Should I inititate the 2nd date?

[Gaeta]

3 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

but did he really ask if you satisfy him sexually? 

Oh ya! He leaned toward me so people at close by table wouldn't hear.

The question was a suggestion " is it possible you didn't satisfy him sexually?"

I got caught off guard and answered 🙄

[Kai_Kai]

13 hours ago, Olivia24 said:

Im sure there are some keepers  on there, just  be cautious as  in any form of dating.

I think I watch too many lifetime movie channels recently because idk about that . Online dating is a sea of weirdos as far as the guys are concern. Maybe there are a few tokens , but from what I've seen heard, and read....ehhhhh

[Happy Lemming]

2 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

I can see someone bumbling a date and mentioning the unfortunate breakup circumstances...

If you start to "bumble" or the conversation goes into a lull, have some funny stories ready, which might lead her to tell some funny experience/adventures.

Every person has a funny camping story... or something along those lines.

Do a little research before the date and have a few local "feel good" news stories in the back of your mind.  You know the ones "kittens rescued from storm drain", etc. etc. (that kind of stuff)

Complement the woman's jewelry and see if that sparks a story... The possibilities are endless. 

Whatever you do, stay away from any talk of ex-wives, ex-girlfriends, worst dates or any past dating stories.

If you hit it off with someone and you've been dating them for 6 months or so and they want some details (about your divorce)... fine, but definitely not on a first date.

[CaliforniaGirl]

10 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

If you start to "bumble" or the conversation goes into a lull, have some funny stories ready, which might lead her to tell some funny experience/adventures.

Every person has a funny camping story... or something along those lines.

Do a little research before the date and have a few local "feel good" news stories in the back of your mind.  You know the ones "kittens rescued from storm drain", etc. etc. (that kind of stuff)

Complement the woman's jewelry and see if that sparks a story... The possibilities are endless. 

Whatever you do, stay away from any talk of ex-wives, ex-girlfriends, worst dates or any past dating stories.

If you hit it off with someone and you've been dating them for 6 months or so and they want some details (about your divorce)... fine, but definitely not on a first date.

Yeah, I know, I get it, I'm just saying, some people get really nervous on dates, and just babble. I usually don't as I'm kind of a "talker" but that in and of itself wouldn't have weirded me out as much. Yes, explaining the circumstances is a bit TMI but that alone wouldn't make me think "OMG, what an absolute, abject loser, throw this one in the trash can, he is literally hopeless."

There are some things that are red flags and just weird (like this guy asking whether she satisfied the ex sexually) - and that's different...then again, I almost wonder whether he just wanted to smash and was finding a way to bring sex into the convo fast. While that's not Gaeta's best case scenario (just smashing), it's not like that never happens either.

I've learned my lesson a little bit on Gaeta stories as more info often comes out later.

Edited July 15, 2021 by CaliforniaGirl

[Miss Spider]

Well you guys have to note that the desperate nature of OLD attracts a lot of people that have not exactly worked through previous baggage and are trying to distract by jumping into something else so they often bring it on the first date and overshare. The sexual comment is probably not that unusual either 

[Gaeta]

3 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

I've learned my lesson a little bit on Gaeta stories as more info often comes out later.

You funny girl 😉

I'm not interested in seeing him again so it will be a short story on this one. 

 

[Happy Lemming]

1 minute ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Yeah, I know, I get it, I'm just saying, some people get really nervous on dates, and just babble. I usually don't as I'm kind of a "talker" but that in and of itself wouldn't have weirded me out as much. Yes, explaining the circumstances is a bit TMI but that alone wouldn't make me thing "OMG, what an absolute, abject loser, throw this one in the trash can, he is literally hopeless."

There are some things that are red flags and just weird (like this guy asking whether she satisfied the ex sexually) - and that's different...then again, I almost wonder whether he just wanted to smash and was finding a way to bring sex into the convo fast. While that's not Gaeta's best case scenario (just smashing), it's not like that never happens either.

