck would have it, my favorite comedian is performing at the Laff Factory downtown this weekend.  I also know of this great Tex-Mex place across the street where we can grab some dinner before the show.  Would you like to go??"

That is how you date, you don't send a bunch of recycled poetry and songs. 

If she contacts you before you've had a chance to formulate a plan for the second date, let her know that you are doing some research/planning, but haven't nailed down anything concrete yet.  Is there something specific she knows about that she is very interested in doing this weekend??  If so, craft the date around her suggestion.

 

 

 

Okay!!!

See? Even I had to say yes to that!

That is how you get 'er done.

[Happy Lemming]

5 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Okay!!!

See? Even I had to say yes to that!

That is how you get 'er done.

Yes... there is some logic behind this suggestion.

On this second date, you'll have time to talk at dinner.  When you go to the comedy club, you'll be laughing (hopefully) and who can have a bad time when you are constantly laughing.  And if it seems the woman wants the date to continue, stop off for ice cream or frozen yogurt.

So after the second date, the woman will remember a great meal, some light conversation, that she laughed and had a nice time.  She will say "yes" to a third date because she had a good time on the second date.

Hopefully, the guy picked up on some hints at dinner (of things she likes) and can craft the third date around those parameters.

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Alpaca said:

Well it's a good thing he didn't call.

Probably too busy on his treadmill.

Yes he definitely belongs in the timewaster pile.

[Gaeta]

Friday night, 19h45 he sends me a message that he just got in and is exhausted and ask about me.

Meh.

I'm talking to a sexy bodyguard now. How you say in English? You snooze you lose!

[Happy Lemming]

3 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Friday night, 19h45 he sends me a message that he just got in and is exhausted and ask about me.

And he still didn't offer up a 2nd date or plans for a 2nd date or even ask for input about a 2nd date.

This is not how you date a woman.

[Marka]

He doesnt need a woman. He needs a muse🙂

[chillii]

On 7/2/2021 at 1:43 AM, poppyfields said:

I'm confused now, didn't you already go out with him?

Anyway, to answer your question, ego boost, validation. 

Or for a laugh, guys on the men's site I frequent admitted they enjoy trolling women on line....kinda sick but whatevs.

That's why I hate on line.  I no longer trust it.

Trolling has become quite popular, I'm aware of a few as we speak actually...

 

l'm not even sure what that would be , what just sorta following them or something on line? Why would they if they aren't interested or waist hours of time on bs like that,

But actually there was someone back in the day with reading that , l might've even been perceived as doing something like that myself but it wasn't like and just this once, l felt really bad later. The thing was she was basically my dream girl and we'd talked quite a bit too before hand. l just couldn't believe l'd found her there and reading her page, looking at her pics, our messages, tbh it all blew my mind everything about her and us even the way we were talking, all of it, can't explain it tbh. Thing was though after a few days and we hadn't even met yet but although we had this instant uncanny thing in every direction it was effg surreal, on the other hand though l began seeing this one very big and very important to me thing and with that l just couldn't see it working out even despite everything else.

Soooo, l tried to explain it to her and pretty well stopped things from there. She couldn't understand or see why l'd stop things like that, without even at least meeting her first and giving it a chance. At any rate though so l did pretty well end it there . Buttttttt,  with all the other huge things l couldn't help but go back looking at her profile and re reading all our messages and that went of for a wk or so later , even though l'd stopped things in their tracks.

Well being new to date sites l didn't realize it'd show l'd been looking at her page and re reading our messages but after about a wk or so , she left the site. She probably thought l was doing that trolling thing to then. l felt so guilty that she might've left bc of me. l dunno why she wouldn't just block me though then l wouldn't even see her profile. lt mightn't have been that but l know l hurt and confused her cutting it off there because she just didn't understand why and it might've been about that , either way though l still felt like l ruined it for her.

Anyway , in my case it was nothing creepy stalky l just couldn't get her out of my mind and kept wondering if l'd done the right thing.

 

 

 

Edited July 3, 2021 by chillii

[norealusername]

Guy is a waste of time. I think online dating just attracts people with issues.

[chillii]

 

As l use to say yeah sure l mean those people are there for sure, but it's not everyone. As people get older they also often just don't get out and about or socialize as much or simply just haven't come across the right person again. So back in the day l was using it there were also just a lot of genuine people too , just giving it a try.

Edited July 3, 2021 by chillii

[Gaeta]

So, there was no poem, no Venus of his sunsets, just a regular message and he asked what l would like "we" do this weekend.

I have not replied....

I really like the new man l'm talking with, he shows a lot of interest in getting to know who l am. It makes the poet appear 'blah'.

 

[norealusername]

So he did finally talk about 2nd date. A bit late but might be his strategy or maybe he's juggling other dates. Up to you.