If you accidentally, stumble onto the subject... just back track and say... "Sorry, this really isn't good a 'first date' subject" and steer the conversation to something else.

And yes I agree... he was totally inappropriate and stupid for asking about "whether the previous guy was sexually satisfied". 

If a woman wants to sleep with you on the first date, she'll give you some hints, etc.  Otherwise, (on a first date), leave the subject of sex out of the conversation.

[CaliforniaGirl]

6 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

You funny girl 😉

I'm not interested in seeing him again so it will be a short story on this one. 

 

On to the next! Fingers crossed!

[CaliforniaGirl]

6 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

If you accidentally, stumble onto the subject... just back track and say... "Sorry, this really isn't good a 'first date' subject" and steer the conversation to something else.

And yes I agree... he was totally inappropriate and stupid for asking about "whether the previous guy was sexually satisfied". 

If a woman wants to sleep with you on the first date, she'll give you some hints, etc.  Otherwise, (on a first date), leave the subject of sex out of the conversation.

Lemming, I know, I never had these problems.  I"m just speaking for some people who may have them. I don't ask women to sleep with me either but thanks for the advice.  

 

[CaliforniaGirl]

9 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

You funny girl 😉

I'm not interested in seeing him again so it will be a short story on this one. 

 

You're good. You just need to stop seeking dates on escapedmentalpatients.com! Girl you need to write a book!!

[Happy Lemming]

8 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

...people that have not exactly worked through previous baggage and are trying to distract by jumping into something else...

Many years ago, I remember I got dumped (by phone) at 6:00pm by this woman I had been dating for almost two years. 

So I showered, went out to the pub and by midnight I had a new "girlfriend".  The new woman had no clue I had just been dumped hours before.  I just steered the conversation to "funny stories and adventures".

Guys need to learn what subjects to leave alone (early in dating someone new).

[Sun Seeker]

Forgot 26, I want to see what you look like at 55 @Gaeta

With all these lined up dates you must still be a hottie.

TBH on this forum you and @poppyfields are the 2 users I would most like to know what you look like

[Happy Lemming]

8 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

I"m just speaking for some people who may have them.

But these are minor flaws that guys can easily overcome and make him a better "dater".

 

Edited July 15, 2021 by Happy Lemming
spelling

[Gaeta]

16 minutes ago, Punterxx said:

With all these lined up dates you must still be a hottie.

TBH on this forum you and @poppyfields are the 2 users I would most like to know what you look like

Poppyfield is definitely the hottie ! 😉

 

[Gaeta]

29 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

Many years ago, I remember I got dumped (by phone) at 6:00pm by this woman I had been dating for almost two years. 

So I showered, went out to the pub and by midnight I had a new "girlfriend".  The new woman had no clue I had just been dumped hours before.  I just steered the conversation to "funny stories and adventures".

That's scary to me lol. 

I have a serious fear of someone using me to fill a void. 

[Miss Spider]

41 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

Many years ago, I remember I got dumped (by phone) at 6:00pm by this woman I had been dating for almost two years. 

So I showered, went out to the pub and by midnight I had a new "girlfriend".  The new woman had no clue I had just been dumped hours before.  I just steered the conversation to "funny stories and adventures".

Guys need to learn what subjects to leave alone (early in dating someone new).

I feel that but it’s honestly not even a detriment  to do this though… bc so many do it , it’s nbd

I remember when I was online dating I would use it to go out with someone and then vent about my ex with my dates sometimes and seriously no one batted  an eye lol 

 

It obviously takes a fair bit more than that to scare someone there off to the point even  I haven’t managed it yet 

Edited July 15, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Alvi]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

He leaned toward me and said: forgive me for asking but did you satisfy him sexuallly?

I just spit out the water that I was drinking when I read this!!! Can't stop laughing. This is a true gem! You stood up and left right away I hope???

[Alvi]

1 hour ago, Happy Lemming said:

Why would he even bring that up??  That is definitely not "first date" conversation material.  I mean you are his date, not his therapist.

I mean you knew his status was divorced, so he could leave that subject alone, completely.  I know you didn't pry or asked questions about his divorce, why would he volunteer that information??

There are so many other subjects that can lead to interesting stories...  Why even go down that road...

Again, these men just don't know how to date.

You would be surprised to hear how many men use internet dating as a form of therapy to talk about their exes. Almost every man that I meet is more than willing to share the information about his ex-wife.  Good, bad, terrible, it all comes pouring from them. They don't care talking about other subjects. All they need is somebody, anybody actually, who is willing to listen about their woos. The most memorable is one guy who talked for about 20 minutes non-stop about his ex wife. They were divorced for years and years and he is still not over her, lol. Another guy cried when he was talking about his divorce. Another guy was showing me some pics on his phone of his ex-wife. Just look how hot she is, lol. Another talked for a long time about his wife leaving him and their three kids with him and running away with her lover. Did I ask him any of them? Heck no. He was more than willing to volunteer all that juice info bits. Guessing that taking a woman out for a coffee and talking about his ex is cheaper than a session of a therapy.

Edited July 15, 2021 by Alvi

[Gaeta]

11 minutes ago, Alvi said:

This is a true gem! You stood up and left right away I hope???

haha, nooooooo! I got caught off guard so bad. I turned red like I got caught doing something wrong. 

[Miss Spider]

6 minutes ago, Alvi said:

You would be surprised to hear how many men use internet dating as a form of therapy to talk about their exes. Almost every man that I meet is more than willing to share the information about his ex-wife.  Good, bad, terrible, it all comes pouring from them. They don't care talking about other subjects. All they need is somebody, anybody actually, who is willing to listen about their woos. The most memorable is one guy who talked for about 20 minutes non-stop about his ex wife. They were divorced for years and years and he is still not over her, lol. Another guy cried when he was talking about his divorce. Another guy was showing me some pics on his phone of his ex-wife. Just look how hot she is, lol. Guessing that taking a woman out for a coffee and talking about his ex is cheaper than a session of a therapy.

Haha the same thing happen to me. I went on a date with a guy online  and we spent pretty much the whole time talking about our exes… we actually dated for a fair bit after that. Until I finally realized he was crazy.. like crazier than me and very needy that’s why she left too lol 

Edited July 15, 2021 by Cookiesandough

[Happy Lemming]

23 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

That's scary to me lol. 

I have a serious fear of someone using me to fill a void. 

I dated that new woman for a while... until I moved, again.

I never brought up the previous woman and the new woman never asked about my "last relationship".

[Gaeta]

@Happy Lemming I'm not into asking relationship history. I am not interested in the details but  I like to know the person has been single since when and how long was their longest relationship. I come across men in their 50s with their longest relationship being 2 years. I don't touch those profiles!

Edited July 15, 2021 by Gaeta

[poppyfields]

48 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Poppyfield is definitely the hottie ! 😉

 

Hey thanks G! 

You're pretty HOT yourself, you look 35 and I am serious! 

Age is just a number. 

Edited July 15, 2021 by poppyfields

[Happy Lemming]

@Alvi That is horrific... Do you think any of them were looking for pity??

I've been dating my girlfriend for 9.5 years and we never talk about our ex's.

We never did and to tell you the truth, I can't remember most of them.

About a year after dating my girlfriend, I did find out that her ex-husband was killed in an industrial accident (many years after the divorce).  But other than that, I know very few details of her previous marriage and really don't want to know them.

It's past history, and I prefer to make new memories with her...

[CaliforniaGirl]

9 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

@Happy Lemming I'm not into asking relationship history. I am not interested in the details but  I like to know the person has been single since when and how long was their longest relationship. I come across men in their 50s with their longest relationship being 2 years. I don't touch those profiles!

This. I mean you want the very basics. If the guy has been divorced for a month you're probably going to want to give that some space. That sort of thing.